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    Category: Crazy Requests

    Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

    Heat Rises As IQ Falls

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (We have a convection oven for heating up pastries and sandwiches. Some people mistake it for a microwave oven. One day, a customer who has already purchased her drink comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but this drink is not hot enough. Can you heat this up in your microwave?” *points to our oven*

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t do that since that’s a convection oven. However, I can remake the drink to be hotter for you.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want you to remake it. I just want you to heat it up a little more. Are you sure you can’t do it?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that thing we have over there is a convection oven. Your cup will catch on fire if I put it in there.”

    Customer: *blankly stares at me for several seconds* “…So you can’t do it?”

    Me: “Not unless you want your drink engulfed in flames.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *leaves the store, still confused*

    A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

    Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

    Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

    Me: “Um—”

    Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

    Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

    Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”

    Have Ambiguity, Will Travel

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography

    Customer: “I need some maps.”

    Me: “Maps of what?”

    Customer: “Places.”

    Me: “What kind of places?”

    Customer: “Other places!”

    Radio Killed The Electronic Store

    | BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with installing my car stereo?”

    Me: “Of course! If you like I can book you a time with my installer and we can get you in! When would be a good time for you?”

    Customer: “Actually, I don’t want to spend any money on it. I just want a step by step instruction guide on how to do it without paying anyone.”

    Me: “Oh, well unfortunately I don’t think we have anything to that effect, but our installer would definitely be able to have a look at it if you are having issues.”

    Customer: “What kind of customer service is that? I want it done for free!”

    Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net, Part 2

    | Toronto, Canada | Crazy Requests, School

    Me: “Thank you for calling [college]. How can I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a student.”

    Me: “Certainly. Do you have the student’s name?”

    Caller: “I met them at an event at our church and wanted to talk to them about what they’re studying.”

    Me: “That seems quite reasonable. If you give me their name, I can either route your call to their dorm room, or leave them a message in their student mailbox.”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t catch their name. Are there a lot of students there? Could I describe them to you?”

    Me: “We have about 1400 students, but I do know most of them in dorm, so we can give it a try.”

    Caller: “Okay. They’re Asian.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but roughly half of our student population is of Chinese descent. I’m afraid that doesn’t really narrow it down much.”

    Caller: “Oh. They’re male?”

    Me: “Sorry, that’s still a large percentage of our student body.”

    Caller: “They’re studying the Bible.”

    Me: “This is a Bible college, so I’m afraid that doesn’t narrow it down at all.”

    Caller: “Is there a way that you could just announce over a speaker or something, that someone is looking to speak with a student that was at [church name] this past Sunday?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I can’t interrupt classes to do that.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay.” *click*

    Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

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