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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    There Can Be Only One (Pet At A Time)

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m shopping for pet supplies at my local store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My son’s gerbil just died. It was only two years old. He’s been completely miserable ever since.”

    Employee: “Oh… I’m sorry about that. Did you want to look for a new pet? Our small animal section is right over here. We have hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs—”

    Customer: “Yes. But I don’t see much point in getting an animal that’s just going to die in two years. Don’t you have any animals that don’t die?”

    Employee: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: Animals… that… don’t… die. Do you have any?”

    (The employee gives her a blank look.)

    Customer: “Do you have them or not?!”

    Employee: “Um, I’m afraid all animals die eventually, ma’am. There’s nothing we can do about that.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [rival store], because you people have nothing but inferior products here!”

    (The customer storms out of the store, leaving the bewildered associate standing there by herself. She makes eye contact with me from across the aisle, and we both start cracking up.)

    The Name Blame Game

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (We have a counter where customers can pick up online-only items that have been shipped to the store at no charge. Customers can designate an alternate pickup person, and it’s not uncommon for a spouse or parent to pick up an order, though usually they know it’s not their name on the order.)

    Customer: “It’s under [name]. It’s a stroller.”

    (I search, and find nothing on computer or on the shelf.)

    Me: “Could it possibly be under your husband’s name?”

    Customer: “I’m a lesbian.”

    Me: “Okay, well, what’s your wife’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [other name].”

    Me: “Here we go!” *brings out stroller* “Your name wasn’t on the box, so that’s why.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known your wife with a wildly different name always sends you to pickup the order under her name?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    A Negative Reaction To The Lotion

    | NB, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work in the beauty department.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m here to return something.”

    Me: “That’s a shame. May I ask why you’re returning it?”

    Customer: “Well I just didn’t like it.”

    (There are only two ways we can return a product: if it’s defective, or if they have an allergic reaction.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry you didn’t like the product. However, I am unable to return it at the time. Can I ask you how much did you use?”

    (The customer hands me over the product and glares at me. I open the product to find that the entire thing has been used.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “Well of course it is! I had to use it to find out if I liked it!”

    Me: “You can’t return this product, as there is nothing there to return. It’s like bringing in a shoe box with no shoes in it!”

    Customer: “Well, that just does not make any sense! You people should return this! I didn’t like it! This company is worthless!” *stomps off*

    Not Addressing The Problem

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer calls in to report problems with their cell phone. I’ve determined it is a network issue.)

    Me: “So, I will just need to know the location where you are so that I can tell the technician.”

    Customer: “What? I’m not giving you the address! That’s not my job! I just need you to come out and fix it. It’s in Chicago.”

    Me: “Well, in order for our techs to know what tower to fix, they need to know where you are having the issues. Without an address, I can’t put in the ticket.”

    Customer: “No! I am not giving you the address! I am so sick and tired of this stuff! I had the same problem with [other provider]! You don’t need an address to fix it; you just don’t want to help!”

    Me: “I do want to help, which is why I need an address. Even if the system would let me put the ticket in without an address, you’d then be waiting for months for a resolution while we check every tower in Chicago. In order to help, I need to know where to send my techs.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I have a business to run! I don’t have time for this s***!”

    Me: “It looks like you have a water-sprinkler company. If one of your customers reported a problem with a pipe you laid, would you go around the entire city checking every pipe, or would you require that customer to give you an address to assist?”

    Customer: *huffs* “That is not the same thing, and you know it! Now get someone out here immediately!”

    Petty People Make Petty Complaints

    | NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am serving a woman who comes in for lunch with her two children. They have been pleasant so far, and are waiting for their order to come out. The children’s food is done slightly before the mother’s, so I bring it out before it gets cold.)

    Mother: “Where is my food?”

    Me: “It’ll be out in a few minutes, so no worries!”

    Mother: “But my children have their food now.”

    Me: “Theirs was done a little sooner, but yours is on its way.”

    Mother: “It’s not right that they get to eat before I do!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about the delay. Maybe you could have a few bites of their pizza while you’re waiting?”

    Mother: “Are you saying that I should STEAL food from my CHILDREN?”

    Me: “Oh, no, not at all! It’s just, sharing is caring, right?”

    Mother: “I want to see the manager! This is ridiculous! I am NOT paying for this!”

    Me: “Well all righty then…”

    (She ends up getting everything for free, even though the manager told me later he was on my side. )

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