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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Religion

    Customer: *at my closed register* “Can you check me out?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m closing this register. The next register is open, and my associate can check you out.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Her line is too long. I need you to do it. I’m in a hurry.”

    Me: “I can’t. As soon as I opened this register to count the till, it’s officially closed. I can’t do anything about it. You’ll have to go to the next register.”

    Customer: *glares at me and leaves her full buggy in front of me* “I’m going to pray against you tonight.”

    Coworker: “I bet she will, too.”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    Ballooning Demands

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests

    (Saturdays are our busiest days for filling balloon orders for parties of all sorts, so we usually have clusters of balloons placed in large bags, lying to the side of our counter for customers to pick up.)

    Customer: “How much are your balloons?”

    Me: *trying to fill a balloon order* “They’re $1.29 apiece, unless you choose over 20. If you decide to order 20 or more, they’re 99 cents apiece.”

    Customer: “And how much would 30 be?”

    Me: “Well they’d be 99 cents, so that’d pretty much be around thirty bucks.”

    Customer: “And if I got a balloon bouquet? How many would be in that?”

    Me: “Depends on how many you want.”

    Customer: “But how many are in a bouquet?”

    Me: *pauses* “How many do you want?”

    Customer: *getting irate* “How many are in your bouquet?”

    Me: “There’s no set amount. You choose however many balloons you want, and then we make the bouquet from that.”

    Customer: “So if I just wanted one balloon?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to choose more than one to make a balloon bouquet, but if you want to make a bouquet of one, you can.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take 90.”

    Me: “Okay.” *pulls out order form* “When would you like to pick it up?”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What day are you placing the order for?”

    Customer: “Right now.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t do it right now. If you can’t tell, Saturday is a busy day and we have seven more orders to fill within the hour. At best, we can have it filled in four hours, maybe three. There’s no way we can fill it right now.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because all these other customers have pre-ordered and pre-paid for their balloon bouquets to pick up within the next two hours, that’s why! We can’t just stop on theirs to fill your order.”

    Customer: “Well, give me some of theirs!”

    Me: “No, we can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair to just take their balloons to give to you. We’d still have to fill that order. It would set us back heavily.”

    Customer: “But I need them soon!”

    Me: “Okay. When do you absolutely need them and what are you needing?”

    Customer: “I need 90 balloons in [different color balloons] for my son’s birthday. It’s going to be in an hour.”

    Me: “Wow. Okay. You really should have come this morning, or even yesterday, to put your order in. I will talk with my manager to see what we can do.”

    (I talk with manager, who says we can try to do it within the hour, but the woman will have to cut her order in half. I relay this info to her.)

    Customer: “WHAT? No way! I want 90 balloons!”

    Me: “We just can’t fill that order right now. There’s no way we can get your balloons filled along with all these other orders at the same time!”

    Customer: *glares at me* “I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I call my manager over and go back to filling balloons. My manager apparently talks her down to 50 balloons and promises to try and have it filled within an hour. Ten minutes later, we catch the woman trying to steal 3 other bouquets that have been pre-paid for. When we stopped her, she stomped on one of the bags holding a larger balloon bouquet and popped 11 balloons. She didn’t get any balloons from us and now is barred from our store.)

    Needs To Go To 911, 101

    | SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “911, what’s the address of your emergency?”

    Caller: “I need the number for the phone company.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is 911. Do you have an emergency?”

    Caller: “I need the number for the phone company!”

    Me: “Okay, so just to clarify: you do not have an emergency at this time?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Call me back at this number and I’ll see what I can do to help you.”

    (At this point I gave her the non-emergency number and she hung up. I grabbed the phone book while I waited on her to call back.)

    Me: “This is the [City] Police Department. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I need the number for the phone company.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ve got the phone book in front of me now. There are three numbers listed here, which do you need? I have one for billing, one for establishing service, and one for repairs.”

    Caller: “No! I need the number for the phone company that I can call and get someone else’s phone number.”

    Me: *pause* “Do you mean 411, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Yes! That’s it! Thanks!” *click*

    Hot Coffee Is Cold Comfort

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (It is the coldest day our area has had in decades, with wind chills reaching -50. Regardless, our theater is still relatively busy.)

    Customer: *while walking the opposite direction from me down a hallway* “You should give us free popcorn or something because we came out here in this cold!”

    Me: “Sir, unlike me, you came here willingly. I’d rather be home, but I’m working because you’re here.”

    Coworker: “You should have told him that they should be bringing us free coffee for having to deal with them!”

    More Money, More Problems

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Money

    (I work for a cinema that has a gaming area attached to it. All the games run on coins only, and there are signs up everywhere stating this. I am the person working in the Games Zone today, and am currently patrolling around the area for game faults or shady characters. A woman with two children approach me.)

    Patron: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Patron: “Your game is broken. I am very upset. My children really wanted to play on this but it won’t accept our money! It just ate the money and gave us no game!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes the games do eat the coins. I’ll just fetch some tokens and come over to see if I can get it working.”

    Patron: “Well, hurry up! We have a movie starting soon but they really want to play this game first! We don’t have all afternoon!”

    (I return to my booth to collect a couple of tokens to put in the machine, to see if I can get the game running. When I return to the game the woman has already seated her children in the seats, in a way that I cannot get to the coin slot.)

    Me: “‘Scuse me kids. I just need you to move for a moment.”

    Patron: “What are you doing? Kicking my kids off the game?!”

    Me: “No. They are in the way of the coin slot, so I can’t put the tokens in. I just need them to shift for a moment.”

    Patron: “Geez, just lean over! You’re tall, even I can do that!”

    (She snatches my bag of tokens from my hand and gets a few out. She practically smothers her children as she leans over to reach the coin slot, violently jamming the token in. It is obviously not going to go in, as something clearly is blocking it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I just need you to stop trying to shove the token in. Something is blocking the way. I think the money you put in before might have jammed up inside. I just need your kids to move and I’ll see if I can clear it.”

    (She scoffs at me and mutters about how stupid the game is, but makes her kids move. I lean down to inspect the coin slot and to my surprise, find a $5 note folded up and jammed in the slot. After a little bit of wriggling I manage to pull it out.)

    Me: “Um, did you fold up a note and put it in here?”

    Patron: “Yes, that’s mine!”

    Me: “Well, that is the problem. The machines only take coins, not notes. The slot doesn’t accept bills of any sort.”

    Patron: “Well that’s stupid! Anyway, I did put coins in. I put two $1 coins in, and they wouldn’t go all the way through, so I thought it must take notes instead!”

    (I inspect the coin slot again, and after a little wriggling with a key, manage to spot two coins that she has pushed in TOGETHER at the same time, which became wedged. The note had wedged them further down the slot, so I cannot get them out.)

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid the coins are well and truly stuck in there now. I cannot get them out and no other coins can get past. Your kids can’t play the game today.”

    Patron: “What? Well that is f****** ridiculous! We paid money for this game, it’s still running. Just credit it a game or something by opening up the computer slot or something!”

    Me: “I just give out change and put up ‘Out of Order’ signs… I don’t fix games.”

    Patron: “Well, you’re useless down here then, aren’t you?!”


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