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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Going Too H2-Slow

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work at a gym that’s rather expensive, so all of the clients are rather well off. I’m a lifeguard year round, since they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool.)

    Woman: “Hi. The indoor pool is too cold. My child is absolutely freezing.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can provide your child with warm towels directly from the dryer if he needs to be warmed up quickly.”

    Woman: “No, I just need you to heat up the pool. ”

    Me: “The pool is heated, ma’am, but unfortunately, we can’t directly control the temperature of the pool.”

    Woman: *getting angry* “What do you mean you can’t control it?! Just pour a bunch of hot water in it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are almost half a million gallons of water in this pool. We couldn’t possibly get enough water to meet your demands.”

    Woman: “Well, you’re not doing your job, then. I’ll be speaking to your manager!” *storms off in a fit of pretentious rage*

    Cancelling Out The Stupid

    | Online | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We are running a promotion with a discount code, so we always get a lot of calls when this occurs from people who are having difficulty redeeming the coupon.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

    Customer: “You know, you guys, you send these discounts, and they just never work, and I, you know, I want to cancel my order.”

    Me: “Sorry you’re having some difficulty with that. Would you like me to see if I can help you place the order?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to cancel it. I’m tired of hearing from all of these places that it’s ‘user error.’”

    Me: “I understand. What was your order number?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your order number. I’d be happy to cancel it for you so you aren’t charged at all, since you couldn’t use the discount code.”

    Customer: “I don’t have an order number.”

    Me: “I can look it up by your last name, then.”

    (I can’t find an order from that last name. I try asking more and more obvious questions, like ‘are you sure you placed an order on this website?’ since literally hundreds of customers have used the code with no difficulty.)

    Customer: “I just got fed up because I couldn’t find a place to put the code, and then it wouldn’t accept it, so I just closed the window.”

    Me: “So you’re saying you never actually placed an order?”

    Customer: “No, I just closed your crappy website.”

    Me: “Sir… if you didn’t place an order, we don’t have anything to cancel.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you let me cancel my order?”

    Me: “If you haven’t placed an order, there’s nothing for us to cancel. You just… don’t place the order.”

    Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t cancel my order?”

    Me: “No, I’m saying that there’s no order to cancel.” *I’m reaching here* “Say you were in line at a sub shop, and then you decided you wanted McDonald’s instead. You don’t have to go to the register at the sub shop to tell them you’re leaving if they didn’t make a sandwich for you, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t want a d*** sandwich. I just want to cancel my order!”

    (I pause.)

    Me: “Okay, your order has been cancelled.”


    They’ve Gone Off The Reservation

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the to-go counter at a restaurant, answering phone calls. Most calls are food orders, but it’s not uncommon to receive reservation requests as well. It’s a rather busy night, and there’s roughly a 30-minute wait for a table.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for twenty, please.”

    Me: “All right, that shouldn’t be a problem. When should we expect you?”

    Caller: “In about two minutes. We’re pulling into the parking lot right now.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Retail Nightmares

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I can’t find the skirt I came for.”

    Me: “Can you describe it for me?”

    Customer: “it was blue, lightweight, and had a red flower design around the bottom.”

    Me: “I can’t think of a skirt like that in stock right now. Did you see it online? We don’t carry the whole collection here.”

    Customer: “No, I had a dream I bought it here. You MUST carry it! My dreams are prophetic!”

    Getting The Booking Is A Bumpy Ride

    | ME, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work as a front desk agent at a hotel near very upper crust college. Parents’ weekend comes by, and all area hotels are long sold out. A man approaches my desk:)

    Guest: “Hi, I have a reservation for Mr. and Mrs. [Name].”

    Me: “Yes, you do.” *though I burn inside because this guest has used his Diamond status to bump another guest reservation out so he could get a room* “Let me check you in.”

    Guest: “Thank you. And I also have a room for my parents, Mr. and Mrs. [Other Name].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no reservation. And all area hotels are sold out.”

    Guest: “What? This is not right. Let me see your computer.”

    Me: “I cannot do that but I assure you there is no reservation.”


    (Our manager arrives, and using his skill and access calls the Diamond Guest Service Number. He then turns back to the guest and tries to suppress a smile.)

    Manager: “It seems you did make a reservation here for your parents.”

    Guest: “Thank you! Finally, some intelligence.”

    Manager: “However, per the agreed on policy for Diamond guests, you are only allowed one room reservation where you bump a previously reserved guest. Since you made your reservation after you made your parents’, you bumped them out.”

    Guest: “Fine! I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Manager: “Of course. But we will charge you for your room anyway as you did not cancel in the allotted time.”

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