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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Will Not Leave On The Eve

    | Ocean, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is Christmas Eve. The store is closing early because of the holiday. The people on the sales floor have herded the last shoppers to the registers. The manager is standing by the door with his keys, and at 2 pm on the dot he locks the entrance door. A customer RACES up and gets inside by ducking through the cart door.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are closed.”

    Customer: “I’m inside the store! You have to let me shop!” *starts to walk around the manager*

    Manager: *sidesteps to stay in front of the customer* “No. I do not. The store is closed, the doors are locked, there is no one on the sales floor to help you, and the registers will be shut down remotely by corporate in less than fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “Tomorrow’s Christmas. I need to buy presents for my family! The customer is always right!”

    Security: *right behind the manager, grinning* “We have you on camera forcing your way into a closed store. It would make my day if you tried something. I wouldn’t even mind spending Christmas Eve at the police station.”

    Manager: “We are closed. There are no customers in the store when we are closed.”

    (The manager and guard stand shoulder to shoulder and walk towards the man, forcing him to back out the exit door. The customers in line are entertained enough to be relaxed instead of stressed, and we cashiers finish the shift in a GREAT mood. Best Christmas Eve shift, EVER.)

    Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

    | Monticello, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Religion

    (I work at a grocery/retail store that has a somewhat relaxed dress code for the cashiers. It is quite hot both inside and outside the store. Many of my female coworkers are wearing less clothing than usual. A customer comes to my check lane and unloads her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank God. SOMEBODY around here knows how to dress in a way that pleases the Lord!”

    (Right away, I know this is going to be unpleasant. I’m a transgender man with no religious belief.)

    Customer: “All of these god-d*** heathens dress like streetwalkers! I’m so glad I found someone uncontaminated to handle my food!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say ‘uncontaminated?’”

    Customer: “Why, yes, dearie. Those worthless w****s you have to work with are contaminated by the devil! It’s too bad you have spend so much time around them, but I understand times are tough.”

    Me: “Actually, I enjoy working here. I have excellent pay, flexible hours, and the opportunity to be part of a great team. I’ve made friends with several of my coworkers, and we regularly spend time together outside of work.”

    Customer: “Oh, dearie, you know you shouldn’t yoke yourself to an unbeliever! But I suppose it’s hard to lead some to Christ if you don’t know them very well.”

    (At this point, I’m finished scanning and bagging her groceries. She pays with her card and turns to me.)

    Customer: “You know, young lady. I just feel so bad for you. You’re stuck in this awful, godless place, and I just—”

    (The customer rummages in her purse and pulls out two $5 bills.)

    Customer: “Take these are use them to do The Lord’s work!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept your money in good conscience. I happen to be one of those godless heathens you were upset about. Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that you have made a crucial flaw in your perception of me. I am not, as you said, a ‘young lady.’ I am a 21-year-old transgender man.”

    (The customer begins to shout various racial, homophobic, and trans-phobic slurs. My manager rushes over to find out what’s going on.)

    Customer: “THIS GODLESS C*** CONTAMINATED MY FOOD!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you need stop verbally abusing the staff and leave the premises. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to call the police.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU!? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, and quite frankly I don’t care. You’re shouting some of the vilest insults in the English language at one of my best cashiers. Get your s*** and leave. NOW!”

    (The customer flees, insulting both of us the whole time. The next customer in line has watched the situation unfold.)

    Next Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me. Would it be alright if I gave you both a gift card? You deserve something nice after all that.”

    Me: “You don’t need to—”

    Manager: “Uh, okay. Sure.”

    Next Customer: “Here. Just [item] and two $25 gift cards for [coffee shop].”

    (When the friendly customer gives me the gift card, his number is written on the back. We’ve been dating for almost two years!)

    Related:
    Store Of The D***ed

    Thank God Christmas Comes But Once A Year

    | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (Due to poor customer service by a coworker, my manager is helping a customer with Christmas items. He gives her expensive live trees for $10 each and some free Christmas lights to make up for my coworker. He apologizes and thanks the customer before leaving to deal with another issue. This is what I hear when the customer goes to the services desk to pay and complain to the desk clerk.)

    Customer: “I am never shopping here again! That was horrible service.”

    Clerk: “I am so sorry about the mix up with [Coworker]. That usually doesn’t happen. [Manager] took care of you though? Right?”

    Customer: “I don’t care about what happened with [Coworker]! [Manager] was so rude! It was TERRIBLE and offensive!”

    Clerk: *shocked* “What happened with [Manager]?”

    Customer: “He didn’t wish me a Merry Christmas! He ruined my Christmas shopping trip by being a heathen! I’m going to complain to his boss!”

    (Yes, she did complain to our store manager and wrote a scathing review on our company’s ‘comment about us’ service! Thankfully, our awesome manager was not reprimanded, but was quite disappointed with the old proverb that you can’t please everyone!)

    Arguing To The Bitter End

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (First thing in the morning we had a mishap which resulted in both our tea urns to be filled with sweet tea. Unfortunately, several customers got sweet tea instead of unsweet before we noticed the mix up.)

    Coworker: *over headset* “Look out! This customer got the wrong tea and is really mad!”

    (As my coworker speaks, a customer speeds up to my window. As soon as I open the window she throws her tea at me and starts screaming.)

    Customer: “I’ll get you b******s for this! How dare you do this to me! I demand compensation for my troubles! You little s***s could have killed me!”

    (Although soaked in sticky tea, I make her a new drink. I get an okay from my manager to pacify her with a small dessert item. Meanwhile, she has been screaming through the closed window the whole time.)

    Me: “Here is your tea, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry for the mix up.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me. I know you don’t give a s*** about me or any of your other customers!”

    Me: “In any case, ma’am, my manager has offered you a small dessert item for your troubles. We have chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies. We also have hot apple pies.”

    Customer: “I can’t have any of that crap! I can’t have any sugar or I’ll DIE! See, you don’t care at all. Lying little b****! I’ll never eat here again!”

    (Later in my shift during lunch, a very familiar woman comes up to the counter and targets me.)

    Customer: “You! You need to get me two dozen of each of your cookies. Make it fast!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Four dozen cookies comes to [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, h*** no! I was told I’d get them for free! You f*****d up my order this morning. The manager said I could have free cookies! Just ask them.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you the manager did not agree to give you four dozen cookies for free.”

    Customer: “Yes, they did! I hope you’re fired for this. You are just as rude as that little b**** that sabotaged my order!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did not sabotage your order. While I did offer you a small bag of cookies or an apple pie this morning, you turned it down. At no point was there ever an agreement that you could come in at your discretion and demand cookies from us. I’m sorry, ma’am. I must ask you to leave if you are not going to place an order.”

    (A look of slow realization passes her face when she recognizes me as the employee she harassed earlier.)

    Customer: “Well, fine! I didn’t want your crummy cookies anyway!”

    Powerless To Help

    | Wooster, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (There is a horrible ice storm that knocks out the power to almost the entire city. I am passing a room when a customer in only a towel opens her door and catches me.)

    Customer: “I don’t have power.”

    Me: “I know, ma’am. The power is down.”

    Customer: “When will it be up?”

    Me: “I… don’t know? Whenever the power company can get it back up?”

    (The customer huffs at me and goes back in her room. A few minutes later, I am coming out of the laundry room again. The same customer stops me, still in just her towel.)

    Customer: “I need to dry my hair.”

    Me: “I can get you more towels.”

    Customer: *holds up her hair dryer* “I need this.”

    Me: “As I told you, ma’am, there’s no power.”

    Customer: “Well, can I take it up to the front desk?”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “They have plugs, don’t they?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but they have no power. The power is out all over the city.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The customer closes the door, and opens it again immediately.)

    Customer: “What about the bank?!”

    Me: “The bank…?”

    Customer: “The one across the street! They have power!”

    (I go to the window and look out. The bank and the entire strip it’s part of are dark.)

    Me: “They don’t have power, ma’am.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! I just need a f****** plug to plug my hair dryer in! Why can’t you just—”

    (A hand falls on her shoulder from in the room and she’s pulled back inside. Her husband sticks his head out and mouths ‘sorry’ at me before shutting the door.)

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