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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a well-known department store chain as a cashier. By law, I’m required to offer our store credit card to each and every customer that comes through my line if they’re over the age of 18.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total is [total]. If you don’t have our [Store] card, I can try to save you $10 or $15 on this purchase.”

    Customer: *mumbles so low that I can’t hear her*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you please repeat that?”

    Customer: “I SAID NO! GOD! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH AT ALL? YOUR SERVICE IS HORRIBLE!”

    (At this point she starts screaming her head off, and I see my manager, who is really short and stocky, running down the aisle to see what all the yelling is about.)

    Customer: “I MEAN, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING ME IF I WANT A CREDIT CARD? YOU SHOULD KNOW I DON’T HAVE ANY OF THEM!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have never met you before. How would I know that you don’t have any credit cards?”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHECK YOUR THINGAMAJIG WHEN I GIVE YOU MY REWARDS CARD!”

    Me: “Ma’am… those are two completely separate things.”

    Customer: “NO, THEY’RE NOT! STOP F***ING LYING TO ME!”

    (My manager has just gotten to my booth when the customer slaps me, hard, across my face.)

    Manager: “[Customer]! Why did you just hit my cashier?!”

    Customer: “HE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW I DON’T HAVE ANY CREDIT CARDS!”

    Manager: “Get out of my store! This is the third time you’ve done this! Do not come back!”

    Customer: “THIS IS WHY I NEVER SHOP AT [Store]! THE SERVICE IS TERRIBLE!”

    Manager: *after the customer left* “Are you okay? Go on a break. I’ll cover for you.”

    Me: “So… no hazard pay?”

    Manager: “Ha. Good luck with that. I’ve been here 40 years and I don’t get hazard pay.”

    (She did the customer satisfaction survey on the receipt that we print out and gave me the lowest possible rating, a 0, because of “terrible service” and actually WON a $1,000 gift card to the store via the sweepstakes system. Corporate was notified and they cancelled the gift card right away and gave me a $100 gift card!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5

    Doesn’t Even Close A Sale

    | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s been a slow night, and my coworker and I have been the only people in the store for over an hour. It’s five minutes until closing time.)

    Coworker: “I think I’ll go lock up a few minutes early. I don’t think anyone else is coming in.”

    Me: “Fine by me. I’ll get started on the register.”

    (Right on cue, the door opens and a customer walks in.)

    Coworker: “Oh, welcome. Is there anything we can help you find?”

    Customer: “No, not right now. I’m just here to look around.”

    (The customer wanders over to the trinket section. Since we’re not allowed to tell customers that we’re about to close, my coworker makes a big show about locking the door. The customer doesn’t notice.)

    Me: “Hi, ma’am. Is there anything I can help you find tonight?”

    Customer: *flipping through a magazine from the display* “No. I’m good, thanks.”

    Me: *loudly* “[Coworker], I’m gonna go grab the vacuum so we can begin the nightly cleaning!”

    Coworker: *just as loudly* “Okay! Make sure you hit some of the lights in the back too! I’m going to flip the sign on the door since it’s past eight o’clock!”

    (My coworker and I continue loudly discussing our nightly duties every time we pass by the browsing woman. We keep asking her if she needs anything, and each time she waves us away. In desperation, I turn off half the lights in the store, which doesn’t phase the customer at all. Finally, we are out of nightly chores to do; the only thing remaining is to close the register, which we can’t do while the customer is in the store.)

    Coworker: *loudly* “Man, I can’t wait to go home. I’m really hungry.”

    Me: *loudly* “Me, too! I have homework to get started on once I get home. What time is it?”

    Coworker: “8:15.”

    (We drift into silence and stare at the customer as she picks up figurines off a shelf, examines them, and sets them back down. After a few minutes, the customer suddenly looks up and seems to realize that the lights are off, the store is deadly quiet, and the two employees are staring straight at her.)

    Customer: “Oh, my. Are you guys closing?”

    Me: *relieved* “Yes, ma’am. We closed nearly 20 minutes ago. We’re just waiting on you.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She continues browsing for another 10 minutes. Finally, she makes her way to the front of the store.)

    Coworker: *unlocking the door* “Was there anything you needed to buy, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, not tonight. I just like looking around. Good night!”

    His Attitude Speaks Volumes

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I am browsing in a well-known book store. There is an employee a few feet away from me currently filling and pricing an entire bookcase by herself. Bypassing the customer service desk right next to me, an angry-looking man storms towards the employee.)

    Customer: “You! You need to help me! I’m looking for volume 12 of [Popular New Manga Series] and you need to get it for me!”

    Employee: “Oh. Well, all our manga books are just there, where that lady is currently stood.”

    Customer: “But I can’t find it! You need to get it for me now!”

    Employee: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m unable to leave these books unattended at the moment. There should be another of my colleagues that might be able to help you find it at the customer service desk which is just ov—”

    Customer: “But YOU need to help me! I’ve asked you! My son needs that volume and YOU need to get it for him!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.”

    (The man storms off back in my direction, shouting back at the employee.)

    Customer: “Well, you’ve been a TREMENDOUS help! Thanks for nothing, you stupid b****!”

    Me: “Hey, there’s absolutely no need for that!”

    Customer: “And just what are YOU going to do about it, b****?!”

    Me: “Hmmm, I don’t know… Oh, wait. Didn’t I hear you say you were looking for the new volume of [Popular New Manga Series]? Volume 12, wasn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yeah? What of it?!”

    Me: “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but the book I’m currently holding just happens to be that volume, doesn’t it?”

    Customer: “Yes! Where was that?!”

    Me: “Exactly where the employee told you it was before you berated her. Such a shame that this is the last copy as well. Seeing as you were such an insufferable d*****bag, you now get to watch me carry it to the checkout and purchase it! Bye!”

    (The man screamed at me and the employee for so long that the police were called. The employee actually bought the book for me out of her own pocket as a way of thanking me!)

    Cleaning Out The Trash

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (It is 10 minutes after closing, and my manager hadn’t locked our front door. Two customers walk in. Our focus is on customer service as a business, so we allow them to shop. I am currently mopping the floor, which is filthy because of the snow.)

    Customer #1: “Ew! Something smells disgusting over here!” *walking towards mop bucket* “Ugh, it’s this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s strong cleaning fluid. Our floors get nasty in the winter.”

    Customer #2: “Do you really need to do that right now? We are trying to shop!”

    Me: *eyetwitch* “I’m very sorry, ladies. We closed 15 minutes ago, so I am just trying to finish the nightly chores so we can go home. I haven’t mopped in the direction you’re headed, so it shouldn’t bother you after this patch.”

    Customer #1: “…rude.” *both of them walk off*

    Coworker: *who has been watching quietly* “Actually, I just finished mopping over there.”

    Me: “You’re my favorite.”

    Time For Them To Make Like A Tree And Leave

    | Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small landscaping company that does tree replacements for trees removed during construction on sewer lines. These replacements are monitored by the county. My boss (one of the company owners) is replacing a tree at a wealthy man’s house.)

    Boss: *to homeowner* “Hello, sir. We are with [Landscape Company]. We are here to replace your [tree].”

    Homeowner: “About time you guys got here. I’ve been waiting for my replacement tree for months!”

    Boss: “Sorry about the wait, sir. We have your tree ready to plant.” *gestures to the tree*

    Homeowner: “I don’t want that piece of s***! I want a cherry like my neighbor got!”

    Boss: “I’m sorry, sir, this is the species of tree that was removed from your yard according to my planting permit. Your neighbor received a cherry because that’s what was removed from her yard.”

    Homeowner: “I don’t give a s*** what kind of tree was in my yard or hers before! If you plant that tree I will rip it out of the ground myself!

    Boss: “Then you don’t want us to replace the tree?”

    Homeowner: “That’s what I just said, you idiot! You really don’t need to be smart to be a landscaper, do you?”

    Boss: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. We will do everything we can to fix the problem. If you could just sign this document saying you rejected a replacement tree we will get everything sorted out for you.”

    (The homeowner signs the paper then goes back in his house. My boss tells me to load the tree back in the truck.)

    Me: “So, do we have to get him that cherry?”

    Boss: “H***, no! He rejected the tree on our contract and confirmed he would rather not have a tree. We aren’t obligated to give him s*** now! If he had been a bit nicer I would have pulled some strings and gotten him that cherry but forget that!”

    (My boss called our contact at the county office and explained that the homeowner had declined the replacement tree and signed the rejection papers. Apparently a month later the homeowner called to ask where his tree was and received the news that he rejected his replacement and would no longer be getting a new tree.)

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