November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Will Not Lie Down On This Job

| CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

Caller: “Do you do polygraphs for infidelity problems?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Do you charge money for them?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I can already see where this is going, but I remain professional.)

Caller: “Uhm, do you do the kind, where, uh…”

Me: “Maybe it would help if you could explain the situation to me.”

Caller: “Well… my brother’s wife wants him to take a polygraph for cheating on her and he knows he would fail. Do you do the ones where you just write up something and what do you charge?”

Me: “No, sir! That would be…”

Caller: “Illegal? They do ’em in Texas.”

Me: “Well, we don’t do ‘that kind’ and no polygrapher with professional standards would. It would be unethical.”

Caller: “But not illegal… right?”

Picture Perfect Response

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I am a claims adjuster in motor vehicle damage. I’m talking to a claimant who is trying to get me to pay for their damage without pictures to go with the estimate of the repairs.)

Claimant: “I don’t understand why you haven’t paid me yet. I sent you an estimate!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I also requested that you get pictures of the damage. I offered to send someone out to take pictures and write up the damage but you told me you’d take care of that yourself. I can’t pay anything out on this claim until I have images of the damage.”

Claimant: “Ohhhhh. So you’re gonna play that game.”

Me: “…The one where we require that you provide documentation of damages before we write you a check?”

Trying To Shoehorn A Sandal

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(A customer walks into the store and starts looking around and picking up shoes.)

Customer: “Excuse me, this sandal is really cute, but I have one question. If I wear it outside is it going to get dirty?”

Me: “The sole of the shoe will definitely get dirty, but typically, yes. Sandals can easily get dirt into them as you walk.”

Customer: “Well, I want a sandal that doesn’t get dirt inside.”

Me: “So you mean a shoe?”

Customer: “NO. A sandal that won’t get dirt inside it. Why would I want dirty sandals?”

Me: “I don’t think we have anything that fits that description.”

Customer: “What kind of shoe store are you? Selling people sandals that get dirty?!”

(The customer grabs a shoe of a display.)

Customer: “See this is what I mean. This is perfect.”

Me: “That is a shoe.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you are being so difficult.”

Speaking Up Can Get You Down

| USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Hotels & Lodging

Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel] in [City, State]. My name is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: *with kids screaming in background, on a busy highway, on speaker* “WHAT?! SPEAK UP! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Are You Sitting Uncomfortably?

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(Our theater has electric recliner-style chairs. They’re very nice, but they are often broken by guests who mistreat them, and so we’re constantly having to fix them. I’m returning from my lunch break, when I see an elderly couple confronting a petite, teenaged coworker of mine. Despite being in their 70s, the husband is HUGE and looks like he could easily overpower everyone there.)

Wife: “My husband is usually a peaceful man! But you’ve pushed him, and now he needs closure and needs you to pay!”

Husband: *fuming* “I’m gonna have someone’s head!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry… What is the issue?”

Wife: “You know what it is!”

Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am. Let me call a manag—”

Wife: *interrupting* “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!”

(I rush over and get a manager, who approaches them. I hear the husband and wife screaming on and off for the next five minutes, before they leave, making sure to announce loudly they’re “never” coming back to this theater, and telling every… single… person they can that we’re “cruel” and “worthless” thieves.)

Manager: *walking up to me* “Well… that was interesting…”

Me: “What was going on?”

Manager: “Someone must have broken one of the seats in the screening before those customers, because his seat was stuck permanently reclined, and it hurt his back trying to lay down in it.”

Me: “Oh, were there no other seats that he could switch to? Why didn’t they just have someone come in to fix the chair?”

Manager: “That’s the thing. I just checked, and they were the ONLY ones there. There was literally about 100 empty seats around them… He just decided that he wouldn’t switch seats, and then got mad because the one seat he picked happened to be the one broken one.”

Me: “And that’s our fault, somehow?”

Manager: “Sadly, that’s not even in the top-five of dumbest thing we’ve been blamed for by angry guests this week…”