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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    A Credit Score As Strong As Jell-o

    | Littleton, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a call center selling TVs. All customers have to have a credit check performed to see what they’re eligible for as far as equipment. One caller has terrible credit, so the price is higher. I leave her my office number if she changes her mind. She calls me back.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I be of assistance?”

    Caller: “Hi. I called yesterday and the price was stupid high. I finally got the letter in the mail telling me about all the free upgrades and s***. I want the better price now.”

    Me: “That sounds great! Can I ask, did they run your credit score yesterday?”

    Caller: “Nuh uh.”

    Me: “Not a problem. So I can land you the best offer, let’s knock that out real fast.”

    Caller: “I already gave all this information! Why the h*** do I have to give it again?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I thought you hadn’t run a credit check prior to our conversation.”

    Caller: “Yes, I have! I just told you that! OPEN YOUR EARS!”

    Me: “My mistake. When was the score checked?”

    (I know when it was checked: yesterday, by me.)

    Caller: “Jesus F****** Christ! I want a manager on the phone!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a manager will tell you the same thing. I’m only trying to make sure we get you the best possible deal.”

    Caller: “Fine…” *provides information*

    Me: “Based on what you told me, this will be your price.”

    (It’s something high because her credit is awful.)

    Caller: “That’s the same price as yesterday! This is false advertisement! I’m going to sue!”

    Me: “Ma’am, on the bottom left of your advertisement, you’ll see that all prices are based off a credit score.”

    Caller: “That doesn’t matter! The flyer says I get a free upgrade and a better DVR!”

    Me: “Upgraded from what exactly, ma’am?”

    Caller: “From what you’re giving me today! That’s why I called! Now give me the f****** deal!”

    (Dumbfounded, I figure I might as well argue insanity with insanity.)

    Me: “I’m a big fan of green jello.”

    Caller: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I WANT A MANAGER!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Please hold.”

    (I explain everything to our team lead and he gets on the phone.)

    Team Lead: “Hi, ma’am. This is [Name]. How can I be of service?”

    Caller: “You need to get your people in order. They don’t know s***!”

    Team Lead: “Ma’am, are you saying you dislike green jello? Because we just won’t tolerate that.”

    Caller: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT!?”

    Team Lead: “An advertisement in the mail doesn’t change your credit score. That’s what my team member was telling you but you continued to act like a child. Do not call our department again unless you’re willing to be more polite to my team.”

    Caller: “Y’all are trying to play me! I’m getting my momma. She’ll straighten you out!”

    Team Lead: “I bet, considering the great job she did with you.”

    Doesn’t Know Their Rights

    | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

    Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

    Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

    Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

    (We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

    Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

    Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

    Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

    (I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

    Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!’”

    Almost About To Lose It

    | Maple Grove, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I have just been assigned a new hire to shadow me on the registers when a customer with two heaping carts walks up to my register. I give her a friendly greeting, but she ignores me and starts piling her things (mostly $2-$3 clearance children’s clothes) on the counter. After I finish scanning the entire pile, she begins to scrutinize the screen which shows her the items she’s buying, including the prices and total.)

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “$150, ma’am.”

    Customer: “That’s too much. Start over.”

    (By this point, I had already spent more than ten minutes scanning her items.)

    Me: *surprised* “Start over? I could just take off what you don’t want instead.”

    Customer: “No. Scan it again. Start over.”

    (The customer then starts digging through the pile, alternately throwing things at me, on the floor, and in several disorganized heaps on the counter. I void out the first transaction and reach for one of the piles to begin scanning again, but she slaps my hand away. After a while, she shoves a few shirts into my face, and then grabs them away when I move to scan them. Eventually, after another fifteen minutes, I have a pile of scanned items that she seems to approve of.)

    Customer: “Here, I don’t want these either.”

    (She throws still more items from the bottom of her cart at me. At this point, my bin for rejected items has long since overflowed, and the pile beside it is threatening to tumble over. Finally satisfied, the customer presents a coupon that doesn’t start until the next day.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That coupon starts tomorrow, and I’m not allowed to accept it early. If you like, you could bring your receipt in tomorrow to get it adjusted.”

    Customer: “Don’t bother. Just hold it until tomorrow for me.” *begins to walk away*

    Me: *calling after her* “Ma’am! I’ll need your name to put it on hold!”

    Customer: *storming back* “FINE! It’s [Name]! You’d better not lose all that! I spent a lot of time finding it all!”

    Me: “Of course not, ma’am. It will be waiting for you at customer service. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Whatever.” *marches out the door*

    Me: *to new hire* “I think I need to take my break now. I’ll have you shadow [other cashier] until I get back.”

    New Hire: “Does that happen a lot here?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, far more than it should.”

    Not On Par With An Emergency

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

    Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

    Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

    Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

    Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

    Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

    Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

    Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

    Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

    Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

    (This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

    Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

    Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

    (I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

    Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

    Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

    Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

    Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

    Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

    Off-Color Customers

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes up to me with several bathmats. I am the only staff member in a large store; my coworker is at lunch.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “I need to know which of these you think will suit my bathroom.”

    Me: “I have no idea what your bathroom looks like.”

    Customer #1: “Well, it has…” *mutters off strange colour combination I don’t quite understand* “…and black on the floor. Which one suits my bathroom?”

    (This goes back and forth for several minutes. Finally I have had enough.)

    Me: *pointing to one* “That one will suit.”

    Customer #1: “Are you sure? I need one for toilet, one for wash hands and one for…” *struggles to find word*

    Me: “Bathtub?”

    (I go and get him another set, but he is upset that there will be two contour mats for the toilet.)

    Me: “You will need to wash that one more often, so two would be good.”

    Customer #1: “I look for more. You come.”

    Me: “No, you look. I am the only one in the store at the moment and there is another customer waiting.”

    (I turn to the other customer, vainly hoping for an easy sale.)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “I need jersey fabric. Can you show me where it is?”

    Me: “Okay. I can show you quickly. I do need to back to the counter as I am the only one on the floor right now.”

    (I take her to the jersey fabrics and point them out to her.)

    Customer #2: “I need five colours.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll just leave you to choose them. Bring them to the counter when you are ready.”

    Customer #2: “I need your help choosing them.”

    Me: “Sorry. I really need to be back at the counter, as I’ve already explained.”

    Customer #2: “How long until someone comes back and you can do it?”

    Me: “20 minutes.”

    Customer #2: “I’ll come back.”

    (I go back to the counter to find that Customer #1 is back there.)

    Customer #1: *with other bathmats* “Will these suit my bathroom?”

    (I eventually sell Customer #1 the two sets of mats in the colour I chose. After 20 minutes, my coworker has come back and Customer #2 comes back in.)

    Customer #2: *haughtily* “Can you serve me now?”

    Me: “Yes, I can. Sorry about before. That customer was really doing my head in. Do you need help finding colours?”

    Customer #2: “No. I know exactly what colours I need.”

    (All Customer #2 wanted me for was to hold up fabric while she ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhed’ over the colour, as well as carry the very light rolls to the counter!)

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