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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    No Re-Write Access

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi and welcome to [Company] online sales chat! My name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

    Customer: “The password on my broadband router is rubbing off and getting hard to read.”

    Me: “You can re-write the password.”

    Customer: “How do I re-write?”

    Me: *face palm* “…Get a piece of paper, write the password on it, and tape it to your broadband router?”

    Return Of The Returner

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (A customer comes in, carrying no bags, and heads straight for the return desk.)

    Customer: “Hello, I need to return this coat.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what coat?”

    (The customer takes off the coat she’s wearing and dumps it on the counter.)

    Customer: “This coat! I can’t wear it anymore! I need a new one!”

    Me: “All right, do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.”

    (The receipt she comes up with is from November. It’s January now. But she has the receipt, so I have to process the return.)

    Me: “All right, that’s [price].”

    Customer: “No, no! It’s [higher price].”

    Me: “No, you got a ten percent discount when you bought it.”

    Customer: “That wasn’t on the coat! It was on everything else!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the ten percent came off the whole order.”

    Customer: “No, I called someone yesterday, and they said I could get the whole amount. I have to go. Just ring it up for the whole amount.”

    Me: “Do you know who you spoke to?”

    Customer: “No. A manager.”

    (I call the supervisor over, and he authorizes the return without the ten percent.)

    Customer: “Now I want the ten percent off the one I buy. I’ll be right back.”

    (She returns with another coat that’s more money.)

    Me: “And the difference is [amount].”

    Customer: “What? Did you take the ten percent?”

    Me: “I can’t take the ten percent off because it’s a one-time discount.”

    Customer: “The manager told me I could do that!”

    Supervisor: “Do you know which manager you spoke to? What was his name?”

    Customer: “He didn’t give me his name. I’ve got to go. Can we just ring this up?”

    (Supervisor authorizes the discount again, eager to be rid of this woman. Little did we know…)

    Me: “Wow, that was weird.”

    (Five minutes later, the customer comes back, shedding her new coat and dropping it on the counter.)

    Customer: “I can’t wear this! It’s too big! Give me the money back, and I’ll go get another one!”

    (At this point, the supervisor took over and rang her himself.)

    Customer: “You’re sure it looks all right now?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s very nice.”

    Customer: “It’s not too big?”

    Me: “No, it looks good on you.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer leaves, and I breathe a sigh of relief. A few minutes later, she came back.)

    Customer: “This is ripped!” *she shows us a minuscule tear in the cuff* “I can’t wear it like this! Take some money off!”

    Supervisor: “This item is final clearance. I can’t mark it down any further.”

    Customer: “It’s torn! I have to take it to a tailor now! Give me a discount!”

    Supervisor: “I physically can’t do it. The system won’t allow me to mark down lower than the final clearance price.”

    Customer: “But it’s damaged goods! Would you buy this like this?”

    Supervisor: “It’s marked down sixty percent off the original price. That’s the lowest the system will let me go.”

    Customer: “I can return this, if it costs to much to repair?”

    Supervisor: “Yes, just save your receipt.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer finally leaves, and for the rest of the evening, I was terrified she’d come back again!)

    Driving You Crazy, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (It is the Friday before Memorial Day, and we only have enough cars for people who made reservations in advance. My coworker and I check our reservation sheet regularly and call any same-day reservations to tell them we do not have a car for them, and to check back at the end of the day in case of no-shows. We cannot reach one such customer, who comes in only an hour after making her reservation.)

    Customer: “My name is [Customer], and I have a reservation for a car now.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but due to the holiday weekend, we are completely out of cars right now. I tried calling you—”

    Customer: “How DARE you tell me you’re out of cars! I made a reservation! I demand a car!”

    Me: “I understand you made a reservation, which is why I tried to call you as soon as possible to explain the situation. We will have more cars coming in about two hours, and if any come earlier, I will be happy to call you and let you know.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe this! Can’t you tell I’m dropping this off at the airport? I need a car now!”

    (Her reservation does confirm she is dropping her car off at an airport, but it is a two-day rental and the airport is about an hour away.)

    Me: “I see that, ma’am. Unfortunately, that does not change the fact that we do not have a car for you on such short notice. As you can see, there are no cars in our parking lot right now. I’m not trying to keep one from you.”

    Customer: “This is unbelievable! I am a [Rewards Club] member! I am guaranteed a car when I reserve it!”

    Me: “You are guaranteed a car if you make a reservation at least 24 hours in advance. And because you are a member, you are put at the top of our list when more cars come in in the next couple of hours. Otherwise, I would be telling you to come around closing in case of no-shows.”

    Customer: “I work for this company! I work at [Other Location]! I know how things work around here!”

    (My patience has worn thin at this point. It is my second to last day at this job, my next job is secured, and I know there will be no real consequences if this customer ends up complaining to my manager.)

    Me: “Then honestly, you should have known better than to make a same-day reservation at a small location on a holiday weekend.”

    (The customer’s jaw drops, but she remains silent.)

    Me: “As I said, I would be happy to give you a call as soon as we have a car for you, which will likely be in an hour or two. Is there a number I can better reach you at than [cell phone number on file]?”

    Customer: “No… no, that’s a good number… I’ll wait for your call.”

    (The customer literally ran out the door, which only barely closed behind her before my coworker burst into a laughing fit at my comment and the customer’s response. We had an unexpected return fifteen minutes later, and I rented that car to the customer less than an hour after her reservation.)

    Related:

    Driving You Crazy

    A Window To My Problems

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am a volunteer at a small charity thrift store. As there is a line at the cash, I am helping customers who want to see certain items while my coworker rings other people through.)

    Customer: “Can I see that girl’s dress in the window?”

    Me: “Sure! But just so you know, any items displayed in the windows can’t be sold until next week.”

    Customer: “That’s fine; I just want to see what size it is.”

    (I go to the window and start to retrieve the only girl’s dress there.)

    Customer: “No, that’s the wrong one! I said I want the baby dress in the window!”

    (There are two baby dresses in the window.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Which one would you like to see? There are two baby dresses.”

    Customer: “The one in the window!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but which of the two in the window would you like to see?”

    Customer: *agitated* “The one in the window!”

    (I take one of the dresses at random.)

    Me: “Was it this one?”

    Customer: “No, the other one!”

    Me: “The dress you wanted to see is sized for 24 months.”

    Customer: “Great! I’ll buy it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but items in the window can’t be sold until next week.”

    Customer: “Well, how could I know that? You said earlier that things in the window aren’t until next week but how could I know I couldn’t buy the dress?!”

    (At this point my coworker saw me getting frustrated and took over, pretending to sympathize with her to get her out the door. Later, that same coworker informed me that she recognized the woman as a problem customer from her days working at the local grocery store but couldn’t find a way to warn me in time!)

    At Least It Rules Out ‘Twilight’

    | ID, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I work at the reference desk, and I often help patrons find books. The following exchange happens one morning:)

    Patron: “Hi, I’m looking to see if you have a book.”

    Me: “I can help you, then! Can you give me the name of the book?”

    Patron: “I don’t remember it.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember the author’s name?”

    Patron: “No… but it was about vampires and it had the word ‘blood” in the title.”

    Me: “…That doesn’t narrow it down nearly as much as you think it does.”

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