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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    The Weather Outside Is Frightful And The Customer Is Not Delightful

    | Lincoln, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work as a telephonist and talk to huge volumes of customers each day. This particular day there has been a power cut which has knocked out the computer booking system and most of the traffic lights in town. To make things worse, the Christmas market in town is causing total gridlock. I receive a call from an angry caller.)

    Caller: “I want to know where my taxi is. It was supposed to be here five minutes ago. This is totally unacceptable.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry about the delay, madam. As you may know, there has been a power cut. Our driver has been stuck at an intersection. The traffic lights are down and the main flow of traffic isn’t letting the cross-flow through. This has caused a delay.”

    Caller: “Why the h*** didn’t you compensate for this and dispatch it earlier?”

    Me: “Once again, Madam, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to predict a power cut. Your car will be there within five minutes.”

    Caller: “Well, that doesn’t help me. I’ll ask again. Why did you not take this into consideration and dispatch the car earlier?”

    Me: “With all due respect, madam, I could ask you why you didn’t book it earlier if you knew there was going to be a power outage?”

    Caller: “How the h*** was I supposed to know there would be a power cut?”

    Me: “So you agree that these situations are unforeseen?”

    Caller: “I don’t want excuses. I want my taxi. You should have prepared for this and dispatched it earlier. I want your name so I can complain about your attitude.”

    Me: “Absolutely, madam. My name is [Name].”

    Caller: “And who is your manager?”

    Me: “That would be me. I can take your complaint about me now, if you’d like.”

    (The caller hangs up. The driver arrives three minutes later and waits outside of her house for five minutes. He calls her phone and even knocks on the door but the customer doesn’t answer. Ten minutes later the caller rings back.)

    Caller: “Where the h*** is my god-d*** taxi?!”

    Me: “The taxi called for you, madam. Did you not receive a phone call?”

    Caller: “Yes. What the h*** has that got to do with anything?”

    Me: “That was our driver, letting you know he was outside. Did you hear a knock at the door?”

    Caller: “Yes, but I didn’t answer because I was getting ready. Where the h*** is my cab?”

    Me: “He has been given another job now, madam. He waited outside for five minutes, called, and knocked. In addition, I told you personally that he would be there within five minutes. Yet you were still getting ready when it arrived.”

    Caller: “Well, you’d better get another f****** taxi here right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam. Due to the high volume of bookings, the power cut, and the Christmas market, our next available booking slot is in two hours.”

    Caller: *deafening stream of abuse*

    Me: “Have a nice evening and Merry Christmas, madam!” *click*

    Trying To Put Her Stamp On Christmas

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is close to Christmas. We sell postage stamps, but as we are not a post office we only sell them in books.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’ve got these Christmas cards to post. I need fourteen stamps, please.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I have books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class.”

    Customer: “14 second-class then, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We only sell second-class stamps in books of 12.”

    Customer: “Yes. I need 14 stamps, please.”

    Me: “Okay. So, 2 books of second-class stamps will be [amount].”

    Customer: “What! That seems a lot of money for 14 stamps.”

    Me: “No, madam. That is for 24 stamps. We only sell them in books of 12.”

    Customer: “But I only want 14!”

    Me: “We are not a post-office, madam. We only sell stamps in books of 6 first-class or 12 second-class. In order to get 14 stamps you will have to buy two books. Will you not be able to use the rest at a later date? If it’s a real problem there is a post office just around the corner which will be open in the morning.”

    Customer: “No. I need 14 stamps”.

    (This goes on for some time. She eventually twigs, and buys one book of 12 stamps. We saw her talking to a colleague of ours outside. It turns out she was setting off to walk three miles to drop off the other two cards so she didn’t need the postage! This was about three weeks before Christmas. Goodness knows why she couldn’t wait for the post office to open.)

    Milking The Holidays For All Their Worth

    | Kent, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: *looking at store times* “So you’re closed Christmas Day and Boxing Day?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “So your manager thinks it’s acceptable for you to close Christmas Day and Boxing Day? One day just isn’t enough for you greedy swines? What if I, say, need some milk?”

    Me: “Don’t worry. I will leave my family and come serve you your milk.”

    Customer: “So you should.”

    Wish They Would Make Like A Tree And Leave

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer and his wife approach the service counter.)

    Customer: “Hey. Can you get someone out to the Christmas trees? We want one cut.”

    Me: “Sure! There actually should be someone out there, but he may have stepped inside or something. I’ll call him right up for you.”

    Customer: “Well, he’s not out there!”

    Me: “Okay. No problem. But I know they’re still closed out there. Do you want to go ahead and buy a tree, so you don’t have to come back in and buy it?”

    Customer: “No! I just want a tree!”

    Customer’s Wife: “Yes. Maybe about six feet.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Customer: “No. Just get someone out there to cut trees.”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (As I call the manager who’s supposed to be cutting the trees, the customer walks away in a huff.)

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Great customer service!”

    (I talk to the manager on the phone and note that the customer’s wife is still there.)

    Customer’s Wife: *to my coworker* “Can you call me a manager?”

    Coworker: “Oh, of course.”

    Customer’s Wife: “And YOU! That was very rude! I’ve worked years of retail, and I’ll have you know that rolling your eyes at a customer and back-talking is not acceptable!”

    (I am stunned, but I know better than to argue with her.)

    Me: “Apologies, then. I hadn’t realized I’d done either.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Well, you’ve been very rude! This is not the attitude of someone working in retail!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I meant no offence.”

    (At this point, the manager arrives.)

    Manager: “Hello. What’s the problem?”

    Customer’s Wife: “I have a complaint about this little girl!”

    Manager: *incredulously* “[My Name]?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Yes. She rolled her eyes at me! And said ‘yes, sir’ to my husband! And was just very flippant!”

    Manager: “Well, ma’am, I shall certainly do something to correct the problem. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Thank you!”

    (The customer’s wife walks away in a huff. The manager shakes her head. The manager turns to me, and I explain what happened. My manager turns to my coworker for verification.)

    Manager: “Was she rude or something?”

    Coworker: “No! She was very nice and polite, as always.”

    Manager: *to me* “Normally, if this was anyone else, I’d say something, but I can’t really get onto you for saying ‘sir.’ Maybe next time she comes in, we should be like, ‘b****, there’s your tree!’”

    Wouldn’t Know Fun If She Drove Into It

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (We are having an annual Christmas parade. It blocks a lot of traffic for about an hour. A driver pulls up to me.)

    Driver: “Excuse me. I need to drive through here. I need to get out to go do some business.”

    Me: “Sorry. The parade is going on right now. You can go the other direction but it’s not safe for you to go this way.”

    Driver: “I have a business to run. This is a business street. If you guys want to have fun you need to go find a fun street and not have fun on our business street!”

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