October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

A Special Case Of Special Treatment

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m a customer at a restaurant that has a counter to make your order and pushes it down the counter towards the register where you pay. There are entrances on two sides of the building and only one register, so there tends to be two lines from both doors.)

Me: *to the customer at the front of the other line* “If you have decided, you can go ahead of me. I’m still deciding.”

Customer #1: *from the other line* “Thank you.”

(As he proceeds to the front counter, the customer who was behind me, Customer #2, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Why did you let him through?”

Me: “I’m still deciding on what I’d like to order, so I let him pass so I wouldn’t hold up the line.”

Customer #2: “So you just let him pass? We have places to be and want to order as well! He should wait until after you and not break the pattern. You should learn some respect for everyone and not give anyone special treatment unless you give it to everyone!”

Me: *sigh* “If you’re in that much of a rush, you can go ahead of me as well.”

Customer #2: “D*** right I will!”

(Customer #2 pushes me aside as she moves in front of me to get to the counter. During the entire time she was ordering, she kept yelling at the employee about being too incompetent to work. After she and the next customer from the other line order, I step up to order. Whilst waiting for my order to be made, I wait in line to pay at the register. Upon reaching the register, Customer #2 is still near the register, looking through her order to make sure it’s right.)

Cashier: *to me* “Your order comes to [total].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s much too low for my order.”

Customer #2: *upon hearing the price* “Yeah, he ordered much more food than me. Why is his food cheaper?”

Cashier: “Well, the customer that he let ahead gave extra money and paid for this man’s order.”

Customer #2: “And that makes it right? Nobody deserves special treatment unless everyone gets it!” *turns to me* “I demand that you give me money to pay for my meal!”

Me: “I will not. As you told me earlier, I should learn to respect everyone, but I’ve already learned to respect those who deserve respect. From the rudeness that you have shown, not only me, but the employees working here as well, you do not deserve my respect.”

Customer #2: *turning back to the cashier* “This man is rude to your customers! I demand that you refuse his order and kick him out!”

Cashier: “I’m not allowed to refuse service to any paying customer. If you’d like, I can get my manager and you can talk to him.”

Customer #2: “D*** right you will!”

(Completely astonished, I now have to wait at the register for the cashier to return so I can pay for the rest of the order, which results in the line being held up. Eventually, the manager comes out.)

Manager: “Is there something I can do to help?”

Customer #2: “Yes, you can get this piece of trash out of here.” *she points to me*

Manager: *looking at me, then back at her* “I will not.”

Customer #2: “Excuse me? I’m a paying customer, unlike this a**-hole who’s practically getting his meal free! I demand you get him out of here!”

Manager: “As I said, I will not. This gentleman is here at least once a week and is kind to each of us here. You, on the other hand, have shown that you’re willing to make a big fuss over something insignificant and holding up all the other customers. If anyone should be kicked out, it’s you.”

(All the customers and employees cheer in agreement.)

Customer #2: “How dare you speak to me that way! I’ll be calling corporate and getting this place shut down!”

Manager: “We’ll be waiting with the security footage to back us up.”

Customers Without Filters

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology

(I’m a server at a popular family restaurant that normally bends over backwards trying to accommodate its guests as best we can. However, we are not a fine dining restaurant by any means. I’m serving a table of two middle-aged women. Note: the tap water in our municipality is consistently ranked as one of the cleanest in the world and is better than most bottled waters.)

Guest #1: “Is your water filtered? I only drink filtered water.”

Me: “No, our water isn’t filtered. We do carry several kinds of bottled water if you like, though.” *I list them for her*

Guest #2: “It’s disgusting that people expect you to pay for bottled water. Water should be free.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Our water by the glass is free, though as I said, unfiltered. However, we have to pay for the bottled water so we do have to charge for that.”

Guest #1: *huffs* “Fine, I’ll have a glass of water. Are your ice cubes made from filtered water? I only want them in my glass if they’re filtered.”

(Our ice machine is the size of an average car and is made of complex machinery.)

Me: “I’m actually not sure if the ice machine has filters as part of its system. It’s probably best to assume it doesn’t. I’ll bring you your water without ice.”

Guest #1: “No, find out if the machine filters its ice and come back.”

Me: “If you prefer, ma’am.”

(I go to the back and ask the kitchen manager. He has no idea either. We both look at the machine, but there’s no way to tell from the outside if there’s filters. There’s a huge sign on the outside saying “Danger: Do Not Open! Extreme Risk of Electric Shock” so we decide not to open it to look. I go back to the table with no new knowledge.)

Guest #1: “Well?!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Both the kitchen manager and I looked at the machine, but we couldn’t tell if there are filters without taking apart the machine. It’s probably safest to assume there aren’t any. Shall I bring you your water without ice?”

Guest #1: “I don’t understand why you can’t just take apart the machine to find out for me. This is ridiculous.”

(I try for several minute to politely explain the size and complexity of the machine and why this isn’t really a feasible request. She constantly interrupts to insist that it must be possible to find this out and that I need to find a way. I have zero mechanical knowledge and as far as I know none of my coworkers know anything about machines. This machine would require a mechanic to take it apart.)

Guest #1: *finally* “Fine, I’ll have a glass of water with the ice on the side.”

Guest #2: “By the way, we have been sitting here forever and no one has taken our order! I just want you to know that the service here is terrible!”

(I choose not to mention that I’ve been at their table the whole time attempting to do just that. I also choose not to point out that they were just demanding that I leave their table for what would probably be several hours of mechanical work in order to answer a question for them.)

A Cr-ice-is

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(This winter has been particularly heavy, and many of our customers are without heat, power, and/or hot water. All our techs are working overtime fixing homes without heat.)

Me: “Hello, how can I—”

Customer: “Thank God! I can’t get anyone to come out here, I have an emergency!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “The icemaker isn’t working!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “My icemaker on my refrigerator! The power was out and now it’s back on but my fridge won’t make ice! I have a party tonight!”

Me: “I… see… Well, ma’am, I’m sorry to hear that but all my technicians are out on emergency heat calls—”

Customer: “This IS an emergency! Did you not hear me?! I have a party TONIGHT and no ice!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but we’re prioritizing calls for no heat and flooding right now—”

Customer: “I knew it! I knew you wouldn’t help me! *at this point, the customer is sobbing and screaming* “No one will help me! I HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT!” *click*

Making A Dis-Appointment

| Hanover, Germany | Crazy Requests

(I am a law student doing my practice course at a law firm which houses about a dozen lawyers just in the office where I am. It’s my last day, a Friday, and I’m assisting the lady at the front desk. She has just left for the back room, leaving me at the desk, when a client storms in, beet-red in the face and clearly agitated.)

Client: *in heavily accented German and just about to yell* “I have to talk to one of the lawyers. It’s about [case reference number].”

Me: “Sure, with whom do you have an appointment?”

Client: “I don’t have an appointment. But it’s really urgent.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a bummer. You do need an appointment. With whom do you want to talk?”

Client: “Mr. [Name].”

Me: “He’s not here today; he’s in the office in [Other City]. Do you want to make an appointment for Monday, as it’s so urgent?”

Client: “No, Monday doesn’t work. I don’t have time then.”

Me: “Would you like him to call you back?”

Client: “No, this needs to be done in person.”

Me: “So you would like an appointment with him.”

Client: “No.”

(I am starting to get a bad feeling about how this conversation is going to go.)

Client: “There’s more lawyers in this office, though, aren’t there? Let me talk to one of them.”

Me: “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. Mr. [Name] is the lawyer assigned to your case.”

Client: “Well, but he wasn’t my original lawyer here at this firm. I used to be with Mr. [Other Name].”

Me: “Yes, but Mr. [Other Name] left this office and moved to another, and all his cases were re-assigned to Mr. [Name].”

Client: “How is that even possible?!”

Me: “When you brought the case to us, you signed a letter of authorization.”

Client: “Yes, for Mr. [Other Name]!”

Me: “No, our standard letter of authorization clearly says it’s for all the lawyers of this office. And when Mr. [Other Name] left, Mr. [Name] took on all his cases.”

Client: “Well, then send me to another lawyer if the letter is good for everyone!”

Me: “I can’t do that. None of them are familiar with your case; they don’t work on it. Mr. [Name] does.”

(The client starts to pace in front of the desk and is breathing heavily.)

Me: “Do you want to talk to Mr. [Name]?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Then let’s make an appointment.”

Client: “No.”

(The entire discussion described above is repeated. Twice.)

Me: *really annoyed now* “Okay, I’m going to break policy a bit now and see if I can reach him at the other office.”

(Usually, the offices act separately from each other, but I figure since the lawyer in question is a bit of an oddball by working at two offices, it’s okay for me to call. I do, but can’t reach him because he is with an appointment. The lady at the front desk of the other office – after chewing me out for breaking protocol – jots down the client’s mobile phone number, though.)

Me: “Now, Mr. [Name] has your number now, and he’ll call you once he’s available.”

Client: “Great. Now I can ask him when he wants me to come in on Monday for an appointment.” *leaves*

Me: *mentally goes through every known method of murdering a person*

Colleague: “Soooo, d’you think you’d like to work here permanently?”

Me: “I wasn’t planning on going to jail that soon into my career.”

Customers With Very Specific Baggage

| Tigard, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work at a large retail store. On the credit card machine, at the end of every transaction, a one question survey would pop up for the customer, asking to rate our customer service, from 1 to 5. I’ve just finished ringing up a customer and put her items in a plastic bag. She has been fairly normal so far, until…)

Customer: “Do you have any bags with handles?”

Me: “Yes, all our bags have handles.”

Customer: “No, I mean a paper bag. I don’t want plastic.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All we have are plastic bags.”

Customer: *angrily replies* “Well, I don’t want a plastic bag!”

(She then picks up the stylus pen and chooses “1” on the customer service questions, deliberately pushing down so hard on the screen that it permanently leaves a mark.)

Customer: “Next time have paper bags!”

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