Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

The Cake Eater Is A Lie

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(We’re a family business, and dad is serving at the counter while I’m packing up, as it’s late and we are nearing closing time. A customer storms in, holding a cake box, which would have held a cake serving 20-30 people.)

Customer: “Look, we just got this cake from you, and it was awful!”

Dad: “No problem. What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “It was stale. Like it had been sitting in the fridge for days!”

Dad: “Sorry to hear that. Can I take a look at it?”

(Dad opens the cake box to reveal barely one slice of the cake left.)

Dad: “…what happened to the rest of it?”

Customer: “Well, obviously we ate it all!”

Dad: “Seriously?”

Customer: “Yes! I want my money back! You ruined our party!”

Dad: “Sorry, but I can’t do that. And get the h*** out of my shop!”

M-ad Women

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(My store has ads in magazines that run monthly. Typically, they bring us quite a bit of business. I get a phone call about it.)

Customer: “I want you to stop sending these magazines!”

Me: “Ma’am, this company does not send out independent ads. Are you referring to a magazine?”

Customer: “Yes and you need to stop sending it!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have no control over who is on the list for the magazines. If you wish to cancel your subscriptions to one of the magazines we advertise in, you will have to contact the magazine company itself.”

Customer: “I contacted YOU! I am so sick of getting these every month!”

Me: “Ma’am, we are just a company featured in the magazine. We have no control over your subscription.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? Just stop sending me the magazine!”

Me: “Ma’am, who do you think you have called?”

Customer: “[Name Of My Store].”

Me: “Yes, that is us. What is the name of the magazine?”

Customer: “[Name Of Magazine].”

Me: “So, we are the company that has an ad. We are not the same company that makes the magazine, as you can see from the very different names. I am unsure as to why you have contacted us. On the back page of the magazine, there will be a number of the correct company to contact for this.”

Customer: “Oh my God! Just stop sending them!”

Me: “Ma’am, once again, this is not the magazine company nor do we have any control over what they do. You have to call them. Not us. You can call every ad in that book, but no one will be able to help you unless you call the magazine company itself.”

Customer: “You are useless! Tell your boss to stop sending them!” *click*

(One month later I get a phone call:)

Customer: “WHY ARE YOU STILL SENDING ME MAGAZINES? I CANCELLED!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I told you then and I am going to tell you now, this is my store, not the magazine.”

Customer: “Cancel the d*** magazine!”

Me: “We are still not the magazine company!”

Customer: “You useless idiot! What do I have to do in order to get you to do your job? Stop. Sending. The. Magazine. To. Me.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I have tried my best to be polite and nice to you. I cannot dumb this down any further. We are a retail store. We run an ad in that magazine. For some reason, you have it in your head that a random ad in a magazine is the right number to call to end the magazine subscription. It is not. It is simply not. The only way to cancel the subscription is to call the people who actually make the magazine, instead of harassing ads that have no control or contact with the magazine except to send in new ads once a month. Now, open the magazine, find the number listed for the magazine and please stop calling here and harassing me. There is not a single logical reason that calling us would end a magazine subscription.”

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Call the magazine. Not us.” *hangs up*

(Five minutes later:)

Customer: “I want to talk to your boss!”

Me: “I am the boss. Call the magazine company. Now please, leave us alone and figure out how ads and magazines work. I checked the magazine myself and our ad is on page six. There is no reason that a magazine company would put their number in the middle of their magazine. Their number is on the back. Call that number.”

Customer: “I should sue you! End my subscription or I WILL sue.”

Me: “Ma’am, you cannot sue because you are harassing someone else. You also cannot sue someone who has told you who to get the service you want for a month straight. We sell home supplies, as you can tell by our ad and by the name of our store. I will ask once more: call the company you actually want and leave us alone.”

Customer: “Will you end my subscription if I stop calling?”

Me: *facepalm*

(I learned her number and posted next to every phone that no one is allowed to answer it. She called for two more months and finally the calls stopped. I think she finally got it.)

O, Canaduh, Part 5

| Manchester, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Geography

Me: “Good Afternoon, you’re speaking to [My Name]. Can I take your reference number, please?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling from Toronto.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve seen [alarm product that we don’t stock] being advertised and I want to know if you could sell me one?”

Me: “I can look into it for you. Are you looking to install this into a property in the UK?”

Customer: “No, of course not! I told you I’m in Toronto. Why ever would you think that?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you have called a company based in the UK, so the systems we sell are set to UK settings.”

Customer: “Well, I know that.”

Me: “So, then you’d be aware that even if we did sell you a system, it wouldn’t work in your property?”

Customer: “Of course it would! We’re a part of the British Commonwealth!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it definitely wouldn’t work, as it needs connection to a power outlet, and the outlets in Canada are different to the ones here in Britain. Also, even if we were to look into selling you a system, regulations state we need to get a trained engineer to install it for you, and none of our engineers would be able travel to Canada from the UK to install it.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “I’d recommend contacting a supplier in Toronto.”

Customer: “You’ve just lost thousands of dollars!” *slams phone down*

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 4
O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2

Only Six-And-A-Half Inches From Crazytown

| AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work at a popular store, and it’s during the Christmas rush. I see an older gentleman looking around in the pants section.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you? Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Actually. I’m looking for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Well you have come to the right place! We have lots of jeans in a wide range of colors. And if we don’t have what you need, we can order it!”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really care about the color. But I need them to have a good zipper.”

Me: “Okay, well our zippers are made to top quality standards. We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee, so if it does break, you can bring it back.”

Customer: “Well, I need the zipper to be exactly 6 1/2  inches long. Any longer or shorter, they just won’t do.

(Seeing as this is kind of unusual, and our jeans don’t come with the zipper length mentioned on either the tag or anywhere else, I am unsure what to say.)

Me: “…Um, okay. Well, I can go and grab a measuring tape if you would like.”

Customer: “Would you? Because I have looked everywhere and no one seems to carry them.”

(A minute later I return with the measuring tape and we start measuring zipper lengths. But all of them are either too short or too long for his liking.)

Customer: “Well, at least we can order them in.”

Me: “We can order the same jeans we have here, but the zipper lengths won’t change.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you people just leave a note saying that it’s very important that I have a 6 1/2 inch zipper?”

Me: “I could, but seeing as it’s the busiest season of the year, they may not be able to check all the zippers to find you one that suits your needs. And seeing as we don’t have a 6 1/2 inch zipper here, I doubt they will either.”

Customer: “So basically you lied to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry we didn’t have what you were looking for, but you are looking for something very exact.”

Customer: “So you are saying this is my fault that you b****** don’t have what I am looking for?!”

Me: “Once again I’m—”

Customer: “No! Save it for all the other people you aren’t going to help. You can expect to hear from me in the future!”

(He yells as he storms out of the store. We never did hear from that customer. Maybe he just learned to zip his mouth.)

We Have No Store, For The Record

| NYC, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I’m sure most of you have heard about Hurricane Sandy and the devastation it wreaked upon New York. Our store faced severe damage and was nearly completely destroyed. A couple of days after Sandy left the city I went back in to assess the damage and begin business continuity operations. I was searching through the rubble to find anything salvageable when amazingly, the phone began to ring.)

Me: “Um, hello.”

Customer: “Hi, is this [Music Store]?”

Me: “Yes, yes it is.”

Customer: “Why haven’t you guys sent me the record I ordered yet? It was supposed to be here three days ago. I’ve been ringing and ringing.”

Me: *confused* “Umm…”

Customer: *angry* “DON’T GIVE ME THAT ATTITUDE! I DEMAND THAT YOU BRING ME THE RECORD IN PERSON! TODAY!”

Me: “Sir, you are aware that the city has just been hit with one of the worst hurricanes in recorded history?”

Customer: “THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE. I DEMAND MY RECORD AND I’LL BE COMPLAINING TO YOUR SUPERVISOR FOR YOUR TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE.”

Me: “I’d be glad to give you your record once we have our business running again. Unfortunately we are presently unable to trade. I will contact you as soon as we are available for business once more.”

Customer: “I’M GETTING MY RECORD TODAY EVEN IF I HAVE TO COME AND SMASH DOWN YOUR DOOR AND TAKE IT FROM YOU!”

Me: “Go right ahead. We have no door. We’ve got about half a wall too. You’re welcome to come and search the rubble with me.” *click*

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