Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Blowing A Lot Of Hot Air About A Lot Of Gas

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(On this particular morning, the other baristas and I have to evacuate the building due to a gas leak on an upper floor. We are outside on the patio, waiting for fire rescue to finish checking it out.)

Customer: *walks up and tries to open the locked door*

Me: “Ma’am! Please do not go in!”

Customer: *pulls on the door again* “Why not? You’re supposed to be open!”

Me: “We had to evacuate the building due to a gas leak!”

Customer: “Well, you should have put up a closed sign!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we were instructed to exit the building as fast as possible so we didn’t have time.”

(The customer leaves in a huff. Two hours later, after we have reopened:)

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to come back because you guys were closed this morning!”

Me: “…Sorry. Again, we had to evacuate the building so we didn’t die.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

The Brain Is Vacant, The Room Is Not

| Dubai, UAE | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(I work at the front desk of a big hotel, which is currently fully booked. One in-house guest would like to extend, but we have to decline. Finally, he comes to check out.)

Guest: “I think that what you are doing is really rude.”

Me: “How so, sir?”

Guest: “I wanted to extend my stay here, but you won’t let me.”

Me: “Yes, I am very sorry about that, but we are fully committed tonight, therefore we are not able to extend your stay. But hopefully next time, Sir.”

Guest: “But how can you possibly sell my room when I am still in there? You should ask me before you do that, so I can decide whether to stay or not.”

Me: “…”

The Death Of That Sale

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I work for a business that usually caters to B2B transportation. I’m responsible for the sender side of the transport and look after a lot of hair product and cosmetics manufacturers. The customers that make and sell hair products are especially obnoxious usually.)

Me: *picking up phone* “This is [Business]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering when this parcel will arrive.” *gives transportation number*

Me: “All right… Oh, it looks like the truck has been stopped due to a traffic accident. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to deliver this today.”

Customer: “What do you mean, you’re not sure? It’s very important that this arrives today.”

Me: “Let me call the depot and ask. I’ll call you back in a moment.”

(Speaking to my colleagues, I find out the truck has been the one actually involved in the accident, not just unable to get around the accident site. I call back the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; we really won’t be able to deliver this today. All other trucks—”

Customer: *interrupting* “No. This has to arrive today. It’s very important shampoo! Our customer needs it TODAY.”

Me: “The truck has been stopped because it was in an accident. There’s no other truck that can pick up the goods, because it’s almost four pm and every other truck is busy. Also, the police have confiscated the goods as well as the truck.”

Customer: “TODAY! I don’t see the problem! The driver can just get another truck, unload the parcels, get off his lazy a**, and continue!”

Me: “…The driver died in that accident.”

Customer: “So, get another one! It’s important shampoo!”

(I ended the call as politely as possible, telling her to best send out the goods again so they will arrive the next day for sure. She kept ranting until I hung up. Unfortunately, this happens way too often–usually in less extreme situations, fortunately.)

The Cake Eater Is A Lie

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We’re a family business, and dad is serving at the counter while I’m packing up, as it’s late and we are nearing closing time. A customer storms in, holding a cake box, which would have held a cake serving 20-30 people.)

Customer: “Look, we just got this cake from you, and it was awful!”

Dad: “No problem. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “It was stale. Like it had been sitting in the fridge for days!”

Dad: “Sorry to hear that. Can I take a look at it?”

(Dad opens the cake box to reveal barely one slice of the cake left.)

Dad: “…what happened to the rest of it?”

Customer: “Well, obviously we ate it all!”

Dad: “Seriously?”

Customer: “Yes! I want my money back! You ruined our party!”

Dad: “Sorry, but I can’t do that. And get the h*** out of my shop!”

M-ad Women

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(My store has ads in magazines that run monthly. Typically, they bring us quite a bit of business. I get a phone call about it.)

Customer: “I want you to stop sending these magazines!”

Me: “Ma’am, this company does not send out independent ads. Are you referring to a magazine?”

Customer: “Yes and you need to stop sending it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have no control over who is on the list for the magazines. If you wish to cancel your subscriptions to one of the magazines we advertise in, you will have to contact the magazine company itself.”

Customer: “I contacted YOU! I am so sick of getting these every month!”

Me: “Ma’am, we are just a company featured in the magazine. We have no control over your subscription.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? Just stop sending me the magazine!”

Me: “Ma’am, who do you think you have called?”

Customer: “[Name Of My Store].”

Me: “Yes, that is us. What is the name of the magazine?”

Customer: “[Name Of Magazine].”

Me: “So, we are the company that has an ad. We are not the same company that makes the magazine, as you can see from the very different names. I am unsure as to why you have contacted us. On the back page of the magazine, there will be a number of the correct company to contact for this.”

Customer: “Oh my God! Just stop sending them!”

Me: “Ma’am, once again, this is not the magazine company nor do we have any control over what they do. You have to call them. Not us. You can call every ad in that book, but no one will be able to help you unless you call the magazine company itself.”

Customer: “You are useless! Tell your boss to stop sending them!” *click*

(One month later I get a phone call:)

Customer: “WHY ARE YOU STILL SENDING ME MAGAZINES? I CANCELLED!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I told you then and I am going to tell you now, this is my store, not the magazine.”

Customer: “Cancel the d*** magazine!”

Me: “We are still not the magazine company!”

Customer: “You useless idiot! What do I have to do in order to get you to do your job? Stop. Sending. The. Magazine. To. Me.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I have tried my best to be polite and nice to you. I cannot dumb this down any further. We are a retail store. We run an ad in that magazine. For some reason, you have it in your head that a random ad in a magazine is the right number to call to end the magazine subscription. It is not. It is simply not. The only way to cancel the subscription is to call the people who actually make the magazine, instead of harassing ads that have no control or contact with the magazine except to send in new ads once a month. Now, open the magazine, find the number listed for the magazine and please stop calling here and harassing me. There is not a single logical reason that calling us would end a magazine subscription.”

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Call the magazine. Not us.” *hangs up*

(Five minutes later:)

Customer: “I want to talk to your boss!”

Me: “I am the boss. Call the magazine company. Now please, leave us alone and figure out how ads and magazines work. I checked the magazine myself and our ad is on page six. There is no reason that a magazine company would put their number in the middle of their magazine. Their number is on the back. Call that number.”

Customer: “I should sue you! End my subscription or I WILL sue.”

Me: “Ma’am, you cannot sue because you are harassing someone else. You also cannot sue someone who has told you who to get the service you want for a month straight. We sell home supplies, as you can tell by our ad and by the name of our store. I will ask once more: call the company you actually want and leave us alone.”

Customer: “Will you end my subscription if I stop calling?”

Me: *facepalm*

(I learned her number and posted next to every phone that no one is allowed to answer it. She called for two more months and finally the calls stopped. I think she finally got it.)

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