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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Acting An Oaf About The Loaf

    | Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It has snowed quite severely in our area so today. We are short on staff and no deliveries have been able to reach us.)

    Customer: “You’ve run out of bread.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m terribly sorry; there is no fresh bread. All I can do is recommend some of our pre-mixed bread flour. You just add water and bake.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’ve run out of bread. I came here especially.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I appreciate that, but our delivery lorry got stuck. I am sorry, but there’s very little I can do to assist you.”

    Customer: “But you’re [supermarket]! You should never run out of bread.”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said, the roads are impassable. Our lorry couldn’t get here. I normally work at another store, but I couldn’t drive there today, so I am helping out here. Do you mind if I ask whether you walked or drove in?”

    Customer: “Well, I walked of course. Have you seen the roads? It would be like driving on pure white death out there.”

    Me: “Exactly.”

    (I give her time to process this information, bearing in mind what I have said about the delivery drivers.)

    Customer: *walks off, muttering* “…can’t believe [supermarket] has no bread!”

    Not Quite Marrying A Prints

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Top

    (In our copy center, we regularly help brides with their DIY invitation kits. A man comes up to the counter, roughly half an hour before the store closes for the night.)

    Customer: “I need these place cards printed, and I want to wait while you do it.”

    (My coworker and I review the order, and we realize that the entire job would take several hours to complete exactly to their specifications.)

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, this order would take hours to complete. I can get started on it tonight, but we close in 30 minutes, and we’d have to continue working on it tomorrow morning.”

    Customer: “What!? But it’s for my wedding!”

    Coworker: “Well, when’s your wedding? I’m pretty sure we could work something out.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand! It’s tomorrow morning! I need these done now!”

    (My coworker and I, both women, stare at the man for several seconds in shock and then continue.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well in that case we have two options. We can do [option 1], which but won’t look as nice but will be done faster, or [option 2], which will look more formal, but will take a little longer. Worst case scenario, I’m pretty sure we can have this done in time.”

    (The customer is now irate as well as in a panic. The time my coworker had told him the order would be completed was only a couple of hours before his wedding. He starts to launch into a tirade about incompetent employees when my coworker interrupts.)

    Coworker: “Sir, if I was your soon-to-be-wife, and I found out that you had waited until just now to have this order printed out, I would be furious. We just gave you two options to get this stuff done so she never has to know you procrastinated so badly. You can choose one of them, or you can try finding someone else to print these for you; and good luck doing that at this time of night.”

    Me: “How long have you had to print these, anyway? Weeks? Months?”

    (The customer snapped his mouth shut, chose one of the options we’d outlined, and stormed out of the store. When he came back the next morning, he was visibly stressed but showered us with thanks for saving his hide on the order.)

    Hopefully, That’ll Be The End Of That Customer

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

    Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10 pound shank.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

    (I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her and unwrap the foil.)

    Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

    (I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

    Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

    (I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

    Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

    (This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. Customer #2, a man standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

    Customer #1: “What is with this place! All these hams have fat!”

    (Customer #2 finally snaps.)

    Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

    Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

    Me: “Well yes, ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

    (She storms out, and Customer #2 steps up to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”

    It’s Not Getting Any Bella

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

    (I wait for a moment waiting for her to continue, before realizing she isn’t going to.)

    Me: “What book are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Well I don’t know the title or the author’s name.”

    Me: “Is there anything at all you know about the book?”

    Customer: “I know it has a blue cover.”

    Me: “We have several hundred volumes with blue covers. Is there anything else you can tell me to help narrow it down?”

    Customer: “Well, I think it was about a teenage girl.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that really doesn’t narrow it down much.”

    Customer: “Oh my God! You are completely unhelpful! You should know what I’m talking about!”

    Me: “I could point you in the direction of our teen section so you could have a look and see if you recognize anything.”

    Customer: “That would take far too long! I just wanted one book, and you’ve completely wasted my time.” *storms out*

    Taking Nothing From The Experience

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    (A customer calls with a very simple request, but because her tablet is out of warranty, so I have to charge her for service.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the credit card servers have gone down, so I’m still happy to assist you, no charge. Go ahead and click the button on the side of your device and your problem should be solved.”

    Caller: *after clicking the button* “It’s fixed! That was easy. Would you be able to reverse the charge?”

    Me: “I was unable to complete the transaction, so there will be no charge.”

    Caller: “That’s great, honey, but could you reverse the charges?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I never charged you. Your credit card will not be charged.”

    Caller: “Sweetheart, I don’t think you understand: I’m not asking you if you charged me, I’m asking you to please reverse the charges.”

    Me: “So you want me to give you back the money that I didn’t take from you?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “Sure thing! Have a great day!”

    Caller: “Thanks, darling! You too!”


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