Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

We Apologize For The Convenience

, | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(It is Thanksgiving Day. I am calling a customer who left a message that he wants to ‘complain.’)

Customer: “I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s a holiday.”

Me: “Actually, we’re not closed. In fact, you and I are talking on the phone, right now.”

Customer: “I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open.”

Me: “Except that we ARE OPEN.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “Just to make sure I understand: You’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed, in order to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realized that we’re open, the exact thing you wanted, you’d like to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Was there a technical problem that you needed help with in the first place?”

Customer: “No! I only called to complain.”

Me: *bangs head on desk*

Customer: “Well, I think I at least deserve an apology!”

Me: “I’m, uh… very sorry that we could not inconvenience you today.”

A Real Crappy Photoshop Job

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you remove this person—” *indicates one child right in the middle of a family photo* “—from this photo? Oh, and be careful, there was a dog taking a fat s*** behind him. If you can see it, remove it, too.”

A Hot Slice Of Justice

, | Grimes, IA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We’re getting pretty close to closing time. We’ve barely had any orders today. I’m working the kitchen with two others. Everything’s been cleaned and there’s nothing to do until another order comes in, when suddenly a customer comes storming into the store, shouting things exceptionally hard to understand, and possibly drunk.)

Me: “Oh, lord, here we go…”

Customer: “Where’s the kitchen guy! I WANT TO SEE THE KI—”

Me: “Right here. You can stop yelling now. I can hear you.”

Customer: *does actually stop yelling, probably because he had to look up to me* “Where the f*** is my pizza? I ordered a pizza over an hour ago. Now, where is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We haven’t—”

Customer: “WHERE IS MY ORDER!? I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Well, the manager is asleep. If you want, I can go back there and see if we have your order.”

Customer: “Yeah, you do that. I want my free f****** pizza!”

(He gives his name and address. I go to where we keep the order slips.)

Me: “Sir, there’s no slip under either of those.”

Customer: “WHERE IS MY GOD-D*** PIZZA! I ORDERED A PIZZA FROM THIS STORE!”

Coworker: “Hey, why don’t you call again?”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “If you did call this store, and we took your order, it was never filled. Go ahead and call the number again. If the phone rings, we’ll give you a free pizza.”

(He whipped out his phone, mashing the buttons until he got to the recent calls, and called the store. Our phone didn’t ring, but somebody on the other end picked up. He had placed an order at the store on the other side of town. The customer shoved his phone in his pocket and stormed out of the store without a word.)

A Day For A Dollar

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I’m grocery shopping at the local discount store. I pick the line that looks shortest, and set my basket down. The fairly well-off looking woman in front of me has apparently been accidentally overcharged a dollar, due to the ancient cash registers requiring the cashier to key in the amount to charge someone’s card.)

Woman: *angrily* “You do realize that this refund will take three days to go through? Three days I have to wait for my money! Couldn’t you just give me a dollar?!”

(At this point, it’s obvious that the woman’s been going off like this for some time. The manager is trying to calm her down while showing the cashier how to run the return. The poor cashier looks like he’s looking for a hole to crawl into and die in.)

Me: “You know, if you’re in such bad financial straits that being out a dollar for three days is going to completely wreck your budget, I could give you your dollar. I’m unemployed, on food stamps, and having to scrounge recyclables to return for cash to fill my gas tank, but if you’re making such a fuss over being out a dollar for three days, you’re obviously poorer than me.” *holds out a dollar bill*

(The woman goes beet red and signs the return in silence, then darts out to her car.)

Cashier: “Thanks, ma’am, you’re awesome.” *fistbumps me*

Out Of Control (Alt) Delete

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Elderly Woman: “I need you to delete a website!”

Me: *thinking she means she wants to cancel her account with us* “Okay, ma’am, I can help you with that. Can I have the name of your website so I can look up the account?”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t know the name! It’s got that Satanic Marilyn Manson on it! HE HAS SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: *stunned* “Umm, is this a website you own?”

Elderly Woman: “No, he has sex with sheep! I need you to hit the button and delete him from the Internet!”

Me: “If this is a website that’s not on our servers, there’s no way I can delete it.”

Elderly Woman: “Just hit the button!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you.”

(Someone else picks up the phone, a much younger sounding man, presumably the woman’s son or adult grandson.)

Younger Man: “Can you just hit the button and delete the website so she won’t have to worry about it?”

Me: *guessing that I have to play along* “Umm, sure, I’ll see what I can do.”

(The man hands the phone back to the elderly woman.)

Elderly Woman: “He has SEX WITH SHEEP!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’ll hit the button and delete it from the Internet.”

Elderly Woman: “Oh, thank you! He’s the Devil! *hangs up*

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