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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    A Customer By Reef-erral

    | Ashford, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

    (I’m stacking the shelves when a sweet little old lady approaches.)

    Little Old Lady: “Excuse me. Do you know where I can find some cannabis?”

    Me: “Um?”

    Little Old Lady: “Some cannabis? Do you have any?”

    Me: “I don’t think we do…”

    Little Old Lady: “Oh, such a shame. My friend bought some from here before Christmas and they were gorgeous, especially the fish ones.”

    Me: “Oh, canapés! Yes, we have those. They’re over here.”

    (I show her where they are.)

    Me: “Sorry, madam. I thought you said ‘cannabis!’”

    Little Old Lady: *laughs* “Oh, I don’t need that anymore!”

    Some Customers Are A Pet Hate

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a specific book to help my children deal with the death of a pet.”

    Me: All right. Can you give me the title or author?

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t remember it. But I’ve purchased copies from your store before. I know you have it!”

    (I search for at least fifteen minutes; using every variant on the phrase ‘death of a pet’ I can think of. The customer alternates between telling me about her poor sick dog, insisting that she’s purchased it here before, and that I really should know about it. Finally, I find the book she wants.)

    Customer: “Thank you! That wasn’t all that hard, now, was it?”

    Me: “All right, ma’am. I’m afraid we do not have this book in the store right now. I’ll happily order you a copy—”

    Customer: “When will it get here?”

    Me: “Three to five business days.”

    Customer: “But she’s being put down tomorrow! I was counting on you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but this is the best I can do, unless you want to order the book from our website yourself and pay extra for overnight shipping.”

    Customer: “… You know what? Never mind. I’ll just tell the kids she went to live on a farm, and tell them the truth in a few years.” *click*

    Show Off

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

    (I work in a theatre and help a customer with a very long ticket booking. He gazes at me warily through most of it as if expecting I’m going to make a mistake.)

    Me: “Okay then, sir. Here are your tickets. I hope you enjoy the show!”

    Customer: You shouldn’t call it a show you know.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Yes. A show is a vague description that could refer to a performance involving music or dance. I have only booked plays, so you should say ‘enjoy the play.’ Do you understand?”

    Me: “I do… and I hope you enjoy the show.”

    Listed Under Idiot

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Me: *waiting for answer on phone* “Hello. Can I speak to [Name], please?”

    Woman: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone called [Name].”

    Me: “Is that [Company]?”

    Woman: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Oh, I must have dialled a wrong number. I’m sorry to have troubled you.” *hangs up*

    Me: *while checking the number I need, my phone rings* “Hello, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Company] and I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Where did you get this number?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but you just rang us.”

    Angry Man: “No, I didn’t. You rang me!”

    Me: *thinks he may have been on hold from another department* “Oh, well if you tell me who you were talking to I’ll try and connect you.”

    Angry Man: “I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want to know how you got this number!”

    Me: “Um, well can you tell me who you are and I’ll have a look?”

    Angry Man: “I’m not telling you my name!”

    Me: *realizes* “Is this the number I rang before?”

    Angry Man: “Yes! I used callback to find who you are and I demand to know where you got this number!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have your number. I was trying to call someone else and made a mistake.”

    Angry man: “You’re lying. You can’t dial my number! Tell me where you got it!”

    Me: “I don’t understand. If I can’t dial your number how did I dial it?”

    Angry man: “That’s what I want to know!”

    Me: “Does your phone not receive calls?”

    Angry man: “Of course it does!”

    Me: “Then how couldn’t I dial it?”

    Angry Man: “It’s NOT LISTED!”

    Me: “Ah, I see. That doesn’t mean I can’t dial it. It just means it’s not in the phone book.”

    Angry Man: “Exactly. You’re not allowed to know it, so where did you get it from?”

    Me: “I don’t know how clearly I can say this: I rang your phone by accident. It was a mistake. I do not know your number. It was an error.”

    Angry Man: “I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Angry Man: “What is your name?”

    Me: “I already told you; my name is [Name] and this is (company).”

    Angry Man: “I demand to know where you got my number from!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can explain this any clearer. If you would like to make a complaint please call us on our customer service number. You’ll find it listed in the phone book. Goodbye” *hangs up*

    Delayed By A Customer Is A Certainty Principle

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I’m standing in line waiting at the check-out of a popular department store. There’s no one behind me, and I’m not in a particular hurry. The woman in front of me is buying a single item, for which she has a coupon.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but the coupon won’t scan. Did you—”

    Customer: “What do you mean it won’t scan?”

    Cashier: “Well, I see that this coupon is for [Brand Name item] and you’re trying to purchase [generic version of the same item]. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”

    Cashier: “Well, no. The coupon only—”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Just scan the coupon!”

    Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry, but the coupon won’t—”

    Customer: “I came here because I had that coupon. Now put the discount on!”

    (Since it seems like we might be here all day, and I know that trying to explain her mistake won’t get anywhere, I interject.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how much is the coupon worth?”

    Customer: “It’s for two dollars. But—”

    Me: “If I give you two dollars, will you pay and take your item?”

    Customer: *insulted tone* “No! It’s the principle of the matter!”

    (I wound up waiting another five minutes while they called over the manager, and no, she did not get her discount)


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