Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Making This Harder Than It Needs To Be

| TX, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I run a small bookstore that specializes in first edition hardbacks. We had our fair share of weird requests. One day, a lady calls to see if we have a book.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m looking for a book but I can’t remember the title.”

Me: “Okay. Who was it written by?”

Caller: “I can’t remember that either.”

Me: “Do you remember what the book was about? That would help me narrow it down.”

Caller: “Can’t you just list the books you have in the store? I’m sure I would know the name if I heard it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you seriously want me to list the 18,000 books we have in stock, over the phone?”

Caller: “Would it help if I told you it was a hardback book?”

Me: “Ma’am. We only sell hardback books.”

Caller: “Then just list them and like I told you before, I’ll know it when I hear it.”

An Oily Customer Slips Right Out

| Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(Our supplier sent us bottles of sewing machine oil that, despite being sealed, turned out to be empty. Because the bottles are small and opaque we didn’t realise this until customers started bringing them back. A customer came into the store with a defective bottle.)

Customer: “I had to drive all the way back to your store because this oil bottle was empty. You have no idea how much inconvenience you’ve caused me.”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. I can offer you either a bottle from the new batch or a refund; it’s up to you.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’ve asked a stupid question* “I’m obviously going to need more oil. I wouldn’t have bought it if I didn’t.”

(I go and fetch a new bottle and place it on the counter.)

Me: “There, you’re good to go. Once again, I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *looks at me and blinks*  “Aren’t you going to refund me?”

Me: “Oh, you wanted a refund instead of a new bottle?”

Customer: “Yes! Obviously!”

(I process the refund and hand her the receipt.)

Me: “There you go, all done!”

(She snatches the receipt off me. She then picks up the new bottle of machine oil and starts to walk away with it.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! I gave you a refund; you can’t take the bottle, too!”

Customer: “It’s compensation.”

Me: “What for?”

Customer: “For the inconvenience you caused me by making me come all the way back to your store.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take that! It’s stealing!”

(She stuck her nose in the air and walked out before anyone could stop her.)

A Meaty Proposition

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a sub shop for about a year, where customers may have the employees customize their sandwich as it being made. A customer and presumably his girlfriend come in when it’s slow.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m hungry.”

Me: “Yes, sir, what would you like?”

Customer: “Is this the stuff I can get?”

(Gestures to the pans of food laid out for assembly.)

Me: “Yes, sir, and here are the types of bread.”

Customer: “Cool. I want wheat, and all the meats.”

Me: “All of them?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want all of these.”

Me: “That’s going to be very expensive.”

Customer: “Why?”

(I don’t make the sandwich, instead calculating what the whole single sandwich would cost with every additional meat including steak, chicken, bacon, ham, salami, bologna, turkey, and tuna. Something like twenty five bucks. Once he hears that, he looks at me like I was eating live scorpions and shoos his lady-friend right out of the door.)

Manager: *rubbing his temples* “I’m so glad I retire next month.”

Will Find Himself Magically Arrested

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I work as a call taker for a local police department. I overhear the following from a coworker speaking to a man who calls in a regular basis.)

Coworker: “Okay, John, I see that you were arrested a few days ago for filing a false report. Now, if there is no crime being committed this time, you will be in trouble again.”

(I tune my coworker out while working on gathering information for other calls until I hear this part.)

Coworker: “How was someone able to steal your wallet and keys in the middle of the night when those were inside the pillow you were sleeping on?” *pause* “How did they get in and get your stuff if you were sleeping on it?” *longer pause* “They have magical powers? Is that what you want me to tell the officers?”

(Later my coworker told everyone at that point, the caller had been silent for a little while, and then said he didn’t want to get in trouble.)

Coworker: “Okay, but you want me to send officers to you? And that’s what you want me to tell them? That someone stole your keys and wallet by using magical powers? All right. I will let them know.”

(It turns out that the caller had called in every day after he was arrested, reporting different matters. Those were handled as callback reports, which take a couple of days, so the police didn’t make the connection. No such luck this time!)

Insecure About Your Security

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I worked at a call center. I am in training but required to take one call whenever we are listening in with an experienced agent.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know why I am being charged so much! My bill is way higher than I was told!”

Me: “I can certainly look that up for you, sir. I need your phone number to access your account.”

Customer: “Why do I need to tell it to you? You should already have it!”

Me: “Sir, our system is not connected to our phones, so we need to get the information from you.”

Customer: “Fine! It’s [phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, sir. I need to ask you a few questions for security reasons. Can you tell me your name?”

Customer: “[First Name].”

Me: “Sir, can you please tell me your full name?”

Customer: “Why? What are you going to do with it?”

Me: “Sir, for security purposes I need your full name.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you have it?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do, but I need you to tell me what it is so I can proceed with the security check and get to your issue.”

Customer: “Fine! It’s [Full Name].”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Now, can you please give me your address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “Sir, as a security measure I need to ask for some information, like your name and address. Now, if you can tell me your address we can proceed on to your issue.”

Customer: “You have it right there in front of you! I’m not giving you my address so you can send me junk mail and have people watch me!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you we will not send you any junk mail or send anyone to watch you. I need your address for security measures.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving it to you! I already gave you my last name, now you can track me down and have people do something to my house! I won’t let you!” *click*

(I am just sitting there, stunned, looking at my coworker who I was assigned to.)

Coworker: “Sometimes we get people who don’t seem to understand why we need to make sure they are who they say they are…”

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