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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Anything Could Spark Him Off

    | QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A woman is looking at the spark plug we have on the floor. She seems confused about what she needs, so I go to her to help her pick the right one.)

    Me: “Are you having trouble finding the spark plugs you need?”

    Woman: “Yes! My husband sent me to pick new spark plugs for his car. He gave me an old one to make sure I get the right one, but they all look the same!”

    Me: “Well, just come to the counter and I’ll help you find the right one. I’ll just need some information about the car. Which year, make, model, and engine size is it?”

    Woman: “I think it’s a Ford. It’s a car for sure, not a truck. Pretty sure it’s a Ford. I’m not sure of the year. I think he got it in 2008. Or 2009. But I don’t know if it was new or not. And for the model, it’s the one with 4 doors. It’s grey, too!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, I need more precise info. But it’s all right. I can usually do a cross-reference with the old spark plug you have to see what I have in stock.”

    Woman: “Oh! That’s great. I really don’t know anything about cars, as you can see. My husband sent me because he hates dealing with you people. He thinks you are all incompetent jerks.”

    (I take the spark plug and start checking for cross-reference numbers. However, I can soon sense this will turn bad because the spark plug I hold is made by a company I’ve never heard of. It looks like a cheap Chinese knockoff. To make sure, I ask my coworkers if they’ve ever seen this brand. None have, and it is not listed in our cross-reference book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears that this brand of spark plug is not listed in our cross-reference books. I’ll have to make a couple of calls to the manufacturers to see if they can match it.”

    Woman: “It’s okay. I’ll wait. My husband will be really pissed off if I don’t come back with the spark plugs.”

    (While I’m waiting on the phone for a manufacturer hotline to answer, her cell phone rings. I can clearly hear her conversation.)

    Woman: “They are looking if they can do cross-reference to find the good one.”

    Husband: “Why the f*** were not able to find one by yourself? Now you’ll have to deal with those f***** morons that work there. It’s not too f****** hard to find one d*** spark plug. F****** useless woman! You’re all the same. Don’t make me come there. They’ll f****** regret it!”

    (By this time, the manufacturer have told me they cannot cross reference this spark plug, and they’ve never heard of this brand before.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’ll absolutely need the car information. I cannot do a cross-reference on this plug. Nobody’s seem to have heard of this brand before.”

    Woman: “I was sure this would happen. My husband likes to buy stuff on the internet because he says your store is ripping off people. He says you’re all thieves. His cheap spark plug stopped working and he’s having all sort of problem with the car ever since. But I really don’t know what car he has.”

    Me: “Can you call him and ask him?”

    Woman: “He’ll be pissed off. Too bad for him. He should have come here by himself.”

    (She calls her husband on my phone and tells him I need some info on his car.)

    Husband: “What do you f****** need to know?”

    Me: “Just basic information, sir. Year, make, model, and engine size.”

    Husband: “It’s a f****** Ford. Now gave my wife the spark plugs.”

    Me: “Sorry. I still need the year and engine size.”

    Husband: “I ain’t giving that to you. You’ll know what I’ll drive and you’ll try to rip me off.”

    Me: “Look. If you don’t want to tell me what kind of car you have, it’s fine. But don’t expect to get spark plugs.”


    Me: “Like I said, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do in this situation. I will not go on the floor and look at the hundreds of different spark plugs models and lose countless hours because you are too lazy to come up here and buy them yourself, and too paranoid to give me the basic information I need. So I cannot help you and I will terminate this call right now.”

    (The woman told me to not worry; she’d go to her friend’s place for a couple of hours, like she always did when he’s angry at something. She warned me that he would probably come and make all kinds of trouble. As she said, a couple of hours later a guy came in the store with a handful of old spark plugs. He started throwing them at the employees, all the time yelling about how we are thieves and that women are useless pieces of meat. We had to call the police to have him removed from the store. His case went to court and, thankfully, he was sent to anger management class!)

    Constant Explain Drain

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

    Guest: “I have a question about my bill.”

    Me: “What is your question?”

    Guest: “Why did my rate go up?”

    Me: “Let me see.”

    Guest: “I remember the rate was supposed to stay the same! Now it’s showing me differently. I wanted it changed, and hurry up or I’ll miss my train!”

    (I pull out the guest’s reg card, which clearly has ‘RATE CHANGE’ and the amount printed on it and the guest’s signature on the bottom.)

    Me: “This is your signature? Yes?”

    Guest: “Well… yes…”

    Me: “These initials by the ‘RATE CHANGE’ show that you have acknowledged that there is a rate change in your stay.”

    Guest: “Well… uh… the person who checked me in didn’t EXPLAIN it to me!”

    Me: “But you signed it anyway. You sign things you don’t read?”


    His Table Lawsuit Won’t Have A Leg To Stand On

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (My family is out to dinner at a Chinese buffet. My boss texts me from the furniture store where I work. I’m known for getting the problem customers.)

    Boss: “You’re not allowed to sell to psychos anymore!”

    Me: “But they’re my best business! But, seriously. What happened?”

    (My boss proceeds to tell me about a customer that already harassed me three times the day before, as well as the customer service line several times, and tried to prevent our drivers from leaving his home after his delivery. His complaint was that his table was the wrong shade of brown.)

    Boss: “He sent me an email complaining that he’s talking to highly educated people about suing us.”

    Me: “Ha! His lawyer can call my lawyer! I’ll sue for harassment.”

    (I happen to open my fortune cookie at this point and start laughing. I send my boss a picture. The fortune reads ‘A judgment will rule in your favor.’)

    Me: “Fortune cookie says we can take him!”

    An Irregular Appointment

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a hair salon and take a phone call.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help?”

    Customer: “I need an appointment with [Stylist] for a haircut.”

    Me: “Okay. When would you like to come in?”

    Customer: “Whenever works for [Stylist].”

    Me: “Okay. How about tomorrow at 3 pm?”

    Customer: “No. Can’t do that.”

    Me: “Friday at 10?”

    Customer: “No. Can’t do that.”

    (This goes on for a while.)

    Customer: “I can only do [specific date, a Saturday; our busiest time].”

    Me: “I’m afraid [Stylist] is fully booked that day. How about [Other Stylist]?”

    Customer: “I always see [Stylist].”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “They have nothing?”

    Me: “Sorry. They are fully booked.”

    Customer: “I have been seeing them for years.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Can you not move the other clients around?”

    Me: “Not really. How would you like if we moved you around for someone else?”

    Customer: “You wouldn’t do that. I’m a regular.”

    Me: “According to your record, you’ve been to see us three times. The clients booked in have been coming for the last six years.”

    Customer: *click*

    A Compete Idiot

    , | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Where do you keep [Competitor Store] branded beans, please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam. We don’t carry our competitors lines. We only stock our own branded goods.”

    Customer: “That’s silly. You could make money selling other stores’ goods.”

    Me: “That’s an interesting concept. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s all the same stuff inside anyway. They just use their own brand labels.”

    Me: “In that case, would you like to try our own brand beans?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I prefer [Competitor Brand] beans. They taste much nicer.”

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