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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Heavy Lighter Reaction

    | Galveston, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (Along the front of the register counter, we have boxes of novelty lighters for sale, the most popular of which are shaped like flip-flops. Everyone plays with them, ignoring the huge neon signs that state: ‘Please do NOT play with lighters!’ As a result, a number of them are empty and no longer work. A pair of teenage customers are waiting in line, while I ring up another customer.)

    Me: “Alright, your total is [total].”

    (As I hand the change to the customer, I notice one of the teenagers pick up a flip-flop lighter and start flicking it.)

    Me: “Please do NOT play with the lighters.”

    (The teenage customer huffs and drops it back into the box while muttering to her friend.)

    Customer: “Why not? I’m old enough!”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of age. If everyone ignores the signs and plays with the lighters, they become empty. And then no one will buy them.”

    (I ring up the teenager’s items, and give her the change.)

    Me: “Have a nice night!”

    Customer: “I’ll TRY. But I doubt I will because you were such a b****!”

    (The teenage customer then storms off, leaving all her stuff in the bag on the counter.)

    Me: “Don’t forget your bag!”

    Customer: “Ugh! This is why I hate shopping; everyone is like, so RUDE!”

    Size Matters On Sign Matters

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (It is my day off, but have to go into work to pick up some milk. On my way in, I notice several large signs on the doors informing customers that the debit/credit machines are down. As I stand in line, I hear customer and my coworker arguing.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You should really put up a sign if your machines are going to be down.”

    Coworker: “There are signs on all the doors.”

    Customer: “Well I didn’t see them; you people should make them bigger!”

    Coworker: “They’re on all the doors, and are quite lar—”

    Customer: “They should be BIGGER!”

    Coworker: “Well how big do you need them, ma’am?”

    Customer: “BIGGER!”

    (At this point the woman throws her things on the counter and storms out, flipping off my coworker in the process.)

    Coworker: “I think it’s break time.”

    Death Goes Shopping

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Top

    (I am working behind the register on my first ever day of employment. It is also a particularly busy day. I am finalizing the purchase and handing the customer her bag…)

    Me: “Thank you for shopping at [Store]; have a nice day!”

    (The customer snaps her head up, gasping, while simultaneously dropping her bag of goods to the floor.)

    Customer:What did you say?”

    Me: “I thanked you for shopping here, and told you to have a good d—”

    Customer: “I know what you said! You told me to have a good DEATH!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I did not say anything of the kind.”

    Customer: “You DID! You DID and it’s YOU that should be dying, YOU B****! I can assure you that I’ll be taking this further!”

    (There is an unimpressed looking customer next in line.)

    Next Customer: “Lady, pick up your s*** and get out of here, or I’ll kill you myself.”

    A Price For The Devil To Pay

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss; could you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what do you need?”

    Customer: “Could you change the price on this syrup? The unit price is $6.66, and I don’t want to buy the devil’s syrup.”

    Me: “I don’t think we can change the price at the store level. And I’m not sure that’s a valid reason to change a price.”

    Customer: “It doesn’t have to be much. Even just a penny would be fine. Could you ask your manager?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I really don’t think we can change the price on a national brand item. We have other kinds of syrup that are just as good if the unit price of that brand bothers you.”

    Customer: “No! I want that brand! I only eat that brand! And I want you to lower the price of that brand!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I’m never shopping at this devilish place again! Everyone who works here is going to go straight to Hell for associating with the devil!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Doesn’t Know When To Finnish

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I’m teaching myself Finnish by talking to a friend over texts and by reading the newspaper clippings she sends me every now and then. It takes me a long time to read them, because I’m just beginning, so I do it in a library with a notebook to jot down notes. An elderly woman comes up while I am in the middle of getting my clippings, notebook, and pen out.)

    Woman: “Oh! What are you doing there? Learning Arabic or something?”

    (I look down at the very obviously not-Arabic text.)

    Me: “Nope, actually Finnish.”

    Woman: “What?”

    Me: “Finnish? Suomi?”

    Woman: *annoyed* “Are you telling me you don’t want to talk to me?”

    Me: “No, miss, I’m just saying that I’m teaching myself Finnish, the language from Finland.”

    Woman: *finally clicks* “Oh! I’m so sorry! I keep sticking my foot in it!”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am.”

    (I go to start working, and then I see the headline and stop.)

    Woman: “What’s the problem? You can’t do it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s just I’m not sure this story is quite appropriate.”

    (I go to turn the page, but the woman snatches the clipping away and looks at it, bewildered.)

    Woman: “Don’t be ridiculous; how hard could it be?”

    Me: “Finnish isn’t related to English, so it’s unlikely you’d be able to recognize much.”

    Woman: “You’re just faking; [you're] trying to pick up women by looking clever! I f****** hate you f****** a**-holes who think they can fool people! You’re just a f****** b****** who thinks he’s so smart! D*** f****** kids these days!”

    (The woman flings the clipping back down and storms off. I begin translating, saying it as I write just loud enough for her to hear.)

    Me: “HORNY BEARS TORMENTING PEOPLE…”

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