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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Should Have Kept A Record Of The Record

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working in the music section of a department store.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a song, but I don’t know who it’s by.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Do you remember how it goes or any of the lyrics?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Was it a male or female singer?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What type of music was it? Fast, slow, rock, etc?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure.”

    Me: “Do you remember anything about the song?”

    Customer: “I think it had an ‘A’ somewhere in it.”

    Venting About Ventis

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m a semi-regular patron of a local coffee shop. I witness this exchange taking place.)

    Customer: “I’ll take a venti caramel machiatto, a venti iced peppermint mocha, and a venti butterscotch latte.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we don’t offer any of those flavors apart from the peppermint mocha.”

    Customer: “Well, of course you offer those. I was just looking at your online menu.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, we have never offered venti sizing. We just call it large. And we have never offered caramel machiatto or butterscotch lattes. I’m not sure any coffee shop offers butterscotch lattes.”

    Customer: “I want a f***ing caramel machiatto and a butterscotch latte!”

    Cashier: “If you’ll look at the menu, we do offer a salted caramel.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a f***ing salted caramel. I can’t have salt; I’m on a no-salt diet. Let me speak to your manager.”

    (The manager is called, and repeats the same thing the cashier has been saying.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just f***ing make me my f***ing coffee order. It isn’t that difficult! Three venti coffees, one a caramel machiatto, one an iced peppermint mocha, and one a butterscotch latte. For f***’s sake, I order the same thing every day!”

    Manager: “That isn’t possible, as we don’t offer two of those drinks. I think you want the [popular coffee chain] down the road.”

    Customer: “No, I always come here and get those three drinks! I want my f***ing coffee and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

    (Finally, I’ve had enough, and I speak up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, they’ve told numerous times that they don’t offer those drinks. You don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to explain it again. This shop does not offer caramel machiattos or butterscotch lattes. They do not refer to their larges as ‘venti’. I’m sure they would be happy to make you a large iced peppermint mocha, but they cannot make you the other drinks. You would have to go somewhere else for them.”

    Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my f***ing drinks!”

    Me: “Then you’ll be waiting an awfully long time. Meanwhile, there is a line behind you, and I’m now twenty minutes late for class, so if you would kindly get out of the way so I can order?”

    (The customer mutters about the quality of service and swears not to come back, but leaves.)

    Manager: *to me* “Whatever you’re getting, it’s on the house for getting rid of her. Just don’t try to order a venti.”

    Polly Want A Chromosome

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I work at my University’s call center, soliciting donations from alumni. We are required to update alums on school news. I’m describing the new biology building to one alum.)

    Alum: “Can I use it?”

    Me: “The building? Well, it is mainly for current students and faculty, but you are always welcome for a guided tour.”

    Alum: “I want to clone my parrot.”

    Me: “Pardon me, what was that?”

    Alum: “My parrot. It died. But I saved its body in my freezer. I want to clone it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, even if alumni were able to use the building, our facility does not have the equipment necessary to clone your parrot.”

    Alum: “No! You don’t understand! It was exceptional; it would stack rings and cups for hours. I want you to clone it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m actually a biology major, and I assure you, we cannot clone your parrot.”

    Alum: “Well, I’m going to contact the Biology Department. They’ll be more helpful than you are!”

    (I’ve always wondered if she did, and if so, what they thought of the request!)

    Name Changer Is A Game Changer

    | Bellevue, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I work for a nationwide retail company. We do not price match or accept coupons from other stores. The company name is very similar to another company of the same type, and people often get them confused. I ring up a customer’s items and total the sale before she hands me a page of coupons from a similar company’s ad flyer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these coupons are from [other company].”

    Customer: “Well, what is this?”

    (I look down at my apron, which displays my company’s logo.)

    Me: “This is [company name].”

    Customer: *angrily* “Well, it says [other company] out on the sign!”

    (I points to the sign by the street, which is visible from where we are standing.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you that this is [company name].”

    Customer: *shoves coupons back in her purse* “You guys should change your name!”

    How To Spot A Bad Penny

    | AK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

    (I’m teaching a trainee how to operate the cash register.)

    Me: “You see, all you have to do is press this button here, then the drawer will open, and the amount to give back will be up on the screen, as well as the receipt.”

    Trainee: “Oh! That’s really easy!”

    (During this time, a regular customer has been watching us, kind of poking around at the end of the register for awhile. I’m keeping an eye on her, as this customer is notorious for being dramatic.)

    Customer: “I’m ready to check out!”

    Trainee: “Yes ma’am, how are you today?” *begins checking out her items*

    Customer: “Oh, I’m fine. I have some change I’d like to empty from my purse.”

    (At this point I’m relatively relieved, as there hasn’t been any issues. However, she proceeds to pull four BAGS of PENNIES from her purse, and plops them on the counter.)

    Customer: “It’s legal tender, so start counting!”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “There is a Coinstar to your left, and a bank right in front of you. The Coinstar charges 8.9 cents per dollar, and I’m pretty sure the bank does it for free. I’ll be happy to suspend your order until you’ve returned.”

    (Despite how calm I am, my trainee looks visibly terrified.)

    Customer: “Shame on you. What terrible customer service. I will call and have you fired!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, I will be happy to suspend your order, but if you continue on yelling, I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I am the customer! I am always right, so be—”

    Me: “QUIET.”

    Customer: *goes slack-jawed*

    Me:You will not get anyone here fired. You have not only been horrifically rude, but have made an extremely embarrassing spectacle of yourself in front of most of the store. You are holding up this line. Here are your bags of pennies, so please leave.”

    (The customer dawdled away from my register, but stayed by the front of the store screaming at everyone who walked in about us not taking her bags of pennies. The manager had to eventually call the police on her. It took a long time to reassure my trainee that not everyone was crazy like that!)

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