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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Misery Demands Company, Part 2

    | Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I’m a little hyperactive and ditzy, but mostly it comes off as being friendly, or so I think, until this customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Miss, exactly what kind of drugs are you on?”

    Me: “None at all, I assure you.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You can’t just be that happy!”

    Me: *completely bewildered* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s more like it!” *picks up his things and leaves*

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 5

    | British Columbia, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (A young man in his early 20s approaches the counter. He is dressed very much like a typical frat boy.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get cotton candy and cake batter ice cream mixed together? And when you put it in the bowl, can you put the cone on top like a hat and make a smiley face out of gummy bears?”

    Me: “Awww, sure! Who’s it for?”

    Customer: *quite seriously* “Me!”

    Me: “Awesome.”

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends

    As Long As Every Lady Is A Queen

    | California, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a gay male bar as a bouncer. I normally escort or throw out guys due to inappropriate behavior. One day, however, the manager calls me over to throw out a woman. Afterwards, I ask the manager what happened.)

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Manager: “She kept on insisting to meet me to implement a suggestion for the bar.”

    Me: “Oh…so why did you have me kick her out?”

    Manager: “She was insistent, and got more and more agitated when I told her we’d never do that.”

    Me: “And what was her suggestion?”

    Manager: “She said we should have Ladies Night so that more men would come here.”

    Seeing Red

    | Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier in a local state-wide grocery store. We have a red logo. A customer comes through my line, and checks through without incident until she hands me her coupons.)

    Me: “Ma’am, these coupons are from [other national retailer with a red logo].”

    Customer: “But you both have a red logo! Can’t you take those?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not allowed to take coupons from other chains.”

    Customer: “But they’re both red! Why can’t you take them?!”

    Me: “They aren’t coupons from our store—”

    Customer: “IT’S RED!”

    Satisfaction Level: Impossible

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

    Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

    Me: “Did they say why not?”

    Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

    Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

    Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

    Caller: “Bull****! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

    Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

    Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

    Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

    Caller: “You know what I want!! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

    Me: “And what is that?”

    Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

    Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*

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