Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Bigots United

| MA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am the assistant manager at a rent-to-own home goods company. Since payments pay for the week in advance there are no grace periods and, due to the customer base, repossessions are common. I am female, white, pagan, and lesbian. My boss is male, Cambodian, Buddhist, and an immigrant.)

Customer: *storms in* “You guys are racist! I’m gonna sue you all!”

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Your truck showed up and took my s***! I want it back now or I’ll sue you f*** racists!”

Me: “Let me take a look at your account so we can figure out what is going on. What’s your name?”

Customer: “You know d** well what my name is! This whole store is a bunch of f****** racists.”

(Aside from myself and the manager we only have two other employees. One is male, Hispanic, and very Catholic, and the other is male, a very dark skinned Haitian, and practices voodoo. Between the four of us we represent four religions, four races, gay/straight, married/unmarried, young/middle age, male/female, etc… My manager comes out from his office.)

Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You are all a bunch of racists and bigots. You sent your truck just to persecute me!”

Manager: “Sir, please calm down. We sent out truck because you have not been in to pay your bill in three weeks.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You sent it because you can’t stand someone like me to have nice things!”

(My truck guys are protective over me. They hear the commotion and come out of the back, standing behind me and the manager.)

Customer: “Give me my s*** back! I’m gonna call the cops and tell them what a bunch of f****** racists you are!”

Me: “We would be happy to return the items, sir. We just need you to catch your account up. With three weeks behind, and then the next week ahead, it makes four weeks total. That comes to—”

Customer: “Oh, H***, NO! I’m not paying that s***! You bunch of bigots! You are gonna give me back my s*** for FREE or I’m gonna sue!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You need to catch up your account before we can re-deliver.”

Customer: “Listen here, you little b****! I know my rights! I’m gonna sue! You’re all a bunch of racists and bigots!”

Truck Guy: “Against what, exactly?”

(The customer finally paused long enough to look at us… in all of our cultural rainbow glory… then turned and walked out quickly!)

An Oily Customer

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I was a cashier in the service department of a car dealership… nice cars, too. A customer’s oil change and miscellaneous service bill was almost $100.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Your total is $***.”

Customer: “What’s included in this bill? It’s too much!”

Me: “Sir, you signed the estimate prior to the service being done. Your signature is right here. The service advisor also went over this bill with you afterwards and explained everything that was done. I’m just the cashier. If you have anymore questions I can happily call the advisor to help you.”

Customer: “Well, why do I have to pay these extra fees? What’s waste disposal? I don’t want to pay for that!”

Me: “We are required to properly dispose of the oil waste from your service. You agreed to that charge prior to the service as well, sir. The total is still $***.”

Customer: “Can’t I just have my oil back and I’ll throw it away myself?”

Me: “Uh, no… No, you can’t.”

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

| Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

(The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

Caller: *click*

(She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

The Mother Of All Nice Gestures

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am just about to clock out from work when a teenage girl walks in to return a shirt that was paid for with credit card. My coworker handles the transaction.)

Coworker: “So, you’ll be getting $13.94 back for this. Do you have a credit card to put that on to?”

Girl: “No.”

Coworker: “Well, I can give you a voucher to the store instead.”

Girl: “Okay, that works.”

(My coworker finishes the transaction, and gives her the voucher. The girl’s mother then comes in and becomes furious when her daughter gives her the voucher instead of cash. So she stomps over to my coworker.)

Woman: “Excuse me, but I wanted cash back for this, not a voucher.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry; you only get back your return how it was originally paid for.”

Woman: “Fine, I’ll put it back on to my card.”

(Unfortunately my store cannot put money from a voucher back onto a credit card. It’s final once it becomes a voucher. My coworker explains this, the woman gets mad and demands to speak to a manager. My manager comes over.)

Woman: “You have to put this back onto my card. I need to get gas for my car.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but once it’s been put onto a voucher there’s nothing we can do.”

Woman: “You have to.”

Manager: “I can’t.”

Woman: “You HAVE to!”

Manager: “I can’t!”

(This unpleasantness goes on for awhile, until my manager has had enough.)

Manager: “I don’t have to do anything. Especially something that’s impossible.”

(The woman finally gets it through her head and leaves with her daughter. Then after a couple minutes her daughter comes back in, tears streaming down her face, and goes back over to my coworker and manager.)

Girl: “Is there anything you can do?”

Manager: “I wish I could but it’s impossible.”

(The girl looks to be on the verge of tears again.)

Girl: “Please…”

(I’m finally clocked out now, and after watching this whole situation and feeling terrible for the girl, I walk over.)

Me: “How much is on the voucher?”

Coworker: “Uh…$13.94.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I pull out my wallet and get $14.)

Me: “I’ll give you this for the voucher.”

Girl: “…really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Girl: “Thank you. So much.”

Me: “Of course.”

(The girl takes the money and leaves. My coworker hands me the voucher.)

Coworker: “Thank you, [My Name.]”

Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

Manager: “That was amazing, [My Name]. Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Me: “Just to be clear: I did it to help out the poor girl, not her f****** mother.”

Justice Is Music To My Ears

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I have been employed at this store for maybe two weeks and haven’t learned the antiquated computer system for instrument rentals yet. A customer comes in and asks for a used instrument to rent monthly. I go down into the catacombs, pick out the best quality one [as I was trained to do] and come back up after about five minutes. I input her stuff into the computer, and can’t get it to print correctly.)

Customer: “I’m getting really tired of waiting.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this is my first time doing a monthly contract and I’m not sure—”

Customer: “I would have loved to have been there for your job interview. What, are you related to someone?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I mean seriously, are you working this job to get through DeVry? Just print the d*** contract.”

Me: “I’m trying to, ma’am, but—”

Customer: “It took you so long to get back up from the basement because you got lost, right?”

(She continues this tirade for the next five minutes as I keep trying – and failing – to print her contract correctly. Finally, my boss walks out of his office.)

Boss: “Ma’am, we won’t be renting you this instrument today. You should go.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Boss: “Believe it or not, [My Name] is worth more than a clarinet, and based on how you’ve treated him, I can only imagine the horrible stuff you’d put a clarinet through. You should go.”

Customer: “Well, if this MORON actually had two brain cells—”

Boss: “This moron has read more books than you have sentences. Please leave.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m going to tell all my friends not to come here.”

Boss: “The way you treat people? You don’t have any friends. Goodbye, and don’t come back.”

(She storms out, as I stand flabbergasted.)

Boss: “I’d rather close than serve customers like that.”

(Best. Boss. EVER.)

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