October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Genderalising The Problem

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I work in a plumbing and heating store. I am one of three females on the staff. For clarity, the toilet roughs are the lines that run from the base of toilet to the wall.)

Customer: “I need a new toilet rough for [really popular toilet that we sell].”

Me: “Okay, do you know what size?”

Customer: “11 Inches.”

Me: “Do you mean 12 inches? Those toilet roughs only come in 10, 12, and 14 inches.”

Customer: “No, I mean 11 inches. I asked my plumber and he said that is what it uses.”

Me: “Well, the end of the valve will be in the wall, so it could appear to be only 11 inches. The entire thing, however, would be 12 inches. We have lots of those in stock.”

Customer: “No, it’s eleven inches! God, why do they hire girls to do these jobs?”

Me: “Did your plumber measure the area for the toilet?”

Customer: “No, he just knows what toilet it is, unlike you!”

Me: “Sir, what you want is not made. The rough you want comes in 10, 12, and 14 inches. It won’t be the 10 or 14 inch rough that you need, since you bought the 12 inch. You have the industry standard of 12 inches, like most people. Now, your price for that would be $68.25.”

Customer: “Can I get someone who knows what they are doing now? I don’t want to give you money. I cannot believe a place like this bothered to hire women.”

Me: “Sir, you can go to any plumbing house in this city and they will all tell you that what you want does not exist. I sell this toilet every week. It’s a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: “Give. ME. Someone. Who. Knows. What. They. Are. Talking. About!”

(I call the boss.)

Boss: “What is the problem here?”

Customer: “She doesn’t know her job! I bought this toilet from you and she won’t give me the right rough!”

Boss: “What size rough do you need?”

Customer: “11!”

Boss: “This brand does not make an eleven. It comes in 10, 12, or 14. The one you bought requires a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me that!”

Male Coworker: “She did. Many times. You refused to listen and were too busy being focused on her gender.”

Customer: “I did not! Give me the right valve!”

Boss: “No. Go somewhere else.”

Customer: “But I bought the toilet here!”

Boss: ‘Then what happened to the rough it came with?”

Customer: “I lost it.”

Boss: “Not my problem.”

Getting Belongings Where You Don’t Belong

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(A woman approaches my register and slams a pile of clothes on the counter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: *giggles* “Yep. This trip was a steal!”

Me: “Well, we all get lucky, I guess.”

(One of the items doesn’t seem to have a price tag on it, so I ask her where she found it. She points at the back of the store. )

Customer: “It was in that side room you guys have.”

Me: *confused* “Side room? What are you talking about?

Customer: “That’s where you keep all the good stuff, right? There was a really cute scarf in there, too.”

(One of my coworkers, who is leaving for her lunch break, approaches the counter.)

Coworker: “Have you seen my scarf?”

Me: “What does it look like?”

Coworker: “It’s black, with pink stripes.”

(I hold up a scarf from the pile.)

Me: “This one?”

Coworker: “Yeah, where’d you find it?”

Me: *suddenly realizing what’s going on* “Ma’am, did you go into our staff room?”

Customer: “The side room? Yeah. That’s where I got this coat!”

(She holds up my coworker’s coat. I don’t know how, but she managed to open a locked room, with no one noticing, and took our stuff!)

Me: “Ma’am, these are not for sale. They’re our belongings.”

Customer: “You’re lying! You just want these for yourself!”

(She begins throwing clothes at me, knocking over racks, and making a mess of the store before running out and yelling about how our store is robbing their customers. She didn’t even buy anything!)

A Legal Standing

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(Just the pharmacist and I are working the late shift, around 2:00 am. at a popular 24-hour pharmacy. An elderly woman, who has a reputation for getting prescriptions early, hands me a script for painkillers.)

Elderly Customer: “Hi, I need this filled.”

Me: *for narcotics, our store requires we ask vague questions to help weed out fraudulence* “All righty, is this from today?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, but I want it dated for three days ago.”

Me: “Forgive me?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. You all cheated me out of my pills, so I had to wait three days for my refill. So you will date it three days early so that i can get it early from now on.”

(The pharmacist, a 65-year-old man who’s so close to retirement he’s not afraid of being fired, hears the conversation and comes over.)

Pharmacist: “Hello, I’m the pharmacist. Can I help you with something?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. Your technician refuses to fill my prescription. I want you to fill it and date it for three days ago.”

Pharmacist: “No. It is against the law to do so. I will fill and date it for today.” *turns to leave*

Elderly Customer: “Hey, a**-hole! I’m not done with you!”

(At this point, the pharmacist turns slowly around. I am searching for cover.)

Elderly Customer: “You’re gonna fill my d*** pills for how I want! I’m the customer!”

Pharmacist: “What you are asking is so illegal, it isn’t even physically possible to do with our software.”

Elderly Customer: “It’s not illegal where I’m standing.”

(The elderly customer gives a big grin like she has won. The pharmacist proceeds to walk around the counter, out of the pharmacy, and stands next to the customer.)

Pharmacist: “Ehhh. Nope! It’s illegal over here, too. Good luck getting that filled, though.”

(He handed her the prescription, and she stormed away screaming curses.)

No Re-Write Access

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hi and welcome to [Company] online sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

Customer: “The password on my broadband router is rubbing off and getting hard to read.”

Me: “You can re-write the password.”

Customer: “How do I re-write?”

Me: *face palm* “…Get a piece of paper, write the password on it, and tape it to your broadband router?”

Return Of The Returner

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(A customer comes in, carrying no bags, and heads straight for the return desk.)

Customer: “Hello, I need to return this coat.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what coat?”

(The customer takes off the coat she’s wearing and dumps it on the counter.)

Customer: “This coat! I can’t wear it anymore! I need a new one!”

Me: “All right, do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

(The receipt she comes up with is from November. It’s January now. But she has the receipt, so I have to process the return.)

Me: “All right, that’s [price].”

Customer: “No, no! It’s [higher price].”

Me: “No, you got a ten percent discount when you bought it.”

Customer: “That wasn’t on the coat! It was on everything else!”

Me: “Ma’am, the ten percent came off the whole order.”

Customer: “No, I called someone yesterday, and they said I could get the whole amount. I have to go. Just ring it up for the whole amount.”

Me: “Do you know who you spoke to?”

Customer: “No. A manager.”

(I call the supervisor over, and he authorizes the return without the ten percent.)

Customer: “Now I want the ten percent off the one I buy. I’ll be right back.”

(She returns with another coat that’s more money.)

Me: “And the difference is [amount].”

Customer: “What? Did you take the ten percent?”

Me: “I can’t take the ten percent off because it’s a one-time discount.”

Customer: “The manager told me I could do that!”

Supervisor: “Do you know which manager you spoke to? What was his name?”

Customer: “He didn’t give me his name. I’ve got to go. Can we just ring this up?”

(Supervisor authorizes the discount again, eager to be rid of this woman. Little did we know…)

Me: “Wow, that was weird.”

(Five minutes later, the customer comes back, shedding her new coat and dropping it on the counter.)

Customer: “I can’t wear this! It’s too big! Give me the money back, and I’ll go get another one!”

(At this point, the supervisor took over and rang her himself.)

Customer: “You’re sure it looks all right now?”

Me: “Yes, it’s very nice.”

Customer: “It’s not too big?”

Me: “No, it looks good on you.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer leaves, and I breathe a sigh of relief. A few minutes later, she came back.)

Customer: “This is ripped!” *she shows us a minuscule tear in the cuff* “I can’t wear it like this! Take some money off!”

Supervisor: “This item is final clearance. I can’t mark it down any further.”

Customer: “It’s torn! I have to take it to a tailor now! Give me a discount!”

Supervisor: “I physically can’t do it. The system won’t allow me to mark down lower than the final clearance price.”

Customer: “But it’s damaged goods! Would you buy this like this?”

Supervisor: “It’s marked down sixty percent off the original price. That’s the lowest the system will let me go.”

Customer: “I can return this, if it costs to much to repair?”

Supervisor: “Yes, just save your receipt.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The customer finally leaves, and for the rest of the evening, I was terrified she’d come back again!)

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