Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Organic Grocery Has A High Price

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

(I was a senior manager in a small organic grocery store in a college town. I am on my way from my office to the stockroom when I see a young woman staring blankly into our dairy cooler.)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Oh! Yes! I’m looking for ganja.”

Me: “…I’m sorry, you’re looking for what?”

Customer: “Ganja. Do you have any?”

Me: “Umm, could you possibly mean kombucha?” *a fermented drink kept in that section of the cooler?*

Customer: “Is it spelled G-A-N-J-A?”

Me: *convinced there must be some sort of misunderstanding here* “No. No, it is not. How about this, can you tell me what type of product it is? I mean is it a food, or a juice?”

Customer: “I really don’t know. You see, I sent my friend an email and got one of those automated reply thing that said he was ‘kicking back and consuming vast quantities of ganja’ while he is on vacation in Colorado. He seems to think its really good stuff, and he’s REALLY granola, so I figured he probably gets it here. I think maybe it’s a juice or something.”

Me: “Ma’am, ganja is a slang term for marijuana.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, and do you guys sell that here?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can assure you we do not.”

A Close Shave With Stupidity

| USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “I would like four half pound packages of bologna. I want three regular, and one THICK. I would also like a half pound of turkey and a fourth of a pound of roast beef SHAVED.”

Me: *repeats order*

Customer: “Thi-CK.”

Me: “Yes. thick.”

Customer: “Very well, then. I’m going to go shop around and come back.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I cut the order and the customer comes back.)

Me: “Your order is all set, ma’am.”

Customer: *examines it suspiciously* “This doesn’t look shaved.”

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag so you can take a look at it?”

Customer: *threatening* “I just may.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Would you like me to open the deli bag, ma’am?”

(There was another pause before the customer walked away with her deli order clutched tight. Customers often assumed cutting meat shaved is an exponential force multiplier leading to grand heaps of deli meat despite having only ‘cleverly’ ordered an infinitesimal amount of actual meat.)

Pooped Trying To Explain It All

| Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I have been working at a popular, well known pet store for about two weeks. It is my first night closing alone when my manager finds me to ask if I can talk to a family about adopting a small pet. I am lead to a family of two young boys, both under 10 years old, and their father.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Father: “Yes, well, we have never had a pet before. They want something that doesn’t bite, will run in a ball so they can play with it without it getting away, something they can hold and play with, and something they can take care of themselves.”

Me: “Well, sir, you will need to watch the kids and be sure the pet is being taken care of since they are so young. There is no pet we have that very young children can take care of alone.”

Father: “Really? Not even the hamsters?” *points to our gerbils*

Me: “No, sir. They all require daily care, food, water, cage cleaning.”

Father: “What about the gerbils?”

(He points to our mice.)

Me: “Those are mice, and yes, they need daily care. I also would not recommend them to new, young owners who want something calm that they can easily handle. They are quick and tend to bite.”

Father: “What about those? Are those mice?”

Me: “No sir, those are dwarf hamsters and also bite.”

Father: “What about those? Are those gerbils?”

Me: “No, sir, those are bear hamsters. They are calmer but also bite and need time to warm up before they are easily handled and will need adult supervision before being allowed alone with small children.”

Father: “Even the gerbils?”

Me: “Yes, sir, even the gerbils… Maybe you would like to look at our guinea pigs? They don’t really bite and it’s kind of hard to lose them if they get out. But still need to be watched by adults.”

Father: “That’s a guinea pig?” *points to the bear hamsters*

Me: “No, these are. Would you like to see one?”

Father: “How do you take of care of it?”

Me: “Well, it needs to be fed and watered everyday, needs hay daily, and it’s cage bedding needs to be cleaned at least once a week.”

Father: “Once a week?! How often does it poop?!”

Me: “Every day. All our animals poop every day.”

Father: “What about this hamster?” *points to the mice*

Me: “Those are mice. They bite, and also poop daily.”

Father: “And this? It’s small, it can’t poop everyday.”

Me: “That’s the gerbils. Again, they also bite and poop.”

(At this point I recommended a fish, which he turned down, so I got my manager to help me explain what pet care means. He ended up getting a guinea pig but not before I, my manager, and other staff, including the cashiers, reminded him of its species and needs, gave him numerous free booklets and phone numbers, and made sure he knew he could bring it back for anything. We even allowed him to bring it back past our normal 2 week return policy.)

Can’t Compete With Common Sense

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(My supervisor is filling in for a cashier. A customer checking out hands him a coupon from one of our competitor stores. Corporate has recently told us we can only match it if we have a similar coupon running, which we don’t for this one.)

Customer: “You ALWAYS take competitor coupons!”

Supervisor: “Unfortunately, sir, we can’t honor this one.”

Customer: “Well, what’s stopping me from taking this coupon and buying this same item from THEIR store?”

Supervisor: “What a novel idea.”

(The customer walked out without another word.)

Like Their Coffee (Burnt) Black

| Franklin Park, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(The property owner has come in to report that there is smoke coming from the roof of the shopping center, though not directly above our store. A few customers overhear.)

Customer #1: “So, uh, what should we do?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, can we still order drinks?”

Me: “Um… well, I guess so, since we haven’t gotten an official order to evacuate.”

(Despite the commotion, no one in the café has budged. I am in the middle of making the last customer’s drinks when the store manager comes in.)

Manager: “Ladies, gentlemen, there is a fire in one of the electrical units on top of the building so we are evacuating. Anyone parked directly in front of the building will need to move their cars.”

(Most people get up to leave, but a few just look around, confused.)

Customer #3: “Can we leave our things here?”

Manager: “No. Take all of your things. The store is closing and I have no idea when we will be able to reopen.”

Customer #2: “Well what should I do?!”

Manager: “You have to leave. We’ve been given official orders to get everyone out.”

Customer #2: “But I’ve already paid for those! I don’t have my drinks yet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I will finish making these drinks, but I am leaving directly after and you will need to do the same.”

(Even as fire trucks begin to arrive and people file out, a few people wander in.)

Customer #4: “Are you still open?”

Me: “No! We are evacuating the building, there is an electrical fire on the roof!”

(They leave, obviously displeased. I hand off the drinks I was working on and run out. Amazingly, many of the people who were in our cafe are standing around, a few asking if we think we’ll reopen soon. Luckily, the fire was quickly put out, no one was hurt, and the damage was mostly cosmetic. The next day, the same woman who wouldn’t leave without her drinks comes in.)

Customer #2: “I was here when we had to evacuate yesterday! Was everyone all right?”

Me: “Yes, everyone is fine. They got the fire put out pretty quickly and none of the stores have major damage.”

Customer #2: “Well I’m just glad to hear no one was hurt. You guys are more important than coffee.” *walks away*

(A coworker, who hadn’t been working during the evacuation, looks touched.)

Coworker: “That was so nice! What a sweet thing to say.”

Me: “Yeah… just wish she had felt that way yesterday when she wouldn’t let me leave until her lattes were finished.”

Coworker: “…oh.”

Page 67/188First...6566676869...Last