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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Unable To Deliver On That Promise

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work in the deli section of a store located near an attractions district, where an entertainment company known for its mouse mascot has a strong presence. Today, we get a phone call.)

    Me: “Deli department. [My Name] speaking. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. I have your party platter menu here and I’d like to order a supreme sandwich platter and a large wing platter.”

    Me: *filling out the order form* “All right, just give me one moment to take that down… and your total will be [amount]. Now I just need a little information. Your name, please, ma’am?”

    Caller: “[Caller].”

    Me: “And when will you be coming to pick up the order?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t want to pick it up. I want it delivered to my room at [Fancy Hotel owned by Mouse Company].”

    Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, we don’t make deliveries.”

    Caller: “Don’t be ridiculous. The [Fancy Hotel] brochure clearly states that room service is available 24/7.”

    Me: “Well, they’re probably talking about from their own food service department, ma’am. This is [Grocery Store].”

    Caller: “I am QUITE AWARE of whom I am speaking to. The hotel promises room service, and that’s what I want. Now, I want you to deliver my order to [room] at [Fancy Hotel] by five pm tomorrow, or I will file a complaint with hotel management!”

    Me: “Once again, ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t make deliveries. We are not affiliated with [Fancy Hotel] in any way.”

    Caller: “OF COURSE YOU ARE! [Mouse Company] owns everything around here! You said your name was [Name similar to mine]? Well, I am going to personally make sure [Mouse Company] FIRES YOU!”

    Me: “Well, I hope you’ll tell [Mouse Company] how sorry I am for the inconvenience.”

    Seeing The Funny Side Of The Complaint

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am the assistant manager at a video rental store in a very small town. Most of the people who work here are friends outside the job. The store manager calls me and another girl into his office because there has been a complaint from a customer. He has to work really hard keeping a straight face while he tells us:)

    Manager: “A lady has complained that you were smiling too much while you worked. I made her repeat herself twice because I couldn’t figure out what her complaint was. She got mad and said ‘your employees enjoy their jobs too much; work shouldn’t be fun!'”

    (Since it was such a small town, it wasn’t very hard to figure out who the sour puss was and we made sure to put on our super serious faces whenever she came in. I’m not sure how effective it was since we’d always dissolve into fits of giggles whenever she wasn’t looking.)

    Wasn’t Banking On Banking

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our credit service involves payment through a bank rather than to ourselves. Being a business, we put this on our website and on the front and back of customer’s monthly statements.)

    Customer: “I need to make a payment.”

    Me: “Okay, well, we can’t take it over the phone; it has to done through a bank.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “That’s what it says on the statement you have there.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe it in this day and age!”

    Me: “It’s because our accounts are based overseas, so the banks handle the currency difference.”

    Customer: “How do I do that then? I don’t understand!”

    Me: “The full instructions are on your statement. It’s just like paying us but paying your bank instead.”

    Customer: “So what do I do?”

    Me: “Just phone your bank.”

    Customer: “It’s so inconvenient!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not. It’s the same as what you were about to try with me, but with your bank instead.”

    Customer: “Well, they don’t operate 24 hours a day.”

    Me: “And neither do we.”

    Customer: *click*

    A Little Extra Goes A Long Way

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (Customers are often upset by the turnaround time we quote — up to two weeks during the busiest season. They almost always point out how easy or quick their repair should be. As we are standing within the repair area, it is easy enough to point at all the bikes all over and explain that all these people were here first. On occasion, a customer would drop this one on me:)

    Customer: “Well, how about I pay you extra, and you skip me ahead of all those people to the front of the line and you do my repair right now?”

    Me: “That sounds great, but first let me call all the people ahead of them and ask if they’d like to pay extra to keep their place in line…”

    Customer: “ALL RIGHT, fine.”

    Optional Advice

    | Toronto, ON, USA | Crazy Requests, School, Spouses & Partners

    Student: “This is an emergency! I need help NOW!”

    Me: “Did you need me to call 9-1-1, or simply directions to the nearest hospital?”

    Student: “No! I need to talk to a career counselor NOW!”

    Me: “The career advisors work on an appointment basis. How does next Tuesday work for you?”

    Student: “No! I need to talk to somebody NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I suppose I can help you. What question do you need answered?”

    Student: “I was offered two jobs and I need somebody to tell me what to do.”

    Me: “Congratulations on the two job offers. Please tell me more about each position.”

    Student: “One job is in Toronto and the other is in Windsor.”

    Me: “Well, is relocation an option?”

    Student: “I don’t want to leave Toronto.”

    Me: “Well, I believe you’ve made your decision.”

    Student: “But the job in Windsor pays $20,000 more per year.”

    Me: “Is relocation an option?”

    Student: “My wife doesn’t want to leave Toronto.”

    Me: “Is divorce an option?”

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