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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Telling Porkies About The Chicken

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in the meat department of a grocery store. A customer brings back a package of chicken to be exchanged. She does not have her receipt so I need to ensure we actually carry the chicken and also make sure I get the weight correct on her exchange. The chicken is wrapped in tin foil and then again in a plastic shopping bag. You could smell a faint odor when you get near it but as I deal with spoiled meat occasionally, it isn’t a big deal.)

    Customer: “I bought this yesterday and it’s spoiled. I just want to exchange it for the same thing.”

    Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just let me get the brand and the size for you and I’ll get it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I really don’t think you want to open that dear. It’s pretty bad.”

    Me: “Be that as it may, I have to open it.”

    (Upon opening the initial plastic we discover the tin foil it’s wrapped in. The customer service associate next to me gags and runs from the room. The smell actually makes my throat burn. Nevertheless I have to open it. It’s wrapped in four layers of tin foil and 2 layers of plastic wrap. When I release the last layer of tin foil and can actually see the chicken, it actually makes a ‘burp’ sound as the gas is released. The chicken is green, like pea soup color. I cannot read the label, for all the slime, to see when the expiration date was.)

    Customer: “See, I told you! It’s awful! Wrap it back up, for goodness sake!”

    Me: “Ma’am, when did you say you bought this package?”

    Customer: “Yesterday morning. I was going to cook it for supper last night.”

    Me: “And it looked like that when you bought it?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. Who would buy chicken that looked like that!”

    Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

    (My manager comes over and opens the chicken very briefly. He asks the same questions and gets the same answers.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, it’s 104 degrees outside. Did you, by chance, buy this a few days ago and leave it in your car?”

    Customer: ” Absolutely not! I bought it yesterday and I want another package of chicken! Now hurry up. I have things to do.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry; I can’t exchange this. There is no way this went bad in your refrigerator overnight. In fact, I think you could have left it on your counter and it wouldn’t smell this bad.”

    (After arguing about it for another 20 minutes the customer picked up the package and threw it on the ground. It exploded green chicken slime which landed on the computers and registers nearby, and all over me, my manager, and the customers waiting in line, including a small child. Two customers actually vomited. I was forced to clean the mess. The real sting in the tale is that the customer with the child sued the store and won a $20,000 settlement.)

    Smile, And The World Scowls With You

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    Me: *sick and feeling nauseated* “Hi. Did you find everything okay, ma’am?” *starts to scan her items*

    Customer: “I found everything.” *scowls at me* “You should smile more when you’re greeting people.”

    Me: “I usually do. I’m not feeling well today, but I couldn’t call in. It’s a Saturday, which means we have a lot of balloon orders—”

    Customer: “Whatever. We don’t care if you feel like dog s***. The customer is always right, and if I say I want a smile, I expect a d*** smile.”

    Me: “Um, sorry, ma’am.” *tries a smile* “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: *rolls her eyes and throws money at me* “It’s a wonder you have a job at all with that kind of attitude.” *storms out*

    The Nineties Called…

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work next to the electronics department. I am in the area when two customers walk up to an electronics associate.)

    Customer: “Do you sell any VHS?”

    Associate: “No, ma’am. We sell dvd players, though.”

    Customer: “What’s DVD?”

    (Associate proceeds to explain DVDs, still remaining very professional.)

    Customer: “But you don’t have any VHS?! I find that hard to believe! Couldn’t you check the back room in case you have one lying around?”

    Associate: “Ma’am, we haven’t sold VHS in years.”

    Customer: “So you can’t check?”

    Associate: “We don’t carry any VHS products anymore.”

    Customer: “UNBELIEVABLE! How do you not carry VHS?! You’re gonna lose customers like that.”

    (There is awkward silence. I’m a few feet away trying really hard not to laugh. But it’s not over yet.)

    Customer: “What about [Brand Name]s? Do you have portable cassette [Brand Name]s?”

    Associate: “We don’t have any cassette products anymore either.”

    (The customer is genuinely bewildered at this point. She eventually decides to purchase a dvd player.)

    Associate: “… And how will you be paying today?”

    (The customer hands over a credit card.)

    Associate: “Ma’am, this card is expired. In fact the card expired in the early 2000s.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! No wonder you guys are going out of business. Can’t even take my payment!”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Religion

    Customer: *at my closed register* “Can you check me out?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m closing this register. The next register is open, and my associate can check you out.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Her line is too long. I need you to do it. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “I can’t. As soon as I opened this register to count the till, it’s officially closed. I can’t do anything about it. You’ll have to go to the next register.”

    Customer: *glares at me and leaves her full buggy in front of me* “I’m going to pray against you tonight.”

    Coworker: “I bet she will, too.”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    Ballooning Demands

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests

    (Saturdays are our busiest days for filling balloon orders for parties of all sorts, so we usually have clusters of balloons placed in large bags, lying to the side of our counter for customers to pick up.)

    Customer: “How much are your balloons?”

    Me: *trying to fill a balloon order* “They’re $1.29 apiece, unless you choose over 20. If you decide to order 20 or more, they’re 99 cents apiece.”

    Customer: “And how much would 30 be?”

    Me: “Well they’d be 99 cents, so that’d pretty much be around thirty bucks.”

    Customer: “And if I got a balloon bouquet? How many would be in that?”

    Me: “Depends on how many you want.”

    Customer: “But how many are in a bouquet?”

    Me: *pauses* “How many do you want?”

    Customer: *getting irate* “How many are in your bouquet?”

    Me: “There’s no set amount. You choose however many balloons you want, and then we make the bouquet from that.”

    Customer: “So if I just wanted one balloon?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to choose more than one to make a balloon bouquet, but if you want to make a bouquet of one, you can.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take 90.”

    Me: “Okay.” *pulls out order form* “When would you like to pick it up?”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What day are you placing the order for?”

    Customer: “Right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t do it right now. If you can’t tell, Saturday is a busy day and we have seven more orders to fill within the hour. At best, we can have it filled in four hours, maybe three. There’s no way we can fill it right now.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because all these other customers have pre-ordered and pre-paid for their balloon bouquets to pick up within the next two hours, that’s why! We can’t just stop on theirs to fill your order.”

    Customer: “Well, give me some of theirs!”

    Me: “No, we can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to just take their balloons to give to you. We’d still have to fill that order. It would set us back heavily.”

    Customer: “But I need them soon!”

    Me: “Okay. When do you absolutely need them and what are you needing?”

    Customer: “I need 90 balloons in [different color balloons] for my son’s birthday. It’s going to be in an hour.”

    Me: “Wow. Okay. You really should have come this morning, or even yesterday, to put your order in. I will talk with my manager to see what we can do.”

    (I talk with manager, who says we can try to do it within the hour, but the woman will have to cut her order in half. I relay this info to her.)

    Customer: “WHAT? No way! I want 90 balloons!”

    Me: “We just can’t fill that order right now. There’s no way we can get your balloons filled along with all these other orders at the same time!”

    Customer: *glares at me* “I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I call my manager over and go back to filling balloons. My manager apparently talks her down to 50 balloons and promises to try and have it filled within an hour. Ten minutes later, we catch the woman trying to steal 3 other bouquets that have been pre-paid for. When we stopped her, she stomped on one of the bags holding a larger balloon bouquet and popped 11 balloons. She didn’t get any balloons from us and now is barred from our store.)


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