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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    No Point Gagging Over Spoiled Milk

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working behind the customer service desk when an elderly woman approaches with a plastic bag.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this milk and get my $3.69 back.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. If you give me your receipt, I’ll be happy to help.”

    Customer: “I don’t have the receipt. I threw it away somewhere. I don’t know. Just give me the refund. I smelled this milk, and it went very bad!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not allowed to issue refunds on opened dairy products without a receipt, but I can do an exchange if you’d like to go pick up a new one.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a new one. I bought this milk this morning and it went very bad, so I’m sure all your milk is bad. I haven’t even had a chance to put it in my fridge yet and it’s already bad!”

    Me: *thinking of the record heat wave we were having* “…Ma’am, it’s almost four pm. Are you saying you’ve had the milk in your car all day today?”

    Customer: “Yes! Where else would I keep it while I visit my friends?! And it is very bad!”

    (She then proceeds to take the plastic jug of milk out of the bag and puts it on the counter. The plastic is transparent and the sun has done a serious number on it; it’s bulging so much that the bottom isn’t flat and the jug is barely standing up straight.)

    Me: “Oh , dear lord… Ma’am, you can’t willingly let your milk spoil and then come ask for a refund. Or even an exchange! I’ll have to ask you to take that away.”

    Customer: “If you don’t believe me, then smell it!”

    Me: “I believe you and I’m not getting near that thing!”

    Customer: “No! You smell it right now!” *grabs the jug of milk and waves it at me*

    (I start backing away and give a little knock on the door behind me to summon the manager. As he comes out, he sees the bulging container in her hands and gasps.)

    Me: “She left it in her car all day. It’s 104°F out there. She wants a refund and she wants me to smell it.”

    Manager: *still standing in the doorway behind me* “Ma’am, we can’t possibly give you a refund for being negligent with your items. You’re welcome to grab a new milk if you want.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a new one. They’re all bad! See? Smell this!”

    (She starts twisting open the cap and everything goes into slow motion as my manager leaps backwards into his office trying to close his door and I reach out to stop her, yelling ‘nooooo!’ Everyone within earshot is watching while she takes the cap off and something comes belching out of the jug: chunky white liquid splashing out onto the counter and the floor. The customer has conveniently opened it facing away from herself and remains clean and upwind.)

    Customer: “See? It’s bad. Smell it!”

    Me: *retching and on the verge of tears* “Oh, god, I can’t NOT smell it!”

    Manager: *cracking open his door with his mouth and nose covered* “Give her the money! Get her out of here!”

    (I smother myself with my own arm as I open the register and throw a five dollar bill onto the counter.)

    Me: “Here is your refund, ma’am, plus whatever. Please just go!”

    (She put the opened milk back on the counter, calmly opened her purse, counted out the $1.31 difference, took the $5, thanked us, and left with a satisfied smile on her face. As I called for the cleaning crew, I grabbed her plastic bag off the counter and felt something inside. She had the receipt the whole time.)

    Driven To Make A Mis-Steak

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (Our family walks into a nice steakhouse at two in the afternoon, due to weather and personal delays. Fortunately, they are still serving customers. A large car is outside of the door, its engine still running. As we are waiting to be seated, an older gentleman walks up to the maître d’.)

    Old Customer: “Is your valet usually this busy?”

    Host: “I’m sorry?”

    Old Customer: “My car has been sitting outside for almost an hour now and it’s still there! He must have been very busy running around parking and fetching cars. Make sure you pay him better. It’s very cold outside right now.”

    Host: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t offer valet parking services for lunch hours. Valet service is only available for dinner.”

    Old Customer: “Oh… I left my keys in my car!”

    (The old gentleman quickly walked out and parked his car. He returned a few minutes later and thanked the host. Good thing this was a relatively safe neighborhood!)

    Almost Surgical With Their Inconsideration

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am a general dentist and have to be out of the office for surgery that is semi-emergency in nature. We call all the patients and let them know why we have to reschedule their appointments and apologize and let them know we have a colleague covering. The night before surgery, I answer the phone and it is one of the patients we had called to reschedule.)

    Patient: “You called to reschedule my appointment.”

    Me: “I apologize but I’m having surgery tomorrow. When is a good time to get you back?”

    Patient: “There’s never a good time. You really can’t see me tomorrow?”

    Me: “No. I will be under anesthesia at seven am.”

    Patient: “Whatever.”

    Dying To Get Some Service

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am deathly allergic to strawberries. Ingesting even a tiny trace of strawberry sends me into anaphylactic shock, for which I keep an EpiPen on me. This instance occurs late one evening while I am in the back doing dishes after a late lunch break. Somehow, strawberry must have gotten into my food because I suddenly find my throat closing and my face and chest swelling. I frantically ask my coworker to call 911 before my throat closes all the way and I practically collapse. She injects my EpiPen, and as my airway begins to clear and the panic subsides slightly, I am able to hear an exchange happening through the headset.)

    Customer: “…seriously? This ambulance is completely blocking the drive-thru lane. This is ridiculous. How am I going to be able to get out of here? Can I even still get my coffee?! UGH!”

    Coworker: *with all the sarcasm she can muster* “Terribly sorry to inconvenience you, ma’am. We have an employee dying in the back room.”

    Customer: “What? You’re just saying that!”

    Coworker: *fed up* “Sorry, the drive-thru lane is closed right now. If you want coffee you’ll have to come inside.”

    Customer: “This is TERRIBLE customer service! I’m NEVER coming back here! Ridiculous!”

    (I hope she never does come back! Glad your coffee was more important than my LIFE, lady!)

    In Hot Soup Now

    | The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (We serve our soup in big round fancy bowls where the edge is raised on only one side.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Miss, I have a complaint. I’m afraid I did not receive a full bowl of soup. You see, it’s only half full.”

    (I look at her bowl and see that it is in fact filled for as much as the bowl allows. You could not possibly fill the bowl with more soup, because it would spill over on one side.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it seems that your bowl is completely filled. What exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “Look! Look at this side of the bowl! There’s no soup here. It’s false advertising. Why would you have a bowl this large and high and not fill it all the way?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you asking me to change the law of physics for you?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

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