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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

    , | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

    Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

    Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

    Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

    Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

    (At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

    Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

    Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

    (My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

    (I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

    Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”

    Here To Serve, Not Serviette

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Patron: “Could I get some napkins?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Patron: *sighs* “Napkins! Where are your napkins?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any napkins”.

    Patron: “What?! Why not?”

    Me: “Because we’re a library…”

    (Our library does not sell food or have any reason to offer napkins.)

    Demanding And Stupid In The Same Breath

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (We’re a bookstore, but we also sell some smaller toys from a popular company known for their hand-crafted products. I’m covering the register on a slow night. A customer I rang out a few minutes earlier who bought a $3 wooden kazoo comes storming back into the store. Another customer reaches the register at about the same time, but holds back when she sees how angry the other woman is.)

    Customer #1: “Why’d you tell my son he couldn’t return this kazoo? It’s defective!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. He just asked if he could get his money back, and I told him we couldn’t take it because it was opened already. It’s defective?”

    (I pick up the wooden kazoo that she’s slammed on the counter hold it near my mouth, and hum. It makes a kazoo noise.)

    Me: “Oh, maybe your son doesn’t know how it works. You have to hum into it, not blow like a whistle. Seems fine.”

    Customer #1: “What? I didn’t hear anything! It’s defective! I want my money back!”

    (I hold the kazoo near my lips again and hum louder. It makes a louder kazoo noise.)

    Me: “See? That’s what it’s supposed to do. You hum, and it makes that noise.”

    (I set it down in front of her, thinking the problem is solved.)

    Customer #1: “No way! I’m not taking that out of the store now! You’ve contaminated it with your breath! It has all your germs in it. Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Really?”

    (The woman tries to stare me down.)

    Me: “Ma’am, as I explained, you don’t blow into a kazoo. You hum. You can’t hum with your mouth open. None of my breath went into the kazoo.”

    (I demonstrate a humming noise without the kazoo, showing her my lips are firmly pressed closed.)

    Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! I’ve bought hundreds of things from here that were all defective, and I’ve never bothered to return them before. I just threw them away. Now, you won’t even take back this broken kazoo?”

    Me: “But, it’s not broken, remember? And I didn’t breathe in it, either. I’m not sure exactly what your complaint is at this point.”

    Customer #1: “That’s it! I want to talk to your store manager.”

    Me: “That would be me.”

    Customer #1: “Fine! Then I want to talk to a district manager! Is he here?”

    Me: “Yes. And he’s also me.”

    Customer #2: “This isn’t over. Not by a long shot! You haven’t heard the last of me!”

    (The woman snatches up her kazoo from the counter and runs out of the store. I turn to the other woman who’s been waiting patiently.)

    Me: “I’m sorry you had to be here for that uncomfortable situation.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, I don’t mind. That was pretty entertaining. I think you may have created a super-villain.”

    (Ten minutes later, one of my managers from another store location calls me, laughing.)

    Coworker: “Um, apparently, I’m supposed to fire you. Some crazy lady just called to tell me that you threw a kazoo at her?”

    It’s Scary What They Want Refunds For

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (A woman walks into our haunted house with her 10-year-old son, buying admission for the two of them. After she comes out, she storms over to me, a look of anger on her face.)

    Customer: “Refund. Now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as you can see by this sign, we have a strict ‘No Refund’ policy.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want my money back, and I want it now! I want to speak with the manager of this place.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Well, then you can give me a refund.”

    Me: “Before we take this any further, I’d like to know why you want a refund.”

    Customer: “Do you have any idea how bad this place scared my child? He was terrified!”

    Me: “Well, in that case, I certainly cannot give you a refund.”

    Customer: “Oh? Why’s that?”

    Me: “You see, ma’am, this is a haunted house. Our job here is to scare and frighten everyone who comes in here. You said you son was scared when he went in. Then you got what you paid for.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would scare him THAT bad!”

    Me: “Then we’ve exceeded expectations.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! You scared a little ten year old boy to death!”

    Me: “As I stated, that is our job. It is up to the family of children to decide whether the child should go in or not.”

    Customer: “I think it would be up to the workers here to not scare a child who’s coming through!”

    Me: “Then they wouldn’t be doing their job, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So, I can’t get a refund?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “You should change the policy about refunds, then.”

    Me: “I have no power to do that. I’m the manager, but not the owner. And he has told us that if we were to give out refunds, we would have no profit, because people would abuse the refunds right. This is why we can’t do it.”

    Customer: “No refund?”

    Me: “No refund, sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, then I’m NEVER coming back to this place ever again!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (The woman looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before she briskly walked away, murmuring something to herself.)

    Making The Feathers Fly

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I am a chef. The server is fairly new. This is one of her first solo shifts. This couple comes in at the very end of lunch. They are the only customers in the building.)

    Male Customer: “Are the chickens fresh?”

    Server: “Yup. We pull the feathers in the back.”

    Male Customer: “Okay. I’ll take the chicken sandwich and some feathers.”

    Female Customer: “I’ll have the cheeseburger.”

    (The server enters their order in the computer. She then grabs their drinks and drops them off at the table.)

    Male Customer: “Where are the feathers?”

    Server: “I just rang them in.” *laughs*

    (I cook the food and call out for the server. She picks up the order and brings it out to the table.)

    Male Customer: “Where are my f****** feathers? If you don’t bring me my f****** feathers I am going to punch you in the face.”

    Server: “I’ll be right back.”

    (She goes and gets the manager who goes up to the table.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Male Customer: “I want my feathers. She said you had chicken feathers. She said you had them. If she doesn’t bring them out I am going to punch her.”

    Manager: “You need to leave. Now.”

    (As strange as this whole situation was, looking back on it now the thing I found the weirdest wasn’t the chicken feather guy. It was his girlfriend that didn’t say a thing through the entire ‘WTF’ conversation the guy had with the server and the manager.)

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