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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Possibly The Dimmest Customer Ever

    | MT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I have just asked a customer for the serial number on his TV. He informs me he needs to get a flashlight to see it. He is silent for a minute, and then speaks up sounding rather irritated.)

    Customer: “Are you going to get me a flashlight, sir?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I need a flashlight or you’re not getting the serial number.”

    Me: “I can’t give you a flashlight, sir. I’m only on the phone with you.”

    Customer: “Please get me a flashlight.”

    Me: “I cannot get you a flashlight. You are in Florida. I’m in Montana.”

    Customer: “Do you want my serial number or not?”

    Me: “Yes. I need it to set you up for service, but I can’t wave my hands and magically make a flashlight appear in your hand.”

    Customer: “Your service is horrible.”

    Me: *muting my phone* “I want to go home now.”

    Bad Things Come To Those Who Wait

    | Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (Our facility offers a cultural swim for women who don’t swim with men. We are the only facility in the city that offers this. We only have 12 spots for adults and it usually fills a month ahead. This call takes place one week before.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Do you still offer cultural swim?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, but I’m sorry. It is full for this session.”

    (Caller hangs up abruptly. Less than two minutes later, the same number appears on my phone.)

    Me: “Hello, [Gym].  [My Name] speaking.”

    Caller: “I am wondering when your cultural swim starts.”

    Me: “Are you already registered?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but our adult class is full. We do have one spot left in our six and under class.”

    Caller: “Already? Can’t you fit one more in?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the class has been full for a month. I can put you on our wait list.”

    Caller: “Can’t you add one more?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s a pre-programmed system and once a class is full, registration locks.”

    Caller: “Can’t you override it?”

    Me: *getting a little annoyed* “I’m sorry. That’s not how our system works.”

    Caller: “Why can’t the manager override it?”

    (This continues three or four more times.)

    Me: “I’m sorry but as I’ve explained the class is full and registration is locked. I can put you on a wait list, or you can try registering in the fall.”

    Caller: “Well, I guess put me on a wait list. There is still a week. Someone will probably drop out.”

    Me: *takes breath* “Okay, I can put you on a wait list—”

    Caller: “So, you’ll call me when someone drops out?”

    Me: “Well, there are four names ahead of you.”

    Caller: “There’s still a week. People will drop out.”

    (Because this class is so in demand people rarely drop out. I put her on the wait list anyway.)

    Caller: “Call me when there’s a spot for me.” *hangs up*

    Keeping Your Shirt On For Four Months

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Crazy Requests

    (I work at my mother’s laundry service. This is not a self service shop; we actually sort and place the clothes in the washer and drier machines. A regular customer comes into the shop.)

    Customer: “You’ve lost one of my son’s t-shirts.”

    Me: “That seems unlikely, but we’ll be sure to look around and see if we find it. If it somehow got mixed up with another customer’s clothes, I’m sure they’ll bring it back. What is the t-shirt like?”

    (She proceeds to describe the shirt. Later I speak to my mother, who assures me that nothing was lost in that package, and further informs me that the shirt in question was really old and in extremely bad shape. Still, we look for it around the store and it is not there. The customer starts to come by the store twice a week for several weeks, and on each occasion she demands, each time more aggressively than the last, for the shirt to be returned or for us to refund her.)

    Me: “We are completely certain that the shirt was not lost at our locale, and that even if we wanted to refund you, the shirt you are claiming really has no value to refund.”

    Customer: “Fine! I vow never to come by your shop again!”

    (Four months later, the phone rings:)

    Me: “Laundry service.”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m [Customer], and I wanted to let you know that we found the missing t-shirt in our summer home by the beach, so you guys can stop looking for it now.”

    Me: “Well, thanks for the heads up.” *turning to the empty deposit behind* “Guys! You can stop looking now! She found the shirt!”

    Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

    , | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

    Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

    Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

    Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

    Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

    (At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

    Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

    Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

    (My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

    (I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

    Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”

    Here To Serve, Not Serviette

    | PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Patron: “Could I get some napkins?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Patron: *sighs* “Napkins! Where are your napkins?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any napkins”.

    Patron: “What?! Why not?”

    Me: “Because we’re a library…”

    (Our library does not sell food or have any reason to offer napkins.)

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