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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Putting The Sham Into Shampoo

    | Tinley Park, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

    (I work at a 24-hour store as a cashier. From 7-8 am I am the only cashier on duty. A customer has just dumped two baskets FULL of travel size shampoos, conditioners, body washes, and sunscreens on the belt.)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Make sure you put everything in separate bags.”

    (I look at literally hundreds of mini bottles on the belt and my eyes bug out.)

    Me: “You mean all the shampoos in one bag, and all the conditioners in one bag?”

    Customer: “Of course! You’re not that bright are you? No wonder you get s*** shifts at a crap place like this.”

    (At this point, another customer gets in line behind her and I can see his eyes bug out at all of the items as I have to check.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. That’s $98.74.”

    (The customer starts digging through her purse to find her wallet.)

    Customer: “I don’t have my wallet, so I don’t have my card.”

    Me: “Do you have cash or any other way to pay for the items?”

    Customer: “Do you not listen?! God you’re dumb! I don’t have anything!”

    Me: “Well, give me a moment. I have to have my manager come over and void out the order.”

    Customer: “You really should be nicer to your customers when your manager is around.”

    (My manager comes up and voids the order, all the while hearing this customer bad mouth me.)

    Other Customer In Line: “Lady, she’s just doing her job and she’s doing it rather well. I would have smacked you by now if you had talked to me that way. And if there is anyone dumb here, ma’am, it would be you who couldn’t even remember to bring your own wallet to the store with you.”

    Manager: *to the first customer* “I’ve voided the order, but I will keep all of it at customer service for you today so you can come back and get it later and not have to wait in line again.”

    (The customer gives the other customer in line behind her the finger, and huffs before leaving. My manager turns to the other customer in line.)

    Manager: “So, how big of a discount would you like today, sir?”

    Other Customer In Line: “Just my membership card thanks!” *to me* “You did good!” *grabs a chocolate bar from one of the racks* “Here, have this on me!”

    Doing A Number On The Wrong Number

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (Our home phone number is only one digit different from a local supermarket. We get about one call a month intended for them. I’m about 14 years old.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I have a complaint.”

    Me: “Uh… this isn’t—”

    Caller: “You are all incompetent! Why is my delivery so late?”

    Me: “Look this is a private number—”

    Caller: “I have friends coming over! I’m hosting a dinner party, and I have no food because you are all useless!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but—”

    Caller: “I want to speak to your manager! I want—”

    (I give up and hang up. The phone rings almost immediately.)

    Caller: “HOW DARE YOU RANG UP ON ME, YOU B****!”

    (I hang up again. The phone rings again.)

    Caller: “GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR RIGHT F****** NOW! I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR JOB, YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Oh, you want to speak to Mum or Dad?”

    Caller: “…what?”

    Me: “Like I tried to tell you: this isn’t [shop]; this is a home number.”

    Caller: *very small voice* “…What?”

    Me: “This isn’t [supermarket].”

    Caller: “But… but… I called them! WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING THEIR PHONE!?”

    (I hang up again, and tell my dad he is answering if she calls back. She does. It is a very short conversation.)

    Stark Raving Mad

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

    Me: “Good morning!”

    Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

    (The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

    Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.’”

    Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

    Customer: “WELL DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

    Bird Brained, Part 8

    | Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a small natural remedies shop. A customer comes in just as we are opening. We open early in the morning; birds are literally still singing outside. The customer browses around for a while, looking increasingly more irritated until stalking up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Excuse me?! Aren’t you going to do anything about those d*** birds? They won’t shut up.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t really do much about the birds; they’re out there singing every morning. Maybe you could come back a little later?”

    Customer: “I can’t come back later; I’ve got s*** to do today! Can’t you put on some music or something?”

    Me: *bemused* “Okay, I’ll see what’s behind the counter.”

    (I go to look through the store’s CDs, and try not to laugh.)

    Customer: *stomps foot* “Well?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; it’s all sounds of nature type stuff.”

    Customer: “So put it on!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s bird noises.”

    Customer: *stares intently* “Put it on.”

    (She continues her shopping in peace and condescendingly asks me ‘isn’t that much better now?’ to the twin cacophony of singing birds in the background. Since then she’s come back every week at the same time, and I make sure I have the sounds of nature on hand when she does.)

    Related:
    Early Bird Brained
    Bird Brained
    Bird Brained, Part 2
    Bird Brained, Part 3
    Bird Brained, Part 4
    Bird Brained, Part 5
    Bird Brained, Part 6
    Bird Brained, Part 7

    The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Religion

    (I order my food, and I sit down and start watching an episode of ‘Doctor Who’ on my smartphone with my headphones. Another customer taps me on the shoulder. I turn around to see a girl in her late teens.)

    Customer: “Is that Doctor Who?”

    Me: “Yeah, are you a fan?!”

    Customer: “No! I am asking you to shut it off!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “Because my church says that Doctor Who is evil, and I am asking you to shut it off.”

    Me: “Umm, no, I am not turning it off. Besides, I have my headphones in, so you don’t have to watch it.”

    Customer: “No, you have to respect my views and turn it off! It’s against my religion; it’s evil! Now turn it off!”

    (The customer grabs for my phone. I pull my phone away before she can grab it.)

    Me: “Don’t touch my phone!”

    Customer:Doctor Who is evil! They are trying to brain-wash our young minds! They want us to support gay marriage and be atheist!”

    Me: “Well, if you really did understand Doctor Who, you would have seen that the Tenth Doctor was talking about Christmas, and he said that he was there when Jesus was born. Also the Doctor is very open-minded; he would save you even if you did call him evil.”

    Customer:DOCTOR WHO IS EVIL!”

    (The customer continues screaming and cussing and eventually gets herself kicked out. Afterwards, one of the restaurant’s workers comes up to me.)

    Worker: “Sorry about that.”

    Me: “It’s okay!”

    Worker: “Best Doctor?”

    Me: “Four, duh!”

    (We then high five, and I go my way.)


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