November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Accredited With Being Stupid

| SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work security and administrative actions at a government agency on Fort Jackson. Our agency, like most, has initials that are very similar to NCAA.)

Me: *answering phone* “National Center for Credibility Assessment. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi. This is probably going to be the stupidest question you answer all day.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

(The caller then begins to go on about how she is in need of taking accredited classes for her physical trainer courses and she needed to know how to go about getting those classes.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am not entirely sure you called the right place. This is a polygraph school.”

Caller: “Right, so how would I go about being accredited? Can you direct me to another department?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only thing we do with any physical education is within the first two weeks of the polygraph course, when the students get college level anatomy.”

Caller: “Well, your website brags about being NCCA accredited.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you it does not. I think you are tying to—”

Caller: “You are NCCA right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but we don’t offer the courses you would need to physical therapy. I think you mean NCAA.”

Caller: *legitimately confused* “I don’t understand.”

Me: “This is the NCCA, the polygraph school. You may need to revisit the website and try a number within the site.”

Caller: “But I was just on your site. YOU accredit people.”

Me: “Ma’am, will you go back to the site you visited?”

Caller: *heavy sigh* “Okay”

Me: “Now will you read for me the letters at the top of the page?”

Caller: “NCAA… Ooh.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, the initials are very close but you do in fact have the wrong number.”

Caller: “I am sorry I wasted your time; I will search another number.”

Me: “Okay, thank you, have a great day.”


(The lady calls back again and when I answer she begins to complain that I lied to her to get out of doing my job. I walk her through the NCAA website to find a number for the courses she is interested in. She then begins dialing the number with me still on the phone. When they answer this is all I hear…)


Doesn’t Have The Complete Picture

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I’m an editor for a design-related publication, and received this phone call:)

Caller: “I have photos. Where do I send them to?”

Me: “What is this regarding?”

Caller: “I have photos of our new facility.”

Me: “So you’re looking to submit an article for consideration?”

Caller: “I don’t have an article, just the photos.”

Me: “Well, in order for you to pitch an article, you would need to send us the information about the facility.”

Caller: “Don’t you write the article?”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 7

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a training to transition from host to server at a popular chain restaurant. It is my first time shadowing someone and I encounter why serving is so frustrating.)

Customer: “I’ll have the Cranberry Balsamic Chicken Salad, please.”

(I deliver it to her.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what kind of dressing is this?”

Me: “It’s balsamic dressing.”

Customer: “Oh, balsamic?”

Me: “Yes, would you like some more on the side?”

Customer: “No… I’m allergic. I can’t have balsamic dressing.”

Me: “I’m so sorry!”

Customer: “This is the wrong salad. I need a new one.”

(I bring out the menu and explain her options to her.)

Customer: “I’d like this one.” *points to a photo of the salad she just received*

Me: “So, you’d like the salad you have now?”

Customer: “No. I can’t have balsamic.”

Me: “I can do a different kind of dressing for you. We have ranch, blue cheese, hon—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No. No, I don’t want any of those. I want this one.” *points to the salad again*

Me: “That one comes with balsamic dressing. It’s called the “Cranberry BALSAMIC Chicken Salad, but you can choose from any of these dressings from the list right here instead of the balsamic.”

Customer: “I’ll just have a burger.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 6
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 5
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 4

Seating Takes A Beating

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(This is when “Frozen” is still in theaters. My family and I go to see it a week after it comes out, so the theater is packed with people who have heard that it is the best thing since sliced bread. There are no assigned seats, so we wait in line for almost an hour to get good ones, and they fill up fast. While we are waiting for the movie to start, a family come in about five minutes before the movie starts and sees that they will have to split up. Rather than do that, the dad goes up to another other family of five — a mom and her four children, the youngest maybe three.)

Dad: “Excuse me, but could we have these seats? We want to all sit together.”

Young Mom: “…What?”

Dad: “Well, we’re all here as a family and we want to sit together, but there are no more seats together. Would you mind giving up yours so we can enjoy this movie as a family?”

Young Mom: “I’m here with my family, too.”

Dad: “Yeah, but we rarely get to do things as a family and we’d really like to sit together.”

Young Mom: *kind of laughing in disbelief* “Sorry but my kids are really young. I can’t just send them off on their own to sit next to strangers.”

Dad: “But they’re small, so they won’t be as bothered to sit with people they don’t know. They’ll have plenty of space.”

(At this point, half the theater is just gaping at them. Since seating has already been a problem with other people, an usher is there trying to manage things. He goes up to the dad.)

Usher: “Excuse me, is there a problem?”

Dad: “Yeah, this woman won’t give up her seats for us!”

Usher: “…I’m sorry. Why would she?”

Dad: “Because I have my whole family here and we all want to sit together but there aren’t enough seats left!”

Usher: “Sorry, sir, but there’s no assigned seating. If she got here first then she has every right to sit here.”

Dad: “Well, can we get compensated or something? We expected to get to sit together and now our family night is ruined!”

Usher: “Sir, there are seats available for you, not together, but there are enough, and it’s not the theater’s fault that you can’t sit together. The seating is not assigned. You should have gotten here earlier if you wanted them to all be together.”

(This went on for about ten minutes, with the dad demanding that some other family split up so his could sit together. It wasn’t until the previews started playing that they finally gave in and went to whatever seats were open. He was not happy about it, and never seemed to understand the ridiculousness of his request. Afterwards I saw him talking to the front desk about getting free tickets after such an unpleasant experience.)

So Long, And Thanks For All The Parsley

| Paso Robles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer a few tables over from me is ordering:)

Customer: “I’d like the fish and chips. But leave out the chips. Oh, and leave out the fish, too.”

Waitress: “…So parsley it is, then.”