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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The lingerie company I work for has a very large sale twice a year, and it is always quite popular. We mark down prices on much of our merchandise again as the sale goes on, to move old stock. We do offer price adjustments on sale items that have been discounted again. The customer in question here is a notorious returner.)

    Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. How was your experience with us?”

    Customer: “Whatever. I need to do a price adjustment.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have all your receipts?”

    (The customer hands me at least 20 different receipts.)

    Me: “Oh…wow. There’s a lot of receipts here. Which items did you want price adjustments on?”

    Customer: “All of them.”

    Me: *whimpers* “Um… okay. Just so you know, this will take a few moments.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up.”

    (I look at the first receipt and notice that all the items on it were purchased at full price outside of our 90-day return policy, before the sale even started.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but this receipt is from almost five months ago. We only have a 90-day return policy, so there’s nothing I can do with this receipt.”

    Customer: “But the items on there cost less now. I want the sale price!”

    Me: “Yes, and if you had purchased these items within the last 90 days, I’d be happy to do the adjustment. But as you can see, you bought them several months ago, and the system won’t process it.”

    Customer: “Well, what about the other receipts?”

    (I go through the receipts and note that only four of them have dates within the 90 day policy, so I hand the stack back to the customer.)

    Me: “All right, so it looks like only these four have dates within the return policy, but I’ll be more than happy to scan these through and give you your discount.”

    (The customer huffs, but says nothing. After scanning all four receipts and rescanning every single item on them, I tell the customer her refund amount.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it looks like you’re going to be getting back $1.50 for all of these.”

    Customer: “What? That’s impossible! Everything on there has dropped in price again!”

    Me: “Actually, that’s not true. The bras you purchased were $15.99, and that is still their price today. The only thing you’re saving any money on is this perfume, and that’s only $1.50.”

    (I process the transaction and put the $1.50 on her credit card. I assume the transaction is done, until she hands me the out of date stack again.)

    Customer: “Now do these. I’ll get more back on these.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve already explained, these receipts are just too old to do a price adjustment on. I’m sorry, but my system won’t process it.”

    Customer: “No! You will give me my money back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said, I’m terribly sorry, but my register will just deny the transaction. There is literally nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll just go to [other store location] and get them to do it!”

    (The customer leaves in a huff. I call the other store to let them know she’s coming. They don’t process her return either.)

    Cancelling The Doorway To Time Travel

    | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about eight in the morning and we’ve been open for two hours. I answer the phone.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Store Name and location], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I ordered a door yesterday.”

    Me: “Okay, did—“

    Caller: “I canceled it today.”

    Me: “Okay. D—“

    Caller: “But I have a receipt that says I paid for it.”

    Me: “Hold on, please.” *I mute the phone and turn to my associate at the other desk* “Hey, did a guy come in this morning and cancel his door?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, the charge hadn’t even gone through with his bank yet, so he’s good. It’s already canceled out.”

    Me: “Okay.” *picks up phone* “Sir, when was your receipt dated? The one that says you paid for it?”

    Caller: “Yesterday.”

    Me: “And you canceled it this morning?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So.. you… canceled it.”

    Caller: “Yeah, but this receipt says I paid for it!”

    Me: “The receipt is from the day before you paid for it.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “So it isn’t valid anymore.”

    Caller: “But—“

    Me: “The receipt from the day you placed the order has been overridden by the cancellation of the order, which was done today. Your receipt is now invalid.”

    Caller: “So… I won’t be charged?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    (After the call ends, I turn to the other associate.)

    Me: “Well, it looks like we’ve got a time-traveling ‘Receipt-Lord’ on our hands, guys.”

    This Return Has More Than Meets The Eye-Glass

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at my store when a customer walks into the store with several computer printouts.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I wasn’t able to find any glasses here, so I looked online and found these. They’re perfect and I want you to order them for me.”

    (I look in the stores computer system and they are discontinued, meaning that no more are being made. Some stores in our area may still have one, though, so I call the five or six stores in the area looking for them. No store has them. This chain has hundreds of locations in multiple countries, but we’re only supposed to call the ones with the numbers provided.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t get these for you. They’re discontinued and no store still carries them.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You mean to say you called all stores here and in the United States and no place has them? I want THESE! That’s bad service!”

    (I’m sales-floor staff. Neither I, nor anyone else, has the time to call over 800 stores for just one sale. To make it worse, this company has very high sales requirements, and every minute I’m calling around I lose out on sales.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, why don’t we go and see if we can find something on the racks that you like? We got some lovely new frames from [High End Brand] in just this week.”

    (After a LONG time of her trying on frames, I manage to convince her to buy a nice pair that looks good on her. She pays and leaves. A week later she calls us.)

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [Company]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I just weighed these glasses I bought and they weigh 12 grams more than my other pair! I want to return them!”

    Me: “Okay, you can come on in anytime to return them.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just give me my money back over the phone?”

    Me: “No. We need your original credit card and the glasses back.”

    (After she hung up, I looked into her file and discovered she’d returned one purchase of eyewear at least four times. Each time she picked a new frame, none of which seemed to be good enough for her!)

    Easy To Label The Problem Customers

    , | Erie, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (Instead of repeatedly having to tell customers prices, we have case tags with the name and price listed in front of each product. A customer walks up and I go up to the counter to greet him.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I would like a half pound of this bologna.”

    (He walks over to the case that has several different kinds of bologna in it. The case tags are clearly labeled in front of each product. I politely ask again which product he wanted.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, which one did you want? We have [Name Brand #1], [Name Brand #2], and [Name Brand #3].”

    Customer: “This one.”

    Me: “Sir, I can not see which one you’re pointing to.”

    (The man starts to glare at me. He points once again.)

    Customer: “THIS… ONE…”

    (Finally giving up on the hope he’ll actually say brand of bologna he wants, I walk around the counter to the front.)

    Me: “I apologize. Which one did you want?”

    (Without speaking, he points to the bologna he wanted.)

    Me: “Oh, the [Brand Name] beef bologna.”

    Customer: “YES! I’ve been pointing to THAT one.”

    (I slice the desired amount of meat for the gentleman and thank him for shopping with us. My coworker then walks up to me.)

    Coworker: “That’s okay… I had someone completely ignore the label and ask for the white circle cheese.”

    The Sweet Taste Of Karma

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a busy chocolate store. One of our more popular items is a mint chocolate bar. They sell really quickly and we often run out of them within two days of the delivery. A customer wants to buy six of them, but we are out.)

    Customer: *staring at me and my coworker in utter disbelief* “What do you mean you’re all out?”

    Me: “We don’t have any left. I just sold the last few about 10 minutes ago. They’re really popular and—”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY ARE. I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! GIVE THEM TO ME! AND I EXPECT THEM FOR FREE FROM ALL THE STRESS YOU’RE CAUSING ME!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re really sorry. We don’t have any left, and if we don’t have any left, that means we don’t have any to give to you. You’ll have to come back another time.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT GOING TO COME BACK ANOTHER TIME! YOU TWO USELESS LITTLE SCABS ARE LYING TO ME! YOU’RE HIDING THEM FOR YOUR FAT SELVES! I DEMAND ALL YOUR MINT BARS RIGHT THIS INSTANT! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU DON’T HAVE ANY LEFT! I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED FOR THIS.”

    (At this point, a little old lady has wandered in, looking disgruntled.)

    Old Lady: *taps the screaming customer on the shoulder* “They said they’re out. That means they can’t give you any. What do you want them to do? S*** them out? Because you deserve that instead of the bar!”

    (The screaming customer stormed off and we haven’t seen her since!)

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