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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Trying To Use Yards Is Too Much Of A Feet For Some

    | Gladstone, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I am picking up some fabric at a large craft store. I am waiting in line to have it cut. A very loud customer cuts in front of everyone to ask about a bolt of fabric she’s carrying.)

    Customer #1: “How much is this fabric?”

    Employee: “It’s $9.99 per yard, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t want to know how much per yard. I want to know how much per foot!”

    Employee: “That would be a third of a yard. So, it would be $3.33.”

    Customer #1: “No! Not one third of a yard! ONE FOOT! How much per foot does it cost?!”

    (Another customer in line decides to interject.)

    Customer #2: “One third of a yard is a foot. Three feet make one yard. So it’s $3.33 per foot.”

    Customer #1: “Who asked you!? You don’t even work here! What do you f****** know?!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, please watch your language. Also, [Customer #2] is correct. Now if you’ll please take a number, I’ll help you when it’s your turn.”

    (Customer #1 throws the bolt of fabric on the counter.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll need two five-foot pieces for my curtains. Exactly five foot. I measured twice!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, you need to take a number. All of these people were here before you.”

    (All the other customers agree that the employee should just go ahead and help the customer so that she will leave.)

    Employee: “Okay. You want three and one third yards in two pieces. So, that would be one yard and .65 of a yard.”

    (The employee mumbles to herself as she tries to figure out how much the last .65 would be.)

    Customer #1: “No! I’m not paying for yards! I f****** want two pieces of fabric, five-feet long each! Why is that so hard for you to understand!?”

    Customer #2: “Because, you stupid cow, fabric is sold by the yard, not by the foot! So her measurements are by the yard. That’s how she has to price it. By the way, if your windows are exactly 5 ft tall, how are you going to hem them and run a curtain rod through them?”

    Customer: “I’m not going to sew them. Not that it’s any of your f****** business! I’m going to cut holes in them and run those little plastic rings through the holes.”

    (Sure enough, the customer has two packs of white plastic SHOWER rings in her cart, and a long pressure SHOWER rod.)

    Customer #2: “Those are for a shower curtains! But, sure; you do that. I’m sure it will look freaking spectacular with your ghetto neon purple curtains.”

    (The employee starts unrolling the fabric and measures out the pieces. Then she folds it up and prints the label which she then pins to the fabric.)

    Customer #1: “ARGH! You’ve just f****** ruined it! Now it has a pinhole in it! I’m not paying for that! You cut me two new pieces and don’t put no d*** pins in it!”

    (At this, yet another customer feels the need to interject.)

    Customer #3: “Oh, my god, lady! There won’t be any holes in it! That’s fleece! They always put a pin in the label to hold it on there!”

    (The customer storms off, taking the fabric with her. As I’m as seamstress for a local renaissance festival, I’m in this store quite a lot. I witness the customer in there again three days later. She is complaining to a manager about the width of the fabric for her curtains, which now have holes cut in the top and those little shower rings put through.)

    Customer #1: “This fabric is not wide enough! She cut it the wrong way!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, first off we do not do returns on cut fabric unless it was not cut to your measurements. And second, that fabric was not cut in width, it was cut in length. It comes 45 inches wide on the bolt.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I don’t want it 45 inches wide. I want it wider! So it will hang right on the walls.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, it only comes in 45 inches wide. I can’t help you with that. It was already cut, AND you’ve cut holes in it.”

    Customer #1: “No, no. The woman cut it sideways! I watched her do it! She just didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know how to do feet, she wanted to do it in yards.”

    Me: *to the manager* “Miss, I saw the whole thing the other day. The employee definitely cut it properly, and exactly how this customer wanted it. And, yes, she measured it in feet after the customer insisted she do so.”

    Customer #1: “No one is f****** talking to you, b****!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please do not come back to this store. Ever!”

    Customer #1: “You’re f****** right, I’m not coming back! You pieces of s*** don’t know how to cut s*** properly!”

    (Customer #1 throws the fabric in the trash on the way out the door, while mumbling about employees with their head up their a**. The manager pulls the fabric out of the trash.)

    Manager: “Does anyone want three yards of neon purple fleece fabric with shower curtain rings!?”

    A Minor Mistake, Part 2

    | Northland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m the night supervisor at a supermarket. I’m in my 20s but look younger than I am.)

    Customer: “I have wine here. You’ll need to call your supervisor.”

    Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. I am the supervisor on duty tonight.”

    Customer: “Really? Surely you have to be old enough to drink it before you can sell it.”

    Me: “Well, yes. But I am old enough to drink and have been for a few years now.”

    Customer: “No, you haven’t. You look like a child.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you. I’m in my 20s. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

    (The customer begins to rant about child labour laws.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “GO TO BED!”

    Related:
    A Minor Mistake

    Same Name, Shed Load Of Difference

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Money

    (It’s the middle of January, in Ontario, early morning. I’m working the customer service/return desk when I get a call.)

    Customer: *slightly hysterical* “I need your help! I just need you to listen. My ex-husband just dropped off a shed at my place but it’s the wrong size! He got me the wrong size! I need to return it!”

    Me: “That’s not a problem. Just bring back the shed in the original box and the receipt. We can give you a full refund.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want a refund. I want a god-d*** shed!”

    Me: “I understand that. Just bring in the shed with the receipt and you can use the refund to buy a new shed.”

    Customer: “Well, how does that work?”

    Me: “We’ll refund the purchase to however much he paid for it. If it was cash, we’ll give you cash. If it was credit, then we’ll refund it to his card.”

    Customer: “He paid cash!”

    Me: “That’s fine. Bring in the receipt and we’ll give you cash. But I do need that receipt and the product in the original packaging. Without the receipt, I can still offer you store credit for the shed, but you may not get as much as he paid.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’m going to have to get a cab, and you still have the box.”

    Me: “I… what?”

    Customer: “You still have the box. My ex-husband couldn’t fit it in his truck. So they took the shed out of the box and left the box behind.”

    Me: “I need that box. I can’t take back something like that in bits and pieces. It has to come back in the same condition it left.”

    Customer: “I need you to take it back! You still have the box!”

    Me: “I appreciate your position, but I need that box. Without the receipt I can still offer you store credit but I can’t take it back without the box. I need it to sell it to someone else.”

    Customer: “But I need you to take it back! It won’t fit! My ex-husband—”

    Me: “Please, miss. Let me take a look around. If we’re lucky, the box hasn’t been sent to the compactor yet and we can put the shed back in the box when you get here. Give me your name and number. In 10 minutes I’ll call you back. It’s early and it’s been slow, so maybe I still have that box.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ve already called a cab to pick me up and take back this lousy shed! Call me back soon.”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll do what I can. Please don’t leave until I call you back.”

    (I give her my name and position, and end the call. I start going across the store looking for the box. The compactor is completely empty. It’s not by our loading area. I’m starting to suspect something isn’t quite right. I go out to our outdoor garden area, which is where the sheds are stored. The area is closed for the season. It has two feet of snow and not a single footprint since the last snowfall. No one has sold a shed today. I call the customer back but only get voice mail. The customer has already left, there is no box, and no one remembers selling or loading a shed. I leave a message anyway, asking the customer to call me back, and that I can’t find the box. Three hours later I get a call.)

    Customer: “Is this [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I called earlier about the shed? I just got back and got your message.”

    Me: “Okay. So, I—”

    Customer: “I came into your store and returned the shed. You weren’t there. There was another man there, and they still had the box. They gave me a store credit. But you said that if I had the receipt and my ex-husband paid cash, then—”

    Me: “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Miss… I have been here all day. I haven’t left my desk once because I was expecting you. There has been no one else.”

    Customer: “I went to the store on the north side of town. Do you work in the store on the north or south side?”

    Me: “Miss, there is only one [store] in town.”

    Customer: “Well, no. They told me that there are two. One in the north and one in the south.”

    Me: “Miss, do you still have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Could you read it to me? Right from the top?”

    Customer: “It says [Competitor], [address], [date]—”

    Me: “Miss, your receipt is from [Competitor].”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “This is [store].”

    Customer: “Oh…” *click*

    (The really funny part? That day, working at the returns desk at the competitor’s store was a guy with the same name as me! She came gunning right for him. The poor guy never had a chance.)

    An Old Hack And A Credit Card Hack

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    (A customer approaches one of my coworkers.)

    Coworker: “Hi! Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to speak with your manager. NOW.”

    (Being the manager, I step in.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m the manager. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “YOU’RE the manager? How old are you? 12?”

    Me: “I’m 24, sir. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *sighs very loudly* “I have a problem. I think my daughter’s credit card was hacked or something. A charge that she doesn’t recognize showed up on the bill. This is the address that showed up for the charge.”

    Me: “The address here actually covers the entire strip mall, sir; not just this store. We have a suite number. The name of the pizza place always shows up on our credit card charges.”

    Customer: “My daughter and her mother are going to other stores to ask them about the charge. It would really help me if I could make sure the charge didn’t come from your store.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to try to help you, sir. Can you give me the date and amount for the charge?”

    Customer: “Sure. It’s [date and amount].”

    Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have any orders from that day that are for that amount.”

    Customer: “Whoever stole her card number probably left a tip or something.”

    Me: “Sir, we add the tip to the order in the system so we can give cash to our drivers at the end of the night. The total should match exactly.”

    Customer: “Maybe you didn’t add it or something!”

    Me: “Okay. If you’ll give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I can check the batch report.”

    Customer: “I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Can I just see the batch report so I can check for her card number?”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir. There are other credit card numbers in that batch report.”

    Customer: “So? It’s not like I’m going to steal the card numbers or anything.”

    Me: “I’m sure you wouldn’t, sir. But I still can’t show you the report. Since you won’t give me the last four digits of your daughter’s card number, I don’t think I can help you. I suggest you call the company that issued the credit card to dispute the charge. They should be able to remove it and issue your daughter a new card.”

    Customer: “NO! I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR BATCH REPORT RIGHT NOW! MY DAUGHTER’S CARD WAS HACKED. I HAVE A RIGHT TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t help you. You need to leave, please.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU, B****!”

    (The customer leaves after flipping me off. I call the cops. They find him screaming at another manager in a store several doors down. Ironically, it turns out the guy had several outstanding warrants for identity theft and credit card fraud!)

    Hard Core Herbivore

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It’s towards the end of the lunch rush. I am washing dishes in the back of our café. I overhear an exchange between a customer and a coworker.)

    Customer: *very politely* “Could I have a vegetarian pastie, please?”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I’ve just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “So, there’s no vegetarian pasties?”

    Coworker: “No, I’m sorry. But maybe you’d like to try—”

    Customer: “FINE! I GUESS I’LL JUST F****** STARVE THEN!” *storms out*


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