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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

    | Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

    Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

    Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

    Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

    Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

    Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

    Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

    Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

    (The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

    Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

    Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

    Caller: *click*

    (She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

    The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

    Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

    Girl: “No.”

    Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

    Girl: “Okay, that works.”

    (My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

    Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

    Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

    (Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

    Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

    Woman: “You have to.”

    Manager: “I can’t.”

    Woman: “You HAVE to!”

    Manager: “I can’t!”

    (This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

    Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

    (The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

    Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

    Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

    (The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

    Girl: “Please…”

    (I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

    Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

    Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

    Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

    Girl: “…really?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

    Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

    Justice Is Music To My Ears

    | MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I have been employed at this store for maybe two weeks and haven’t learned the antiquated computer system for instrument rentals yet. A customer comes in and asks for a used instrument to rent monthly. I go down into the catacombs, pick out the best quality one [as I was trained to do] and come back up after about five minutes. I input her stuff into the computer, and can’t get it to print correctly.)

    Customer: “I’m getting really tired of waiting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this is my first time doing a monthly contract and I’m not sure—”

    Customer: “I would have loved to have been there for your job interview. What, are you related to someone?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “I mean seriously, are you working this job to get through DeVry? Just print the d*** contract.”

    Me: “I’m trying to, ma’am, but—”

    Customer: “It took you so long to get back up from the basement because you got lost, right?”

    (She continues this tirade for the next five minutes as I keep trying – and failing – to print her contract correctly. Finally, my boss walks out of his office.)

    Boss: “Ma’am, we won’t be renting you this instrument today. You should go.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Boss: “Believe it or not, [My Name] is worth more than a clarinet, and based on how you’ve treated him, I can only imagine the horrible stuff you’d put a clarinet through. You should go.”

    Customer: “Well, if this MORON actually had two brain cells—”

    Boss: “This moron has read more books than you have sentences. Please leave.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m going to tell all my friends not to come here.”

    Boss: “The way you treat people? You don’t have any friends. Goodbye, and don’t come back.”

    (She storms out, as I stand flabbergasted.)

    Boss: “I’d rather close than serve customers like that.”

    (Best. Boss. EVER.)

    Can’t Keep Account Of The Year

    | NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Time

    (I work at the front desk of a hotel and I take a call.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for this Monday for three rooms.”

    Me: “Absolutely! Have you stayed with us before?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have, and I am set up with a direct billing account as well. It’s under [Company Name].”

    (I search but find nothing in the system for this company.)

    Me: “Hmm, I can’t seem to find you here. Have you stayed with us recently? As in, the last 12 months?”

    Customer: “Ugh, YES! Why does this happen every time I make a reservation with you all?! We were here a couple months ago and we went through this same ordeal and I’m not re-sending any information!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve probably just spelled it wrong. [Company Name] is an acronym, yes? I’ll find it one way or another.”

    Customer: “You’d better!”

    (I look under every possible spelling of the name and find nothing. I attempt to find her most recent reservation, hoping that the company profile info is attached to it but find nothing at all. The entire time she is sighing heavily and telling me how angry she is with our company for never having her account on file.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Every time I call you guys I have to re-send all the information! I keep telling your manager to keep my account open until further notice. Yet you people keep closing my account. This is unbelievable!”

    (I know for a fact this is not the case. Our system is set up to automatically delete any profile or account after 12 months of inactivity due to the large volume of company accounts we have being created all the time. Also, we can only access accounts created at our own hotel, not others within our chain. I try gently to explain all this but she insists none of this applies to her situation.)

    Customer: “Ugh, fine. Just make sure I have three rooms, all under [Customer] for Monday at the corporate rate. I should get them free though for all this trouble! Is your pool actually working this time?”

    Me: “Um… yes, of course. Everything here is always in good working order.”

    Customer: “Well, it wasn’t the last time! The pool was out of order the entire four days we were there. My employees asked me to make sure it was working this time. Also the time before that the restaurant was closed for renovations. You guys just don’t seem to be with it, EVER!”

    Me: “Are you absolutely certain that the last time you stayed here the pool was out of order?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You never stayed here after that time, and the restaurant was definitely closed the time before that?”

    Customer: “Yes, why? Am I being compensated now?”

    Me: “Okay… Ma’am, I think I see the problem here and I know why you’ve had to reopen your account with us. Our pool was out of order two and a half years ago. We did some major renovations to prepare for the summer season. That is nearly 30 months ago which is much more than 12 so the system definitely would have deleted your AR account and company profile.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t realize it was so long ago. Well, fine! But the time before that was just a couple months…”

    Me: “Also, we don’t have a restaurant. The only hotel in the our chain in this province that has a restaurant is in [Major City Four Hours Away]. I remember they had a kitchen fire around Halloween 2011 and had to close for a few weeks for repairs. We wouldn’t have been able to access your profile or account at your next visit. ”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “Hey, at least we know this wasn’t the result of our employees incompetence though, right? Would you like our fax number so you can forward us your information to set up an account and profile?”

    Customer: “Yes. Yes, but you should have been clearer! It felt like we were just there, and how should I know 12 months is less than two years?”

    Me: “There are 12 months in a year—”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD HAVE A RESTAURANT!” *click*

    A New Form Of Pest Control

    , | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a popular fast food restaurant on a weekday. We are not extremely busy, but did have a fairly large drive-thru line. A man comes into the dining room and places his order wearing his work uniform. He is the only person in the dining room but he only waits about three minutes before coming to the counter to complain.)

    Customer: “I have been waiting for my order for f***** ever, and want to speak with your manager, and I want my meal for free.”

    (The manager comes over after hearing the customer.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for f****** ever, and I expect my food now, and I expect it for free.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry but we serve on a ‘first-come, first-serve basis’ and have a long line in the drive-thru. I can give you a discount on your order, but we can’t give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Your corporate offices are going to hear about your s**** service and you’ll be fired.”

    (The customer storms out and I ask my manager what happened. He said this customer comes in about once a month to do this, but never wore a uniform before. It turns out the customer worked for a pest control company which our restaurant uses for routine sprays around the building. My manager calls the number on the customer’s uniform and tells them what has happened and that we’ll be using a different service from now on. A couple of days later the customer comes in again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m very sorry for how I acted the other day. Will you call my boss and ask them if I can have my job back?”

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