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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Some Customers Are Thicker Than Others

    , | Wichita, KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (It is my third shift at my first job. I have been mostly getting complicated/difficult orders, and I’ve had no real training; they threw me into the chaos and expected me to figure it out as I went. So far I had been managing, but only barely. An elderly customer  approaches the counter.)

    Me: *smiling brightly* “Hi there, ma’am. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a half pound of [specific cheese] sliced as thick as your slicer will go.”

    Me: “That’s half a pound of [specific cheese] on the thickest setting, right? Coming right up!”

    (I am incredibly relieved as I get the cheese she wanted and get it on the slicer. This is the easiest order I’ve had all day and I can’t see how it could possibly go wrong. I bag the cheese and hand it over the counter to her.)

    Customer: “No, this is wrong.” *hands it back*

    Me: “I’m sorry. What’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “That’s not how thick I wanted it. That’s not thick enough!”

    Me: *bewildered* “I’m sorry, ma’am. You asked for the thickest setting on the slicer, and that’s as thick as it will cut things.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! I get it cut thicker all the time! It should be one block. ONE. BLOCK.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m terribly sorry about that. I’ll fix this.”

    (I go get one of the knives and proceed to cut about half a pound off the block of cheese and bag that for her.)

    Me: “Here you are. I’m really sorry about—”

    Customer: “NO! NO! YOU HAVE TO CUT IT ON THE SLICER!” *throws the block back over the counter*

    Me: “I…I…Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but the slicer won’t—”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! Don’t you lie to me! I want my cheese cut that thick on the SLICER!”

    (I begin looking around frantically for a coworker, but my shift supervisor, who had been there only moments ago, has conveniently disappeared, and my only other coworker is dealing with a long line of customers at the hot bar.)

    Coworker: *calling across the deli to me* “[My Name], go cut it on the ‘special slicer’ in the back. I guess [Shift Supervisor] forgot to show it to you. It’s by the prep table back there.”

    (I’m confused but take the cheese back. The only thing by the prep table are the sinks, but then I see clean knives on it and realize that I just need to cut the block with a knife where the customer can’t see me doing it, so I hurriedly do so and rush back to the front.)

    Me: *handing the new block over* “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. I just started and no one told me about that slicer.”

    Customer: *snatching the cheese* “Hmph. Well, you should have known. Next time don’t be so stupid.” *storms off*

    (This coworker saved me on several other occasions when customers were being exceedingly difficult, though the ‘special slicer’ remains the most amusing to me.)

    Got Ants In Your Pants About Buying This Animal

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known pet store chain. Late at night, just a half hour before closing, we get a phone call from a tired sounding woman.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounds of customer trying to silence a barking dog* “Uh, yeah, do you have any anteaters?”

    Me: *I pause because I’m a little surprised by this* “I don’t believe we do.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? Because you kind of hesitated like you weren’t sure.”

    Me: “You said anteaters? Is that a name of a product or—”

    Caller: “No, like the animal. You know, like an anteater? Do you sell them?”

    Me: “I’m sure we don’t.”

    Caller: “You hesitated again. Maybe you should go make sure.”

    (The store is not very large and neither are the animals we sell: nothing bigger than a guinea pig. I tell her I will check and put her on hold for a few seconds. I inform the working manager and he tells me to just tell her I didn’t find any anteaters, which is what I do.)

    Caller: “Aw, man, really? I really need an anteater. Do you know if the other store carries them? What is it?”

    Me: “[Competitor]?”

    Caller: “Yeah! Do they have them? Do they have anteaters?”

    Me: “I’m very certain they do not.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? You kind of paused. Can you make sure?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can check a competitor’s stock but I am pretty sure they don’t sell anteaters.”

    (After exclaiming her disappointment once again, she described to me her reason for needing an anteater. She told me she has a cousin who has a serious ant problem in her apartment and was told by a friend that they had solved a similar problem using an anteater, which, they said, can be purchased at some pet stores. What she intended to do with the large exotic animal after it served its purpose is still a mystery.)

    Can’t Go Without Within

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    Caller: “Why did you send me a letter saying I have to pay my bill 31 days before it’s due?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that letter is simply stating that you have to pay the bill WITHIN 31 days of the due date.”

    Caller: “Yes! The letter says WITHIN 31 days! That means BEFORE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I deal with accounts similar to yours all day every day, and I’m telling you, you have 31 days PAST the due date to pay the bill.”

    Caller: “That’s not what this letter says! I want you to send me a letter in writing stating what you just said.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I sent you a letter stating what I just said you would receive the same letter you’re calling me about right now.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m going to send your company a letter to tell them I still haven’t received my bill for next month! I can’t afford not to have coverage!”

    Me: *finally giving up* “Would you like the address, ma’am?”

    Keeping It One Place Is EXACTLY What A Store Does

    | Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Where are your Jean Auel books?”

    Me: “Oh, those are in historical fiction, the next aisle over.”

    Customer: “Ugh, why can’t you put everything in the same place so I don’t have to walk?”

    The Collapse Of Human Decency

    , | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)

    Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”

    Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”

    (Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)

    Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”

    Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”

    Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”

    (The manager comes running into the kiosk.)

    Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”

    Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU THE MANAGER? GET YOUR LAZY-A** EMPLOYEES TO DO THEIR F****** JOBS!”

    Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

    (The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)

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