Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,148 thumbs up)
  • Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    They Don’t Have Lines Like They Used To

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (Our business is near a retirement community so we get a lot of senior citizens who come in for breakfast. As I’m cleaning tables a very elderly man in a walker approaches me and hands me a 20 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Um, thank you, sir. I’m sorry, but what is this for?”

    Customer: “Well, young lady, I was just telling my friend that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. But then you came along and made my day!”

    Me: “Oh, haha! Thanks that’s very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Get yourself a nice pair of black garters. You know, like Betty Page used to wear. Then you can give me a heart attack and I’ll die a happy man.”

    (He gives me a saucy wink and scoots off on his walker, leaving me holding the bill. I was left slightly perplexed, but I had to admire the old goat’s chutzpah.)

    A Slow And Ready Response

    , | Turku, Finland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

    Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

    (The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

    Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

    Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

    (I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

    Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

    (The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

    Ordering In All Colors But Only Seeing Red

    | South Africa | Crazy Requests

    (I am taking a large stationery order for an insurance office over the phone. The call is already into its fifteenth minute:)

    Customer: “Do you have any of those things that hold little squares of paper?”

    Me: “Desk cubes? Yes, sure we do.”

    Customer: “What colour do they come in?”

    Me: “Black, dark blue, burgundy, or dark green.”

    Customer: “Do you have pink?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we only have them in black, dark blue, burgundy, or dark green.”

    Customer: “What about a really jazzy bright green?”

    Me: “As far as greens go, we only have dark green, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Why do they only make them in four colours?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What about yellow, then?”

    Me: *head on desk*

    (The next item she ordered was paper-clips, and you can bet we had the same conversation about those, too.)

    Blowing A Lid Over A Cichlid

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (A customer comes up to me with a 20 gallon tank in her cart.)

    Customer: “You got any of those ‘chicklid’ fish?”

    Me: “You mean cichlids? Yes, ma’am, we do. Were you looking for a particular species?”

    Customer: “D***, I don’t know… How about that one?”

    (She points to our tank of juvenile tiger-oscars, a fish that can easily grow to a foot in length. Because of this, we do not allow them to be sold unless the person has or is buying a tank of at least 50 gallons.)

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. If you’d like a tiger-oscar, you will have to buy a bigger tank, though, along with a heater and filter. These fish get very large.”

    (I quickly explain the final size and tank requirements for the species.)

    Customer: “S***! I’m not buying no 50 gallon for a stupid fish!”

    Me: *ignoring her comment* “I’d be happy to show you other species that are perfect for the tank you’ve picked out.”

    Customer: “No! I need something for my kids to look at TONIGHT! They won’t be able to see no pathetic little guppy! I want that ‘chicklid!’”

    (She continues yelling at me to get her the fish while refusing to buy a filter, heater, or even gravel for the tank.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I cannot sell you a fish that you’ll be putting into a bare tank of stagnant water.”

    Customer: “You can’t deny me a sale! I am a customer and I deserve that fish!”

    Me: “My job is to care for these animals first. You are wanting to buy a live animal and that comes with requirements and responsibilities. As I said before, I am more than happy to show you other species that are better suited to your tank size but I will not sell you a tiger-oscar.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. You’re being mean to me!”

    (I got my manager, who promptly agreed with my decision to not sell to her. She then asked to speak to the regional manager who also agreed with us. Furious, she stormed out of our store and vowed to never come back… not that we would have let her.)

    Not In Good Company

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first week on the job, working in a retail store selling bed linen, table linen etc. I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I was in [different store] and they said you had covers for futons.”

    Me: “I’ll just check for you.” *put the phone on hold, and turn to a coworker* “Do we have futon covers?”

    Coworker: “No, but sometimes king sized quilt covers fit them.”

    Me: *gets back on phone* “No, I’m sorry. We don’t have futon covers but we do have king sized quilt covers that might fit.”

    Caller: “No, king quilt covers are too small for my futon and [different store] said that you would have them.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them.”

    Me: “They are mistaken. We don’t.”

    Caller: “They said you had them.”

    Me:  ”No, we don’t. The closest thing we have is king sized quilt covers.”

    Caller: “But [different store] said that you had them!”

    Me: “Maybe you could ring them back.”

    Caller: “Why?”

    Me: “To ask them exactly where we keep them. They seem to know more about this shop than I do.”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, they’ve told you that we, in a completely different company, have them and you believe them over me, who actually works in the company.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t have any?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “Okay, bye.” *click*

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