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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    FYI Your ETA Is TBA, So TTYL

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

    (I am dealing with a pushy customer; he’s submitted a trouble ticket but called in less than two minutes asking for an update.)

    Me: “Sir, I am unable to give an ETA at this time. I am still looking into this issue.”

    Customer: “So, you cannot give me an ETA?”

    Me: “No, I am unable to give an ETA at this time.”

    Customer: “When can I get an ETA?”

    Me: “Sir, are you asking for an ETA on the ETA?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “I will let you know when there are any further updates…”

    Time To Start Screening The Tourists

    | Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Tourists/Travel

    (Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

    Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

    Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

    Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

    Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

    Me: “…A paint store?”

    Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

    Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

    Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

    Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

    Demanding To A Fault

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Crazy Requests

    (This happens two days after New Zealand suffered a major earthquake. Most of the central city is a Red Zone with people still trapped in buildings; there is absolutely no access allowed. There are a lot of phone lines out due to breakages, and our technicians are working heaps of extra hours. Everyone is under huge stress.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Company] Faults Service. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My phone isn’t working. I need a technician.”

    Me: “Right, I’m sure I can help you with that. Firstly, where are you?”

    Caller: “I’m in Christchurch.”

    Me: “Okay. We’ve had considerable disruption of our Christchurch services due to the earthquake. Our technicians are not available for callouts at the moment, unfortunately. I can give you an idea of when the service might be restored, though.”

    Caller: “I live at [address in the middle of the Red Zone]. I need you to get a technician to come out now.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t do that. That address is in the Red Zone, and we aren’t allowed access.”

    Caller: “But I was allowed in. You should be too. I need my phone to work!”

    Me: “Well, you’re a resident, ma’am. You have special dispensation to go into the Red Zone.

    Caller: “But I need my phone to work! I need it for my business! Get a technician out, now!”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, ma’am. We can’t access your address, and our technicians are flat-tack busy at the moment trying to restore services.”

    Caller: “This is terrible service! I should have gone with [other company]! They guarantee a technician within an hour!”

    Me: “Ah, so do we, ma’am. But this is extreme circumstances, and—”

    Caller: “Don’t you give me excuses! I want a technician, NOW!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, that’s simply not possible. We will restore service as soon as we can, but right now we can’t send out a technician to help you.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ll be calling back again when I get back from Auckland! Maybe I’ll get better service then!”

    Me: “…Auckland?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m going to go stay with my relatives. Don’t you know there’s been an earthquake?!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

    Guest: “Excuse me?”

    Ride Operator: “Yes, sir?”

    Guest: “Where’s the VIP line of this ride?”

    Ride Operator: *confused* “VIP line for what, sir?”

    Guest: “For us, the Americans. Where’s the VIP line for the Americans?”

    Ride Operator: “We don’t have a VIP line sir for Americans… or anyone.”

    Guest: *huffs* “Well, you should!”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    And You Wonder Why We Have Canned Responses

    | Hazleton, PA, USA | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hey, you! Where is your canned corn?”

    (Note that customer has just walked into my aisle from another aisle where all the canned vegetables are.)

    Me: “All canned vegetables are in aisle 4. Did you happen to look there on your way here?”

    Customer: “Are you an idiot? That’s your job to look, not mine. And you didn’t even look for them. How do you know they are where you say?”

    Me: “I assure you, I’ve worked here for quite some time and that is where they are located. If you would go back down to aisle 4 and look on the left hand side, about a quarter the way down you will find the corn.”

    Customer: “NO! You will go and look for me. Where do they find you people? It’s YOUR job to go look and not MINE. That’s what you losers are hired for.”

    Me: “Yes, I’ll be right back.”

    (I walk out of my aisle, go to the aisle with the canned vegetables to double check, and return to the customer.)

    Customer: “Well?”

    Me: “As I stated, they are in aisle 4.”

    Customer: “But now you KNOW they are there because you LOOKED!”

    Me: *trying to maintain composure* “Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “F*** you, retard!”


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