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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Can’t Keep Count Of The Account

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (This customer is part of a rewards program for the store and calls in immediately yelling with a list of complaints. He eventually says his main concern right now is that he got an email saying his password was being re-sent on the site and he didn’t want it to be.)

    Me: “Okay. Well, I can delete your registration and give you your account number which you can use to create a new registration with the same account, so all your info will still be there.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for all of this or to go online. Can’t you just fix my password for me and I can hang up while you do it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It is against privacy laws for me to know your password. I cannot do that.”

    Customer: “Then get me someone who can. Do you know how many accounts and passwords I have? If I have to do this all the time how can I live?”

    When You Know It’s Time To Re-Tire

    | Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (My car has suddenly died with no warning, and I manage to get it pulled to the side of the road before I lose momentum. I call AAA to request a tow, and, since it’s absolutely pouring and I’m on a street running through a park (no houses or shops), I sit in my car while I wait – for over an hour and a half. When the driver shows up, it’s the same guy who always comes to haul my car away when it misbehaves (now four times in three years), so we joke with each other a bit.)

    Driver: “Man, if I’d known it was you sitting here waiting I would’ve told the last lady she could suck it!”

    Me: *surprised* “Why? What was wrong with her car?”

    Driver: “She called it in as multiple flat tires, and when I got there, you know what it was?”

    Me: “No…?”

    Driver: “They were just really bald and she was afraid to drive it in this rain! She had me tow her home!”

    Me: “Let me guess. Luxury car.”

    Driver: “Got it in one.”

    (So, lady who wasted that guy’s time and made me even later for work, may you have an actual problem someday and have to wait – and wait – and WAIT!)

    Smoking Away The American Dream

    | WV, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (A family walks in and gets some cigarettes and snacks. They walk to their vehicle and after ten minutes, the father, who was pretty rude earlier, walks back inside.)

    Me: “Hello.”

    Customer: “I need a new pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, which kind?”

    Customer: *tells me name of the cigarettes*

    (I go to ring them up, at which point he stops me.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! I want to exchange the ones I just bought for those!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, may I have the other pack?”

    (The customer hands me the opened, and half-gone pack of cigarettes.)

    Me: “Sir, once these are opened, I am not allowed to return or exchange them.”

    Customer: *angrily* “THIS IS AMERICA!”

    (I am slightly thrown off and just stare for a moment. He widens his eyes and tilts his head forward wanting a response.)

    Me: “Sir, I know this is America, but with THAT logic, I can go to a bank, rob it, scream ‘THIS IS AMERICA,’ and run out with no repercussions. This IS most definitely America, but we have rules and policies here that we still have to follow.”

    Customer:“I have the receipt!!”

    Me: *knowing full-well he declined the receipt when I offered it to him* “Sir, even with a receipt I cannot return an opened and incomplete item to the shelf.”

    Customer: “Give me my receipt!”

    (I print it out and hand it to him. He leaves and his son enters.)

    Son: “I need to exchange these.” *lays receipt on counter*

    (At this point I am very agitated.)

    Me: “Sir, I cannot exchange or return open and incomplete items.”

    Son: “But I have a receipt!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but it doesn’t matter. The cigarettes are open and several have been taken out. All I can do is ring up a new pack.”

    Son: “Can I have my money back for these, then?”

    Me: “No, sir, the pack is opened and some are missing.”

    Son: “Well, I’ll just keep the pack. You just give me my money!”

    Me: “That’s not how this works. I can’t give you a refund and let you keep the pack. But I can’t give you a refund on incomplete and used items anyway.”

    (At this point THE WHOLE family comes in and is yelling at me in another language, screaming occasionally ‘This is America!’ and ‘I know my rights!’)

    Son: “We want to see the policy that states you can’t take these back and give us a refund.”

    Me: “It isn’t written anywhere. It’s common sense.”

    Son: “I want to speak to a manager!”

    (Only one person is on shift at a time. Managers are not on site either.)

    Me: “No managers are currently on site, sir.”

    (This is also at 12 am and we are directed to leave any complaining customers with the store phone number and a time when managers will be available.)

    Son: “Then give me their personal number!”

    Me: “At 12 am? Sir, I can guarantee if you call them at 12 am, you will not get what you are wanting. Besides, we are not allowed to give customers personal numbers. I can give you the store number and a time when a manager will be available, but that’s really all I can do.”

    Son: “I’m calling the cops, then.”

    Me: “That’s fine. Please do.”

    Son: “You are a horrible employee!”

    Me: “Tell me, would YOU buy a pack of cigarettes that was ready opened? Or want to even use a pack of cigarettes that someone you know nothing about opened and touched?”

    Son: “…no.”

    Me: “Exactly. So why would you expect someone else to do the same?”

    Son: “THIS IS AMERICA!”

    Doesn’t Have The Magic Touch

    | LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Religion

    (My coworker and I are discussing Harry Potter: which book was our favorite, which movie, what we would have liked to have seen in the movies, etc. when a customer walks in.)

    Customer: *scowling at us* “You shouldn’t read those books. They teach the devil’s work!”

    (My coworker and I reply at the same time.)

    Coworker: “Not really.”

    Me: “Not in the slightest.”

    Customer: “YES, THEY ARE! They have magic in them so they teach the devil’s work!”

    Me: *smiling* “Humor me here, okay?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Your little girl watches Disney, right? And she really loves the Disney Princesses, right?”

    Customer: *proudly* “Yes! She’s growing up on good, wholesome family movies like I did!”

    Me: “Okay, so she loves the Princess movies. Who is her favorite?”

    Customer: “Right now it’s Rapunzel.”

    Me: “You mean the Disney Princess who has magical hair because her mother ate a magical plant to save her when she was pregnant with Rapunzel? The same Rapunzel who was kidnapped by a witch and kept in a tower?”

    Customer: “Yes! The witch was evil! She wanted to use Rapunzel’s magical hair all for herself.”

    Me: “Right. Rapunzel’s magical hair that healed people when she sang.”

    Customer: *snottily* “What’s your point?”

    Me: “My point is that you let your child watch Disney movies that are full of talking animals, magical hair, enchanted furniture, etcetera, etcetera, but you don’t think my coworker and I should read Harry Potter because it has magic in it, making it the devil’s work.”

    Customer: “That’s right!”

    Me: “You see the flaw in your logic, right?”

    Customer: *loudly* “There is no flaw! Magic is evil and that’s that!”

    Me: *rubbing my temples* “Right. Did you actually need anything tonight?”

    Customer: “No! I think I’ll go to the dollar store down the street instead!”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am.”

    Hopefully His First Name Isn’t John

    | North Wilkesboro, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work in a well-known national chain pharmacy. The particular store that I work in provides medicine to at least half of our well-sized county, so we stay rather busy and have a lot of customers. This exchange happens far more often than it really should:)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription.”

    Me: “All right, what’s the name?”

    Customer: “Johnson.” *or some other common last name*

    Me: “Okay, and the first name?”

    Customer: “There’s more than one?!”

    Me: “…”

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