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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    This Return Has More Than Meets The Eye-Glass

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at my store when a customer walks into the store with several computer printouts.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I wasn’t able to find any glasses here, so I looked online and found these. They’re perfect and I want you to order them for me.”

    (I look in the stores computer system and they are discontinued, meaning that no more are being made. Some stores in our area may still have one, though, so I call the five or six stores in the area looking for them. No store has them. This chain has hundreds of locations in multiple countries, but we’re only supposed to call the ones with the numbers provided.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t get these for you. They’re discontinued and no store still carries them.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You mean to say you called all stores here and in the United States and no place has them? I want THESE! That’s bad service!”

    (I’m sales-floor staff. Neither I, nor anyone else, has the time to call over 800 stores for just one sale. To make it worse, this company has very high sales requirements, and every minute I’m calling around I lose out on sales.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, why don’t we go and see if we can find something on the racks that you like? We got some lovely new frames from [High End Brand] in just this week.”

    (After a LONG time of her trying on frames, I manage to convince her to buy a nice pair that looks good on her. She pays and leaves. A week later she calls us.)

    Me: “Thanks you for calling [Company]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi. I just weighed these glasses I bought and they weigh 12 grams more than my other pair! I want to return them!”

    Me: “Okay, you can come on in anytime to return them.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just give me my money back over the phone?”

    Me: “No. We need your original credit card and the glasses back.”

    (After she hung up, I looked into her file and discovered she’d returned one purchase of eyewear at least four times. Each time she picked a new frame, none of which seemed to be good enough for her!)

    Easy To Label The Problem Customers

    , | Erie, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (Instead of repeatedly having to tell customers prices, we have case tags with the name and price listed in front of each product. A customer walks up and I go up to the counter to greet him.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. I would like a half pound of this bologna.”

    (He walks over to the case that has several different kinds of bologna in it. The case tags are clearly labeled in front of each product. I politely ask again which product he wanted.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, which one did you want? We have [Name Brand #1], [Name Brand #2], and [Name Brand #3].”

    Customer: “This one.”

    Me: “Sir, I can not see which one you’re pointing to.”

    (The man starts to glare at me. He points once again.)

    Customer: “THIS… ONE…”

    (Finally giving up on the hope he’ll actually say brand of bologna he wants, I walk around the counter to the front.)

    Me: “I apologize. Which one did you want?”

    (Without speaking, he points to the bologna he wanted.)

    Me: “Oh, the [Brand Name] beef bologna.”

    Customer: “YES! I’ve been pointing to THAT one.”

    (I slice the desired amount of meat for the gentleman and thank him for shopping with us. My coworker then walks up to me.)

    Coworker: “That’s okay… I had someone completely ignore the label and ask for the white circle cheese.”

    The Sweet Taste Of Karma

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a busy chocolate store. One of our more popular items is a mint chocolate bar. They sell really quickly and we often run out of them within two days of the delivery. A customer wants to buy six of them, but we are out.)

    Customer: *staring at me and my coworker in utter disbelief* “What do you mean you’re all out?”

    Me: “We don’t have any left. I just sold the last few about 10 minutes ago. They’re really popular and—”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY ARE. I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM! GIVE THEM TO ME! AND I EXPECT THEM FOR FREE FROM ALL THE STRESS YOU’RE CAUSING ME!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, we’re really sorry. We don’t have any left, and if we don’t have any left, that means we don’t have any to give to you. You’ll have to come back another time.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT GOING TO COME BACK ANOTHER TIME! YOU TWO USELESS LITTLE SCABS ARE LYING TO ME! YOU’RE HIDING THEM FOR YOUR FAT SELVES! I DEMAND ALL YOUR MINT BARS RIGHT THIS INSTANT! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME YOU DON’T HAVE ANY LEFT! I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED FOR THIS.”

    (At this point, a little old lady has wandered in, looking disgruntled.)

    Old Lady: *taps the screaming customer on the shoulder* “They said they’re out. That means they can’t give you any. What do you want them to do? S*** them out? Because you deserve that instead of the bar!”

    (The screaming customer stormed off and we haven’t seen her since!)

    Demands Are In The Clouds

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Customer: “I would like to send a pallet on an overnight service.”

    Me: “That’s not a problem, sir; we can pick that up this afternoon.”

    Customer: “I want it to go on the airplane.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. Due to the size of the item it will be traveling on the truck, but it will still get there for delivery tomorrow.”

    Customer: “No. I want an air service, not road!”

    Me: “Sir, we provide an overnight and off peak service. How it gets there is irrelevant. Your item will still be received tomorrow.”

    Customer: “NO, I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, your item will not physically fit on the small aircraft we use, but it will have no problems getting to its destination overnight by road.”

    Customer: “NO, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, it WILL get there tomorrow. It will just be traveling by truck. Like I said before, we supply an overnight service. It gets there however it can for next day delivery.”

    Customer: “BUT I WANT IT TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE SO IT GETS DELIVERED TOMORROW!”

    Me: *head desk*

    Deranged Exchange

    | Miami, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at an electronic cigarette store in a popular local mall. I have just returned from a month-long vacation. I’m counting inventory when a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I bought this from you two weeks ago.”

    Me: “From me personally, sir? I’ve been on vacation for the last month, but I’d be happy to help yo—”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m sure it was you. The product isn’t working.”

    Me: “Can I take a look? Often times it’s a quick fix.”

    Customer: “No. I’d just like to exchange it.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No. Just give me a new one.”

    Me: “Sure. Let me see if I can diagnose the problem and perhaps you can keep the one you have after all. If not I’ll be happy to replace it.”

    Customer: “I didn’t bring it with me.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Well? Are you going to exchange it?”

    Me: “Unfortunately I’m unable to process an exchange without you giving me the product back.”

    Customer: “Just give me another one for free!”

    Me: “Sir, as I stated, I unfortunately cannot give you a new product for free without receiving the old one from you.”

    Customer: “Fine. In that case I’d like to return it.”

    Me: “Again, sir. I cannot give you back your money if you do not have the product to return to me.”

    Customer: “NOBODY TOLD ME THAT! THEY SAID I COULD COME BACK AND RETURN IT WITHIN TWO WEEKS, AND IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS!”

    Me: *remaining calm* “So, let me get this straight: you want to return your product and get your money back, but you don’t have the actual product to ‘return’ to me?”

    Customer: “YES! WHY IS THIS SO F****** DIFFICULT?! GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I’LL KICK YOUR A**!”

    (The man pushes me. I am a bit shocked that this has escalated so quickly but I keep my composure.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that will not be possible.”

    Customer: “YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS AND CHEATS! I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”

    Me: “I would be happy to provide you with the number of the local police department if you’d like. Then when they get here you can explain to them how you assaulted me and threatened to ‘kick my a**’ when I very nicely explained that I cannot process a return for an item that you are not actually returning.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, would you like that number? Or I can call if that would be more convenient for you, sir.”

    Customer: “Well… F*** you!” *storms off*

    Me: *yelling to the customer as he leaves* “You have a pleasant evening, too, sir!”

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