Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Hired And Fired And Tired

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m shopping at a large electronics store. I’m dressed casually in a blue graphic tee which, if you aren’t paying attention, for a second might look like what the employees wear.)

Other Customer: “I need you to find this for me.”

(I don’t respond as I am not aware that she is talking to me. I am reading the specs on the back of a box. The other customer then shoves an opened item in my hands on top of the box I am holding.)

Me: “What the h***?!”

Other Customer: “HELLO?! FIND this for me.”

Me: *hands it back to her* “I don’t work here. Work on your manners, lady.”

Other Customer: *she just stares at me for a minute* “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!”

(I just shake my head and start walking away. She is really getting on my nerves.)

Other Customer: *following me* “STOP RIGHT THERE! You are NOT allowed to talk to paying customers that way!”

Me: “I’M a paying customer. I don’t work here! Go away!”

Other Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You need to be fired for your attitude.”

Me: “They can’t fire me if I don’t work here. Stop following me!”

(At this point, other people are staring, laughing at the lady, and sharing sympathetic looks with me.)

Other Customer: “Oh, we’ll see about that!”

(A manager steps in as this lady has made a scene in the store and a lot of people have taken notice.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Other Customer: “This b**** is giving me the worst attitude! I have never been treated so badly in all my life!”

Me: “And this psycho keeps following me around thinking I work here! I keep telling her I don’t work here!”

Other Customer: “You won’t be working here if you keep up your b****y attitude!”

(The manager is clearly very uncomfortable.)

Manager: “Uh, ma’am, she doesn’t actually work here.”

Other Customer: “You need to handle this! Fire this b**** immediately!”

(The manager looks around at the customers and employees who have gathered at a safe distance and are snickering at the scene. He looks at me and shrugs.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… You’re fired, ma’am?”

Me: *dramatically and smiling* “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BEFORE YOU’VE EVEN HIRED ME!”

Manager: *smiling* “I’d like to offer you a job as an associate. Awesome pay and benefits?”

Me: “I’ll TAKE it!”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

Me: “NOOOOOOO! How could you?!”

(The crowd starts laughing.)

Other Customer: “Are you MOCKING me?!”

Me: “He’s just giving you what you demanded. Now quit bothering me.”

(She turned bright red and stormed out of the store without another word.)

Should Have Been Carted Away

| Cedar Hill, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(The woman currently being served has a shopping cart PILED with food, clothes and toiletries, but most of it has been rung up and bagged, so I think she is almost done. However, the next man in line, cart about 2/3 full, turns out to be her adult son, and his cart is added to her purchases. No problem, I think; only one payment to process instead of two, this will be even faster. Then the trouble begins.)

Cashier: “Your total is [nearly $900].”

Customer: “Okay.” *swipes card*

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s declined.”

Customer: “Try it again!”

Cashier: *does so* “Hmm, declined. Do you have another card?”

Customer: “No, I know there’s money on that card! You’re not doing it right!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am, sometimes the machine doesn’t read the strip. Let me type your number in manually… No, I’m sorry, it’s still declined. Do you have another method of payment, like a check?”

Customer: “Who writes checks anymore? I got this check CARD! That’s what it’s for!”

Cashier: “How about a credit card? Visa, Mastercard, Amex—”

Customer: “No, credit cards are a scam. Are you saying I don’t have any money? I HAVE MONEY!” *waving debit card*

Cashier: “It doesn’t tell me why it’s declined, ma’am, just that it is. There’s an ATM right there, if you’d like to step out of line and verify your balance while I ring up the next person—”

Customer: “NO! You’re helping ME! Don’t you move!”

(She has her adult son stand behind her carts so I can’t move up to the scanner belt. The cashier sighs, and shoots me an ‘I’m sorry’ look. The customer goes over to ATM and fiddles around for a few minutes, then gets on her cell phone to the bank but is stymied by the automated prompts. I think this surely can’t go on much longer, as we’re approaching the 15-minute mark for her transaction.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, if you can’t pay at this time, I need you to move aside and let other customers through. I can suspend your transaction so we won’t have to ring everything up again when you have your payment ready.”

Customer: “NO. I have money on this card! I always use this card here, and you always give me trouble about it!”

Cashier: “Do you have another card I can try? Or possibly you could remove some items from your transaction and try again with a lower total—”

Customer: “NO! I need all this stuff! And I always pay with THIS CARD! I’m not on welfare. I have money! Why won’t you take my card?!”

(The cashier summons a manager, who tells the woman the same thing; if she doesn’t have a working debit card or other form of payment, she will have to leave her two full carts of bagged items and come back when she can pay.)

Customer: “…and THAT is why I always carry cash!”

(She whipped out a huge roll of bills and peeled off the required amount, with plenty left over, then strolled out with her son and their two shopping carts as every employee and customer in earshot stood with jaws on the floor.)

Happy Hypocritical Holidays!

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Holidays

(I’m waiting for a supermarket to open. It’s a public holiday and so the opening hours are a bit different to normal.)

Lady: “Why is it taking so long to open?”

Me: “It’s a public holiday. They open later than normal.”

Lady: “But it’s a Monday! They should be opening at regular time. I’ve been here almost an hour!”

Me: “So you’re going to work today?”

Lady: “Pfft, no, it’s a holiday. No one works on holidays.”

His Behavior Is Not Up To Scratch

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I’m ringing up a customer who is purchasing a replacement copy for a game that stopped working.)

Customer: “Yeah, this game just stopped working. It looks fine, though.”

Me: “We can get you another, but let me see if we can trade the defective copy towards the new copy.”

(I look the disc over, which has been scratched beyond belief, the is even marks around the center of the disc as if someone were trying to carve circles around it with a razor, but didn’t have a steady hand.)

Me: “It looks like someone intentionally scratched it to a point where it is not repairable.”

Customer: “That’s fine, we bought it at another store a week ago.”

Me: “We won’t be able to exchange it, if something like that happens to this copy.”

(I grab our last copy of the game for him, which he inspects.)

Customer: “Why would you even try to sell this. This looks like garbage.”

Me: “Sir, there’s just a fingerprint on it. It’s in far better condition than the one you had.”

Customer: “Well, you’d best find another one, because I won’t buy this.”

(After cleaning the fingerprint off and replacing the disc back in this case he purchased it and left. He returned a week later with a copy in the same condition as the one he was originally replacing. Turns out his kid was carving into the discs with a knife, and he had brought the kid in to make him pay $50 for the last copy, and pay his father back by trading his other games. Sweet justice.)

Next Door Chore

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: “Hi, I bought these tweezers but the light doesn’t work. I want a refund.”

Me: “Sure, do you have your receipt?

Customer: *hands me a [Grocery Store] receipt*

Me: “Oh, looks like you bought this at [Grocery Store].”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “This isn’t [Grocery Store]. That’s next door.”

Customer: *angry* “Well, NOW what do I do?!”

Me: “… Go next door and get a refund?”

Customer: “Well! This is highly inconvenient!”

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