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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Recaf My Decaf

    | Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Me: “Thanks for calling [pizza delivery]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to speak to your manager on duty.”

    Me: “That would be me. What can I do for you?”

    Caller: “I had placed an order with you earlier, and got [caffeinated soft drink] and [non-caffeinated soft drink]. I opened [non-caffeinated soft drink] and it tasted funny and raised my blood pressure. You must have tampered with it and added caffeine. I’d like a replacement.”

    Me: “I can assure you that your drink wasn’t tampered with. It’s in sealed bottle from the manufacturer. But, what would you like instead?”

    Caller: “I’d like another drink.”

    (I list the four drinks we carry, three of which have caffeine.)

    Caller: “I’d like a [another caffeinated soft drink].”

    Me: “So, you’re going to replace [non-caffeinated soft drink] that was supposedly tampered with and had caffeine added for a drink that is guaranteed to have caffeine?”

    Caller: “You got it!”

    Me: *sighs* “It’ll be the in about thirty minutes, sir. Have a nice day…”

    Pet Yourself In My Shoes

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Top

    (A regular customer has come into our pet shop with her pet hamster in a carry box. Apparently, she is on his way to put her hamster to sleep as he is very ill. She has dropped in to buy him a last treat for the journey. As she makes her way to me to pay, another customer stops her to look in the box. This other customer is a woman in her thirties with a baby in a stroller.)

    Customer: “Oh, you have a hamster. How cute! Can I pet it?”

    Regular: “Um, I’m sorry, but he’s not well. I’d rather not take him out.”

    Customer: “What’s wrong with him? Surely a wee pat isn’t going to hurt him?”

    Regular: “He has a tumor in his tummy, and it’s started to cause him discomfort. We’re on our way to the vet.”

    Customer: “Aww, the poor thing! Please let me show my friend. She’s in the shop and she loves hamsters!”

    (Suddenly, the customer tries to take the carry box from my regular, alarming her. I quickly make my way over to them.)

    Regular: “Excuse me, but this is my hamster! He’s old and sore, and I’m taking him to be put to sleep. The last thing he needs is for a stranger to manhandle him!”

    Customer: “If you’re going to have him killed anyway, you should let my friend see him first! She loves hamsters!”

    (At this heartless statement, my regular begins to cry. I decide to take a risk and teach the woman a lesson. I take hold of the customer’s stroller handles.)

    Me: *to the customer* “My coworker just LOVES babies. Can I take yours away to see her?”

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Leave that alone! What gives you the right?!”

    Me: “But I want my co-worker to see your baby.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! That’s my child, and you’ve no right to touch my buggy. I don’t even know you! Why don’t—”

    (Suddenly, a wave of realisation hits the customer and she stops mid-sentence. She then swears at me, takes the stroller back and storms off, all the while refusing eye-contact with my regular, who is still crying. I had to get my manager to tell her what happened. Although I technically had to be written up, my manager was sympathetic and the poor regular got the treats for free.)

    Melteasers

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

    Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

    (I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

    (She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

    Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

    Customer: “I want those ones!”

    (The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

    Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

    Me: “Uh, okay.”

    (I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

    Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

    Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

    Customer: “One of those!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

    Me: “That’s $5.50.”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!”

    The Customers We Dill With

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes in the door and heads straight over to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you all sell pickles?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry… do we sell what?”

    Customer: “Pickles.”

    Me: “Uh… no, we do not.”

    Customer: “Darn. I coulda sworn you guys used to sell them here. Ah, well. Where are your blank cassette tapes?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t sell those, either.”

    Customer: “Really? Well, what about batteries?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Greeting cards?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a video rental store.”

    Customer: “…So?”

    Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

    | Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

    Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

    Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, so plain?”

    Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

    Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

    Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

    Me: “No problem, sir.”

    Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

    Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

    Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

    Me:  ”Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

    Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

    (Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

    Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”


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