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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Sadly It Isn’t Illegal To Be An Idiot

    | KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a small, locally owned electronics store. 95 percent of my job is putting customer’s old home movies on DVD, but since we’re located downtown, I get a good deal of work from law firms as well. One day, a known customer comes in. He’s always slightly annoying to deal with, but he’s friends with the owner.)

    Me: “What can I do for you today, Mr. [Customer]?”

    Customer: “My lawyer gave me these videos but they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me take a look at them real fast.”

    (I put the disc in my computer and notice it’s in an obscure format that needs a specific software that’s used exclusively in the legal system.)

    Me: “I see the issue. These won’t work in any DVD player. You need a specific computer software to view these.”

    Customer: “I don’t own a computer.”

    Me: “Well, that’s fine. I can easily convert these into a format your DVD player can read.”

    Customer: “Great. Can I get six copies of it?”

    Me: “Sure thing. I should have it ready for you tomorrow morning.”

    (I take the discs, make a DVD out of the video and the make the requested copies. The next day, the customer picks up his order along with the original discs his lawyer gave him. About a week later he returns.)

    Customer: “These discs don’t work.” *hands me the originals*

    Me: “These are the discs your lawyer gave you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they won’t work in my DVD player.”

    Me: “Right. Remember I told you need a computer to view these discs?”

    Customer: “But I don’t have a computer! All the other discs you gave me work fine. Why won’t these work?”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t change the information on these discs. Once the disc is written, it can’t be altered. That’s why I gave you new discs that can be played on a DVD player.”

    Customer: “Well, these are no use to me. I need something that works on my player.”

    Me: “I can do it again if you want. But since there was nothing wrong with the other discs, I’ll have to charge you again.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. I need three copies this time.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (Once again I complete his order and have it ready for him next day. This time, to avoid confusion, I put a post-it on the originals that says ‘Must Have Computer.’ Another week passes, and he returns again.)

    Customer: “These still won’t work in my player.”

    (He hands me the discs. Right on top is my post-it note.)
    Me: “Sir, we’ve already been through this! You must have a computer to use these discs!”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “These discs are in a different format. Your player won’t recognize these. That’s why we made the other discs. Twice now.”

    Customer: “Yeah, those all worked fine.”

    Me: “So why don’t you just use one of those?”

    Customer: “I gave them all away. But I need these videos for a lawsuit I’m in.”

    Me: “So you want me to do this a third time?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    (This time, I don’t wait. I have the customer sit next to me as I go through the whole process step by step. Once the disc is finished burning, I put it into one of our DVD players to show him it does work. I once again hand him his new disc and the original, and once again charge him. Another week passes. I’m coming back in from my lunch break when my boss approaches me.)

    Boss: “Mr. [Customer] dropped by while you were out. He said there was a problem with these discs.”

    (He hands me the discs. My post-it note still sits on top. This time I don’t say a word. I simply take the discs, sit them on a shelf in my office, and there they sit to this day. The customer never asked about them again.)

    Weathering The Storm Of Stupidity

    | NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the night auditor at a small hotel. It’s four am, and a thunderstorm is passing through the area. The phone at the front desk rings.)

    Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “What was that loud noise that woke me up?”

    Me: “There’s a thunderstorm going through the area right now.”

    Caller: “Can you make it stop?”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I could control the weather, I would rule the world.”

    This Time, It’s Personal

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work for a business management firm that deals primarily with people in the entertainment industry. My employer has decided to give out my personal cell phone number, without telling me, to one particular client who is incredibly needy. I receive a phone call on a weekend at about three am.)

    Me: *groggily answering the phone* “Hello?”

    Client: “There’s something wrong with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I… I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

    Client: “This is [My Name], right?”

    Me: “Um, yes? Who is this?”

    Client: “What? You mean you don’t recognize my voice? Seriously, how many times have I spoken to you on the phone? You should KNOW who this is.”

    Me: *I instantly figure out who it is* “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. I also didn’t realize you had my personal number.”

    Client: “Yeah, [Boss] gave it to me and told me that you were on call for me whenever I needed something. I’m having a problem with my cable and I need you to fix it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s three am on Sunday. I’m not in the office and don’t have access to your information right now. What seems to be the problem, though? Have you tried calling them directly?”

    Client: “No, I haven’t called them! That’s what I pay you for! Look, I’m trying to order a movie and it’s not going through. I keep getting an error message and it tells me to call this number on the screen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to suggest you call the number provided and see if they can help. I don’t see how I will be of much use in the middle of the night on the weekend and out of the office.”

    Client: “Listen. I NEED to get this movie. I left my laptop in the studio and I need to watch porn, okay? Do you get it now? I NEED MY F****** PORN!”

    Me: “Look. I’m sorry, but as I mentioned before there isn’t anything I can do. Either call the cable company and have them try and help or it will have to wait until I’m in the office Monday morning.”

    Client: “Well, f*** you then! Just you wait until I call [Boss] and tell him about the HORRIBLE service you are providing. This is not what I pay you for!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Have a good night.” *hangs up*

    (Sure enough, the client did call my boss. When I came in on Monday he tried to tear me a new one for not helping out the client. I, in turn, went off on him about how unprofessional and not okay it was to give out my personal contact information without my consent and he shut up. No apology. I resigned that week.)

    Needs To Clean Up Their Act

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Customer: “Can you come around to the front of the case so I can show you which steaks I want?”

    (I could have gotten the steaks perfectly easily from behind the case, but I do as the customer asks. I put on my plastic gloves and open up the case from the front.)

    Customer: *reaching into the case with his bare hand* “I want this one right here and—”

    Me: *quickly putting my hand over the steak* “Sir, please don’t touch the steaks with your bare hands.”

    Customer: “I just want to feel the texture of them.”

    Me: “Texture? Sir, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “I mean I want to make sure it’s not all hard, like it’s been sitting out all day.”

    Me: “I can assure you these steaks were cut less than an hour ago and have been in our refrigerated case ever since then, sir. But if I let you touch them in there, that would be a health hazard.”

    Customer: *suddenly furious* “What do you mean, a health hazard?! My hands are clean! What do you think I am, some kind of slob sicko?!”

    (I can tell him several reasons why I can’t let him touch the steaks, no matter how clean he thinks his hands are. But I have a different idea.)

    Me: “I’m sure your hands are clean, sir. But let me ask you this. If the person in line ahead of you wanted to put their hands all over the steaks, would you want to buy one then?”

    Customer: “Ugh! No!”

    Me: “Well, there you go. That’s why I can’t let you do it either.”

    Customer: “But my hands are clean! My hands are CLEAN!”

    No Returns And No Understanding

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I usually work the floor and I happen to overhear a conversation as I am near the refunds counter.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’d like to return some clothes I’ve bought.”

    Cashier: “Sure. Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yep, I’ve got it right here.”

    (The customer then puts on the counter a bag from a different store and pulls out a receipt from said store.)

    Cashier: “Oh, sorry. I can’t return those. They weren’t bought from here.”

    Customer: “But I have the receipt for them. If I have a receipt, I can return what I’ve bought.”

    Cashier: “You can only return items to the store you purchased them from. These are from [Other Store], not here.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. I have a receipt. Why won’t you give me a refund?!”

    Cashier: “Because they weren’t purchase from here.”

    Customer: “But I have the receipt. I did buy them!”

    Cashier: “You didn’t buy them from [Our Store Chain]. You bought them from [Other Store]. To get a refund you need to take it back to one of their stores.”

    Customer: “But why? If I have a receipt I can return it anywhere.”

    Cashier: “I can’t give you the refund because we never received the money . You didn’t buy the items from here, which therefore means we can’t resell the items, since we don’t stock them.”

    Customer: “Yes, but [Other Store] is so far away. I don’t have time to go there. I have my receipt. Please give me my money back.”

    Cashier: “We never received your money in the first place.”

    Customer: “So I’m not getting a refund?”

    Cashier: “Not from here I’m afraid.”

    (The customer begins to walk away, mumbling.)

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