November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

When Larry Met Crazy

| Mt. Vernon, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I am working in the afternoon as a board operator at a local country music station. At the top of every hour they play a five-minute feed from CNN news.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Station Name]. How may i help you today?”


Me: “Okay, sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. We are a—”


Me: “I understand, but Larry King doesn’t work here. We only air CNN news, which comes in via an automated service.”


Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. He is not here in our studio. We are not CNN.”


Me: “Okay, please hold.”

(I transfer him to my manager. 10 minutes later…)

Manager: “I just dealt with the most angry man who thinks Larry King works here.”

Me: “I tried to explain to him that we only play CNN news on the top of the hour and that we are not CNN news.”

Manager: “Yeah, I told him the same.”

Me: “So how did you get rid of him?”

Manager: “I told him that Larry King traces all his calls before taking them and he hung up really quickly after that.”

Has You Running Around Like Busy Little Bees

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(I work in a small independent arts cinema. The theatre is known locally for its wealthy and demanding senior clientele. A fashionable elderly customer, clutching a large expensive handbag, approaches me and a coworker at the box office.)

Customer: “Are you brave?”

Me: *smiling politely* “Umm, I guess so.”

Customer: “Well, a large bee or hornet just fell from your ceiling into my handbag and I want somebody to fish it out.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Are you sure it was a bee or hornet?”

(This is early January in suburban London, in a building that in four years I’ve never seen any bee buzz about in… let alone a hornet!)

Customer: *suddenly angry* “YES, I’M SURE! I don’t know what to do; can’t you reach in and get rid of it!”

Me: “Sorry but I’m not going to reach into the bag Why don’t you tip the contents out carefully onto one of the seats behind you?”

Customer: “Yes, you do that for me.”

Me: “Well, I have no space behind the box office to do that and I wouldn’t want to be at fault if I damaged any of the contents when I shook the bag out. Sorry. Why don’t you try emptying the bag into one of the large popcorn boxes?”

Customer: “Ugh, is that all you can offer me?! A popcorn box…? Well, you’ve been absolutely no help at all.”

(She stomps away… and I go back to serving customers. 30 minutes later I go to check on the cafe within the cinema building and see the handbag wrapped in two layers of clear recycling bags just dumped in a corner. The cafe owner sees me staring at the bag dumbfounded.)

Cafe Coworker: *laughing* “Some woman made me wrap her handbag up because she is terrified about the hornet that got stuck inside, so I’m suffocating it for her. Oh and she told me you and the box office staff were no help and she is going to complain tomorrow.”

(She never did complain.)

Needs Some Fabric Softener

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work at a large big box retailer that sells fabrics, interior furnishings and home-wares, and craft. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name and Location]. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you this afternoon?”

Customer: “Hi, I was in your store earlier and I purchased some curtain fabric, and I have an issue with the piece.”

Me: “Okay, sure thing. If there are any flaws, just bring the piece back with your receipt and we’ll be more than happy to replace the piece for you.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Did I say the fabric was flawed?”

Me: “Uh, okay. So what is the issue then?”

Customer: “Well, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, I was in your store purchasing some curtaining fabric earlier today, and I paid for five metres. The problem is that I was only given five metres of fabric.”

Me: “Okay, well that is standard practice for all of our stores to give you as much fabric as you pay for.”

Customer: “Well, this is obviously unacceptable. What if I make a mistake when sewing the edges up? You should have given me half a metre extra, so I am coming back to the store now and I want five and a half metres of [fabric] waiting for me for the inconvenience you’ve caused me.”

Me: “That is fine; you’ll have to pay for the extra metre so I will let the department team know you’re coming in for the exchange.”

Customer: “Aren’t you listening to me? You owe me a free half metre of fabric so I will not be paying for it.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we cannot do this, madam. I apologise for any inconveniences caused but no customer will get fabric for free.”

Customer: “You clearly don’t understand how retail works, you stupid child.”

Me: “How about I get a manager to chat with you about this and we can go from there?”

(The manager who had been standing next to me the entire time laughing at me threw me a dirty look, and answered the call. The customer still didn’t understand why we wouldn’t give her the free fabric, and angrily hung up on my manager. She never came in, as far as we know.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 10

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(The store opens five minutes early and a customer comes in specially to make a return.)

Customer: “I was hoping to exchange these chips and get a different flavour.”

Supervisor: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Supervisor: “Well, these are still well before their expiry date…”

(She looks at the second bag.)

Supervisor: “Oh, this is a flavour we don’t carry.”

Customer: “I’m just hoping to exchange them.”

Supervisor: “I understand that, but we don’t carry this product.”

Customer: “All I want to do is exchange these chips for another flavour in the same brand.”

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re not even really supposed to do returns without a receipt, and I can say quite confidently that you didn’t buy them here.”

Customer: “I KNOW I didn’t buy them here, but I don’t understand why I can’t return them here.”

Supervisor: “You don’t understand why I won’t return something we don’t sell?”

Customer: “…I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 9
Refunder Blunder, Part 8
Refunder Blunder, Part 7

Needs To Re-edit Their Workload

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I have a regular customer who comes in and asks me to help him type up real estate documents, as he is an elderly real estate agent who lacks a secretary, and his typing skills are nil. Usually, his work takes quite a while and he is always willing to let me help other customers with basic orders in between working on his documents.)

Me: “All right, sir. Here’s a printed copy of the documents we just edited. If you would just review those and let me know if we need to change anything? I’m going to step aside so [Coworker] can help her customer really quick, then I’ll finish your order.”

Customer: *mumbles assent and takes stack of papers*

(I wait off to one side while my customer reads his paperwork. When he’s finished, my coworker is just about to wrap up with HER customer, when my customer speaks up.)

Customer: “HEY! When did I get pushed to the side?! We’re working on my order!”

Me: “Err… [Coworker] was just finishing up some quick prints for her customer, but we can get back to working on yours, I suppose!”

(I sit, bring up the rest of the customer’s documents and ask him for his notes. My coworker apologizes to her customer and the two of them wait off to one side.)

Me: *pulling up the next set of notes* “So, what did we need to do with this set?”

Customer: “Why don’t you help that girl!? If she’s just going to print a few things, you might as well get them out of the way, because my stuff’s going to take longer! Besides, you young people are always so impatient and I don’t want you hovering over me while I work!”

(My coworker and I exchanged glances, and then traded places once again so she could finish helping her customer as was originally planned.)