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July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Plenty Of (Full) Room To Hone Your Skills

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Politics

(I enter the lobby of a hotel I’m staying at to find the receptionist face to face with a very red-faced woman.)

Woman: “Look, stop with the bull about being full! I KNOW you always have a few rooms that you keep open for emergencies!”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, while I am sincerely sorry, we are located at the hub of a major metropolitan area that draws over three million tourists per year. Typically we get reservations non-stop from Memorial Day to Labor Day. If we were to examine this from a logical and an economic perspective, wouldn’t it make more sense to give every room we have to those who wish to reserve them, rather than keep one or two open and thus deny ourselves the profit from them?”

(The lady gawks and sputters, turning redder by the second.)

Woman: “Well… what if President Obama came in and asked for a room, huh? What if one of his family came in? Would you turn them away?”

Receptionist: “Yes, we would.”

Woman: “Exactly! So why can’t you… wait… what?”

Receptionist: “With all due respect, Ma’am, the President would have the sense to plan ahead so neither he nor his family would need to ask for a room. What’s more he doesn’t stay at this hotel when he comes to the area; he stays at [other hotel].”

Woman: “But…”

Receptionist: “FURTHERMORE, I don’t think the President would want the bad publicity from asking us to throw someone out of their room so he could take it. Therefore, why should we do that for you?”

(The woman sputters some more, then finally just screams, loud enough that I have to cover my ears, and runs out the door to her car.)

Receptionist: “I apologize that you had to be witness to that, sir.”

Me: “I… uh… no, I think the apologies should go to you, as well as the congratulations for the way you handled that. Never seen someone get driven away by the force of logic.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, well, don’t be too impressed. I’m only able to do that because I’ve had plenty of customers just like her to hone my skills on.”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work on Sundays; in the UK, the law states our shop can only be open for six hours. We close at half past four, but the staff stay until 5 pm. It’s quarter to 5, and I notice a woman in our car park, looking at the items we have outside. She looks at the door, and I think she’s seen the sign that says our opening times, so don’t shoo her away until I notice her picking some items up, and moves towards the door, only to find it locked. She rattles the door.)

Me: “We’re closed, sorry!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “We close at half past four!”

Customer: “What?”

Me & Manager: “We’re closed!”

Customer: *shouting to her little boy* “[Name]! Get here. They’re closed!”

(Thinking that’s the end of it, we go back to what we were doing. Suddenly she bangs on the door.)

Customer: “…does this mean I can’t buy anything?”

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 4
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 3

Going Too H2-Slow

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work at a gym that’s rather expensive, so all of the clients are rather well off. I’m a lifeguard year round, since they have both an indoor and an outdoor pool.)

Woman: “Hi. The indoor pool is too cold. My child is absolutely freezing.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can provide your child with warm towels directly from the dryer if he needs to be warmed up quickly.”

Woman: “No, I just need you to heat up the pool. ”

Me: “The pool is heated, ma’am, but unfortunately, we can’t directly control the temperature of the pool.”

Woman: *getting angry* “What do you mean you can’t control it?! Just pour a bunch of hot water in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, there are almost half a million gallons of water in this pool. We couldn’t possibly get enough water to meet your demands.”

Woman: “Well, you’re not doing your job, then. I’ll be speaking to your manager!” *storms off in a fit of pretentious rage*

Cancelling Out The Stupid

| Online | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(We are running a promotion with a discount code, so we always get a lot of calls when this occurs from people who are having difficulty redeeming the coupon.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Business]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I assist you?”

Customer: “You know, you guys, you send these discounts, and they just never work, and I, you know, I want to cancel my order.”

Me: “Sorry you’re having some difficulty with that. Would you like me to see if I can help you place the order?”

Customer: “No, I just want to cancel it. I’m tired of hearing from all of these places that it’s ‘user error.’”

Me: “I understand. What was your order number?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your order number. I’d be happy to cancel it for you so you aren’t charged at all, since you couldn’t use the discount code.”

Customer: “I don’t have an order number.”

Me: “I can look it up by your last name, then.”

(I can’t find an order from that last name. I try asking more and more obvious questions, like ‘are you sure you placed an order on this website?’ since literally hundreds of customers have used the code with no difficulty.)

Customer: “I just got fed up because I couldn’t find a place to put the code, and then it wouldn’t accept it, so I just closed the window.”

Me: “So you’re saying you never actually placed an order?”

Customer: “No, I just closed your crappy website.”

Me: “Sir… if you didn’t place an order, we don’t have anything to cancel.”

Customer: “Why won’t you let me cancel my order?”

Me: “If you haven’t placed an order, there’s nothing for us to cancel. You just… don’t place the order.”

Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t cancel my order?”

Me: “No, I’m saying that there’s no order to cancel.” *I’m reaching here* “Say you were in line at a sub shop, and then you decided you wanted McDonald’s instead. You don’t have to go to the register at the sub shop to tell them you’re leaving if they didn’t make a sandwich for you, right?”

Customer: “I don’t want a d*** sandwich. I just want to cancel my order!”

(I pause.)

Me: “Okay, your order has been cancelled.”

(Click.)

They’ve Gone Off The Reservation

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m working the to-go counter at a restaurant, answering phone calls. Most calls are food orders, but it’s not uncommon to receive reservation requests as well. It’s a rather busy night, and there’s roughly a 30-minute wait for a table.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for twenty, please.”

Me: “All right, that shouldn’t be a problem. When should we expect you?”

Caller: “In about two minutes. We’re pulling into the parking lot right now.”

Me: *speechless*

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