• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Denser Than The Dough

    , | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

    Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

    (This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

    Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”


    Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”


    Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

    (I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

    Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

    Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

    Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

    (The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)

    Not Very Manly Behavior

    | ON, Canada | Bigotry, Crazy Requests

    (I am in my 20s. I am a moderately tall and sturdily-built woman. An older man, perhaps in his 70s, buys a 50 pound bag of dog food. My coworker on cash asks if he would like someone to carry the heavy bag out to his car, and he says yes. Since I’m working the front, I go to do that.)

    Old Man: “No, I want your boss to do it.”

    (My boss is a small man, shorter and slimmer than me, and is helping another customer.)

    Me: “He’s busy at the moment. I’m perfectly—”

    Old Man: “No, you can’t. I want him to do it.”

    Me: “Really, I’m quite strong…”

    Old Man: “No, no, you can’t do it. Just put it down!”

    Boss: *having overheard, comes over and gestures to me to give him the bag* “It’s okay.”

    Me: “But I’m bigger than you…”

    Boss: *taking the bag* “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

    (When my boss came back, he told me that the older customer just didn’t want a woman doing something he could not.)

    You Just Weeded Yourself Out, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (My coworker is cleaning out the fitting room and finds a fairly generous bag of weed. Later in the day the police stop by in the back room and are picking it up. Meanwhile on the floor…)

    Customer: “Hey, I left a bag here earlier.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of bag?”

    Customer: “Just a ziploc bag with some… cooking herbs…”

    Me: “Uh. Well, my coworker did find a bag matching that description earlier.”

    Customer: “Can I have it back?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What? Why not! You guys are stealing my… herbs. I’m a… chef… I need those!”

    Me: “Well, I can go tell the police officers in the back that the owner of the marijuana came back if you would like.”

    (The customer turned around and ran right out of the store.)

    You Just Weeded Yourself Out

    Giving That Request The Boot

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I manage a retail clothing store and I am at the counter when a mother and daughter walk up with a pair of our boots in the box to return.)

    Me: “Hi, ladies, what can I help you with?”

    Daughter: “Yes, I talked to the other manager, [My Assistant], yesterday about the studs coming off my boots. She said I could re-order them.”

    Me: “Absolutely! I am sorry they are falling apart.”

    (I try and see if the boot can be ordered, since the boots launched some time ago.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the boots are unavailable for re-order. I would be more than happy to return them for you or you can swap it for whatever you like.”

    Mother: “But she wants the boots. Can’t you give us something since they can’t be ordered?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s exactly what I am trying to do. I am more than willing to return them or exchange them for whatever your daughter would like.”

    Mother: “But she wants the boots. You can’t give us anything?”

    Me: “So let me get this correct: you would like me to give you something for free AND let you keep the boots?”

    Daughter: *getting frustrated with the audacity of her mother asking for such a ridiculous request* “No, it’s okay… I’ll keep the boots.” *mumbles to her mother* “Let’s go, mom.”

    Getting Lawyered By Both Lawyers

    | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    Caller: “Hi, I’m the plaintiff in a lawsuit against [Our Client]. My lawyers want to charge me a lot of money, so I was wondering if you would be my lawyers instead.”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry, are you asking us to represent you against our own client?”

    Caller: “Yeah, because then you wouldn’t have to charge me any money, right? Since you’re already getting paid to do all the work by [Our Client]?”

    Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s not how it works. At all. Second, we’d be sanctioned for ethics violations just for suggesting it.”

    Caller: “What the f***?! My lawyer was right. You guys are a bunch of a**holes.” *click*

    (Three minutes later, his lawyer calls.)

    Lawyer: “Did you just offer to represent [Caller] for free?”

    Me: “No, we turned him down because, as you apparently told him, we’re a bunch of a**-holes.”

    Lawyer: “He said what?! Hang on.” *speaking to someone else with his hand covering the phone* “[Caller], I’m resigning as your counsel. Get the f*** out of my office.” *back to me* “I’ll be in touch about this later.” *click*

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