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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Sounds Like Hell’s Kitchen

    | New York, NY, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I receive a call from an irate customer demanding a manager. I page one over.)

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am… Dear me! I am truly sorry to hear that ma’am. When did this take place?… And do you remember who it was who helped you?… Well, do you remember anything about them physically?”

    (He pulls out his notepad, and jots down the following: BLONDE, MALE, OVER SIX FEET TALL, PALE SKIN, GREEN EYES, MOLE ON CHEEK, DIRTY SUIT. By the end, he’s looking at the list in disbelief.)

    Manager: “Um… ma’am, are you sure this happened at [kitchen store]?… No of course not! But you see, there’s no one working here who fits the description you’ve given me… Well for starters, we don’t have any blonde males working here… Okay, well did they have black or brown hair then?… Well, again ma’am, do you remember anything definite?… Ma’am, I’m sorry for the trauma you suffered, but there are currently 30 employees working here… I need something more than… What?… No, ma’am, I will not brutally interrogate each and every one of them to find out if maybe one of them helped you pick out a knife! If you can remember anything definite about who it was you encountered here, I will do all I can to help… excuse me?… Ma’am, if you don’t stop with the racial slurs, I’m going to terminate this call… Very well, then this is officially a legal matter and I can no longer talk to you. Have a nice day!”

    (He hangs up, and takes an enormous breath.)

    Manager: “Okay, well this is going to make for an interesting week.”

    (He takes his notes, and heads into his office.)

    Her Son Is The Eggs-pert

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (An elderly lady comes in, whom we all call ‘Egg Lady’. She always complains about how we bag her eggs. We used to bag them in a single bag for her. As that’s wasteful, we tried putting bread on top of the eggs, but she complained that the bread cracks the eggs. It’s gotten bad enough that the manager now makes a point of ringing her up, bagging her stuff, and carrying her bags outside. She comes in the day after Thanksgiving to buy 10 cartons of eggs, and comes to my register.)

    Me: “Oh, Mrs. [Name], let me call the manager.”

    (I call him over to register, and then make some small talk.)

    Me: “How was your Thanksgiving?”

    Egg Lady: “It was nice this time. My family came in, and my son bought me four cartons of eggs. I don’t know how he does it, but he must buy some of those government eggs.”

    Me: “Government eggs?”

    (The manager has come over, and is checking her out. I move to his register to log on, and check out others. The manager takes care to place the cartons one on top of the other, but is called off by another associate. Egg Lady notices I have no customers.)

    Egg Lady: “I don’t have time to wait. My son and his family are expecting breakfast. You can help me load these in the car.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (I turn off my light and go to help her.)

    Egg Lady: “Yep, my son told me how he got these eggs from the government. They are genetically mutating chickens to make stronger egg shells now with all these vitamins inside of them. Only problem is that sometimes the eggs are coming out green.”

    (I just smile and nod as I start to put the egg cartons in her trunk with care.)

    Me: “It’s interesting what they’ll come out with nowadays.”

    Egg Lady: “I might buy some of those government eggs next time. I hear you can smash them against the wall and they won’t break.”

    Me: “I wonder how you crack them open, then.”

    (She suddenly glares at me, and yanks the last bag out of my hand.)

    Egg Lady: “How dare you laugh at me! I’m going to report you to your manager! My son told me that he had government eggs, and you’re going to mock me. If I were your mother, I’d spank your behind!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I wasn’t meaning to laugh at you. I was just thinking out loud.”

    Egg Lady: “I’m going to tell my son about you, so he can prove to you that there are government eggs.”

    (She throws the last carton in, and slams the trunk. This knocks over a small crate she has in there. I hear the crunch of it hitting the eggs. The manager comes outside just as she’s peeling off in a huff.)

    Manager: “She’s coming back tomorrow, isn’t she?”

    Me: “Yep. I’m calling in sick tomorrow, so I don’t have to watch her crack all of our eggs to find the government ones.”

    Why Kermit Hops Away From Miss Piggy

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I fall off a ladder at work, and severely twist my ankle. Eventually, I manage to stand up, and try to hop my way to the manager. An older woman in her sixties stops me.)

    Customer: “Are you okay?”

    Me: “No, actually, I’ve just fallen off the ladder. I’m just trying to find my manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, dear, you shouldn’t be walking on that. Here, get on my back. I’ll give you a piggy back ride.”

    Me: “Umm… that’s nice of you, but I can just hop over there.”

    (As I’m hopping away…)

    Customer: “LET ME GIVE YOU A PIGGY BACK RIDE!”

    Trash Talking Your Service

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work for a trash service. The customer I’m speaking with had an account several years ago that was cancelled due to non-payment. It still has a balance.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We cannot reactivate your account unless there is a zero balance.”

    Customer: “Well I only put out my trash once a month! I will only pay for once a month pickup! I will not pay that amount!”

    Me: “But once a month pickup is not a service we offer in any area.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I only put out my trash once a month! You are just trying to get more money out of me!”

    Me: “Okay, so let me get this straight: you want to pay for a service that doesn’t exist, only because you say it does?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Very Wrong About Being Right

    | IA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (An irate caller is complaining about a billing problem that has been previously resolved by our billing specialists. He has received $50 in credits, but they will not apply until the next invoice is printed. At this time, we cannot edit already-printed invoices. The customer has been made aware of this twice per my co-workers’ notes. He does not want to wait.)

    Me: “Sir, you have been given the credits, but as you have been advised—”

    Caller: “I don’t care what I was told! Not by you, or your workers, or your managers or whoever! You are going to apply the f****** credits! The customer is always right!”

    b>Me: “I understand that you’re upset about our crediting system, but please refrain from using profanity.”

    Caller: “F*** you! The customer is always right!”

    Me: “If you continue to use profanity, I will have to end the call.” Caller: “The customer is always right!”

    Me: “Sir, we have no way—”

    Caller: “I AM THE CUSTOMER. AM. I. RIGHT?”

    Me: “No.”

    (There is a significant pause.)

    Caller: “I want your supervisor.”

    Me: “I can do that for you, but they will tell you the same thing.”

    Caller: “I want your supervisor!”

    (I get one of my supervisors, and transfer the customer over. The caller screams “THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” at him for 15 minutes, and then hangs up.)


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