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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Enough To Make You Go Postal

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (Like many other call centers, if a customer immediately wants to speak to a supervisor, we’re supposed to get as much information as possible and see if we can solve the problem ourselves, since the number of escalations is factored into performance reviews and bonuses. I overhear a coworker on a call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [Coworker]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

    Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, but first may I ask what the issue is and have your account number, so that my supervisor can better assist you?”

    Caller: “It’s [number], and I’m calling because I lost my user manual and requested a replacement, but I never received it! I want the person I talked to before fired!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. When did you request the replacement?”

    Caller: “Ten minutes ago!”

    (My coworker looks at the account and sees there was an order placed a few minutes before for a free physical copy of the manual to be sent out.)

    Coworker: “Oh, I do see the order here, but they must’ve misunderstood. You wanted it via email?”

    Caller: “No, regular mail.”

    Coworker: “… then it wouldn’t have arrived yet, ma’am. The order was placed, but it needs to ship out. You should have it within two business days, unless you want it sent via email instead.”

    Caller: “No, regular mail! Don’t argue with me! I’m not doing this for me! I’m doing it for you!”

    (This goes back and forth for a couple of minutes, but eventually she hangs up without speaking to a supervisor, though she still demands that the previous agent be fired.)

    Coworker: “I bet she’ll call back wanting ME to be fired for not teleporting her user manual to her.”

    Someone Will Scream For The Wrong Ice Cream

    | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A customer comes in, looking a little tired. I’m stacking shelves.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need some vanilla Häagen-Dazs. Where are your freezers?”

    Me: “They’re over here, but I’m afraid I think we’re out of Häagen-Dazs. We have our own brand vanilla.”

    (He gives me a look like he’s going to cry.)

    Customer: “I’m really sorry. It has to be Häagen-Dazs. It has to be vanilla.” *voice cracking* “Do you know where I could get some?”

    (I promised to go and check the store room as he genuinely looked like he was about to burst into tears and I thought maybe he wasn’t very well. Luckily, we had a couple left that hadn’t been brought out. I brought it back and handed it to him. He looks at it like it’s magical, breathes a huge sigh of relief, and heads to the check out. He picks up a mini chocolate cake on the way and I see him talk to my colleague behind the counter. After he’s gone, she comes over to me and hands me the cake.)

    Coworker: “That guy just said this is for you. He said he’s going home to his eight-month pregnant monster wife and because of you he’s not going to be murdered tonight.”

    Unhappy Customers Can Sour The Milk

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up to my cash register with a big carton of goat’s milk. He slams it down on my conveyor belt, looking angry and puffy.)

    Customer: “Do you know the person that milked these goats?”

    Me: *completely stunned* “Uh… no. I’m sorry, I don’t know who milked them. But I’m sure if you call the company that produces the milk and give them the batch number, they could put you in touch with the farmer, and HE OR SHE might know the person who operated the machine that milked the goats for that particular batch.”

    Customer: “Machine?! The goats are milked with machines?!”

    Me: “Probably… that IS how they do it most of the time. But I don’t know for sure. Like I said, if you contact the company they’ll be able to give you more information.”

    Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A STORE TO KNOW WHO HANDLES THE FOOD YOU SELL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s really nothing more I can do to help you, aside from suggesting you call the company. If I may, why do you want to know who milks the goats?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW IF THEY’RE KEEPING THE GOATS HAPPY. IF A GOAT IS UNHAPPY WHILE IT’S BEING MILKED, THEN THE MILK WILL BE SOUR. IT’S TRUE! I SAW IT ON A TV PROGRAM!”

    (He then paid for his milk and left with it anyway, while I tried very hard not to burst out laughing.)

    All Manner Of Meat With No Manners

    | CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer approaches the deli just as I’m about to shut down the department to clean it. She takes a number and spends the next few minutes looking over the meat selections.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, yes… I would like half a pound of pastrami, please.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I slice her order and hand it to her. She thanks me and looks at the package. Just as she’s about to turn to leave, she looks at the package.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! But this isn’t what I f****** ordered you stupid piece of s***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you asked for pastrami and that’s what I cut for you.”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Well, that’s not what this is!” *points at the glass case*

    Me: “Are you pointing at the pastrami?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am, you dumb a**hole! You should be able to f***** see that!”

    Me: “Actually, I can’t. One moment.”

    (I walk around the counter to where she’s standing.)

    Customer: “See, this is what I want.”

    Me: *sigh* “Ma’am, that’s not pastrami you’re pointing at. It’s salami. It clearly says it on the wrapping and on the sign under the product.”

    Customer: “I know that, you f****** idiot!”

    Me: “If you know that, then why did you ask for pastrami? They’re not even close to being the same product. In fact they’re in different color wrapping.”

    Customer: “Hey, stop being an a**hole and give me what I want! You’re making this more difficult than it has to be and you’re wasting my time!”

    Me: “Sure, hold on. Please be advised that you are the one that placed the wrong order which is prolonging your stay here.”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Hurry up and finish my order!”

    (I quickly slice her order as the deli is now closed and I want to go home.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Was that so f***** hard?”

    Me: “Yes, it was about as hard as reading a sign that says salami and confusing it with pastrami.”

    Russian Into Things

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (One evening a very obviously young teenager (15 or 16) comes in and tries to buy a pornographic magazine. After I inform him I can’t sell to him without seeing an ID he sticks around and starts chatting me up. I am a very tall woman in my mid-twenties while he was very short and petite.)

    Kid: “You know, the main reason I wanted to buy a magazine is because I’ve been deprived of the company of women for most of my life. You see…” *he leans up against the counter, looks around the room and says in a stage whisper* “…I was trained from birth in a Russian compound to be a deadly assassin.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Go on…”

    Kid: “I’m the best there is at the trade. I became the youngest secret KGB agent.”

    Me: “The KGB actually hasn’t existed for several years now.”

    Kid: *nodding gravely* “That’s because I took them all out when I went rogue. Since then I’ve been freelancing. But now that I have more money than I know what to do with, I’ve been thinking about getting out of the game. You know, finding a beautiful woman and settling down in my French chateau. What do you say? Want me to take you away from all this?”

    Me: *having serious trouble keeping a straight face* “That’s very sweet. But aren’t I a little too old for you? Not to mention I’m nearly two feet taller.”

    Kid: “That’s okay. That’s the way we like ‘em in Russia!”

    Me: “Kid, you are one cocky little s***. If you weren’t underage I’d buy you a drink.”

    Kid: “Well, if you come with me we can go to a country where the legal drinking age is much lower. You know, in Russia I’ve already reached the age of consent. If you get my drift…”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

    Kid: *sigh* “Oh well it, was worth a try. Do svidaniya!”


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