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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15

    | Leeds, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am 17 and have finished my shift at a supermarket, and go straight to a consumer electronics shop. I am still wearing my work uniform, which is similar in colour to the shop that I am in. A customer comes up to me, obviously angry, carrying a bag with a laptop in it.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I bought this laptop last week and it has stopped working already. This is disgraceful for a £500 piece of—”

    Me: “Sorry, mate, I don’t actually—”

    Customer: “Don’t you interrupt me, and I am certainly not your mate. I paid £500 for this and it won’t even turn on now. I want you to fix it right now or—”

    Me: “Woah, woah, woah! I don’t actually work—”

    Customer: “Listen to me! Fix this now or give me my money back!”

    Me: “But you need to speak to someone who actually works at—”

    Customer: “Don’t fob me off with this s***. You work here. You sort it out. I’m not going to be passed from one member of staff to the other. This is typical of this company. Employing young, inexperienced idiots who don’t give two f***s!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. What I suggest you need to do is get your laptop. Open it up, turn it on, and wait for Windows to load up. Once it has loaded up, we’ll put the recovery disc in. Then, I want you to take your laptop, and stick it up your a**, you ignorant c***.”

    Customer: *inaudible explosion of expletives and demands to speak to the manager*

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 13
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Closing Time Is Not In Their Books

    | Denver, CO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling the Student Center. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: *sighs* “When the h*** does the bookstore close?”

    Me: “Let”s see… The bookstore closes at 5:00 pm, sir.”

    Customer: “Then why the h*** didn’t they pick up their phone?! I’ve called four times!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is now 5:47, so the bookstore has been closed for nearly 50 minutes. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** aren’t they open until 6:30?! This is bull-s***!”

    Me: “Well, sir, I believe the bookstore has shortened store hours. They will resume normal hours in September. I apologize if this has caused any inconvenience.”

    Customer: *breathing heavily and getting worked up* “Well, transfer me to the manager. Jesus Christ!”

    Me: “Upon looking online, sir, I see that the manager does not have a direct line. I am sorry, you will have to call the bookstore during normal business hours.”

    Customer: “WELL, THE WEBSITE IS WRONG!” *hangs up*

    Won’t Be Seen But Definitely Heard

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (A call comes in a little after 4 pm:)

    Customer: “How do I get to your office? We were up by [Hospital] and we didn’t see your building…”

    Me: “Ah, we’re actually not near them. But I can get you here from there!”

    (I then give them the most complete directions I can for a trip that should only take perhaps fifteen minutes at the most. They thank me and ask if we will be able to see them that day. I assure them that as long as they can get here before five, we can. I’m under the impression that they will only be a few minutes. As time goes on and they don’t show up I assume they have just decided ‘forget it; I’ll go home.’ At a few minutes after five, before I have a chance to even lock the doors for the evening, a troop of three people walk in: our lost patient, expecting that she can get in that day.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry, but we’re actually closed—”

    (The customer’s husband shouts over me, loud enough that the nurses later tell me they could hear him.)

    Customer’s Husband: “No! Don’t you listen to her. She told you you could get in! You said she could get seen today!”

    Me: *trying to keep my temper* “Actually, sir, what I said was as long as you came in before five pm we could see you.” *to his wife* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as we’re closed for the day you’ll have to reschedule.”

    Customer’s Husband: “No! YOU SAID SHE COULD BE SEEN TODAY! DON’T YOU LISTEN TO HER. YOU’RE GONNA BE SEEN!”

    Me: *deciding I can’t fight stupid* “Let me go check with the doctor, and see if we can fit you in.”

    (When I got back to the nurse’s station, I managed to catch the doctor coming out of the last patient’s room, and upon explaining the situation he agreed – we wouldn’t bend the rules. When I got back up front to explain the situation, the lady was very polite and understanding, willing to reschedule her appointment to later the next week, while her husband stood back behind her declaring the whole time that we would be seeing her that day because we had said we would. That was the only time I’ve ever had someone argue the closing time with me, and I really hope it doesn’t happen again.)

    Do Not Not Speak(er) The Same Language

    | Scunthorpe, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I’ve bought some car speakers and fitted them, but now there’s no sound from my stereo. Do you know what it might be?”

    Me: “I think you should go to the people you bought the speakers from and ask their advice. They’ve made money from you!”

    Customer: “I have, but they want to charge me!”

    Me: “And you think I don’t?!”

    (He left.)

    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 2

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the meat and seafood section of my store. My department closes at 10 pm, but the store itself is open until midnight. It is 10:15 pm and I am finishing cleaning when a customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of catfish?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. The doors aren’t locked, the lights are still on, and you’re still here. I want two pounds of catfish.”

    Me: “The store is open until midnight, yes. But my department closes at 10 o’clock.”

    Customer: “I thought I told you not to lie to me! That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! The department closing before the store does; do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

    Me: *trying not to take the bait* “I’m afraid that’s just how it is, sir. Seafood counter closes at 10.”

    Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

    Me: “Yes, I can see that you’re standing right there. However, your standing there has no bearing on the time we shut down this department.”

    Customer: “I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I WANT TWO POUNDS OF CATFISH!”

    (I put a sign that says CLOSED on the counter. The customer screamed in inarticulate rage and punched my glass display case. He screamed again in pain and ran away clutching his hand, shouting about how he would sue me for assault.)

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