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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Door Busted

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A customer comes into the store three days after Black Friday.)

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m looking for that Toshiba TV you had for Black Friday.”

    Me: “The exclusive one that we carry?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “The door buster deal that no other competitor could beat?”

    Customer: “Sounds like the one.”

    Me: “The product that 1,000 people got in line for days in advance in order to be the first and only ones to get it?”

    Customer: “Yep, that’s th— Oh… ”

    Me: “Yeah… About that…”

    Customer: “Yeah. Never mind.”

    Rebirth And Return

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am working behind the counter at a high end department store when a customer comes up with a bundled up wad of faded fabric under her arm.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I need to return this dress I just bought. It doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “No problem. Do have the tags or receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course! Here.”

    (She hands me what I’ve asked for. They’re both incredibly old; the paper is actually yellow with age. The brand of the dress is one we haven’t carried in years.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t return this.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? This store always takes returns!”

    Me: “This dress is too old for me to return.”

    Customer: “Impossible! I only bought it a few months ago. I live far away so I haven’t had a chance to return it until now. Here, I even have the business card of the woman who sold it to me.”

    (She hands me the business card, which, while legitimate, has the company’s old logo which was switched out in 2000. It is now 2012.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sale is too old for the computer to recognize. I can’t return it.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! I just bought this dress and it looks awful on me so I want to return it.”

    Me: “This receipt is from 1985. You bought this dress before I was born.”

    Fresh Out Of Fresh

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

    (I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

    Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How fresh is it?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is.”

    (The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

    Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

    Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

    Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

    Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (She pays and walks out the door.)

    Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

    Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”

    That Argument Went Straight In And Out

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

    Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

    Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

    Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

    Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

    Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

    Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”

    (Pause…)

    Customer: “How does next week look?”

    The Game Of Life

    | TN, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Technology

    Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

    Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

    (I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

    Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

    Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”


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