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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    If They Had An Ounce Of Sense

    | Bangor, Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

    (In the run up to Christmas, one of the popular items has been a small radio controlled quad-copter, and I have been enjoying myself flying these up and down the mall to demonstrate. A young man comes in and enquires about these:)

    Customer: “So could it carry any weight, say, an eighth of an ounce?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh, as the specific weight mentioned is a dead give away* “Well, no, not really.”

    Customer: “Okay, but would it be able to carry any weight over a wall and come back?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “So it wouldn’t, perhaps, be able to carry a sixteenth over a prison wall?”

    Me: “Er, no…”

    Customer: *leaving* “Okay, thanks anyway. If the police come in, don’t tell them I was asking, okay?”

    Not Even Time To Air One’s Grievances

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (It is almost 6:30 am and I get out of my car to walk to the fuel center to open for the day. When I’m halfway there I bid good morning to a lady at a pump.)

    Customer: “…Do you work here?”

    Me: *looks down at uniform* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: *flicks receipt* “I got gas. Does the air machine work?”

    (Our customers get complimentary air with a same visit gas purchase.)

    Me: “As far as I know, yes. I can turn it on for you as soon as I get inside. Go ahead and pull up to the machine.”

    (I take not six steps; the kiosk is still a few yards away.)

    Customer: “Is it on yet?”

    Will Have To Take His Query With A Pinch Of Saltwater

    | Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I am a manager at a pet store. I notice customer looking at the fish so I greet him.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “I have a fish tank I set up last week and I’m ready to put a ‘Nemo fish’ in it.” *I assume he means a clown fish*

    Me: “Salt water is always fun. We have a few different species of clown fish as well as other species of fish that can go with them.”

    Customer: “I already picked the others I want.” *walks me over to the platys*

    Me: “You said you have a saltwater set, right?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but platys are fresh water and unable to live in salt water.”

    Customer: “So they can’t live together?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

    Customer: “Well, what do I need so they can live together?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir… they can’t. One is freshwater and the other is saltwater.”

    Customer: “But what do I need so I can mix them?”

    Me: “Sir, as I said, they can’t be mixed. It’s biologically impossible to mix them. They need opposite types of water to live, salt or fresh.”

    Customer: “Listen to me, god d*** it! Just tell me what I need to put them in the same tank!”

    Me: “The only way to keep them in the same tank is if you have a tank divider and make one side freshwater and the other side salt water.”

    Customer: “Well I might as well have two tanks then, but I’m not buying another f****** tank. NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE BOTH OF THOSE FISH IN THE SAME DAMN TANK!”

    (At this point I’m not sure how I can more accurately explain why this wont work the way he wants. He starts cursing at me to fix his problem and becomes very irate.)

    Me: “Well, sir, you’re going to have to engineer a new fish that can live in both, and if you manage that I’m sure will win some kind of prize.”

    (The tank ended up being a one-gallon desktop tank, although this was not as bad as a customer that got mad because I would not sell them a bearded dragon, a turtle, and a scorpion to all live in the same 10-gallon tank. That one wanted the animals to be friends and said I was stupid when I told her they would kill each other.)

    A Very Purr-sonable Cat

    | Dearborn, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a shelter that has a big Maine Coon cat that has the run of the place. He never goes outside and likes to sit on the lap of whoever is at the computer working. Even though he’s huge, about 28 pounds, most of it is muscle. He’s a very docile cat and loves people. For the most part, our customers love him.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], we got some people pulling in. Can you grab Corky?”

    (I grab the Maine Coon and set him on the counter in a crouched position, holding his flank lightly to keep him still. He’s already trilling excitedly at the thought of guests.)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Shelter]. Can we help you?”

    (A woman, man, and two kids wander in.)

    Woman: “Yes, we’d like to take a look at your kittens.”

    Coworker: “Sure. [My Name], can you take them to the cat room?”

    Me: “Sure. Here, take Corky.”

    (I go to hand her Corky and the woman suddenly screams.)

    Woman: “That’s a Lynx! You have a LYNX here!”

    (She grabs her kids and yanks them back.)

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is Corky, our resident Maine Coon. He’s not a Lynx; he’s just a very large breed of cat.”

    Man: “What the h*** kind of place is this?! Those animals are dangerous! Why do you have one running around where children are?!”

    Me: “Uh, sir? Maine Coons are extremely friendly. The biggest danger to your kids is he’d just knock them over by accident.”

    Woman: “How DARE you threaten my babies! I’m reporting this awful place and have you arrested for harboring that vicious thing!”

    (They storm out, leaving us to stare after them in bafflement. We got a visit later from a local police officer.)

    Officer: “Hey, I got a call about a ‘vicious rabid animal’ on the loose in this building.”

    (I pick Corky up off the counter. Corky is a happy combination of purring and trilling at the sight of him.)

    Officer: “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.”

    Deep Fried Attitude

    , | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am working in the drive-thru during a busy breakfast rush when a snooty customer pulls up.)

    Customer: *taking her food and shakes it* “How many calories is this? The girl on headset said you were going to find that for me!”

    (We have the calorie count for practically every item in a program on our registers – right down to a single slice of cheese – so despite the massive line, I quickly check. For some reason, while we have the nutritional information for the breakfast sandwich as a whole, we don’t have the information on just the chicken filet, which is all she ordered.)

    Me: “I’m really, sorry, but for some reason we don’t have it in our system. I know that if you go on the company website, though, they will have it under the ‘nutrition guide’ tab and—”

    Customer: *disgusted* “I shouldn’t HAVE to go online. You should have it HERE!” *drives away*

    Manager: *waves at receding car* “You have a nice day, too!”

    Me: “If she’s that concerned about calories, maybe she shouldn’t be eating fried chicken for breakfast?”

    Manager: “Seriously!”

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