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  • Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Close, But No Cigar

    | Reno, NV, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    (I work at the front counter of a chain store, and am responsible for all tobacco sales during my shift. A customer comes up to the counter and waves a $20 bill at me.)

    Customer: “[Brand].”

    Me: “Sure. What kind?”

    Customer: “[Brand]!”

    Me: “Sir, I have a lot of different kinds of [Brand]. Which one do you want?”

    Customer: *getting annoyed* “[Brand]!”

    Me: “Short or long?”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “[Brand]!”

    (I point at the cigarettes at the top left corner and slowly slide my finger along the 12-foot display. I repeat this for every shelf until the customer finally speaks.)

    Customer: *excitedly* “Finally! [Brand]!”

    (I ring up his cigarettes and the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “Does he even speak English?”

    Me: “He did yesterday!”

    A New Form Of Reverse Psychology

    , | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru and we were about to close. I see a car full of high-schoolers pull up to the window and the whole car is backwards. I go see what’s going on.)

    Customer: “I bet you haven’t seen a car drive backwards through your drive thru before!”

    Me: “No, sure haven’t!”

    Customer: “So this means we get free food then right? For being original?”

    Me: “Um, no. Nice try.”

    Customer: “Okay. Had to try.” *drives off in reverse*

    South Of The Border Of Unreason

    | Tijuana, Mexico | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a company that works on providing phone-based tech support to other US-based telephone companies.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Oh, hello. My name is [Name]. I have a box from [Provider] that I want removed from my lawn. It’s been sitting there for two days.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you should have picked it up, since once the equipment arrives to your home it becomes your responsibility, and you must ship it back.”

    Caller: “You don’t understand. I want you to send somebody from [Provider] to pick up that box for me.”

    Me: “Sir, I can send you over someone to pick it up, but that’s going to cost you $75 USD.”

    Caller: “No. I want it picked up for free. I don’t want that box.”

    Me: “Then you must pick it up yourself and send it back to [Provider] via UPS or postal service, or drop it off with a sales representative at a [Provider] store.”

    Caller: “I don’t want to do it. I want you to pick it up for me and take it away. For free. Don’t you understand? Am I calling to India or something like that?”

    Me: “You are speaking to Tijuana, Mexico, and I do understand you, sir. However, we cannot send anyone to pick up the box, since it’s your responsibility to do so.”

    Caller: “You must speak Spanish. Bring someone over to the phone who can understand English.”

    Me: “I do understand you, sir. But that doesn’t change that you must still bring that box yourself or you will be charged for not returning the equipment.”

    Caller: “No, you are speaking Spanish. Bring me someone who can speak English.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re speaking in English.”

    Caller: “I doubt it.”

    Me: “Well, believe it. We’re speaking in English.”

    Caller: “I refuse to speak with you. Bring me someone who can speak English. Bring me your f****** supervisor.”

    (My supervisor in this moment was away on a meeting, and the only supervisor available that day was already taking a call.)

    Me: “Sir, my supervisor will tell you the same.”

    Caller: “Then f****** bring me your supervisor’s boss.”

    Me: “Even if I take it to God himself, he’ll still tell you that you must grab that box and ship it back via postal service. And this is your first warning, sir. If you keep talking that way, I will be forced to terminate this call.”

    Caller: “Bring me your f****** supervisor. I refuse to speak with you, f****** wetback.”

    (Our company has a policy of reserving the right to withdraw from this kind of calls if the customer comes up with these kinds of tantrums.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider tech support]. We apologize that your problem will go unresolved. Do not bother calling back. Have a nice day.” *click*

    (When I later check the records, I found out that this customer had already called four times for the same reason!)

    The Return: Uncut

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m getting my hair trimmed. Beside me is a four-year old boy, who’s just finishing his own haircut.)

    Boy: *scowling* “I don’t like my new haircut! Return it!”

    Mother: “… Return it?”

    Boy: “Yeah! You said that if I didn’t like my new haircut, that they could change it. Like when we changed my red shirt at [Clothing Store] for the green shirt! I want it back the way it was! Return it!”

    (Luckily my haircut was finished. I left while the mother was trying to explain to the increasingly unhappy little boy the difference between an exchange and a change, and why they couldn’t return his haircut.)

    Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The lingerie company I work for has a very large sale twice a year, and it is always quite popular. We mark down prices on much of our merchandise again as the sale goes on, to move old stock. We do offer price adjustments on sale items that have been discounted again. The customer in question here is a notorious returner.)

    Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. How was your experience with us?”

    Customer: “Whatever. I need to do a price adjustment.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have all your receipts?”

    (The customer hands me at least 20 different receipts.)

    Me: “Oh…wow. There’s a lot of receipts here. Which items did you want price adjustments on?”

    Customer: “All of them.”

    Me: *whimpers* “Um… okay. Just so you know, this will take a few moments.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up.”

    (I look at the first receipt and notice that all the items on it were purchased at full price outside of our 90-day return policy, before the sale even started.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but this receipt is from almost five months ago. We only have a 90-day return policy, so there’s nothing I can do with this receipt.”

    Customer: “But the items on there cost less now. I want the sale price!”

    Me: “Yes, and if you had purchased these items within the last 90 days, I’d be happy to do the adjustment. But as you can see, you bought them several months ago, and the system won’t process it.”

    Customer: “Well, what about the other receipts?”

    (I go through the receipts and note that only four of them have dates within the 90 day policy, so I hand the stack back to the customer.)

    Me: “All right, so it looks like only these four have dates within the return policy, but I’ll be more than happy to scan these through and give you your discount.”

    (The customer huffs, but says nothing. After scanning all four receipts and rescanning every single item on them, I tell the customer her refund amount.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it looks like you’re going to be getting back $1.50 for all of these.”

    Customer: “What? That’s impossible! Everything on there has dropped in price again!”

    Me: “Actually, that’s not true. The bras you purchased were $15.99, and that is still their price today. The only thing you’re saving any money on is this perfume, and that’s only $1.50.”

    (I process the transaction and put the $1.50 on her credit card. I assume the transaction is done, until she hands me the out of date stack again.)

    Customer: “Now do these. I’ll get more back on these.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve already explained, these receipts are just too old to do a price adjustment on. I’m sorry, but my system won’t process it.”

    Customer: “No! You will give me my money back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said, I’m terribly sorry, but my register will just deny the transaction. There is literally nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll just go to [other store location] and get them to do it!”

    (The customer leaves in a huff. I call the other store to let them know she’s coming. They don’t process her return either.)

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