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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Has No Train Of Thought

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

    Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

    Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

    Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

    Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

    Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

    (A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

    Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

    (The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

    Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

    | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

    Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

    Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

    Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

    Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

    Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

    Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

    On A Roll About The Roll

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (My boyfriend and I are at our regular grocery store. We always get in this particular cashier’s line when she’s working because we connect on a “we both work with customers daily and it’s awful” level. The customer ahead of us is giving her a hard time.)

    Customer: “This should only be $1.50!”

    Cashier: “It’s ringing up as $2.00. You may have picked up the wrong item.”

    Customer: “No! This is on special! It said it was on sale.”

    Cashier: “Hold on please; I’ll check with the bakery.”

    (The customer pouts as the cashier calls on the phone nearby. We only hear her half of the conversation. She gives an item number and describes the item.)

    Cashier: “There is a special on this item, but not in this packaging. This has six rolls in it; the one on sale has four. It’s not even a big difference; you’re paying 50 cents more for two more rolls.”

    Customer: “That’s not right!”

    Cashier: “I just called the bakery. I just checked. You can put this back and get the one on sale or you can get this one.”

    Customer: “Okay. Okay, just this, okay, fine, fine, fine.”

    (The cashier finishes with the customer. The customer walks away.)

    My Boyfriend: *grins* “Just another day, huh?”

    Cashier: “Seriously. 50 cents for two more rolls. Oh, hey look. She’s going over to customer service.”

    (We all look over as she brings up her receipt and more or less yells at the representative. She points over to our cashier and we watch the representative get on a phone.)

    Cashier: “Great, looks like she’ll be getting that discount. The manager always caves in to these people.”

    (My boyfriend and I simultaneously groan.)

    Me: “We know how that is.”

    Cashier: “I have to stop myself from yelling at these people. I tell myself, I love my job! I really do. I really… really do. Really.”

    Laptop Flop, Part 3

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]! How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my laptop that I bought from you guys a while ago got stolen. I need to get a copy of my receipt for insurance purposes.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem! What I need is the cred—”

    Customer: “What I’m going to give you is my name and phone number, and you see what you can find with that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, when we do receipt lookups, it’s processed at the register. I need you to bring in the card you paid with, and the UPC or item number of the laptop, if you happened to save those off the box.”

    Customer: “I don’t have any of that.”

    Me: “Well, do you have one of our rewards cards?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Err… could you tell me what kind of laptop it was?”

    Customer: “I ALREADY SAID THAT!”

    Me: “If you did, I didn’t hear it ma’am. What was it?”

    Customer: “I already said it. But it was… tah-shibbia? Or… Toshi-bai-bah or something.”

    Me: “Toshiba.”

    (I wait for the customer to supply more information about the laptop, but she’s silent.)

    Me: “…and the model number?”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE THAT!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I really need at least that information so I could look up an item number. How about the month you purchased the laptop; do you have that?”

    Customer: “What month is this? Well, it isn’t April yet. So this month must be March. I bought it in November. Maybe it was around my birthday. Like if I bought myself a birthday present! Yeah, that must’ve been it.”

    (I wait for the customer to tell me when her birthday is.)

    Customer: “Anyway, you see what you can find with that, and call me back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, I need to know what kind of lapt—”

    Customer: “No, look it up with my name. And if you can’t find it, you call me back and tell me exactly what you need, and I’ll get it for you.”

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 2
    Laptop Flop

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

    Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

    Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

    Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

    Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

    Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

    Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

    (The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

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