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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Delayed By A Customer Is A Certainty Principle

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I’m standing in line waiting at the check-out of a popular department store. There’s no one behind me, and I’m not in a particular hurry. The woman in front of me is buying a single item, for which she has a coupon.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t scan. Did you—”

    Customer: “What do you mean it won’t scan?”

    Cashier: “Well, I see that this coupon is for [Brand Name item] and you’re trying to purchase [generic version of the same item]. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

    Cashier: “Well, no. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Just scan the coupon!”

    Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry, but the coupon won’t—”

    Customer: “I came here because I had that coupon. Now put the discount on!”

    (Since it seems like we might be here all day, and I know that trying to explain her mistake won’t get anywhere, I interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how much is the coupon worth?”

    Customer: “It’s for two dollars. But—”

    Me: “If I give you two dollars, will you pay and take your item?”

    Customer: *insulted tone* “No! It’s the principle of the matter!”

    (I wound up waiting another five minutes while they called over the manager, and no, she did not get her discount)

    Turned The Tables

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests

    (It’s a fairly slow day. Only one table is occupied. The guests leave and within half a minute, someone else sits down at that table.)

    Me: “Hi! I’ll just clean this table for you. What can I get you to drink?”

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to apologize?”

    Me: “For what?”

    Customer: “For this dirty table!”

    Me: “Uh… no?”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Because there are 30 empty tables where you could sit down, and you picked the only dirty one in the entire restaurant. The previous guests left only a minute ago. How could that possibly be my fault?”

    Customer: *disgruntled* “One coffee…”

    Lost And Found Rebound

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

    Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

    Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

    Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

    (I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

    Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

    (Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

    (A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

    (Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

    Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

    (Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

    Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

    Shouting Out Hot Gas

    | North Rhine Westphalia, Germany | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Home Improvement

    (Our call centre deals with emergency calls from people who smell gas in their homes.)

    Me: “This is [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Uhm, yes. I just wanted you to know that it smells strange in my basement. I think it may be gas.”

    Me: “Okay. Please give me your address, open all windows, and avoid plugging or unplugging any electronic devices. Our on-call service will be with you within 30 minutes.”

    Caller: *gives address* “… Wait, did you said that you will be here in half an hour?”

    Me: “Yes, as requested by law.”

    Caller: “Wait, no! I can’t stay at home. You need to come later! Can’t I make an appointment?”

    Me: “This is an emergency line. Once you reported the incident, we have to act. You can’t leave your house now.”

    Caller: “But my son needs to see his music teacher! He’s going to be the next Mozart. You’ll see!”

    Me: “Still, you are not allowed to leave. In case you won’t be there, we have to cut your gas line due to secur—”

    Caller: “NO! You won’t come NOW! This is your customer’s service?! I will tell all my friends and no one will ever call you again!”

    (After that she hung up. Fortunately, the mechanic met her at the door and could check her installation. It was leaky. She still refused to stay, so we shut her down. She wasn’t pleased.)

    Door Busted

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A customer comes into the store three days after Black Friday.)

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m looking for that Toshiba TV you had for Black Friday.”

    Me: “The exclusive one that we carry?”

    Customer: “I think so.”

    Me: “The door buster deal that no other competitor could beat?”

    Customer: “Sounds like the one.”

    Me: “The product that 1,000 people got in line for days in advance in order to be the first and only ones to get it?”

    Customer: “Yep, that’s th— Oh… ”

    Me: “Yeah… About that…”

    Customer: “Yeah. Never mind.”

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