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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    The Return Of The Ninja

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    (I have a 14-hour shift because a friend of mine is out sick as she is having surgery. It’s about eight hours into the day, and a customer comes in, with something in a paper bag and a giant scowl on her face.)

    Me: “Hello, Ma’am. How may I help you today?”

    Guest: “Yes. I’d like to return this, please? Here’s my receipt, and I want the full amount back.”

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am. I’ll do what I can.”

    (I go to scan the receipt, and it’s declined, because she’s had the items for more than 90 days. We aren’t allowed to return things over that limit without a supervisor’s approval.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but my system is showing me that I can’t return these, due to the fact you purchased them more than 90 days ago.”

    Guest: “That’s f****** stupid! I demand to speak with your supervisor! I work in retail, and we return everything the guest gives us!”

    (I look over, and see my supervisor is busy dealing with another customer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you’d just wait right over here for a moment, I’m sure he’ll be with you very shortly.”

    Guest: “No! I’ll not be treated this way!”

    (She takes out her purse, and slams her bag down on the guest services counter, throwing her store card and three gift cards at my face. I catch one, and dodge the others.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please. We do not allow that kind of behavior here. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience.”

    Guest: “You know what? You’re simply a stupid little s*** with no chance at ever being successful, or pretty!” *storms out*

    Customer In Line Behind Her: “Well, I never! Miss, you are beautiful, very kind, and I’m in awe of your ninja skills!”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. I appreciate it!”

    Ballooning Demands, Part 2

    | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (Our store closes at 7 pm on weeknights, so we lock our doors at 6:55. A customer bangs at the door at 6:58 with the promise that she needs just one thing. I let her in and tell her we’re closing the registers in two minutes. Two minutes pass and she’s not at the register.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you told me that you only needed one thing when you came in here. It’s seven and we have to shut our registers down.”

    Customer: “I know, but I forgot I also need…” *lists off a dozen items*

    Me: “There’s no way you’re going to have time to get all of that. If you want, we can gather this for you and bag it, then you can pick it up in the morning and pay.”

    Customer: “NO! It needs to be tonight! It’s an emergency.”

    Me: *sighs and realizes she’s going to be a problem* “I’ll ask one of the registers to stay open five more minutes, and then we have to shut down.”

    (Luckily, the customer is up there in three minutes with her arms full. My co-worker is checking her out when the woman says she needs to put in a balloon order for her son’s first birthday party. I hurry and grab a slip of paper to fill out with the information.)

    Customer: “Do you have any specials on your balloons?”

    Me: “No. We stopped doing specials on them months ago because of the helium shortage. We do offer balloons at a cheaper price if you buy 20 or more.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t really need 20. Can you do the order in multiple colors?”

    Me: “We can do them in as many as you like.”

    Customer: “I want them to match the theme of the party.”

    (She starts naming colors, which I write down, but she can’t decide on the blue. I go grab four different blue balloon colors.)

    Customer: “Give me the aqua, no powder blue. No, island is better. No, I’ll just go with aqua. Can I have just twelve balloons at the cheaper price?”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that. It’s in the system at a set price and I don’t have the authority.”

    Customer: “I just don’t need 20. I guess I’ll get 20, though.”

    Coworker: “I’m glad we could help you with your son’s first birthday. That’ll be [high amount].”

    (The customer hands over her card and it’s declined.)

    Customer: “Ugh, I know there’s money on that card. It just won’t go through because my check is still pending. Can you stay open just a little longer so I can run to the ATM and withdraw some money?”

    Me: “We can’t. We should have already closed over 10 minutes ago. As I suggested before, why don’t we bag this up and you can come for this in the morning when you come to get your balloons?

    Customer: “I guess so. Are you sure you can’t let me run to the ATM?”

    Me: “I’m positive, ma’am.”

    (I help to write her name and information on one of the bags, staple it shut and put it behind the main counter.)

    Customer: *as she’s walking out* “Oh, do me a favor? I don’t know if I want those balloons. Will you make sure they don’t fill them until I call?”

    Me: “… Yes, ma’am.”

    Coworker: *after the customer has left* “So we just wasted 15 minutes for her to walk out empty handed and she’s probably going to call and cancel that balloon order tomorrow.”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Related:
    Ballooning Demands

    How To Kiss Problem Customers Goodbye

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (I normally take my lunch break when my husband gets off work. Today is a really busy day and I’m not getting my lunch break, so my husband has approached me at my checkout line. I give my husband a hug and quick peck on the cheek and say goodbye. I turn to my next customer.)

    Customer: “Where’s mine?”

    Me: “Your what?”

    Customer: *very serious* “My hug and kiss. He got one. I want one, too.”

    Me: “Oh! I only hug and kiss the customers I’m married to.”

    Customer: *disgusted* “Well, that’s not good customer service. I wanted a hug and kiss!”

    (A coworker then decides to step in. He’s a big guy about 6″ tall and very heavy.)

    Coworker: “Well, it would be a shame to let you leave unhappy.”

    Customer: “I know. It’s not fair that she kisses other men but won’t give me one!”

    Coworker: “I’ll take care of that for you.”

    (My coworker walks towards the customer with his arms out.)

    Coworker: “Let me show her what customer service is. I’ll take care of that hug and kiss.”

    Customer: “Uh… No, thanks!” *walks quickly to the front register*

    Coworker: *to me* “What about my hug and kiss?”

    Me: *smirks* “What about that marriage proposal?”

    Going Into A Song And Dance Over It

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (A customer is buying over $200 worth of used CDs, most of which are missing barcodes and have to be manually entered. To boot, they are mostly classical, which means they’re covered in text, often in different languages, etc., and it’s hard to pick out the information I need.)

    Customer: “Is there any way this can go any faster? I’m in quite a hurry.”

    (Yes, I’m sure he picked out all 50 friggin’ CDs in QUITE a hurry.)

    Biting The Hand That Fees You

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I want to know if my fee has been waived.”

    Me: “Your fee?”

    Customer: “Yes, my parking fee. I always stay here and you all always waive it for me.”

    Me: “Okay…” *checks computer* “No, your fee is still there.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! The check-in guy told me that he would waive it! I want a manager!”

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    (I get a manager and explain the situation. We review the customer’s past stays. So far he has only stayed here four times in the past year. They speak.)

    Manager: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need my fee waived! You always do it for me so I should get it!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but if you have parked in the garage—”

    Customer: “I’ve seen you all waive it for others! Why not for me? That’s not fair!”

    Manager: “Well, what about those that have paid?”

    Customer: “What about them?”

    Manager: “It’s unfair to them that they should pay and you don’t.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! As a manager, you should use your initiative and do as I say!”

    Manager: “Sir—”

    Customer: *slaps fist on counter* “As a manager, you should do what I want! Always! The customer is always right!”

    (They argue a lot, with the customer interrupting my manager’s every two words with repeats of, ‘as a manager…’ Finally, seeing that my manager won’t be bullied, he storms off, swearing that he would talk to the general manager later. My manager replies he is free to, and drops his smile when the customer leaves.)

    Manager: “Jerk!”

    (Reason number one million why I would never like to be a manager!)

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