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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Off The Clock, Customer Block, Part 2

    | Cleveland, Ohio, USA | Crazy Requests

    Customer: "Are you guys open on Saturday?"

    Me: "No ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday 9am to 6pm."

    Customer: "Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend."

    Me: "So you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?"

    Customer: "Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk."

    Related:
    Off The Clock, Customer Block

    An Open And Shut Case

    | Spokane, Washington, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a hot day after closing time. I am, sweeping up with the drive-thru windows open, and a customer drives up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you still open?”

    Me: “No, sorry, we closed at six. I’m just finishing up to go home.”

    Customer: “So you can’t make me a coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, no, I already turned off everything and cleaned all the machines.”

    Customer: “But your windows are open.”

    Me: “Yeah, It’s pretty hot in here, so I left them–”

    Customer: “If your windows are open, it means you are open! You shouldn’t leave the windows open! It confuses people, and I think you should make me a coffee!”

    Me: “Well, I can see how you might be confused, and I’m sorry. I turned off all the ‘open’ signs, and our hours are posted. We close at six, so we’re closed.”

    Customer: “You’re windows are open! Make me a f***ing coffee now!”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t. Everything is turned off! Do you want an Italian soda, or maybe a muffin?”

    Customer: “You can sell me a muffin when you’re closed?”

    Me: “Well, yeah. I don’t need the machines to give you a muffin. What kind do you want?”

    Customer: “I don’t want your f***ing muffin! You are deliberately withholding coffee from me! I am an American! You are violating my rights!” *customer proceeds to scream racial and sexist slurs at me*

    Me: “Oh, gosh, you know what?”

    Customer: “What?”

    (I slam the window shut, and yell through the glass.)

    Me: “Sorry! My window’s shut! We must be closed!”

    This Call Has Been Terminated

    | Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

    Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

    Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

    Dishing The Dirt

    | Oulu, Finland | Crazy Requests

    (During a renovation clean up for an apartment building, a random person from another apartment in the same building approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hi, I noticed that you are back again. When are you going to get to cleaning my kitchen?”

    Me: “What apartment number would that be, Sir?”

    Customer: “11.”

    Me: “Sorry Sir, you’re not on the list for cleaning. Maybe you should ask about that from the boss for the renovating company?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you’re not listed for the renovation clean up.”

    Customer: “But I haven’t had any renovating done!”

    Me: “Then why are you asking us to come and clean your kitchen?”

    Customer: “Because it’s filthy!”

    Fruity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I work front desk and am checking in a new patient. Note that I am a lesbian, wearing a clearly visible pentagram necklace, and am in a 5 year relationship.)

    Me: “Good morning! Go ahead and sign in and I’ll let the doctor know you’re here.”

    Patient: “Your eyes are gorgeous!”

    Me: “Thanks. Have a seat while I look through your paperwork.”

    Patient: *doesn’t move*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Patient: “Your eyes are really just so beautiful. I can see the power of God in you. You are truly an angel, do you know that?”

    Me: “I…get that a lot?”

    Patient: “Are you single?”

    Me: “No.”

    Patient: “Are you sure? Is it serious?”

    Me: “Yeah, pretty serious.”

    Patient: “Oh, but you’ll just love my son. You have to meet him as soon as he gets back from his Mormon mission!”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Patient: “Are you sure you can’t consider breaking up with your boyfriend?”

    Me: “I really don’t think she’d take that well.”

    Patient: “What?”

    Me: “I said I really don’t think I’m allowed to date patients or their family members.”

    Patient: “Oh…but do think about it. Your eyes are really just so pure! He’d really be perfect for you!”

    (She called several weeks later to say she’d been committed to a mental hospital.)

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