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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Didn’t Make New Calendar Year Resolution

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am the manager for a seasonal kiosk at my city’s mall. I’ve been out sick for the last couple of days with a plethora of very unpleasant infections, and though I am no longer contagious, thanks to my medication, I am still in a lot of pain. It’s the day before Christmas Eve when I get a phone call from one of my employees.)

    Employee: “We’ve got a gentleman who isn’t happy with our return policy and wants to talk to a manager.”

    Me: “Okay, put him on the phone.”

    Employee: “Sir, if you would like to talk to my boss, she’s—”

    Customer: *in the background* “I want to talk to her in person.”

    Employee: “Sir, my boss is sick. She can’t—”

    Customer: “In person!”

    (The customer continues to insist that he will only talk to the manager in person. After he is informed that I am sick and that I live 45 minutes away from the store, he says he will wait for me to come in and that he will not leave my employee to do her job until he has spoken to a manager in person. I drive to the mall to talk to him, though thankfully by now security guards have relocated him to the mall management office.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. I’m the manager for [Kiosk]. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Your return policy is crap. I want to return this calendar and get my money back but your employee won’t let me.”

    (He holds up a calendar that has already been opened.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our return policy states that we cannot do refunds on opened merchandise.”

    Customer: “It’s a store policy! You’re the store manager! You can let me return it.”

    Me: “I can’t do that. It’s a corporate policy.”

    Customer: “I want my money back!”

    (He shoves the calendar at me; I see that it is one of our $8 sale calendars; most of our products are $15. I also see that not only is it open, he has also written on some of the squares for January.)

    Me: “…You’ve already written on this.”

    Customer: “I’m not happy with my purchase! I want my money back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but corporate’s return policy will not allow me to issue a cash refund for opened merchandise that has been written on. If you would like to take this up with corporate, I can get you our corporate customer service number.”

    Customer: “No! You WILL give me my money back RIGHT NOW.”

    (He then proceeds to start swearing. Having had more than enough of this, I turn to leave, and he actually makes a grab for me! One of the security guards intercepts him before he can touch me.)

    Security Guard: “Oh, no, you don’t.”

    Customer: “This isn’t fair! I want my money back! The customer is always right! You were supposed to back down after I yelled at you in person!”

    (He kept this up while one of the other security guards called the cops. As he was still going at it when they arrived, the cops ended up arresting him… all over an $8 calendar. Merry Christmas, jerk.)

    Balking At Your Talking

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (It is morning, and all the guests are eating breakfast. Since no one is asking for service, I relax and chat with my coworker. A man and woman come up, with annoyed expressions.)

    Man: “Hey, you!”

    Me: “Yes? Can I help you with something?”

    Man: “Yes! You can help by not talking to your friend!”

    Me: “You mean, my coworker?”

    Woman: “Yes! Her! You’re supposed to work here, not chit chatting! I’ll be telling your manager about you slacking off!”

    Man: “What kind of service is this, where the workers just chatter on?”

    Me: “Well, I was just talking with my coworker here since there was no one in line or at the counter.”

    Man: “No, I don’t want you to do that! It’s very rude!”

    Me: “So…  you don’t want me to talk to my coworker?”

    Woman: “Yes, exactly! You are here to serve us! Nothing else! You hear me?”

    (They storm off, very incensed.)

    Manager: “What was that all about?”

    (They did complain, and their complaints were laughed off.)

    How To Give Someone A God Complex

    | The Philippines | Crazy Requests, Religion

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. [My Name] speaking. Can I have your full name, please?”

    Customer: “[Customer].”

    Me: “Thank you. How can I be of assistance to you today?”

    Customer: “I need you to take of the late fees and overdraft fees off of my account! RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I’ll be glad to take a look into your account and review the probability of removing the fees but I’m going to need to review it thoroughly, okay?”

    Customer: “Yeah, whatever.”

    (After a good minute of pause…)

    Me: “I’m sorry Ms. [Customer], but it seems that the charges are all valid; I won’t be able to remove them this time.”

    Customer: “You f****** b****! You had me waiting for 15 long minutes while you were doing your s*** on your computer and now you’re telling me you cannot take these f***** fees off?!”

    (I have her account pulled up and it didn’t take me 15 minutes to see the late and overdraft fees on her account.)

    Me: “I’m sorry this upsets you, ma’am, and as much as I would like to remove these fees for you, I won’t have the capability because our system recognizes valid charges and won’t let us modify it.”

    Customer: “I don’t f****** care! Remove them or I will call the police!”

    Me: “What can the police do?”

    Customer: “You people are stealing my money! I will sue you and your company for this, lady!”

    Me: “I understand your frustration, but we have sent you multiple notices reminding you of your payment and we haven’t received any amount for the past five months. The late fess piled up, over-drafting your account. I really do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! I f****** want you to f****** remove these fees off of my account! Don’t be stupid! I know you can do it! You just don’t want to, because you are too lazy to do it!”

    Me: “Ms. [Customer], please avoid using profanity. This is a professional institution and we don’t tolerate such language. If it happens again, I will have to disconnect the call.”

    Customer: “F*** you, you f****** b****! Give me your f***** supervisor! Wait, no. I want someone higher that your supervisor: your manager, or your CEO! No, I want the president of your company, or the higher person above your president!”

    (After multiple attempts to calm the customer down and my warnings for her vulgar language, I am kind of ticked off already.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I definitely can hand you over to my supervisor—”

    Customer: “Didn’t you f****** hear me, you s***?! I want the person higher than the president of your company!”

    Me: “I believe that wouldn’t be possible; there is no one higher than the president of this company. He owns the business.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! Hand me over to someone higher than him!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you want someone higher than the person who owns this company, then PRAY. Talk to God. He is the highest being you could talk to. You can also ask for forgiveness for that bad language and have Him bless you more for you to have the money to pay for your dues. And since you didn’t listen when I asked you to stay professional, I will now disconnect this call. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for calling [Bank]. Good bye.” *click*

    Medicated And Dedicated

    | Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (It has been a quiet day, and I happen to overhear this conversation between my coworker and the customer. I decided to intervene at one point.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a packet of [Medication].”

    Coworker: “Sure, what packet size did you want? We have 84, or 168.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the smaller pack? The 28 pack?”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t think we do. I’ll go check the back if we might have stock.”

    (Whilst my coworker went to the back to check, I decide to converse with the customer to keep the sale.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that we don’t have the smaller pack in stock, but the larger packs do work out cheaper than the small pack in the long run. Especially if you need to take them long term.”

    Customer: *angrily* “I know that! I’d prefer getting the small pack so I know what I’m taking! And I do need to watch what I spend to be able to put food on my plate each month.”

    (My coworker returns.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry but we didn’t have any small packs at the back.”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Oh fine, I’ll just take the 84s.”

    (While my coworker is processing the sale:)

    Customer: “Oh, and these as well.”

    (She placed three chocolate bars on the counter.)

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 3

    | Cicero, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (After ordering a breakfast sandwich with only sausage and cheese, a customer comes back with said sandwich with a few bites taken.)

    Customer: “I can’t eat this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Is there a problem with your order?”

    Customer: “I can’t eat meat. I’m allergic.”

    (Confused on why she ordered it in the first place, I offer her something else or her money back.)

    Customer: “Just make me a sandwich with ham and cheese.”

    Me: “Um, you just told me you’re allergic to meats.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Ham is a meat.”

    Customer: “I’m allergic to that meat.” *points at sandwich*

    Me: “You’re only allergic to that type of sausage?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s why I’m telling you to make me a sandwich with ham instead!”

    Me: “Are you sure you just didn’t like it?”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?!”

    Me: “Well, it’s just that our sausage is made from pork. Now you’re asking for ham.”

    Customer: “What’s your point?”

    Me: “Ham is a pork product. If you eat this, I may have to call a paramedic in due to your throat possibly swelling. We wouldn’t want to risk your life, miss.”

    Customer: “…I didn’t like the sausage.”

    Related
    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2
    Allergic To Common Sense

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