Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Totally Lost Their Marbles

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, History

Museum Patron: “Yeah, hi, we’ve looked at everything here. Where is the ‘real” art?”

Me: “Uhm, did you look in all these rooms downstairs and upstairs?”

Museum Patron: “Yeah, we saw all that but it’s just a bunch of marble statues. Where is the REAL art?”

Me: “Ma’am, this IS real art.”

Courting Disaster

| Coeur d' Alene, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(It’s my first day working at my new career. I just graduated college and my boss asked me to call a client and remind them their sentencing is tomorrow. It’s the Thursday prior to Memorial Day weekend. This is my first client call:)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Law Office]. I’m calling to remind you that your sentencing is tomorrow at 1:00 pm. [Lawyer] asks that you meet him in front of the courthouse at 12:45 pm or so.”

Client: “Oh! Well, I don’t think I can make it.”

Me: “What?”

Client: “Yeah, um, I don’t think I can make it. I just gassed up my motorhome and I’m leaving for Memorial Day tomorrow morning.”

(At this point, I was completely floored and not sure what to do. It’s court… not a choice. Do I explain that she’s going to have a warrant if she doesn’t show? I told her I will talk to my boss and get back to her. He ended up calling her. She did show up for court.)

Bigots United

| MA, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am the assistant manager at a rent-to-own home goods company. Since payments pay for the week in advance there are no grace periods and, due to the customer base, repossessions are common. I am female, white, pagan, and lesbian. My boss is male, Cambodian, Buddhist, and an immigrant.)

Customer: *storms in* “You guys are racist! I’m gonna sue you all!”

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Your truck showed up and took my s***! I want it back now or I’ll sue you f*** racists!”

Me: “Let me take a look at your account so we can figure out what is going on. What’s your name?”

Customer: “You know d** well what my name is! This whole store is a bunch of f****** racists.”

(Aside from myself and the manager we only have two other employees. One is male, Hispanic, and very Catholic, and the other is male, a very dark skinned Haitian, and practices voodoo. Between the four of us we represent four religions, four races, gay/straight, married/unmarried, young/middle age, male/female, etc… My manager comes out from his office.)

Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “You are all a bunch of racists and bigots. You sent your truck just to persecute me!”

Manager: “Sir, please calm down. We sent out truck because you have not been in to pay your bill in three weeks.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You sent it because you can’t stand someone like me to have nice things!”

(My truck guys are protective over me. They hear the commotion and come out of the back, standing behind me and the manager.)

Customer: “Give me my s*** back! I’m gonna call the cops and tell them what a bunch of f****** racists you are!”

Me: “We would be happy to return the items, sir. We just need you to catch your account up. With three weeks behind, and then the next week ahead, it makes four weeks total. That comes to—”

Customer: “Oh, H***, NO! I’m not paying that s***! You bunch of bigots! You are gonna give me back my s*** for FREE or I’m gonna sue!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You need to catch up your account before we can re-deliver.”

Customer: “Listen here, you little b****! I know my rights! I’m gonna sue! You’re all a bunch of racists and bigots!”

Truck Guy: “Against what, exactly?”

(The customer finally paused long enough to look at us… in all of our cultural rainbow glory… then turned and walked out quickly!)

An Oily Customer

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I was a cashier in the service department of a car dealership… nice cars, too. A customer’s oil change and miscellaneous service bill was almost $100.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Your total is $***.”

Customer: “What’s included in this bill? It’s too much!”

Me: “Sir, you signed the estimate prior to the service being done. Your signature is right here. The service advisor also went over this bill with you afterwards and explained everything that was done. I’m just the cashier. If you have anymore questions I can happily call the advisor to help you.”

Customer: “Well, why do I have to pay these extra fees? What’s waste disposal? I don’t want to pay for that!”

Me: “We are required to properly dispose of the oil waste from your service. You agreed to that charge prior to the service as well, sir. The total is still $***.”

Customer: “Can’t I just have my oil back and I’ll throw it away myself?”

Me: “Uh, no… No, you can’t.”

Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

| Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

(The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

Caller: *click*

(She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

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