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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Body Of Lies

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the ‘special collections’ department for the local authority. My job is to cover the reception area and take any orders for special collections over the counter. Usually people come in to get things such as TVs, furniture, and such uplifted.)

    Customer: “Hi. Is this the right office for booking a collection?”

    Me: “Yes. How many items do you need uplifted?”

    Customer: “Just one.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Is this for a business a personal residence?”

    Customer: “Personal Residence.” *leans closer to me over the counter in a creepy manner* “Is there any way this can be done discreetly?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “I mean, can you not record my details. Can I just have the uplift, and pay extra to not have my details logged?”

    Me: “Um… No, not really. That’s not how we do it. We have to record your details. Now, what do you need uplifted?”

    Customer: “A dead body.”

    (We stare at each other in silence whilst I have the biggest mental panic attack ever. A few seconds pass before the customer bursts out laughing.)

    Customer: “I am so sorry. I’m just messing with you. You’re face was priceless! I have ALWAYS wanted to do that!”

    (The customer left, still laughing, while I stood there with my mouth hanging open in complete shock and amusement.)

    Finally Sees Cents

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

    Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

    (I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

    Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

    Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

    Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

    Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

    (I hand her the five cents.)

    Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

    (Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)

    Paying The Price Of Stupidity

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month, Top

    Customer: “What is the price of this?”

    Me: *looking at price sticker* “It’s $20.”

    Customer: “I thought things here were discounted?”

    Me: “They are.” *I point to the price tag* “The original price was $100.”

    (The customer points to the sticker with item’s model number printed on it.)

    Customer: “That’s the price there.”

    Me: “No. That’s the model number.”

    Customer: “That’s the price, $3.85.”

    Me: “No. There is no dollar sign in front of the number. It’s not the price, it’s the model number.”

    Customer: “It’s clearly printed and it’s the price. You have to give it to me at that price, just as it’s written.”

    Me: “Okay. You’ve got me. That’ll be $385, please.”

    Customer: “What? Why? You can’t charge me that much!”

    Me: “Well, you wanted the price to be just as it’s written, even though there is no dollar sign and it’s not on our normal price sticker. I need to point out that there is also no decimal point between the 3 and the 8.”

    (The customer paid the $20.)

    Trying To Lend Color To The Argument

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes to the counter with two sheets of black and white images she has printed from her computer.)

    Customer: “Can you scan these and get someone to put all the pictures together so they go with the writing I have?”

    Me: “Sure we can. Do you have these pages saved digitally?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Do you have them saved on a computer somewhere? Or on a USB drive?”

    Customer: “Yeah, on my computer at home.”

    Me: “Did you want to save them to a USB drive first and use the digital files? It would be a much better quality.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what a USB drive is.”

    Me: “It’s just a way of saving files so that you can transfer them to a different computer.”

    Customer: “No. Just use my print out.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “But can you scan them in colour?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because those are black and white.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “We can’t scan them in colour if there is no colour to scan.”

    Customer: “But they were in colour on my computer. So there’s colour in them.”

    Me: “Yes, there was colour on your computer, but you printed them in black and white. So when we scan the black and white print out, it’s going to be in black and white.”

    Customer: “But I want them in colour! I don’t understand why you can’t just change your scanner to the colour setting.”

    Me: “I could change it to the colour setting, but there is no colour on this page to scan. It’s all in greyscale, so it’s only going to scan it in greyscale.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because a scanner just scans what it sees. It can’t pick up something that isn’t there.”

    Customer: “But you have colour scanners!”

    Me: “Yes, that is used to scan colour pictures.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just scan it in colour!”

    Me: “Because it’s not a colour picture.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is! It was in colour before I printed it!”

    For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 3

    | Foley, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Customer service. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Is this [Hardware Store]?”

    (I’m slightly confused, as to call the store you have to go through a menu and press certain numbers to actually get customer service, so it should be very clear that we are [Hardware Store].)

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, your automatic thingy didn’t say so!”

    Me: “Oh, um… okay. Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes! I was really surprised to hear you’re closed on Thanksgiving!”

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am. We’re very happy to spend the day with our families.”

    Customer: “Your families? So you’re closed? What if MY family needs to buy something? Your family isn’t more important than mine! When you work in a store you should know you can’t have a family!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what exactly would you have to buy from [Hardware Store] on Thanksgiving Day?”

    Customer: “Well… well, I don’t know, but you should be open anyway! Just in case!”

    Related:
    For You, We’re Always Closed, Part 2
    For You, We’re Always Closed

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