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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I went to check out a sale at a clothing store. While browsing the clothing racks, a lady runs up to and violently grabs my arm and start yelling at me.)

    Customer: “About d*** time someone showed up. I’ve been looking for you for ten minutes now!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that! I give you guys a lot of my hard earned money and all I get is crappy service.”

    Me: “Um ,ma’am, I’m sorry, but I think you—”

    Customer: “Now listen here. I don’t have time for this. I’ve got places to be, so just do your d*** job and help me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Work, you got that right! You just get paid to sit on your fat a**. If it was up to me you’d be fired!”

    (At this point the store manager has heard the commotion and comes over to see what the problem is.)

    Manager: “Excuse me, ladies. Is there a problem here?”

    (Customer angrily points at me.)

    Customer: “Yes, there’s a problem! Your sorry excuse of employees stand around all day while your customers have to suffer!”

    (Looking at me, the manager understands what’s going on and is trying to not burst out laughing.)

    Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but if you would have asked a store associate for assistance instead of yelling at another customer, perhaps we could have assisted you.”

    Customer: “Well, I never!”

    (Confused, the lady looks at me and finally realizes I’m not wearing a store uniform or name tag.)

    Customer: “Oh, um… Ah, I think I’ll just come back later.”

    (Looking extremely embarrassed the lady rushes out of the store without even apologizing.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. Are you all right?”

    Me: “I’m really confused but yeah. I guess. Are all your customers like that?”

    Manager: “That’s not even the worst of it.”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 13

    A Crime Against Closing Time

    | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am working the register at a craft store. We are getting close to closing time, and make announcements over the PA system about every five minutes or so, warning customers to finish their purchases. About once a month there is a customer who comes in and wanders right up until the closing time before she comes to the register. Being at register one, I am the last cashier to close my till and have to wait until we’ve finished helping every customer that was in the store before we close the doors.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right tonight, ma’am?”

    Customer: *sighs* “I suppose.”

    (As I ring up her purchases, she grabs a weekly ad from beside my register.)

    Customer: “Ooh, spring items are 40% off. Can I go look really fast before you finish ringing me up?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I’ll be quick.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have already looked back there. We are closed, and as soon as I’m done with your transaction I am closing my till. If you’d like to take a look at our spring sale, you can come back tomorrow morning. We open at 10 am.”

    Customer: “I just want one item. I promise I’ll be quick.”

    (We are 15 minutes past closing, all my coworkers have closed their tills and cleaned up their respective areas, and are standing up at the front waiting, since we all have to leave the store together.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. And your total is [amount].”

    (The customer pays and trundles out of the store, finally.)

    Manager: “Way to be firm. I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the store.”

    Going On A Duck Tale

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (My office phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other line sounds like it belongs to an elderly gentleman who may be hard of hearing.)

    Me: “Hello, [Prison]. This is [My Name].”

    Caller: “Hi. Yes, this is [Caller] from [Small, Rural Town] and I need a duck license.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir?”

    Caller: “I need a duck license. I know I can get one on the Internet, but the Internet is not good out here in [Small, Rural Town].”

    Me: “Sir, I think you got the wrong number.”

    Caller: “We have so many ducks out here. I need a duck license. I know I can get them on the Internet, but I can’t use the Internet so I need you to help me with a duck license.”

    Me: “Sir, you have called the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

    Caller: “You see there are so many ducks around here. So I need your help with a license…”

    Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “… and I need it because there are so many ducks and I need a license to shoot them…”

    Me: “Sir? I think you wanted fish and game.”

    Caller: “… but I can’t get on the Internet, so I need you to give me a license.”

    Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

    Caller: “The what? Who did I call?”

    Me: “You called the prison, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh, you can’t help me at all then…”

    Me: “Let me get you the number to fish and game.”

    (He was very nice and appreciative, and his wrong number made my day!)

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I need help. I’ve locked myself out of my Netflix account and I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “Okay, well you should probably call Netflix and ask them for help.”

    Customer: “But how can I get them to stop charging my bank account?”

    Me: “Call them and cancel your service.”

    Customer: “How do I call them?”

    Me: “On a phone.”

    Customer: “How do I get their number?”

    Me: “Google.”

    Related:
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    Driving Thru Justice

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fairly popular fast-food restaurant. Our location is right next to three different college campuses, so our main customers are a lot of students and teachers in-between classes. This, of course, means our fast service is super-essential, especially in the middle of a rush-hour lunch period.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food]! How does a [Burger] sound today?”

    Customer: “What sounds good is a moment to order. Just wait a second.”

    Me: “Okie-dokie, just holla as soon as you’re ready to—”

    Customer: “Will you shut the f*** up and let me f****** decide?!”

    Me:  *shocked* “Um, okay. I—”

    Customer: “Um, um, um! BE QUIET. I AM TRYING TO ORDER!”

    (I stay quiet for four minutes, until she speaks again.)

    Customer: “Are you even f****** there?”

    Me: “Yeppers, and I’m ready to take your order whenever you are.”

    Customer: “Don’t you f****** take that tone with me! I’ll have a large number six with a [Soda], no ice.”

    Me: “Excellent, I’ve got a—”

    Customer: “What’s my total?”

    Me: “I’ll ring it up.”

    (The customer drives up before I am done punching it in, and parks at the first window. There is no one there, since that employee is on her break, and all of the service is left to me. Eventually, the customer seems to get the message, and I wave her up to the final window.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t there anyone f****** there to take my money?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. He’s on break. It’s just me right now.” *I hand her her drink* “Your total came to $6.55.”

    Customer: “WHAT? That’s too much. I don’t have that!” *waves her credit card*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I was trying to tell you the total at the speaker—”

    Customer: “This [Soda] tastes like s***. I want a free one.”

    Me: “I’ll just pour you another one—”

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

    (I get my manager, who had heard the better part of our exchange over the headsets.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I swear I never do this, but I have been waiting forever to get my food, your worker is a f****** b**** and totally incompetent, and this isn’t the drink I ordered. And if I don’t get a free [Competitor’s Burger] and some pies or something, then I swear I’m never coming back and I will tell my kids and all of my grandkids and everyone I know to never come back to this restaurant ever again!”

    Manager: “That’s really too bad. If you want a free [Competitor’s Burger], you’ll have to get your a** down three blocks and b**** at the [Competitor]‘s people instead. And you’ll have to, now that I’m officially banning you. Get the f*** out of my drive-thru.”

    (At this, my manager slammed the window shut and told me to go ahead and eat the meal that the rude customer had left behind.)

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