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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Afraid To Be Their Guinea Pig

    | Bryan, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am not actually a store associate but I try to help out since I work as a vendor within the store and I have plenty of information from my veterinary college program. So, I was not really getting paid to do this.)

    Customer: “Yes. I would like to know about these gerbils. I want a pet for my daughter. She just turned six.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, gerbils tend to bite if not handled properly.”

    Customer: *gasps and points to the guinea pigs* “They bite?!”

    Me: “Oh. Those are guinea pigs. And no those don’t usually bite.”

    Customer: “Oh, guinea pigs.”

    Me: “So were you interested in getting one?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (She starts asking about all the information on guinea pigs, which is on the info card right under the aquarium at eye level. Shrugging it off, I answer her questions.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Which one is the healthiest?”

    Me: “Uh. All of them.”

    Customer: “Okay. But which one is the healthiest?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they wouldn’t be on display if they weren’t healthy.”

    Customer: “Which is the youngest?”

    Me: “Since they came from a breeding distributor they are all the same age. Most people pick them out by what colored fur they have.”

    Customer: “Okay. But which is the youngest?”

    Me: “You’ll have to ask up front for that information.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I can leave one of these alone for a week?”

    Me: “… Seven days? No, ma’am. There aren’t any pets aside from some fish you could ever leave alone for that long.”

    Customer: “Oh. What if it’s just a weekend?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. If something happened to their water supply or they got hurt there would be no one there to make sure it was okay.”

    (At this point I don’t want her taking an animal due to her lack of knowledge and the potential danger the pet would be put in.)

    Me: *hands her a book on guinea pigs* “There is also plenty of information online so you can be better prepared.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *turns to her daughter* “We better just get this! It’s a lot more work than we thought for your first pet!”

    Daughter: “Second. We had a fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Second pet.”

    (I shook my head as I walked back to my store section, thinking that the fish is definitely dead.)

    Carded If The Card Is Discarded

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (Per company policy, if a customer wants to pay with a card they need to have it with them. We can’t authorize them over the phone unless it is a credit card issued by our company. There are occasional exceptions, but really only for regulars. We are also always supposed to check an id. A woman came in to buy a bunch of supplies for her office. As she’s at the register to pay. She pulls out a piece of paper.)

    Customer: “I’d like to pay with this.”

    (The paper she pulls out is a photocopy of a company credit card.)

    Cashier: “Uhm… we can’t take this.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Cashier: “Because we need the physical card.”

    Customer: “Get a manager!”

    Manager: “Can I see an id?”

    Customer: “Why? My name won’t match. It’s a company card.”

    Manager: “Then, I’m sorry but we can’t accept it. I really shouldn’t do it, even if the names did match. It’s against policy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! How can you not take it!? Why do you even need to see my ID?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, there is way too much risk for identity fraud. I have no way of knowing that’s your card, or company. Anyone could have taken that card and made a copy, or found the copy lying around somewhere.”

    Customer: “Are you accusing me of stealing this card information!?”

    Manager: “Of course not! But wouldn’t you rather have stores check ids and only accept physical cards if yours was the one that was stolen?”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! It’s our company card! And accusing me of stealing?! I’m never shopping here again! You’re losing so much business!”

    Manager: “Well, it’s better than getting in trouble for a fraudulent charge. Sorry we couldn’t help you.”

    (The customer stormed out in a huff.)

    Look Before You Dive

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (At the dive shop I work at, we do all sorts of courses, but mostly learn-to-dive courses called ‘open water course.’ Just before closing, a customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Hi, I did this course with you… um… learning… an open course?”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the beginners course?”

    Customer: “I don’t know/ It was the… the… open course or something like that.”

    Me: “Was it the ‘learn to dive’ course? The first dive course you have done?”

    Customer: “No! Maybe… I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Yeah, if it was the beginner’s course, then it is called the ‘open water course.’”

    Customer: “That’s the one! So, I did that with you guys. You gave me a DVD and said when I bring it back you give me $50.”

    (I had never heard of such a thing, but I haven’t been working there for more than a couple of months so I ask my coworker about it.)

    Coworker: “Nah, mate, we don’t give out DVDs. It’s all online. Maybe you did the course with someone else?”

    Customer: “No, I did it here! You said you give me $50! I have the DVD. You know, it is a CD but with videos on it!”

    Coworker: “I know what a DVD is, but we still don’t do that trade-in you are talking about.”

    Manager: *poking head around corner* “When did you do your course?”

    Customer: “About… three, four years ago?”

    Manager: “Hm. So, about five years ago we gave out DVDs for customers to watch before their course rather than watching the videos here. They had to pay $40 deposit which they got back when they returned the DVD.”

    Customer: “Yes, that was it! I found the DVD now. Can I give it back and you give me $50?”

    Manager: “No. First of all you would’ve only paid $40 deposit, and we haven’t use the DVDs for at least four years.”

    Customer: “But… I found it again! Can I bring it in and I get money back?”

    Manager: “No! They are useless to us now and you are about five years late in returning it!”

    (The customer just turns and walks out the store.)

    Someone Toad Him Different

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well-known game store. The year is 2008.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Video Game Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “No, we do not, sadly.”

    Customer: “That sucks.”

    (About a week later:)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: “No, sir, we do not!”

    Caller: “It’s been five days. How come?!”

    Me: *in shock* “IS THIS THE SAME CUSTOMER?!”

    Caller: “Yes! I want my d*** Battletoads for my PS3, dumb-a**!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Battletoads has been out of print for 17 years now. And I doubt it’s on the PS3.”

    Caller: “Well, YOU’RE just a d*** MORON?!” *hangs up*

    Me: *shrugs*

    (A day later, the same customer walks into the store.)

    Customer: “HEY, YOU! I WANT MY BATTLETOADS!”

    Me: “Sir, WE. DO. NOT. HAVE. BATTLETOADS!”

    Customer: “My brother told me you have it. I want it NOW!”

    Me: “You’re brother must’ve been mistaken.”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT! I’M GONNA FIND MY D*** BATTLETOADS IF I’M GONNA HAVE TO DESTROY THIS ENTIRE STORE!”

    (The customer then proceeds to go on a rampage through the entire store, knocking over multiple games and destroying several others. We had to call the police to arrest him. An hour later, his brother shows up)

    Customer’s Brother: “Hey, my brother told me you guys ripped him off.”

    Me: “Eh, you do know he was looking for a game called Battletoads, right?”

    Customer’s Brother: “Oh, god. I can’t believe he fell for that. I told him to do that just to get that moron out of my house. I’m so sorry about that.”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Customer’s Brother: “I’m surprised he didn’t even know about that prank anyway.”

    (Turns out that asking for ‘Battletoads’ at any video game store is a popular prank done by people to piss off the employees.)

    The Poster Child For Unreasonableness, Part 2

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Tourists/Travel

    (This customer has spent 10 minutes complaining about minor things from her recent cruise from the weather to the color of the carpet.)

    Customer: “Also, every night at dinner the unruly children we sat with would cry, whine, and pitch a fit. It wasn’t the upscale experience we expected and ruined our entire cruise.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. As you are traveling again this year, I can certainly have a bottle of wine sent to your room for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: “I hope you’ll do the same for my sister and her family. She always travels with us, so it would only be fair.

    Me: *pulls up reservation* “I see you were scheduled to sit with her and her three children on the last cruise. Did they not accommodate you to dine together?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. We had a table of six.”

    Me: “… So the unruly children?”

    Customer: “Her bratty kids should never have been allowed in the dining room!”

    Related:
    The Poster Child For Unreasonableness


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