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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    That Argument Went Straight In And Out

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

    Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

    Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

    Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

    Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

    Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

    Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”

    (Pause…)

    Customer: “How does next week look?”

    The Game Of Life

    | TN, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Technology

    Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

    Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

    (I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

    Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

    Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”

    Telling Porkies About The Chicken

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in the meat department of a grocery store. A customer brings back a package of chicken to be exchanged. She does not have her receipt so I need to ensure we actually carry the chicken and also make sure I get the weight correct on her exchange. The chicken is wrapped in tin foil and then again in a plastic shopping bag. You could smell a faint odor when you get near it but as I deal with spoiled meat occasionally, it isn’t a big deal.)

    Customer: “I bought this yesterday and it’s spoiled. I just want to exchange it for the same thing.”

    Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just let me get the brand and the size for you and I’ll get it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I really don’t think you want to open that dear. It’s pretty bad.”

    Me: “Be that as it may, I have to open it.”

    (Upon opening the initial plastic we discover the tin foil it’s wrapped in. The customer service associate next to me gags and runs from the room. The smell actually makes my throat burn. Nevertheless I have to open it. It’s wrapped in four layers of tin foil and 2 layers of plastic wrap. When I release the last layer of tin foil and can actually see the chicken, it actually makes a ‘burp’ sound as the gas is released. The chicken is green, like pea soup color. I cannot read the label, for all the slime, to see when the expiration date was.)

    Customer: “See, I told you! It’s awful! Wrap it back up, for goodness sake!”

    Me: “Ma’am, when did you say you bought this package?”

    Customer: “Yesterday morning. I was going to cook it for supper last night.”

    Me: “And it looked like that when you bought it?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. Who would buy chicken that looked like that!”

    Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

    (My manager comes over and opens the chicken very briefly. He asks the same questions and gets the same answers.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, it’s 104 degrees outside. Did you, by chance, buy this a few days ago and leave it in your car?”

    Customer: ” Absolutely not! I bought it yesterday and I want another package of chicken! Now hurry up. I have things to do.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry; I can’t exchange this. There is no way this went bad in your refrigerator overnight. In fact, I think you could have left it on your counter and it wouldn’t smell this bad.”

    (After arguing about it for another 20 minutes the customer picked up the package and threw it on the ground. It exploded green chicken slime which landed on the computers and registers nearby, and all over me, my manager, and the customers waiting in line, including a small child. Two customers actually vomited. I was forced to clean the mess. The real sting in the tale is that the customer with the child sued the store and won a $20,000 settlement.)

    Smile, And The World Scowls With You

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    Me: *sick and feeling nauseated* “Hi. Did you find everything okay, ma’am?” *starts to scan her items*

    Customer: “I found everything.” *scowls at me* “You should smile more when you’re greeting people.”

    Me: “I usually do. I’m not feeling well today, but I couldn’t call in. It’s a Saturday, which means we have a lot of balloon orders—”

    Customer: “Whatever. We don’t care if you feel like dog s***. The customer is always right, and if I say I want a smile, I expect a d*** smile.”

    Me: “Um, sorry, ma’am.” *tries a smile* “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: *rolls her eyes and throws money at me* “It’s a wonder you have a job at all with that kind of attitude.” *storms out*

    The Nineties Called…

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work next to the electronics department. I am in the area when two customers walk up to an electronics associate.)

    Customer: “Do you sell any VHS?”

    Associate: “No, ma’am. We sell dvd players, though.”

    Customer: “What’s DVD?”

    (Associate proceeds to explain DVDs, still remaining very professional.)

    Customer: “But you don’t have any VHS?! I find that hard to believe! Couldn’t you check the back room in case you have one lying around?”

    Associate: “Ma’am, we haven’t sold VHS in years.”

    Customer: “So you can’t check?”

    Associate: “We don’t carry any VHS products anymore.”

    Customer: “UNBELIEVABLE! How do you not carry VHS?! You’re gonna lose customers like that.”

    (There is awkward silence. I’m a few feet away trying really hard not to laugh. But it’s not over yet.)

    Customer: “What about [Brand Name]s? Do you have portable cassette [Brand Name]s?”

    Associate: “We don’t have any cassette products anymore either.”

    (The customer is genuinely bewildered at this point. She eventually decides to purchase a dvd player.)

    Associate: “… And how will you be paying today?”

    (The customer hands over a credit card.)

    Associate: “Ma’am, this card is expired. In fact the card expired in the early 2000s.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! No wonder you guys are going out of business. Can’t even take my payment!”

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