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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Doesn’t Have The Magic Touch

    | LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV, Religion

    (My coworker and I are discussing Harry Potter: which book was our favorite, which movie, what we would have liked to have seen in the movies, etc. when a customer walks in.)

    Customer: *scowling at us* “You shouldn’t read those books. They teach the devil’s work!”

    (My coworker and I reply at the same time.)

    Coworker: “Not really.”

    Me: “Not in the slightest.”

    Customer: “YES, THEY ARE! They have magic in them so they teach the devil’s work!”

    Me: *smiling* “Humor me here, okay?”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Your little girl watches Disney, right? And she really loves the Disney Princesses, right?”

    Customer: *proudly* “Yes! She’s growing up on good, wholesome family movies like I did!”

    Me: “Okay, so she loves the Princess movies. Who is her favorite?”

    Customer: “Right now it’s Rapunzel.”

    Me: “You mean the Disney Princess who has magical hair because her mother ate a magical plant to save her when she was pregnant with Rapunzel? The same Rapunzel who was kidnapped by a witch and kept in a tower?”

    Customer: “Yes! The witch was evil! She wanted to use Rapunzel’s magical hair all for herself.”

    Me: “Right. Rapunzel’s magical hair that healed people when she sang.”

    Customer: *snottily* “What’s your point?”

    Me: “My point is that you let your child watch Disney movies that are full of talking animals, magical hair, enchanted furniture, etcetera, etcetera, but you don’t think my coworker and I should read Harry Potter because it has magic in it, making it the devil’s work.”

    Customer: “That’s right!”

    Me: “You see the flaw in your logic, right?”

    Customer: *loudly* “There is no flaw! Magic is evil and that’s that!”

    Me: *rubbing my temples* “Right. Did you actually need anything tonight?”

    Customer: “No! I think I’ll go to the dollar store down the street instead!”

    Me: “You do that, ma’am.”

    Hopefully His First Name Isn’t John

    | North Wilkesboro, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Health & Body

    (I work in a well-known national chain pharmacy. The particular store that I work in provides medicine to at least half of our well-sized county, so we stay rather busy and have a lot of customers. This exchange happens far more often than it really should:)

    Customer: “I’m here to pick up a prescription.”

    Me: “All right, what’s the name?”

    Customer: “Johnson.” *or some other common last name*

    Me: “Okay, and the first name?”

    Customer: “There’s more than one?!”

    Me: “…”

    The Sorry State Of Customer Service

    | Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

    (It is my first day working the customer service desk, and a customer is cussing and yelling because I can’t do a return for him. One of my coworkers, famous for being very patient and good with difficult customers, happens to wander by. I’m nervous, so I flag her over.)

    Coworker: “Oh, [My Name], do you want some help?”

    Customer: “Help?! I need help! That f***** b**** won’t take back my return! This is s***!”

    Coworker: “Did you call the manager?”

    Me: “Yeah, and he said we couldn’t do anything.”

    Customer: “And that’s bulls***!”

    (My coworker looks unimpressed. I explain why we can’t do the return to her.)

    Coworker: “Hmm. Okay, well, I know he said no, but I think he’s actually wrong. I’ll take care of this. Sir, will you come with me?”

    Customer: “No! I’m standing here at this d*** desk until you fix my d*** problem!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Suit yourself.”

    (The customer keeps swearing and yelling until my coworker returns.)

    Coworker: “Okay, we’re going to make an exception. Boss’s orders.”

    Customer: “Finally! I’ve been here for f***** ever!”

    (I do the return, and as I’m about to hand the customer his money, my coworker holds her hand up to stop me.)

    Coworker: “Sir, I want to make it very clear that if I had any choice at all, I wouldn’t do this for you, and if you EVER come in here again and swear or yell at my coworkers, my boss, or me, I will personally see that you are escorted from this store, by the police if necessary. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting like this and making [My Name] feel like she’s not doing a good job because she is doing a marvellous one.”

    Customer: “I… I’m sorry.”

    Coworker: “No, you aren’t, and quite frankly, I don’t care. I’ve said my piece. Now here is your money, Sir. Have a splendid Thanksgiving.”

    Deaf To Reason, Part 5

    | QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology

    Manager: “Can you please see that customer; he says he’s having trouble hearing his phone.”

    Me: “Which is it, he can’t hear it or the sound isn’t working?”

    Manager: “I’m not quite sure. Um, also… he’s deaf.”

    Me: “What?”

    Manager: “Please, you’re so good with these customers.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I head over and greet the customer and run a few basic checks on his mobile and immediately see the volume is working as it should.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the volume appears to be working just fine, but you were having trouble hearing it, is that correct?”

    Customer: “Oh, I can hear it just fine now. That’s no problem. But sometimes I like to go for a walk and when I do, I take my hearing aid out. Then I can’t hear it anymore! What do you suggest I do?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…uh, I suggest you put your hearing aid back in?”

    (The customer nods and looks at me expectantly, as if I have further advise to dispense.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t think of any other solution, under the circumstances.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, I suppose that will have to do then!” *walks off looking quite dissatisfied*

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason, Part 4
    Deaf To Reason, Part 3
    Deaf To Reason, Part 2

    Required: One Marauder’s Map

    | Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a large retail store that requires maps for customers. An older woman approaches me with said map…)

    Woman: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Woman: “Well, that map:” *points to the one bolted to the floor* “It shows me where I’m currently standing, but this one:” *shows the paper map she’s holding* “doesn’t. Why?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that’s the map you actually carry throughout the store. There’s no way for it to know where you are at any time.”

    Woman: “Well, all of your maps should show me where I am in the store!”

    Me: *taking her paper map* “Let me see if I can get the GPS on this paper map fixed for you.”

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