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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Given Short Shrift At The Thrift

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am shopping at a thrift store. A customer barges up to me with a dress in her hand and waves it in my face.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “No… sorry.”

    Customer: “You LOOK like you work here. I can’t find this dress in a small.”

    Me: “…yeah, that’s the problem with these thrift stores. Not always the right sizes.”

    Customer: “Where can I find it in a small?”

    Me: “I don’t know. You may have to pick another dress.”

    (The customer stares at me a minute, suspiciously, as I’m going through a rack.)

    Customer: “Where are the size-eight shoes?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Normally they’re over there, but they just rearranged everything so I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone who works here.”

    Customer: “I need shoes to match this dress in a size eight!”

    Me: “Good luck!”

    Customer: “You are NO HELP AT ALL!”

    (The customer flings the dress at me and storms over to the shoes. She starts scattering them all over, and demanding to the room in general that she needs a size eight. One of the poor employees ended up getting stuck with pampering her the entire time I was there.)

    Avoiding A Bioshock

    | Dublin, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (A customer approaches the cash desk with a console in a box.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking to trade this in?”

    Me: “Sure, let me just make sure it works!”

    (I open the box, only to find the entire console, wires, and control pads are covered in heavy condensation. It’s so heavy, that there are drops of water pouring down the system.)

    Me: “Umm …I don’t think I can plug this in to check it.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, it’s soaking wet. Generally speaking, it’s not a good idea to combine water and electricity.”

    Customer: “Ah, it’s just a tiny bit of condensation. I had it in the car overnight; that’s why.”

    Me: “I still don’t think it’s safe, sir.”

    Customer: “Go ask your manager; he’ll tell you it’s fine!”

    (I decide to humor him, and take the console out back to the manager.)

    Me: “So I’ve got this customer for trade in, and he wants me to plug this thing in and check it.”

    Manager: *not looking up* “So what’s the problem?”

    Me: “I think you should have a look and see what the problem is!”

    Manager: *looks at the console* “Is he for real?!”

    (The manager picks up the console, and it almost slips out of his hands from the liquid on the surface. He heads out to the customer and deals with him.)

    Manager: “We can’t accept this for trade in. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “Ah, why not!? It’s only a tiny bit of condensation; I don’t know what the problem is!”

    Manager: “Well, if you’re happy to plug in electronics that are dripping with water, be my guest, but you’ll be a candidate for the Darwin Awards if you do. I’m not happy to risk the personal safety of my employees just for a trade in.”

    (The customer looks at the console again.)

    Customer: “And what if I come back in 10 minutes, and it’s dry?”

    Manager: “I think that’d be something of a miracle, don’t you?”

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themselves, Part 5

    | Stamford, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m deaf in one ear, and what makes it worse at this time is that I have an ear infection. This makes it extremely difficult to take customer’s drinks correctly, especially if they are saying them very fast. I have only asked this customer once to repeat what the milk and syrup were.)

    Customer: “Why do they have the least experienced person taking orders? How many times do I have to repeat myself?!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m hearing impaired. I was only asking once again to make sure I charged you correctly and that your drink won’t be made wrong.”

    Customer: *flustered* “Well, then you should have to wear a sign or something to let people know that you can’t hear.”

    (The next customer in the queue chimes decides to chime in.)

    Next Customer: “Yeah, because the poor girl probably doesn’t feel embarrassed enough about having you yell at her and having to put up with a**holes like you.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! How dare you! Forget my drink! I’ll just go somewhere else!”

    (The customer storms out.)

    Next Customer: “Wow, I’m so sorry about that. Do people normally act like that here?”

    Me: “She’s a regular…”

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 4
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 3
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    Her Number Has Been (Tali)Banned

    , | USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Politics

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to go over my bill; it’s higher than normal! Why are you double charging me!?”

    Me: “Alright, let me pull up the bill and I’ll help you with that. I see here that we have voice overage of 347 minutes totaling $138.80. Add that to your regular bill and the taxes involved and that’s why it’s so high. Would you like me to increase your plan allowance to prevent this in the future? I see based on an analysis of your account that this seems to be happening every mo—”

    Caller: “No, I want you to credit that back to me! I’ve been with [Company] for 30 years! You owe me at least that for all the money I’ve spent for your services.”

    (I note that she’s been with us for nine months, the last six of which she has gone over her allowance, and the last five of which she has received a credit for. Based on notes, it was because she was persistent and demanding and it was done to get her off the phone.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I understand how frustrating this can be; however in the last five months you have received credits for your overages. You’ve been advised of how to know when you’re going over, and based on that, it’s only $20 more for the next tier of minutes. Considering your overages, I’d be willing to rerate you as if you had been on that plan and issue a credit back, except for the increased minutes, but this will be the last credit issued on the account for overages.”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want to pay for that other plan! I’m not increasing it! Oh for crying out loud, hold on!”

    (In the background I can hear her clearly working at a clothing store.)

    Caller: *to someone else* “Oh these shirts are buy two get one free, so if you grab another, one of these will be free. Mm-hmm! Okay, bye-bye!”

    (The customer then returns to our call.)

    Caller: “Okay, so I want you to credit the overages back for me, but I’m not going to increase my plan.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I couldn’t help overhearing, but you have a deal going on at your store?”

    Caller: “Oh, yes! You can buy two shirts and get a third free! It’s really a great deal!”

    Me: “So if I came up to the counter and put four shirts on the counter, how many would you charge me for?”

    Caller: “Well, three of them of course.”

    Me: “But I only want to pay for the two.”

    Caller: “You’d have to get another shirt and then you can get a second free, but the deal only comes with one free shirt for every two you buy.”

    Me: “Just like your plan; it comes with 450 minutes. You want the other 347 for free, but that’s not included in the deal. So if you want those minutes, you have to pay for them.”

    Caller: “You’re just trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Not at all, ma’am; I’m just explaining it another way. Your deal is that two shirts get you one free. Your cell phone plan is 450 minutes included, but anything else is overage… but if you go to the 900 minute plan, it’d be $20 more, and save you money because you would get those extra minutes you’ve been charged in overage included. So your option is this: increase the plan, or no credit. At all. You’ve been credited five months straight, but I am not going to issue a penny unless you take action to prevent further overages.”


    Me: “Really? You’re going to threaten my family because you refuse to take responsibility for your own overages? Sure, here’s my manager.”

    (My manager has been listening because as soon as the caller started screaming I had flagged him over. He takes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I am from Iran. I watched the Taliban kill my two sons because they wouldn’t join. You want me to issue a credit after making that kind of a threat? No. I’ve flagged your account. You will receive no further credits. Pay your bill through the automated system before the fifteenth to avoid a late fee, which also will not be credited. Goodbye.”

    (The manager hangs up on the customer without another word, and turns to me.)

    Manager: “Go on break.”

    (The customer called in twenty more times before she finally cancelled her services due to discrimination claims, stating that my manager and I threatened to come to her store and beat her up if she didn’t pay. The charges were overturned after the call was reviewed.)

    Giving The Homeless A Fair Deal

    | BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a popular sandwich shop on the main strip of our town. Every once in a while, we run certain deals.)

    Me: “Hey there! What can I make for you this evening?”

    Customer: “I want a foot-long ham. That’s part of the deal, right?”

    Me: “No, just [sub #1], [sub #2], and [sub #3].”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ll get a meatball.”

    Me: “That’s not one of the deals.”

    Customer: “It’s fine, whatever.”

    (I should note that our town has quite a few homeless people. Most of them are quite friendly and always come in and buy things. One of the nicer ones is drinking a coffee at the front of the store. I finish making the sandwich and ring the guy in.)

    Me: “So that’ll be [price].”

    Customer: “WHAT!? I don’t want it if it’s not part of the deal! You told me it was part of the deal!”

    Me: “I told you explicitly that it was not part of the deal.”

    Customer: “Well I don’t even want it!”

    (The customer drops the sandwich on the counter, and I turn to the regular homeless man.)

    Me: “Hey [Name], you want a free meatball sub?”

    Homeless Regular: “Heck yeah!”

    (The customer grumbles about wanting free food, and scurries off.)

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