November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”

Respect Goes Both Ways

| Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

Patient: “I have an appointment with Dr. [Name].”

Me: “All right…”

(The patient has missed over half her appointment, so I know the doctor won’t see her, but I go ask anyway.)

Me: “Unfortunately, Dr. [Name] won’t be able to see you since you were over twenty minutes late for a forty minute appointment. We’ll have to reschedule.”

Patient: “I don’t want to see Dr. [Name], then. I want to see a different doctor that will respect his patient’s time.”

Me: “…”

Declaration Of Independently Sourced

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, History

(I’m upstairs at the reference desk, fielding calls and helping patrons.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Library] Reference. Can I help you?”

Patron: “Where can I find the Declaration of Independence?”

Me: “Like the text?”

Patron: “No, like the real thing.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have the real thing, but we have a few copies of the text if that’s something you’re interested in getting? It’s all the same words, I promise.”

Patron: “But, like, do you have the actual paper?”

Me: “No, we don’t have the actual paper.”

Patron: “Where would I get that?”

Me: “In Washington.”

Patron: “Oh.” *hangs up*

Kill Bill

| USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Why the h*** is my cable cut off?”

Me: *after checking her account* “Ma’am, upon checking your account, we haven’t received a payment for three months now.”

(We aren’t allowed to tell them they haven’t paid because it is considered rude and accusatory.)


Me: “Ma’am, we told you by means of your bill. Haven’t you been receiving your bill?”

Customer: *takes a moment before she answers* “Uhm. No. I haven’t.”

Me: “In the case that you haven’t received your bill in three months, you should have called us to tell us. You have been using your service for the three whole months and you didn’t remember that you haven’t received bill in three months?”

Customer: “It is your f****** job to call and inform me to pay the bill!”

Me: *trying to remain calm* “No, ma’am. We remind you about a payment due by means of your bill. It is your duty as a customer to pay for the service you are using. We have almost a million subscribers and it will be impossible to call all of you just to remind you about a payment due.”

Customer: “I’M CHANGING PROVIDERS!” *click*

Closed Down Compassion

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a grocery store that was bought out by an out of state chain. After only three months, they decide to close almost half of the newly acquired stores. Everyone at my store is on edge and very emotional.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you close this store? It’s the only one downtown; I won’t be able to shop.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, everyone that works here is upset about the situation. We had nothing to do with the—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I don’t care. You can’t close the store. Where will I shop?”

(My coworker starts sobbing.)

Me: *stepping in* “Listen. The employees here had nothing to do with this. The store managers had nothing to do with this. WE. ARE. ALL. LOSING. OUR. JOBS! I’m sure you’ll recover from the great inconvenience of having to drive an extra mile and a half, but everyone here is facing unemployment. Please consider that, and have a nice day.”