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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Shaping Up To Be An Awful Night

    | MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fancy little restaurant dealing with snooty stuck-up rich people.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like the [Restaurant Name] salad, and I want the avocado slices on the left side of the salad.”

    Me: “All right, we’ll put the order in and have your salads up in a few minutes.”

    (Roughly 10 minutes go by. I grab the food from the kitchen.)

    Me: “Here are your salads.”

    Customer: “What the h***l is this! I SAID I WANTED THE AVOCADO ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SALAD!”

    (I notice that I served him his salad with the avocado on the right.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, just let me rectify this.”

    (I proceed to spin his salad around for him so now the avocado is on his left.)

    Customer: “WELL, NOW ALL I HAVE IS A BACKWARDS SALAD! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET FIRED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT WAITER THERE IS THAT YOU CAN’T LISTEN TO SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS AND KNOW YOUR LEFT AND RIGHT!”

    (I walk to my manager, quickly explain the issue, and he walks over to the customer.)

    Customer: “Your employee here is an absolute disgrace! I can’t imagine why [Restaurant Owner] hired them. They don’t even know their left from right! I demand reconciliation and the cost of the rest of my meal be compensated for this vast incompetence.”

    Manager: “Well, sir, I’d like to explain a simple fact. We are not going to be comping your meal; your argument and complaint is absolutely ridiculous. The salad is on a circular plate, there are no sides to a salad. It cannot be backwards. I apologize for your problem with shapes and hope you have a wonderful night.”

    Me: “So, what would you like to order for entrees, or would you just like the bill?”

    Not-So-Smartphone, Part 13

    | MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in the electronics department of a supermarket, where we sell prepaid phone cards.)

    Customer #1: “When I tried to add this card to my daughter’s phone, it keeps telling me it’s invalid.”

    Me: “Let’s see what we can figure out. We’ll try to add the card for you and see what happens.”

    (The customer hands me the phone card and receipt, and recites the phone number to me. I attempt to add it using our computer and receive the message that the plan is not compatible with the model of phone. This carrier has a policy that their smartphones can only take the unlimited plans and won’t allow the fixed-minutes cards to be loaded on smartphones.)

    Me: “It looks like the issue is that your daughter’s phone is probably a smartphone. Unfortunately, this particular plan is not compatible with smartphones, and you’d have to buy the [slightly more expensive card]. Our customer service desk would be happy to exchange it for you if you’ll pay the difference, though!”

    (The woman calls her daughter and learns that it is, in fact, a smartphone. I return her card and receipt along with providing her the correct card, and she walks off. About ten minutes later, a man walks up to me.)

    Customer #2: “We can’t get this card to load on our phone.”

    Me: “That happens sometimes! Believe it or not, we actually have had someone come in with the same problem just a while ago. Let’s see if we can’t get it to go through our computer.”

    (He hands me the phone card and a phone number written on a piece of paper, with no receipt. I enter the information and receive the same error message from before.)

    Me: “Okay, it looks like the phone is a smartphone, which isn’t able to take this particular—”

    (The woman from before walks up to join him, and I realize it’s the exact same card and phone number.)

    Customer #1: Why the h*** can’t it just take that? It’s ridiculous to pay so much for cell phone service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s just [Carrier]’s policy. You might be able to take it up with them if you call their customer service number but we’re not able to do anything about it ourselves.”

    Customer #1: *irate* “Whatever!”

    (They take their card and the phone number, and walk away. Shortly after, the woman returns again.)

    Customer #1: “You didn’t give me my receipt back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we gave you your receipt with the card when you brought it over here the first time.”

    Customer #1: “But then you didn’t give it back the second time! Give it back!”

    (I check all around the area for the receipt despite the fact I know I wasn’t given it the second time, and am not able to find it. I tell her politely that it was never given to me and she storms away angrily, complaining about the phone plan the whole time. Later that evening, one of my coworkers answers the phone and is talking with a customer. From the look on his face, the customer is obviously upset about something. Eventually he turns to me to ask a question.)

    Coworker: “Um, the smartphones for [Carrier] can only take the unlimited cards, right?”

    (Turned out, it was the same customer from before, hoping a different employee at the same store would be able to give her a different answer. When he wasn’t able to change anything either, she demanded the number to one of our other stores in the area – whose electronics area was currently understaffed and who hadn’t been able to answer the phone all day. We didn’t hear back from her after that, but I like to think she got stuck on hold for a good while.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

    They Can’t Bee Serious

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a health food store that stocks a pretty good line of all kinds of different specialty honeys.)

    Customer: *holds up jar* “Excuse me. This honey… is it from free-range bees?”

    Drug Test: Scoring A Big Fat ‘D’

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I am doing to pre-closing activities when a young man runs up, puts his hands on the checkout desk, and leans toward me in a panic.)

    Customer: *under his breath* “Where do you keep the penises?”

    Me: “I must have misheard you, sir. The what?”

    Customer: *still mumbling, looking around* “You know what I’m talking about. The penises.”

    Me: “I… know what those are. I’m not sure why you would think we’d carry them.”

    Customer: *getting agitated* “Not, like, real ones. You know, they come in… like… black, and white, and Asian.”

    Me: “Wait, you’re looking for a fake penis?”

    Customer: *relieved that he’s gotten through to me* “Yeah, like, so you can fill it with urine. From someone else. For a thing. Where are they?”

    Me: *now realizing this is one of our many ‘help me pass a drug test’ customers* “We don’t carry anything to help you pass a drug test, or perform any other illegal activity. I can’t sell you ANYTHING now. Store policy. Please leave.”

    Customer: “Who said anything about a drug test?”

    Me: “Sir, for what legitimate purpose could you be filling a fake penis with someone else’s urine?”

    (The customer struggled for a moment, looked around, and left.)

    We Apologize For The Convenience

    , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (It is Thanksgiving Day. I am calling a customer who left a message that he wants to ‘complain.’)

    Customer: “I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s a holiday.”

    Me: “Actually, we’re not closed. In fact, you and I are talking on the phone, right now.”

    Customer: “I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open.”

    Me: “Except that we ARE OPEN.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “Just to make sure I understand: You’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed, in order to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realized that we’re open, the exact thing you wanted, you’d like to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Me: “Was there a technical problem that you needed help with in the first place?”

    Customer: “No! I only called to complain.”

    Me: *bangs head on desk*

    Customer: “Well, I think I at least deserve an apology!”

    Me: “I’m, uh… very sorry that we could not inconvenience you today.”

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