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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Got Their Cables Crossed

    | AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I work in tech support for a national car insurance company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] auto insurance tech support. My name is [Name]. How can we help today?”

    Caller: “Yeah. I need to know why the repairman hasn’t arrived yet to look at my cable box. I’m still not getting any of my channels right now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve reached [Company] auto insurance. It appears you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I know that. I don’t even have a car. This was the only number for [Company Name] I could find.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but again this is [Company] auto insurance. We are not your cable television provider. You may need to double-check the number you dialed.”

    Caller: “Look, just give me their correct number already! They hung up on me last time I called, and I need to get my cable back on now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but we are not affiliated with your cable provider and do not have information on their contact numbers. You may want check the phone book or possibly your most recent billing statement or other mailing. I know my cable provider has their number plastered all over the mails and bills they send to me. Yours may have a similar practice.”

    Caller: “Look, why are you making this so d*** difficult?! I don’t want your d*** insurance! I don’t have a d*** car, so I don’t need it! Just give me the d*** number so I can get someone out here to fix my cable box!”

    (This back and forth continues for several more minutes with the caller confirming she is completely aware she’s called the wrong company, but expects us to provide her with the right contact info.)

    Me: “Again, ma’am, this is [Company] AUTO INSURANCE. We provide CAR INSURANCE. We do not have anything to do with cable television, satellite television, television of any kind or any other type of service other than CAR INSURANCE. We can’t give you the number for your cable repair, because we are not that company. We do not have contact information for other companies except for those involved with our CAR INSURANCE policies or the DMV for your state for concerns with your driving record. You’ve dialed… the wrong… number.”

    Caller: “Don’t condescend to me you little s***. I demand to speak with your supervisor right now!”

    Me: “I apologize ma’am, but the supervisors here at [Company] INSURANCE will only speak with callers who have legitimate concerns regarding some aspect of their CAR INSURANCE policy with us. As you are not a [Company] INSURANCE policy holder and do not have a concern regarding our INSURANCE services, I will not be able to transfer you to a supervisor. Again, ma’am, I advise you to re-check the number you have dialed or take one of the many suggestions I have offered to locate the correct company regarding your cable service.”

    Caller: “How dare you treat your customers in this manner!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have repeatedly confirmed that you are not, in fact, a customer of [Company] AUTO INSURANCE. I have attempted multiple times to explain that you have dialed the wrong number and have reached the wrong company. You need assistance fixing your cable television service. However you have called a car insurance company. We simply cannot help you with this.”

    (My supervisor has noticed I have been on a call for much longer than usual, and has been listening for the past few minutes. He decides to jump in.)

    Supervisor: “Hello, ma’am. This is [Name], a supervisor here at [Company] auto insurance. I have been monitoring the call.”

    Caller: “Oh, finally. Maybe I can get some actual help now instead of dealing with this useless—”

    Supervisor: “—and you really need to hang up and call the right number.”

    Caller: “WHAT?!”

    Supervisor: “Unfortunately, you’re either being willfully obstinate and called solely to waste the valuable time of my techs, or you are so painfully stupid that you can’t comprehend the simple concept of a wrong number. Frankly, I don’t care which one it is at this point. What you are doing now is the same as calling McDonald’s restaurant to complain about Joe McDonald’s Plumbing not coming to fix your sink.”

    Caller: “How dare you! I demand—”

    Supervisor: “You can demand all you want, but this call is over, lady.”

    Caller: “I will not stand for this type of treatment. I will be cancelling my service and never use you again.”

    Supervisor: “Good luck with that, since I imagine to cancel your cable service you’d still have to actually call the right number.” *click*

    (The supervisor comes over to my desk chuckling and shaking his head. He takes me off the phones and we are chit chatting. A few minutes later, one of the new techs walks up to us looking nervous.)

    New Guy: “Um, I’ve got this really pissed-off lady demanding a supervisor to give her the number for her cable company. And she just starts screaming at me when I tell her this she has the wrong number.”

    (The supervisor grabs the new guy’s headset right there and takes it off hold.)

    Supervisor: “This is still an insurance company, lady. You’re still calling the wrong company. Get your s*** together and stop bugging us.” *click*

    Bartenders Are Good Listeners, But Not That Good

    | England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at the pub where my little brother works. A man wanders in and just stares at my brother behind the bar.)

    Brother: “Can I help you?”

    Man: *continues to stare*

    Brother: “Hello? What can I get you?”

    Man: “How much will that be?”

    Brother: “You haven’t actually ordered yet. What would you like?”

    Man: *stares more intently*

    Brother: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not psychic.”

    Man: “Really? Oh, I’ll have a rum and coke then, please.”

    Putting A Bump On Their Hump Day

    , | Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (We currently have a promotion for nine pieces of chicken for $9.95. This is only available on Tuesdays. This story occurs on a Wednesday afternoon. A car pulls up to drive thru window.)

    Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Can I have the Tuesday special for $9.95?”

    Me: “Erm… Today is Wednesday.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I can’t sell you the $9.95 deal today.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it’s a special only for Tuesdays. Today is Wednesday.”

    Customer: “But why can’t you do it for me?”

    Me: “Because we can only do it on Tuesdays. That’s why it’s called the Tuesday special. We have another deal with ten pieces and two chips, that’s $19.95 though.”

    Customer: “No, that’s too expensive. I don’t get why I can’t get a Tuesday special on a Wednesday!” *drives off*

    Has Beef With Their Non Beef Menu

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that only sells chicken sandwiches. People often jokingly ask for burgers, so I usually try to joke back with them.)

    Customer: “So, I know you guys are a chicken place but can I just get a burger?”

    Me: “Haha! Yeah, sure… Now, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “A burger.”

    Me: “Sir, we really only have chicken. There is a [Competitor's store] down the street if you want a burger.”

    Customer: “Seriously, though. You don’t have any burgers back there?”

    Me: “I promise. It’s all chicken.”

    Customer: “Fine. Can I get a fish sandwich then?”

    Me: “…”

    Not A Bad Penny Among Them

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working as a cashier. I have a line of three people.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you doing tonight?”

    Customer #1: “Not bad, and you?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest, it’s my first night, and it definitely could be going better! I just had a customer pay for her entire $25 order in dimes and nickels!”

    (Customer #1 and Customer #3 wince and make sympathetic noises as I finish ringing out Customer #1. Meanwhile, Customer #2 goes absolutely white as a sheet.)

    Customer #2: “I’m really, REALLY sorry. You are going to hate me.”

    (Customer #2 places a $40 bottle of whiskey on the counter, and begins emptying his pockets…of pennies.)

    Me: *whimpers*

    (Thankfully, Customer #2 and Customer #3 helped me count!)

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