November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Some Lights Shine Dimmer Than Others

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Caller: “Hi, do you sell lighting for above artwork?”

Me: “Yes, we have several in stock and many others that we could order. Do you know what length you’re looking for?”

Caller: “No. How much are they?”

Me: “Well, that will depend on the size and style you select. Once you’ve measured the artwork we’ll have a better idea of the size. Do you want it to plug in to an outlet, run on batteries, or would you like it hard-wired into your electrical? Would you prefer incandescent bulbs or LED?”

Caller: “I don’t know. Could you give me a price range?”

Me: “Well, they’ll vary quite a lot, and there are dozens of styles. I’ll tell you what… Let me give you our website address. Have a look on there and see if there’s anything that catches your eye. Once we have some product codes, I can get you some prices. It’s [address].”

Caller: *repeats address back to me* “Okay, I’m online right now. Oooh, I see a nice one!”

Me: “That’s great! What’s the product number?”

Caller: “It says it’s $60! Great price. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m a little confused. We don’t have one at that price. Can I confirm the address with you one more time?”

Caller: “Oh, I’m on eBay. How long will it take to get it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t buy things for you from eBay.”

Caller: “Well, you’re no help at all!”

A Sprinkle Of Stupidity

| Salem, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a pizza place that often allows customers to switch out ingredients, as long as they are not adding any extra.)

Customer: “I want the all meat with no sausage, add bacon, and add green pepper.”

Me: “Great, sir. We can take the sausage off, but unfortunately I can only add one other ingredient. You’ll have to choose which one you’d like.”

Customer: “What if I add bacon but only get a spritz of green pepper?”

Me: “You’d still be getting one too many.”

Customer: “What about a dash?”

Me: “Sir, the manner in which we apply the ingredient won’t make any difference.”

Done With You

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work as a server, attending to a husband and wife. From the get-go, I get the sense that the wife is looking for something to be mad about. The husband, meanwhile, was quite affable and desperately trying to make up for his wife’s grouchiness by being extra pleasant. Taking their order, she is very specific about how she wants her salad, which is fine, and I take great pains to ensure it come out from the kitchen correctly. When I deliver their meals, the husband starts chowing down, but the wife spends a good five minutes inspecting her dish. Finally, after ostensibly finding nothing wrong with her meal, she sighs heavily and eats her meal. Since she looks so unhappy, I check up a few more times than usual, just to cover my own butt.)

Me: “Is everything to your liking?”

Husband: “Oh, yes. I really enjoyed the food.”

(The wife didn’t say much of anything, choosing instead to mutter under her breath. Finally, I notice that their plates are empty, so I go to pre-bus their table. The husband sheepishly thanks me for an excellent meal. Now, her plate is completely empty; no sauce to lick up, nothing. I go to take it away, when…)

Customer: “HEY! Why are you taking that away?! Did I say I was done?!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am! I assumed as much because the plate is completely empty.”

Customer: *looks at her own plate* “…Oh, I guess I WAS done!”

Should Pre-Pray For A Good Pre-Pay

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(All of the pumps at our gas station are self-serve, and have large white 6″x6″ signs adhered to them, with large red block lettering that reads, “PLEASE PREPAY OR PAY AT THE PUMP.” I’m focusing on some paperwork when I hear banging on the window.)

Customer: “TURN ON THE PUMP!” *pointing at her red oversized truck*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are at a prepay pump. You will need to prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

Customer: “I don’t have to do any of that!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m afraid you do. It wouldn’t be fair to our other customers if I just let you pump without paying or leaving a license first.”

Customer: “There is a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave anything!”

Me: *looking for said list inside the fresh box of hell that surrounds me* “Ma’am, the only list we have is of bad check writers, and I’m sure you don’t want your name on that one.”

(Customer stomps back to her truck. I go back to my paperwork. About two minutes pass and I look out to see the same customer jumping up and down in front of everyone, screaming rhythmically…)


Me: *through the intercom* “Ma’am, you are at a prepay pump. You can either prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

(Customer gets in her truck and peels out from the pump, to the main store across the parking lot, narrowly missing three other cars and a pedestrian, and then parks in the fire lane, directly in front of the main doors. The phone rings; it’s the manager from the main store.)

Manager: “Is there a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave a driver’s license in there?”

Me: “No, sir. Just a list of bad check writers.”

Manager: “That’s what I thought. Thank you.” *hangs up*

(From across the parking lot, I see this customer exit the store just steaming. She gets back into her truck, and again peels out of the parking lot, again barely missing passing cars and pedestrians.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 16

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(It has been an insanely busy Friday in our store. I’m the only manager, so I have spent the last six hours running from one customer to the next, dealing almost exclusively with entitled idiots. This is probably my seventh no-receipt-return of the day.)

Me: “Okay, so you don’t have a receipt? Did you purchase this at our store?”

Customer: “NO. I bought it at the north store.”

Me: “Oh, unfortunately I can’t look up the receipt because our system only tracks transactions for our store.”

(I’m about to elaborate that I can call the other store, but she is glaring at me, and I’m already fed up with her tone.)

Customer: *huffing* “Well, can’t you do merchandise credit? It’s obviously unused.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry, but we still need a receipt for credit or exchang—”

Customer: “WHY NOT?! It’s unused. Look at it, it’s obviously unused. I’m not driving up to the north store just for a receipt.”

Me: *giving up* “Without a receipt we have no proof of purchase.”

Customer: “Well, that’s pretty lame. It’s obviously unused. It’s not my fault you can’t find my receipt.”

Me: “…It’s not our fault we can’t find your receipt.”

(She blinked at me angrily before declaring she would never set foot in our store again. Good.)

Refunder Blunder, Part 15
Refunder Blunder, Part 14
Refunder Blunder, Part 13