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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    A Total PPOODJ-Head

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

    (I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

    Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

    Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

    (I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

    Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

    (She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

    Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

    (She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

    Tripping About Shipping

    | Monroe, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I work in a factory office that sells school supplies around the country. We receive purchase orders via e-mail, regular mail, and fax. Most of the calls we receive tend to be about checking the status of deliveries and orders received.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How many I help you?”

    Caller: “I would like to say that the way you shipped out my order is unacceptable and not according to what I requested in the fax. I demand to be compensated!”

    Me: “Okay, I apologize for the inconvenience. May I have the purchase order number so I can look into it, please?”

    Caller: “Yes, it’s [number].”

    (Her account has several notations, mainly about reps trying to contact the customer about her order which has over $400 worth of goods. She requested in her fax that she wanted her order divided up into four separate shipments, one for each teacher that the goods are to go to. Company policy won’t allow us to do that as doing so will increase shipping costs. The last notation reads that a rep spoke with the school secretary and explained the company policy about shipments. She was advised she could choose to either have everything shipped together or she could fax separate purchase orders with each teacher’s name. The notes showed she chose the former option.)

    Caller: “That’s unacceptable! I did not give permission to do that. You should have asked for me specifically.”

    Me: “According to these notes, the rep did and got the secretary instead.”

    Caller: “Sir! The secretary does not have permission to make changes to purchase orders. You should have asked for me! I should be compensated for this.”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, that’s not company error. The secretary should have told you what happened.”

    Caller: “Don’t you think you should’ve told her to let me know?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she’s your secretary! It should go without saying that if she gets a call about your order, if she makes a change to it she should let you know. It’s not our error if she doesn’t do that. I’m sorry, but according to these notes the rep did ask for you. He did explain the situation to the secretary and he asked her if she had authorization to make changes to the order. She said yes and the changes were made.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m telling you now she should not have done that!! That rep should have asked for me specifically because the order is now ruined! It’s four other secretaries and I sorting out over six boxes of products that are scattered everywhere. It’s a complete mess that is taking too much time. I have to deal with all this aggravation because of your incompetence.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. As I explained before, company policy won’t—”

    Caller: “I DON’T GIVE A F**** ABOUT WHAT YOUR COMPANY POLICY SAYS! I’m pissed the f**** off!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell and raise your voice like that. Please be advised if you continue to use that language and tone this call will be disconnected.”

    Caller: *scoffs* “This is so aggravating! I’m so upset. I should return everything and make you pay for the return shipment.”

    Me: “Please be advised that we’re not going to do that as you placed this order out of your own volition. At no point in this phone call did you state you received incorrect merchandise. Also, be mindful that it would take more effort on your part to package everything up and return back versus you already going through the process of sorting out the merchandise.”

    Caller: “This is nonsense! I should call the Better Business Bureau on you people and my secretary!”

    Me: “You’re going to complain to the Better Business Bureau that we correctly filled your order, that your secretary did not inform you of our phone call, and the secretary that either you or your school hired didn’t do your job?”

    (The caller let out a huge scream, then hung up. When I checked on the account later on in the day notes were left stating she spoke with a manager who told her the same thing.)

    A Seedy CD

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (Part of the territory of working in a copy and print shop is you are going to see some ‘private’ photos sometimes. While you are allowed to refuse to print something you are uncomfortable with, most of us don’t care and just turn the print upside-down once done to avoid offending other customers. On this particular day, a regular customer comes in, who we all know manages a ‘gentleman’s club’ in town.)

    Customer: “Okay, the image is on this CD, it should be the only one there.”

    Me: “Okay. Let me just look at it on the computer before you go, so I know it’s the right one and it copied to the disk properly.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: *realizing immediately that I can’t describe this image in front of other customers* “Er… sir, do you want to come around the counter and look to make sure the image is correct?”

    Customer: *very loudly* “IS IT A MIDGET STRIPPING?”

    Me: “…  Yes. Yes, in fact, it is…”

    They Don’t Have Lines Like They Used To

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (Our business is near a retirement community so we get a lot of senior citizens who come in for breakfast. As I’m cleaning tables a very elderly man in a walker approaches me and hands me a 20 dollar bill.)

    Me: “Um, thank you, sir. I’m sorry, but what is this for?”

    Customer: “Well, young lady, I was just telling my friend that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. But then you came along and made my day!”

    Me: “Oh, haha! Thanks that’s very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

    Customer: “Nonsense! Get yourself a nice pair of black garters. You know, like Betty Page used to wear. Then you can give me a heart attack and I’ll die a happy man.”

    (He gives me a saucy wink and scoots off on his walker, leaving me holding the bill. I was left slightly perplexed, but I had to admire the old goat’s chutzpah.)

    A Slow And Ready Response

    , | Turku, Finland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

    Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

    (The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

    Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

    Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

    (I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

    Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

    (The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

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