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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Meatballs-Out Crazy Request

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (The building out of which I have operated my shop for the last 2.5 years was originally built as an Italian restaurant. The restaurant went out of business over a decade ago, and my coffee shop is only the latest in a string of businesses that have occupied the property since then.)

    Me: *answering the phone* “Good afternoon, [Coffee Shop].”

    Caller: “Oh, um, hi… This is going to sound a little stupid…”

    Me: “No, don’t worry. What can I help you with?”

    Caller: “Well, my name is [Caller], and I just really loved [Original Restaurant]‘s meatballs and sauce. I was wondering if you still had any, or if you knew how to get some?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Caller: “They were just so good! Do you know where they might have opened up again?”

    Me: “No… Not at all.”

    Caller: “Oh, that’s disappointing. What a shame. They were just so good. I—”

    Me: “All right. Well, if that’s all, I—”

    Caller: “But they were just so good!”

    Should Go Back To Primary Level

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small art and bookshop. We get a lot of students coming in to get supplies.)

    Customer: ”Hi. I’m starting an art course at the college and I need some brushes.”

    Me: ”Okay. We have lots to choose from over there.”

    (I point to huge rack of brushes to my right full of oil, acrylic, and watercolour brushes.)

    Customer: ”Oh, I’m not quite…”

    Me: ”I can help you if you like? What sort of brush are you looking for?”

    Customer: ”Well, what sort of brushes are the other students buying?”

    Me: ”It’s up to you really. It’s sort of a personal preference. What do you like to paint with?”

    Customer: ”Primary colours.”

    Me: ”…”

    (Something told me she probably won’t excel at art college!)

    A Customer’s Behavior Can Cut You In Half

    | WV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a weekday team member at a home improvement store, mostly in the lumber yard. I am already having a rough day, and a customer asks me if I could cut her a piece of plywood, but our wood cutter is currently out of service. Her pleasant demeanor instantly turns sour.)

    Customer: “The fact that your saw is broken is unacceptable! My mother is sitting outside in her vehicle, and she just had open-heart surgery! I don’t have time for this!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry that our saw is broken, ma’am, but I could call the store across town for you and see if their saw is functioning—”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to go to the other store! I spent $20 in gas just to f****** get here!”

    Me: “Yet again, I do apologize for the inconvenience—”

    (The customer obviously does not hear me, and continues shouting.)

    Customer: “F*** you! I want my wood cut! I’ll break it in half myself if I have to!”

    (At this point, the customer is so angry, I am afraid she will try to physically harm me. Two managers on duty overhear the ordeal and walk over.)

    Manager #1: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as our associate has already told you, our saw is currently out of service, and is due to be replaced shortly. If you would like, we might have a circular saw in the back that we could use to cut it for you—”

    Customer: “This is f****** crazy! I don’t understand why you can’t fix the saw! My mother is still out in the vehicle, and I don’t have time for your bulls***!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind waiting here, I could go get the saw for you and cut it.”

    Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! I’ve been in the store for over two hours, and you expect me to wait while you go f*** around, and probably not even come back!?”

    (After more rambling, she finally agrees to wait. She then says she is going to go outside and ‘cool off.’ After I retrieve the circular saw, I then go outside to look for the customer. I find her in her car, with her feet up on the steering wheel, smoking a cigarette alongside her mother, who, for having ‘open-heart surgery’, is smoking as well. Customer recognizes me and then shoos me away, and I go back inside. After 25 minutes or so, the customer finally comes back inside, and this time, her ‘recovering’ mother has come in to do some paint shopping.)

    Customer: “Is anyone going to f****** help me, or am I going to have to start shooting people to get attention?”

    Manager #2: “Excuse me, ma’am, is that really necessary? Our associate went looking for you, and it has been over half an hour.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I am ready to cut this wood for you, as soon as you tell me the lengths you want.”

    Customer: “I want you to cut it the f*** in half!”

    Me: “Would you like me to rip it for you, or cut it in 4×4 sections?”

    Customer: “Go ahead and f****** rip it. And stop wasting my time!”

    (I proceed to rip the plywood into two foot by eight foot sections, but as it turns out, this was wrong. At this point, the two managers have left me to deal with this customer, because they felt that I had the situation under control.)

    Customer: “You f****** dips***! Why did you cut my wood like that?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you told me to rip it—”

    Customer: “No, I said in HALF!”

    Me: “What did you mean, 4×4 sections?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s what I f****** said the first time!”

    (Managers have overheard this as well, and came back over to assist.)

    Manager #1: “Ma’am, we would be happy to get you a new piece of wood, but if you would have clarified exactly what you wanted, we stock wood in the dimensions you wanted, and you would have been out of here two hours ago.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a s***! I just want my wood cut!”

    (Thoroughly annoyed and ready to snap, I reluctantly retrieve a new piece of wood, and agree to re-cut it for her.)

    Customer: “About f****** time! Thank you for wasting my life!”

    Me: “Gladly.”

    (Because of the violent nature of this customer, and because of her threats, the managers finally sent her out of the store, with her precious wood- for free. We didn’t want to give her any excuse to come back and we were thankful nothing else happened! Because of this whole ordeal, the managers allowed me to sit in the break room for a few minutes to cool off. Hopefully, that is the first AND last time I receive a death threat in the workplace.)

    Questionable Behavior

    | Pullman, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, School

    (While I am a student I work as a tour guide for prospective students.)

    Me: “Now if you have any questions. Feel free to ask me anything that doesn’t violate my fifth amendment rights!”

    (A good portion of the groups laugh as expected. The tour continues with me answering the occasional question. A mother of a high-school girl has one.)

    Mother: “What are your enrollment numbers?”

    Me: “Our undergrad enrollment is [number]. If you count grad students it goes up to [higher number].”

    Mother: “Thank you.”

    (Several minutes later, this same mother asks another questions.)

    Mother: “Where are the dining halls and how many options do they serve?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am…”

    (I proceed to give her every piece of info I can about meal plans, the dining locations, and even the specific food items. Several more minutes into the tour…)

    Mother: “I heard that last year you had a swine flu epidemic and had to shut down the school!”

    (At this point I wonder if she is clueless or deliberately trying to get a question I can’t answer.)

    Me: “Actually, several students were diagnosed but nowhere near an epidemic.”

    Mother: “How do you know? I heard they had to cancel two football games here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I go to every home football game. If they really did cancel a football game then I have no idea what I was watching.”

    (Some of the other parents are trying to contain their laughter, and even this woman’s daughter looks embarrassed at her mom)

    Mother: “Fine.” *looks around and then points* “WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THAT!?”

    (The rest of the group as this point cannot believe this is happening.)

    Me: “If we look at that bird, we can clearly see that’s a magpie, which my friend pointed out to me last week. Now moving on…”

    (At this point the mother pulls out a phone as we continue and about two minutes later I hear the daughter.)

    Daughter: “See? It was a magpie! Now, will you please stop!?”

    Thinking Way Outside The Box

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (It was getting to the end of the day at the bank. One of my tellers and a banker are in the drive-thru, starting to pack things up, when a customer pulls into one of the farthest lanes from the building.)

    Customer: “I need to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “Sure thing. I can let one of the bankers know that you will be coming in to get into your box.”

    Customer: “No. I’m not coming in. I just want to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “Well the safe deposit boxes are inside. They are inside the vault. The only way to get in the box is to go in the vault.”

    Customer: “I know. I told you I am not coming inside. I just need to get into my safe deposit box.”

    Teller: “How are you going to get your box out of the vault that is inside if you don’t come inside? Bank employees don’t have access to the safe deposit boxes because they contain your property. YOU have the key.”

    Customer: “LOOK I TOLD YOU I’M NOT COMING INSIDE. ARE YOU GOING TO GET MY SAFE DEPOSIT BOX OR NOT?!”

    Teller: “Seriously?”

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