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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    The End Is Nigh-Phone

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Technology

    (An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

    Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

    Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

    Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

    Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

    Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

    Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

    Me: “Um, okay, well—”

    Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

    Not Impressed With Man Meat

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at the deli counter of my store. I am slicing meat for a customer who appears very grumpy. She watches me slice, bag, label, and hand her the meat.)

    Customer: “No! This meat is all WRONG!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You sliced it too thick!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I did ask you if that thickness was okay, and you said yes.”

    Customer: “Then you held it funny! I couldn’t see it right! I’m not buying this s***!”

    Me: “Would you like me to get the manager?”

    Customer: “No, he’s probably an incompetent scumbag like you!”

    Me: “She might be able to help make sure you are satisfied, ma’am.”

    (The customer perks up immediately and looks at me with a predatory sneer.)

    Customer: “Oh really? Your manager is a woman?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Then call her over here so I can explain how you f***** up my meat!”

    (Sighing, I pick up the intercom phone and call the manager over.)

    Customer: “That just makes you furious, doesn’t it? Taking orders from a woman?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You think you’re better than us, but you have to do what she says or she can fire you!”

    Me: “Uh, not really. I’ve had plenty of female supervisors.”

    Customer: “And that just burns you up inside, DOESN’T IT?!”

    Me: “Why would you assume that?”

    Customer: “BECAUSE YOU’RE A MAN!”

    Non-Flight Risk

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (A passenger takes a flight from British Columbia to Newfoundland with one connection in between in Calgary. With roughly an hour to make the connection, she should have an easy time, especially since all flights are on time, and her gates are right across the room from each other. However, she misses her connecting flight. Our airline, at no additional fee, moves her to the next available flight in six hours. Within an hour or so, however, she calls our call center.)

    Passenger: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

    Agent: “Oh? I’m sorry to hear that. How can I assist you?”

    Passenger: “I’m calling because your airline made me miss my connecting flight, and would not provide me a hotel for the night.”

    Agent: “Oh, wow. I’m terribly sorry to hear that. What is your reservation code? I’ll see if I can find out if there is something we can do.”

    (The agent reviews the reservation, and sees that the passenger has been re-accommodated to a new flight, and has been given a meal voucher for within the airport.)

    Agent: “With all due respect, ma’am, it seems that your flight into Calgary was actually early, and you had just over an hour to connect to your connecting flight. It even shows that the agent at the gate called your name a few times. I’m not sure how we caused you to miss your flight.”

    Passenger: “It was all your fault! And I want you guys to pay for my hotel for the night!”

    Agent: “Again, ma’am, I apologize for—”

    Passenger: “It was all the pilot’s fault! He didn’t tell me what time it was!”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Passenger: “The time! He didn’t tell me what time it was supposed to make an announcement about what time it is.”

    Agent: “Ma’am, as a former gate agent at the airport, I can assure you that the captain does make those announcements. Also, in the case that he does not, I happen to know that roughly every 15 feet within the airport, there is a clock on a TV, food service station, and in every lounge. May I ask where you were that you were unable to see the clocks or hear the gate agent?”

    Passenger: “That’s none of your business! Now, on top of paying for my hotel, I want you to pay me for my time that you’ve cost me by making me miss my flight. Give me back my money for this flight.”

    Agent: “So, ma’am, let me see if I understand this: you got on a flight, knowing you had a connection in Calgary. On your confirmation, it told you the time you would arrive and leave. The captain may not have announced what time it was over the PA system, but within the airport, there were many clocks and many attempts at calling your name to get you on your connecting aircraft. When you did not make it onto the flight, we re-accommodated you at no fee, and even gave you a meal voucher for your additional hours at the airport. Now, you would like us to give you a free flight, AND reimburse you for the hotel that you only get about five hours of use from.”

    Passenger: “Listen, are you stupid? You need to stop repeating me and get me some money.”

    Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I am not going to be able to help you.”

    Passenger: “Tonight?”

    Agent: “Ever.”

    That’ll Cost A BUN-dle

    , | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am on the headset working the drive-thru, and my boss is near me bagging orders.)

    Me: “Hi, may I take your order please?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what comes on your #6?”

    Me: “Mayo, lettuce, and tomatoes.”

    Customer: “What?! No bun?!”

    (I don’t know how to react at first, and I can’t stop laughing for a second before I can respond.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, it comes with the bun.”

    My Boss: “You should have told her the bun cost extra.”

    These Customers Aren’t Even Faintly Sharp

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (A female and male customer walk into my tattoo parlor.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get my lip pierced, but I’m terrified of needles. Is there anything you can do?”

    Me: “Well, you could use [freezing cream] which would numb the skin and you wouldn’t feel a thing.”

    Female Customer: “Hmm, I don’t think so. Just show me the needle and I’ll faint, and then you can do the piercing.”

    Me: “Uh, I think that’s illegal.”

    (As I say this, the female customer has apparently spotted some of our needles nearby still in their packaging, which she apparently has no problems with. Without warning, she grabs one, rips it out of its packaging and proceeds to faint on the spot. The male customer speaks up in her place.)

    Male Customer: “Can’t you just do it now?”

    (I proceed to call an ambulance. Thankfully the woman is fine. My coworkers and I still talk about it!)


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