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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Gotta Find Johnny Cash

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    (My office handles reports of fraud, but has a reputation for trying to help everybody who calls in, even if it’s nothing that we usually handle.)

    Me: “[Office], [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “This guy is getting benefit checks and he’s working! He does odd jobs around the trailer park where we both live.”

    Me: “Okay. We’re not the right place for this, but if you tell me a little more about what’s going on, I can try to find the right place for you.”

    Caller: “His name is Johnny, and I don’t know what his space number is.”

    Me: “Do you know who he gets his checks from?”

    Caller: “Nope, don’t see him at the mailbox. But he brags about it.”

    Me: “Do you know what kind of benefit checks he’s getting?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m not sure on where to tell you to go.”

    Caller: “Why don’t you take the information? You’re the fraud department, aren’t you? His name is Johnny, the trailer park is at [address], and he’s getting money from the government that he shouldn’t! Just write that down and investigate it.”

    Me: “Do you have a surname for Johnny?”

    Caller: “Nope.”

    Me: *inwardly sighing* “Well, I’ll do my best to get this to the right people.”

    Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    (At this point, my coworker comes over as I’m staring at the notes from the call.)

    Coworker: “What was that all about?”

    Me: “I think I’ve found the fraud line equivalent of ‘I once read a book. It was blue.’”

    A Lack Of Branding Understanding

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

    Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

    Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

    Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

    Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

    Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]‘s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

    (At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

    Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

    Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

    (The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

    (Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

    Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

    (I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

    (She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

    Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

    They Won’t Stop For Muffin

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a cook working the breakfast shift. I notice two women sitting at the bar arguing with the waitress. We no longer serve bagels due to lack of sales and a high volume of losses, this being specified on the menu.)

    Customer #1: “So, do you guys serve like bagel sandwiches. You know like the ones at [Popular Chain Restaurant]?”

    Waitress: “I’m sorry, but those are not offered on the menu.”

    Customer #2: “But you can make it right?”

    Waitress: “Is it on the menu?”

    Customer #2: “No, but can you?”

    Waitress: “It’s not on the menu, so I”ll have to say no.”

    Customer #2: “You do make breakfast sandwiches though?”

    Waitress: “Well, that is on the menu so yes.”

    Customer #1: “Okay, so we’ll take the English muffin.”

    Waitress: “Okay.”

    Customer #1: “But I want to switch the ham for bacon.”

    Waitress: “We can do that.”

    Customer #1: “I’ll also want lettuce and tomato in it.”

    Customer #2: “At the same time we’d like to switch the English muffin for a bagel.”

    The Coupon Situation Is Fluid

    | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I overhear a woman complaining down the phone:)

    Woman: “I ATE AT [FAST FOOD PLACE] LAST NIGHT, AND I GOT SO SICK, I HAD DIARRHEA!”

    (There is a pause, with the other line presumably apologizing profusely.)

    Woman: “Can I get some coupons?”

    Driving You To Not Drink

    | Fort McMurray, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a dual restaurant; one dining room, two counters. One is a well known Canadian coffee shop; the other is a burger place. People love their coffee, so often don’t get a soft drink from my side.)

    Me: “Okay, you want a number nine with medium fries. Do you want a drink with that to make it a combo?”

    Customer: “No, my wife’s grabbing coffee from [Coffee Place].”

    (He pays, his wife grabs a table, and I go to wipe down some trays. My coworker hands off the food, but the customer just stands there staring at me.)

    Me: “Sorry, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, don’t I get a [Soda] or something?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Because literally less than two minutes ago you told me you didn’t want one.”

    Customer: “Well, I should get a drink for the price I paid!” *walks off*

    Next Customer: “Did he really get mad because you didn’t give him something be said he didn’t want?”

    Me: “Yup. You still wonder why people don’t like this job?”

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