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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    A Window To My Problems

    | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am a volunteer at a small charity thrift store. As there is a line at the cash, I am helping customers who want to see certain items while my coworker rings other people through.)

    Customer: “Can I see that girl’s dress in the window?”

    Me: “Sure! But just so you know, any items displayed in the windows can’t be sold until next week.”

    Customer: “That’s fine; I just want to see what size it is.”

    (I go to the window and start to retrieve the only girl’s dress there.)

    Customer: “No, that’s the wrong one! I said I want the baby dress in the window!”

    (There are two baby dresses in the window.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Which one would you like to see? There are two baby dresses.”

    Customer: “The one in the window!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but which of the two in the window would you like to see?”

    Customer: *agitated* “The one in the window!”

    (I take one of the dresses at random.)

    Me: “Was it this one?”

    Customer: “No, the other one!”

    Me: “The dress you wanted to see is sized for 24 months.”

    Customer: “Great! I’ll buy it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but items in the window can’t be sold until next week.”

    Customer: “Well, how could I know that? You said earlier that things in the window aren’t until next week but how could I know I couldn’t buy the dress?!”

    (At this point my coworker saw me getting frustrated and took over, pretending to sympathize with her to get her out the door. Later, that same coworker informed me that she recognized the woman as a problem customer from her days working at the local grocery store but couldn’t find a way to warn me in time!)

    At Least It Rules Out ‘Twilight’

    | ID, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

    (I work at the reference desk, and I often help patrons find books. The following exchange happens one morning:)

    Patron: “Hi, I’m looking to see if you have a book.”

    Me: “I can help you, then! Can you give me the name of the book?”

    Patron: “I don’t remember it.”

    Me: “Well, do you remember the author’s name?”

    Patron: “No… but it was about vampires and it had the word ‘blood” in the title.”

    Me: “…That doesn’t narrow it down nearly as much as you think it does.”

    Their Welfare Status Is Okie Dokie

    | New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I am a dental assistant at a dental surgery and move between answering phones and assisting the dentist. We have irate patients regularly, who get treatment done and then claim they weren’t told how much it was and refuse to pay, or try to get refunds on treatment already received, or try to get money refunded that was paid for by the government. This particular patient was the latter case. I have come up with a useful way to deal with these stressful phone calls.)

    Me: “Good morning, [Dental Clinic]!”

    Patient: “It’s [Patient]. You guys told me I’d be getting my money refunded for my dental care! I want my money back and you haven’t put it in my f****** account!”

    Me: “Just give me a minute sir, while I bring up your file and have a look… Oh, I see. Yes, the money for your dental care was being refunded, but since your care was paid for by [Welfare], the money will be refunded to them.”

    Patient: *suddenly polite* “Oh, no, no. [Welfare] told me that you can give it to me and then I’ll give it to them. No problem!”

    Me: “I highly doubt [Welfare] would have told you that, sir. We deal with [Welfare] directly, and will refund the money straight back into their account.”

    Patient: “THAT’S MY F******* MONEY! You mother-f***** con-artists better give me that money! I DESERVE THAT MONEY!”

    Me: “No need to swear, sir. There is really nothing more to discuss.”

    Patient: “YOU GIVE ME THAT GOD-D*** MONEY!! IF I DON’T SEE THAT MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT BY TOMORROW, I WILL COME AND SEE YOU!”

    Me: “Okie dokie. That won’t be happening, sir.”

    Patient: “I’M SERIOUS!  I’LL COME DOWN THERE! YOU BETTER TELL YOUR BOSS TO WATCH HIS BACK!”

    Me: “Okie dokie, sir.”

    Patient: “I KNOW WHERE HE PARKS! I DESERVE THAT MONEY! YOU GUYS ARE RIPOFFS, F****** C****!”

    Me: “Okie dokie, sir.”

    Patient: “F*** YOUR ‘OKIE DOKIE!’ GO TO H***!”

    Me: “Okie dokie, sir. I’m hanging up now. Have a nice day.”

    Patient: “F*** YOU. IF YOU HANG UP I’M RINGING BACK UNTIL I SEE THAT MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT!”

    Me: “Okie dokie, sir. Goodbye.”

    Patient: “I SAID F*** YOUR OKIE DO—” *click*

    An Ounce Of Principles

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work in a very popular coffee chain. We allow people to bring in company mugs and charge accordingly to how many ounces of liquid the cups hold.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am, that’ll be $2.37.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. I pay $1.50 for this.”

    Me: “That is a 24 oz cup, correct?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you can see on the display screen I have hit personal cup 24 oz?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you can see that it’s ringing in $2.37 after tax?”

    Customer: “Listen here, you snide little b*****, I don’t need you standing here calling me stupid. I can read and I see what you did but you’re just trying to rob me! I pay $1.50 every f****** day for this cup and that’s what I’m going to pay.”

    Me: “Well, I can’t sell you our product for that price so you have two options: either hand me the amount you’ve been rightfully charged or have a good night.”

    Customer: “You are a c*** and I’m going to corporate with this! Get me the number for your corporate office!”

    (I get her the number and she leaves screaming.)

    Customer: “I’ll have your job and your stupid face won’t ever work anywhere in this town again! I always pay $1.50! It’s the principle not the price! I’m the customer!”

    (She did call corporate but they sided with me and the next time I saw her she had no problem paying the proper amount.)

    Got To Give Him Credit For Persistence

    , | Beltsville, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work for an online retail store. Our website charges customer’s credit cards automatically when they place their order, and we often have to handle refunds for a variety of reasons. One customer decides we are taking too long to ship his order and demands we refund his card.)

    Customer: “I’ve been asking for a refund for weeks and you promised me it was done last Friday!”

    Me: “Sir, you cancelled your order last Thursday and the refund was put through on Friday.”

    Customer: “I don’t see anything on my credit card yet!”

    Me: “Sir, this is Monday. Transactions can take five to seven business days to process by the card issuer. I can provide you with the transaction ID number and you can talk to them, but as far as we’re concerned the refund is complete.”

    (Customer is given the information and rudely hangs up. About one hour later, he calls back, even more furious.)

    Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You lied to me!”

    Me: “Sir, please calm down. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “You gave me a bogus number! My credit card company says that number is useless and they haven’t seen anything. You’re probably scammers and I’m going to report you to the BBB!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you the transaction was put through. Please just give it five to seven—”

    Customer *interrupting* “That’s bull****! I asked them and they assured me that all transactions were immediate! I’m going to file a chargeback against you and report you!”

    Me: “I’m not sure who told you that, sir, but that is how long it can take. If you wish to file a chargeback you are free to do so, but understand that this may lock the funds up even longer while they investigate your claim.”

    (Customer curses us out and hangs up. About 30 minutes later, he calls back, calmer but with an attitude.)

    Customer: “I want you to stay on the line. I’m putting this through on a three-way with my bank.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. I’ll stay on the line with you.”

    Bank Teller: “This is [Major Credit Card]. How can I help you?”

    (Customer proceeds to go on a rant about how we took his money and how he wants to take legal action to regain the funds.)

    Bank Teller: “Okay, so you want to check on a chargeback claim. What is the case number?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a case number yet. I just want them to refund their money?”

    Me: *to Bank Teller* “Ma’am, we have already performed the refund. I see the transaction in our processing statements and have an ID number.”

    Bank Teller: “Wait, so this is a credit card refund?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Bank Teller: *to Customer* “Sir, if they’ve already refunded the card, you should see the transaction in five to seven business days.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! That’s not what they told me when I last called in! That’s bull-s***!”

    Bank Teller: *sternly to Customer* “Sir, please do not use foul language. That is how long it takes to process the refund on our end.”

    Customer: *much quieter* *sighs* “I see.”

    Bank Teller: *in a serious voice* “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Thank you.”

    Customer: *quietly* “No.”

    (Bank Teller hangs up.)

    Me: “Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Customer: *unhappy but quiet* “No. I guess I’ll wait.”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. You have a nice day.”

    (Customer hung up without a word.)

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