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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Lost And Found Rebound

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

    Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

    Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

    Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

    (I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

    Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

    (Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

    (A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

    (Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

    Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

    (Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

    Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

    Shouting Out Hot Gas

    | North Rhine Westphalia, Germany | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Home Improvement

    (Our call centre deals with emergency calls from people who smell gas in their homes.)

    Me: “This is [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Uhm, yes. I just wanted you to know that it smells strange in my basement. I think it may be gas.”

    Me: “Okay. Please give me your address, open all windows, and avoid plugging or unplugging any electronic devices. Our on-call service will be with you within 30 minutes.”

    Caller: *gives address* “… Wait, did you said that you will be here in half an hour?”

    Me: “Yes, as requested by law.”

    Caller: “Wait, no! I can’t stay at home. You need to come later! Can’t I make an appointment?”

    Me: “This is an emergency line. Once you reported the incident, we have to act. You can’t leave your house now.”

    Caller: “But my son needs to see his music teacher! He’s going to be the next Mozart. You’ll see!”

    Me: “Still, you are not allowed to leave. In case you won’t be there, we have to cut your gas line due to secur—”

    Caller: “NO! You won’t come NOW! This is your customer’s service?! I will tell all my friends and no one will ever call you again!”

    (After that she hung up. Fortunately, the mechanic met her at the door and could check her installation. It was leaky. She still refused to stay, so we shut her down. She wasn’t pleased.)

    Door Busted

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A customer comes into the store three days after Black Friday.)

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m looking for that Toshiba TV you had for Black Friday.”

    Me: “The exclusive one that we carry?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “The door buster deal that no other competitor could beat?”

    Customer: “Sounds like the one.”

    Me: “The product that 1,000 people got in line for days in advance in order to be the first and only ones to get it?”

    Customer: “Yep, that’s th— Oh… ”

    Me: “Yeah… About that…”

    Customer: “Yeah. Never mind.”

    Rebirth And Return

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am working behind the counter at a high end department store when a customer comes up with a bundled up wad of faded fabric under her arm.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I need to return this dress I just bought. It doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “No problem. Do have the tags or receipt?”

    Customer: “Of course! Here.”

    (She hands me what I’ve asked for. They’re both incredibly old; the paper is actually yellow with age. The brand of the dress is one we haven’t carried in years.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t return this.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? This store always takes returns!”

    Me: “This dress is too old for me to return.”

    Customer: “Impossible! I only bought it a few months ago. I live far away so I haven’t had a chance to return it until now. Here, I even have the business card of the woman who sold it to me.”

    (She hands me the business card, which, while legitimate, has the company’s old logo which was switched out in 2000. It is now 2012.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sale is too old for the computer to recognize. I can’t return it.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! I just bought this dress and it looks awful on me so I want to return it.”

    Me: “This receipt is from 1985. You bought this dress before I was born.”

    Fresh Out Of Fresh

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

    (I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

    Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How fresh is it?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “It is.”

    (The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

    Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

    Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

    Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

    Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

    Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

    Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Great!”

    (She pays and walks out the door.)

    Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

    Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”

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