• Retract The Tract
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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    An Ounce Of Principles

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work in a very popular coffee chain. We allow people to bring in company mugs and charge accordingly to how many ounces of liquid the cups hold.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am, that’ll be $2.37.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. I pay $1.50 for this.”

    Me: “That is a 24 oz cup, correct?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you can see on the display screen I have hit personal cup 24 oz?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you can see that it’s ringing in $2.37 after tax?”

    Customer: “Listen here, you snide little b*****, I don’t need you standing here calling me stupid. I can read and I see what you did but you’re just trying to rob me! I pay $1.50 every f****** day for this cup and that’s what I’m going to pay.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t sell you our product for that price so you have two options: either hand me the amount you’ve been rightfully charged or have a good night.”

    Customer: “You are a c*** and I’m going to corporate with this! Get me the number for your corporate office!”

    (I get her the number and she leaves screaming.)

    Customer: “I’ll have your job and your stupid face won’t ever work anywhere in this town again! I always pay $1.50! It’s the principle not the price! I’m the customer!”

    (She did call corporate but they sided with me and the next time I saw her she had no problem paying the proper amount.)

    Got To Give Him Credit For Persistence

    , | Beltsville, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work for an online retail store. Our website charges customer’s credit cards automatically when they place their order, and we often have to handle refunds for a variety of reasons. One customer decides we are taking too long to ship his order and demands we refund his card.)

    Customer: “I’ve been asking for a refund for weeks and you promised me it was done last Friday!”

    Me: “Sir, you cancelled your order last Thursday and the refund was put through on Friday.”

    Customer: “I don’t see anything on my credit card yet!”

    Me: “Sir, this is Monday. Transactions can take five to seven business days to process by the card issuer. I can provide you with the transaction ID number and you can talk to them, but as far as we’re concerned the refund is complete.”

    (Customer is given the information and rudely hangs up. About one hour later, he calls back, even more furious.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You lied to me!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You gave me a bogus number! My credit card company says that number is useless and they haven’t seen anything. You’re probably scammers and I’m going to report you to the BBB!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you the transaction was put through. Please just give it five to seven—”

    Customer *interrupting* “That’s bull****! I asked them and they assured me that all transactions were immediate! I’m going to file a chargeback against you and report you!”

    Me: “I’m not sure who told you that, sir, but that is how long it can take. If you wish to file a chargeback you are free to do so, but understand that this may lock the funds up even longer while they investigate your claim.”

    (Customer curses us out and hangs up. About 30 minutes later, he calls back, calmer but with an attitude.)

    Customer: “I want you to stay on the line. I’m putting this through on a three-way with my bank.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. I’ll stay on the line with you.”

    Bank Teller: “This is [Major Credit Card]. How can I help you?”

    (Customer proceeds to go on a rant about how we took his money and how he wants to take legal action to regain the funds.)

    Bank Teller: “Okay, so you want to check on a chargeback claim. What is the case number?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a case number yet. I just want them to refund their money?”

    Me: *to Bank Teller* “Ma’am, we have already performed the refund. I see the transaction in our processing statements and have an ID number.”

    Bank Teller: “Wait, so this is a credit card refund?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Bank Teller: *to Customer* “Sir, if they’ve already refunded the card, you should see the transaction in five to seven business days.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! That’s not what they told me when I last called in! That’s bull-s***!”

    Bank Teller: *sternly to Customer* “Sir, please do not use foul language. That is how long it takes to process the refund on our end.”

    Customer: *much quieter* *sighs* “I see.”

    Bank Teller: *in a serious voice* “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Thank you.”

    Customer: *quietly* “No.”

    (Bank Teller hangs up.)

    Me: “Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: *unhappy but quiet* “No. I guess I’ll wait.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. You have a nice day.”

    (Customer hung up without a word.)

    A Far From Tireless Exercise

    | Whitehorse, YK, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A man comes up to the service counter and wants a quote on some tires.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could tell me if you have any sales on all-season tires for my car?”

    Me: ‘We always have tires on sale; do you know what size of tire you are looking for?” *I grab a piece of paper so I can write down the size*

    Customer: “Yeah, they are either 215 or 205, uh… 65 or 60… or could be 70, and either 16 or 15 inch.”

    Me: “Wow… that’s gonna take me quite a while to look up.”

    Customer: “Why’s that?”

    Me: ‘Well, you gave me 12 different tire sizes.”

    Never Too Late To Ask For A Discount

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a small sporting goods store where we allow customers to demo certain products before purchase. They sign a form agreeing to bring them back within a week or be subject to late fees. This customer slipped through the cracks and was 4 weeks late. I decided to call and give him one day to return our products before we charged him.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! My name is [My Name]. I’m calling from [Company]. I’m calling about a couple of demos you have out from us.”

    Customer: “Hmm? Oh, yes! I do have those!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. You are actually four weeks late on returning them. I wanted to remind you that our store policy is to charge your card for late returns, but if you can get them back to me by the end of tomorrow, I won’t charge you for it.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok. I was actually going to buy one of them.” *he proceeds to tell me which one* “How much does it cost?”

    Me: “The price on that one is $189.00.”

    Customer: “Oh, wow. And can I have a discount on that?”

    Canadian Hair-itage

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Canada, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am getting my eyebrows threaded; while in the chair, I hear this exchange between an employee and another customer.)

    Customer: “How much to thread [facial area I didn’t see]?”

    Employee: “Ten dollars.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have that much hair there, can I get a discount?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s a flat rate; it’s ten dollars no matter how much hair you have.”

    Customer: “But I’m Canadian.”

    Employee: “…”

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