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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Way To Burst Her Bubble

    , | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in online customer service. I am on the phone with a customer inquiring about our personalized bubble sets.)

    Customer: “So. what do the bubbles look like?”

    Me: “Well, we have them in bottles shaped like wands, bells, the champagne bottles, etc.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but what are the bubbles shaped like?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they’re bubble shaped.”

    Customer: “But the website says bell shaped.”

    Me: “Yes, that means the bottle is shaped like a bell. The bubbles are bubble shaped.”

    Customer: “But I want them shaped like bells.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s impossible to make the bubbles shaped like bells. They can only be bubble shaped.”

    Moan-et

    | TX, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (We have a semi-regular customer who comes in with ‘research projects,’ generally meaning she wants someone to find all the best, cheapest books on a particular subject for her. Today, it’s Monet. I’ve already spent way too much time walking her through available and in print books on a busy day.)

    Me: “So these are the only ones available in the store today, but we can certainly order any of these titles for you.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. It’s very important and I need them now.”

    Me: “Well, we can get them in about a week, or you might try [Nearby Store]. Their art section is larger than ours.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to have to go there! Call and find out if they have the books.”

    (I call our competitor and check:)

    Me: “They do have a selection of books on Monet to choose from.”

    Customer: *in great exasperation* “Well, can’t they just bring them here?”

    Not Quite The Threat Of A Lifetime

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

    (I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

    (The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

    Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

    Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

    Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

    (I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

    Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

    (The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

    Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

    Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

    (She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

    Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

    Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”

    Armed And Dangerous

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (I don’t normally work at our store’s other location, but because of the holidays we are short-staffed all-around and I need to fill in. The one coworker working with me today is on break, and I am taking orders, making food, and making espresso drinks as fast as I can.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me! We’ve been waiting forEVER for our drinks!”

    Me: *looking up from the line of five sandwiches I am currently making* “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I know it’s taking a bit long but I promise it’ll be up soon.”

    Customer #1: “God! I hate coming here. You kids are so incompetent!”

    (Customer #2, a regular at both of our stores, steps forward.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me, how many of you are there back there?”

    Me: *thinking I’m gonna hear it from him, too* “Just me for right now.”

    Customer #2: “And how many arms do you have?”

    Me: “…Just the two?”

    Customer #2: *looking at [Customer #1]* “Ah, well that explains it.”

    (Customer #1 gets a mean look on her face and marches back to her table.)

    Me: *whispering* “You’re so cool…”

    (Customer #2 definitely got his usual latte on me that day!)

    Remained Unchanged Throughout

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (While volunteering at the local Habitat for Humanity ReStore, I notice a middle-aged man walk up to the cashier and hand him a $20 bill. He is buying a $2 tire gauge, normally priced at twice that amount. I overhear the exchange.)

    Cashier: “Excuse me, sir, do you have anything smaller?” *gestures at nearly empty money jar* “Our cash register isn’t working and I don’t think we have enough change in here to cash a 20.”

    Customer: “But it’s legal tender.”

    Cashier: “Yes, but we don’t have sufficient change.”

    Customer: “It’s enough, isn’t it?”

    (This goes on for about five minutes, with the cashier clearly attempting to keep his cool. Finally, he gives up.)

    Cashier: “Here.”

    (He reaches into his own wallet and pulls out $20 in fives and ones, takes $2 and gives the remaining $18 to the customer. The customer counts the money in his hands, then attempts to take the $2 sitting on the table.)

    Cashier: “Hey, what are you doing?”

    Customer: “You only gave me $18. I gave you a 20.”

    Cashier: “Yes, but you want to buy this gauge, don’t you? It cost $2, so I took that out.”

    Customer: “How do I know you didn’t short change me?”

    (At this point, the cashier is about ready to explode. He grabs the cash and clearly counts the amount out. It amounts exactly to $20.)

    Cashier: “There, you did get exact change. Now I will need $2 for the item.”

    Customer: “I want a discount for the trouble you put me through.”

    Cashier: *exasperated* “The item normally cost $4. You are getting it at half off. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: “No, that’s all. I ought to complain for the amount of time this took. Now I’m late.”

    (He grabbed the tire gauge and left. I saw him, about two hours later, still wandering about the store.)

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