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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

    Obama-Careless

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money, Politics, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

    Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

    Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

    Pen-ding Emergency

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

    Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

    Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

    Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

    Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

    Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

    Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

    Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*

    The End Is Nigh-Phone

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Technology

    (An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

    Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

    Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

    Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

    Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

    Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

    Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

    Me: “Um, okay, well—”

    Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

    Not Impressed With Man Meat

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

    Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

    Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

    Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

    Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

    Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

    (The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

    Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

    (Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

    Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

    Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

    Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

    Me: “Why would you assume that?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE YOU’RE A MAN!”

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