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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Depressing Customer Service

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (A customer and her five-ish-year-old son are checking out at my register. There is a magazine display nearby. One of the magazines’ cover is a tribute to a comedian who recently committed suicide.)

    Customer’s Son: *pointing at the magazine* “Mommy, he died. Did you know he died?”

    Customer: “Yes, it was very sad.”

    Son: “He committed suicide. What does ‘committed suicide’ mean?”

    Customer: “It means he hurt himself badly. Now, let’s go.

    Son: “He hurted himself and died? I don’t understand. Can I skin my knee and die?!”

    Customer: “No, it’s not like that. He was very sad.”

    Son: “What? He died of being sad? Why was he sad? Someone said he was ‘depressed.’ What is ‘depressed?'”

    Customer: *to me* “Can you explain this to him? I don’t want to.”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t really feel comfortable doing that; I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “What? I hate this store. You’re so unhelpful. I’ll be talking to your corporate office.” *drags son out the door*

    (I think even corporate will agree that explaining mental illness to a customer’s five-year-old is not my job.)

    Not Feeling Neutral About Your Parking

    | NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (It is the day before Good Friday, and the store is packed full of people. Obviously, so is the parking lot. A cart pusher has just brought in a handful of carts, and a greeter is tagging bags. One customer, already looking angry, heads straight to the elder greeter and tries to hand her his car keys.)

    Customer: “Go park my car.”

    Greeter: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t offer a valet service here.”

    Customer: “There’s no f****** parking spaces. Go park my f****** car!”

    Greeter: “Sir, I just got back from work after having a heart attack. What makes you think I’m going to be able to drive your car, let alone find you a parking space, when you haven’t?”

    Cart Pusher: “Where is your car right now? Parking in the fire lane makes working and shopping here dangerous. I can have you towed.”

    (Customer went beet red and left, hopefully back to his car!)

    Not Linked To Reality

    | Europe | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Client: “This is not what we requested at all. This [document] looks exactly the same as we provided a week ago. The deadline is tomorrow, we need this ASAP! When can you apply the edits?”

    Me: “[Client], there seems to be a misunderstanding. I click the link and see the entirely new document. Have you checked this [link]?”

    Client: “Found it. This should have been sent sooner.”

    Me: “There were three versions sent earlier during the week to your email. Did you not receive them? Just to show, I’ve attached screenshots of the timestamps and emails sent.”

    Client: “I did not scroll down to see the emails in Gmail. Please notify us earlier if I haven’t seemed to have noticed the link in your opinion.”

    Me: “…”

    Been Ladle-fed Her Entire Life

    | New Ulm, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am called over by a customer to the kitchen department.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a metal ladle. I need it to match my other utensils.”

    Me: *showing her the three plastic ladles we have, no metal ones* “Sorry, it seems we only have plastic ones, not metal. You could possibly check online.”

    Customer: *clearly annoyed* “No, I need a metal ladle. I don’t want to go online for any crap you’re trying to sell me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We’re a lot smaller than other stores. We don’t have as large of a variety as the other ones do.”

    Customer: “I need my ladle. You’ll order one for me and I’ll be here to pick it up in three days exactly.”

    Me: “We can’t do that, ma’am. We have thing shipped to us through a system. We get bulk orders of items that the systems recognizes we need, whether we have run out or they are sent for a new season.”

    Customer: “I’ll be back in three days.” *to her daughter in the cart* “The customer is always right, sweetie. You demand, and then you get. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’ll get my ladle and they can’t do anything about it.”

    (She walked away while I tried to explain there was no way we could order one of an item, again…)

    Acting Irregular Over Regular Price

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (We are a discount store that never has sales because our prices are already low. This year we open on Thanksgiving evening and stay open through Black Friday, though everything is regular price. A customer walks into store about an hour after we open.)

    Me: *at cash counter* “Good evening, ma’am!”

    Customer: “I heard you guys are opening now and aren’t closing until midnight on Black Friday!”

    Me: “Yes, we’re going to be open all night tonight and all day tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Great! I’m surprised there’s nobody here. So, what are the specials?”

    Me: “Well, we actually aren’t having any sales; our prices are already rock-bottom.”

    Customer: *confused* “So everything is regular price?”

    Me: “That is correct.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Then why the h*** am I here? I should be at home spending time with my family, not wasting time shopping at full price! I only came because I thought there’d be a good sale! You wasted my time and took me away from my family!”

    Me: *pointedly* “I agree. I don’t like being away from my family on holidays either. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

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