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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Spinning A Yarn About Being Sorry

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

    Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

    Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

    Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

    (I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

    Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

    (The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

    Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

    (The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

    Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

    Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4

    | Rotherham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (The pregnancy clinic is running at the same time as normal GP hours. The waiting room contains three pregnant women, including myself, and a tiny very old lady.)

    Old Lady: “Why is SHE going in now? I was here first!”

    Receptionist: “She’s seeing the midwife.”

    Old Lady: “But I was here first!”

    Receptionist: “Yes, but the midwife only deals with pregnant ladies.”

    Old Lady: “ARE YOU SAYING I’M NOT A LADY?!”

    Receptionist: “No, but you aren’t pregnant are you?”

    Old Lady: “I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    Straight-Talking Money

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I am working the queue for a regional bank, when an absolutely furious customer calls in.)

    Caller: “I want to cancel my account RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Can I get some information from you to pull up your account?”

    Caller: “Let me tell you WHY I am canceling my account. I went down to my branch today and do you know who you have working for you? A god-d*** [homophobic slur]. I refuse to do business with a bank who hires such immoral abominations against God! If you want to keep my business, you’ll have that flaming f** fired ASAP!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the federal law states we cannot discriminate against a person’s sexual preference. So, no, we will not fire him simply because he is a homosexual. Secondly, in order to close your account, you’ll need to go down to your local branch. There are some documents the law requires you to sign.”

    Caller: “This is bull-s***! Who do I talk to at the branch?”

    Me: “You’d speak to the manager… the gay manager. He’s the only one who can close your account.”

    Obama-Careless

    | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money, Politics, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

    Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

    Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

    Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

    Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

    Pen-ding Emergency

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

    Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

    Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

    Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

    Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

    Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

    Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

    Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*


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