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  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    What Would Jesus Do For Free Wifi

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion, Technology

    (I used to work for an Internet broadband company, and in addition to technical questions, I would also have to be able to resolve billing issues. The customer who calls this time, however, has an interesting take on things:)

    Me: “Let’s take a look at your account. Just give me one moment to call—”

    Caller: MY INTERNET’S BUSTED!

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am; it will take just one moment. Ah, here we go. It seems that this account has not been paid on for three months, so we have suspended yo—”

    Caller: “WHY’S MY INTERNET SHUT OFF?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can understand your frustration, but due to non-payment, we’ve suspended your account. However, if you would like to make a credit card payment over the phone, I can go ahead an—”

    Caller: “I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT CARD! WHY IS MY INTERNET NOT WORKING?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t turn you back on until a portion of the balance is paid off. if you are able to make a partial payment o—”

    Caller: “TURN ME BACK ON! I NEED MY INTERNET!” *in a suddenly quiet voice* “Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off.”

    Me: *startled blink* “Pardon, ma’am?”

    Caller: *gaining steam* “I said, Jesus wouldn’t have turned me off! I don’t have the money to pay for this, but he wouldn’t have shut me off!”

    Me: “…I do apologize ma’am, but I don’t see where this is relevant to your overdue bill—”

    Caller: “JESUS LOVED EVERYONE AND WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME FREE INTERNET!”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you remember biblical quotes? Wasn’t it Jesus himself who said, ‘render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar’s, and render unto God, that which is God’s?'”

    Caller: *silence*

    Me: “Anyway, I cannot turn you back on until you’ve made a payment.”

    Caller: “LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “My pleasure!”

    Can’t Subscribe To Their Way Of Thinking

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (Customer calls in to try and get a refund.)

    Me: “Hello this is [My Name] with [Company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want a refund for my TV Weekly. I bought a subscription and I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Okay, just give me one second to look into your account.”

    (I access her account.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, unfortunately we will not be able to give you a credit on your account because—”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not!?”

    Me: “Well, as I was saying, it looks like you received every issue of your two-year subscription and it’s been a year since we sent you a renewal letter.”

    Customer: “So what? I just told you; I didn’t like your magazine and I want my money back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, according to your account we never received one call or complaint in the entire three years since you ordered the magazine.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t have the time to so I’m calling now.”

    Me: “In three years you haven’t had the time?”

    Customer: “Some of us have REAL jobs.”

    Me: “Okay, well, then the charge shouldn’t be a problem; have a good day, ma’am.”

    Might Not Be A Queen But Sure Acts Like One

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

    (An elite member comes to the front desk and asks if he can transfer to a suite, because he can’t see the TV from his bed in his king room.)

    Me: “I have a suite that becomes available on Wednesday, but it has two queen size beds instead of a king.”

    Guest: “Two queens?” *dramatically unzips jacket, and points to his ‘Happy Anniversary’ Disneyland pin* “Does THIS look like someone who should get a room with two queens?”

    Me: “…no?”

    Imprisoned By The Name

    | Washington DC, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work at a call center where we receive in-custody records from county jails and state prisons. Most people who call us or are routed to us by calling the jail think we are the jail they are calling. This call comes in on the DC line.)

    Customer: “Um, hi, yes, I have a friend who is missing, and I want to know if he’s in jail there? His name is [Name]. But he could be in there with the last name [Other Name], too.”

    Me: “Okay, let me take a look.” *runs search* “No, ma’am, there’s no one in the system by either name.”

    Customer: “His name has to come up to for him to be in jail there, right?”

    Me: “…that’s correct, ma’am.”

    Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 3

    | UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (On the particular day the dairy fridge has broken down AND we have quite a lot of stock with a ‘best before’ sticker for that day. So I decide to reduce all that stock lower than I usually would just to get rid of it.)

    Customer: “I would like to speak to the manager, please.”

    Me: “That would be me. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I bought this cream AND this cake today. I poured the cream over the cake for my family only to find it was off. So it ruined the cake. I want a refund for both.”

    (She hands me a receipt which shows that both items had been reduced quite heavily. I apologize profusely while trying to explain that we were sure the dairy fridge breakdown didn’t damage anything.)

    Me: “And that’s all done for you! Here is your refund of £1.”

    (The customer holds the £1 coin in her hand and looks slightly confused.)

    Customer: “I wanted a refund.”

    Me: “…and I gave you one. According to the receipt you gave me you only paid £1 total for those products.”

    Customer: “But it was bad. Surely you should give me a refund of the full price.”

    Me: “Do you sell things on eBay?”

    Customer: *taken aback* “How is that relevant?”

    Me: “Indulge me.”

    Customer: “Yes. I sold my husband’s PS3 last week.”

    Me: “Okay, so let’s say I bought your husband’s PS3 for £100. But when I connected it to my TV it didn’t work and I insisted that I get a refund. Do I ask for the £100 I paid you or the £400 you probably bought it for?”

    (Somehow this confused her even more. She decided I made a valid point and left the shop in an almost dream-like state. We never saw this customer again and we still don’t know to this day if she was attempting a scam, or just a little dim.)

    Related:
    Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2
    Not The Cream Of The Crop

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