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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Doesn’t Live In The Real World

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Time

    (I’m the manager of a watch store in a mall. I am taking care of some display work when a couple walks up to my kiosk.)

    Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Hey. No, thanks. I think we’re just looking.”

    Me: “Okay, sounds good. Just let me know if you have any questions.”

    (I go back to my display work and the couple wanders around the booth. As they come closer to me I notice the man is looking confused. I’m about to ask him if there’s something I can clear up for him when he speaks up.)

    Customer: “Are any of these watches real?”

    Me: “I… What?”

    Customer: “These watches you’re selling. Are any of them real?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. All of my watches are 100% authentic time pieces.”

    (Meanwhile, his wife is snickering.)

    Customer: “No, I mean are any of these real gold?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. Seeing as I am in a kiosk in the middle of a mall, I do not have the security systems in place for me to sell genuine gold watches, which often start at several thousands of dollars.”

    Customer: “Oh, but what about this one right here? It looks like it would be a real gold watch.”

    Me: “No, sir. That watch is gold colored plating over base metal, mostly nickel. It runs $39.95.”

    Customer: “Oh. But are those real diamonds on it?”

    Me: “… No. I think they’re glass or plastic.”

    Customer: “You sure you don’t have anything real in the back?

    Me: “I’m a kiosk, sir. I don’t have a ‘back.’”

    Customer’s Wife: *outright laughing now* “I am so sorry. You have been so patient!”

    (She drags him away. A manager at the next store who has observed this and is in hysterics.)

    Me: “I give up. Are you hiring?”

    The Hair Apparent

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (The manager calls me to the front of the store to deal with an angry customer: I had laminated her elementary school son’s photo collage. I should have realized something was up when I see the manager is smirking.)

    Customer: “You laminated one of your hairs in my son’s collage!”

    Me: “I really doubt it.”

    (I point out I am wearing a hat.)

    Customer: *now super angry* “Don’t contradict me. You have ruined this collage!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I really don’t think that long blond hair is mine.”

    (I pull off my hat. I have a shaved head.)

    Customer: “Well, then, someone else must have put it there. Like her!” *points to a coworker with blond hair*

    Me: “Ma’am, I am the only person who has touched this order. This hair appears to be yours.”

    Customer: “Well… you should have never laminated the hair in then!”

    (I point to the order form where the customer has circled ‘as is’.)

    Customer: “Aaargh!” *storms out*

    Putting The High Into Hiring

    | UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”

    Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”

    Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”

    Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”

    Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”

    Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”

    Returns From The Dead

    , | Pasadena, MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology, Transportation

    (At the auto parts store I work for we offer free battery charging for any car/truck/boat batteries as long as they do not test bad.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get this battery charged please.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just test it real quick.”

    (This battery looks like crap, but it’s not leaking so I go ahead and test it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this battery is not good. It has a bad cell in it. I can’t charge it.”

    Customer: “What do you mean it’s bad?! This battery is pretty much new. You need to charge anyway.”

    Me: “Not gonna happen. It is actually dangerous if I try to charge this.”

    Customer: “I demand you charge this right NOW!”

    Me: “No. Your battery is dead; no amount of charging is going to bring it back. You will need to get a replacme—”

    Customer: “I SAID, CHARGE IT!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, I demand to—”

    Me: “I am the manager. I will NOT charge this battery. It has a bad cell, and there is no way this battery is anywhere near new. Judging by the inch worth of grease around the case and the ungodly level of corrosion on the terminals, I would say this battery is at least 7-8 years old. And If I were to attempt to charge this over sized paperweight, there is a chance it could explode and cause serious damage to the people around it.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Me: “Not happening.”

    Customer: “Crap… but I can’t afford a new battery.”

    Me: “Look, give me a chance to check the back. We do have a used battery program, and I may have one in stock.”

    (I walk in the back and find a used battery that fits the customer’s car.)

    Me: “I found this one in the back. Now it is classified as used, but that just means that someone returned a battery with no problems to it, but we can no longer sell it new.”

    Customer: *brightens* “Really? How much?”

    Me: “$43.”

    Customer: “Really? That’s great! I was worried that I was going to have to spend hundreds on a new battery. Thank you so much!” *buys battery and leaves*

    Me: *to coworker* “Why do people always demand we bring dead things back to life?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know, but let me know when you figure out how to do that.”

    A Chequered Credit History

    | GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (We had just stopped taking checks the day before. A customer walks in, and starts writing a check.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t accept checks. You can pay with cash, or a debit or credit card.”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am? My family has owned ALL of the pharmacies here in town for the last hundred years!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our system won’t allow checks. You’ll have to pay with another option.”

    Customer: “My family has more money than this whole mall!”

    (The customer then pulls out a credit card to pay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Your card was declined.”

    (The customer walked out of the store without saying another word.)

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